The Past

The enthusiastic roar from the crowd overflowing the park reverberated through me, sending an electric rush from the shaggy strands of my hair all the way to the Chucks on my feet. Peeking out from behind the makeshift curtain, I surveyed the masses. The cheering and applause rode along a wave from the back gates all the way to the front row. Gripping the neck of my guitar to my chest, I pinched my eyes shut to channel the euphoria.

While I’d been performing in front of small groups since I was barely out of diapers, I had never experienced anything remotely as epic as this was. After all, it was the first time my brothers and my newly formed band, Jacob’s Ladder, were performing publicly. Our first official gig came after passing an audition to perform at a Selena tribute in our current hometown of Taxco, Mexico. I couldn’t help joking that the utter amazingness of our band had been cemented by the fact that three gringos and a gringa had been chosen to sing a song by one of the country’s most beloved stars.

Now as I stood backstage waiting to go on, I wanted to savor this moment in case it never came again. But a voice within me argued that this was only the beginning—that one day I would look back on this moment as the day I became a true performer.

“Holy. Shit,” my twin brother, Gabe, muttered almost reverently.

“I know, right?” I replied. Popping open one eye, I peered into his face, which was basically a mirror reflection of my own. With our dark hair and blue eyes, we might have been identical on the outside, but the only thing similar about our personalities was our love for music.

In spite of our differences, music was the thread that wove together the unbreakable fabric of our family. As minimalist missionaries, our parents hadn’t bestowed a ton of toys or possessions on us. Instead, they had given my brothers, sister, and me the gift of music. While others played videos games, we strummed the chords of guitars, tickled the ivories on the piano, or harmonized along with my parents’ crackle and pop vinyl albums.

When we were growing up, music was the one consistent thing in our lives. The scenery around us was a revolving door of different countries, different towns, and different houses. Well, if you wanted to call some of the huts and dwellings we lived in ‘houses’. My parents weren’t fair-weather missionaries. Oh no, they were hardcore in their devotion, and in turn, they didn’t believe in sheltering their kids. They’d packed us up and left the states when Gabe and I were just five. Our older brother, Micah, was seven, and our little sister, Abby, had just celebrated her first birthday. Now after eight years abroad, it looked like we would be moving back to the good ol’ USA within the next few months as my dad had just taken a position at a church in Texas.

My attention was drawn back to the festival as the current act’s performance of Biddi Boom Boom came to a close. They exited the other side of the stage to thunderous applause and ear-splitting cheers. “Man, I hope we get that same reaction,” Micah mused.

I snorted. “Dude, we will so get that reaction. Probably even more. We are so much better than them.”

Micah rolled his eyes. “Let’s hope the stage can contain that big head of yours.”

A man holding a clipboard motioned for us to come forward. “Tu eres el próximo,” he shouted over the crowd.

“Whoa, wait. Where’s Emerysn?” I asked my brothers.

Twirling one of his drumsticks between his fingers, Gabe replied, “Last time I saw her, she was still in the makeup chair.”

“Seriously? We barely got to sit down in the chair before they were finished with us.”

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s because we don’t have tits.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Never mind. Just go get her.”

“Fine.” Shifting my guitar strap over my shoulder, I pushed my way through the backstage crowd in search of our missing lead singer.

Although we’d formed Jacob’s Ladder with just us Renard brothers, we were making an exception for today’s gig by taking on my best friend, Emersyn. Like us, she had grown up with missionary parents. Three years ago, my dad had taken a job at Emersyn’s father’s mission in Taxco. Since her two older brothers were away at college, she was pretty lonely. From that moment on, our families became inseparable along with Emersyn and me.

Before Emersyn, I hadn’t had friends who were girls. I got my fill of prissiness and whining from my little sister, Abby. But Emersyn wasn’t like other girls. Besides having a powerhouse voice, she could play almost any instrument you put in front of her. She also climbed trees and played baseball just like my other friends.

After peering at the girls at the makeup table, I didn’t see her. Using my nickname for her, I called, "Sonny? Where are you?”

“Over here,” came her reply.

When I whirled around, my chin dropped down to my chest. Her usually long and flowing blonde hair was swept back from her face. Speaking of her face, she was wearing makeup, which I’d never seen her in before except on Halloween and Dia de Muertos. Her lips had been painted bright red, while her deep blue eyes were ringed with some kind of black stuff, which made them look huge and shiny.

My gaze slowly trailed from her face down to her body. She was wearing a skin-tight pair of black pants with a sparkly red halter top. While it might’ve been something Selena would have worn, it wasn’t anything like Emersyn would.

“Holy shit,” I muttered as reverently as Gabe had with the crowd. Somewhere beneath the T-shirts and jeans and flowy dresses she usually wore there had been a chick’s body. Like with…boobs. Wait, when had Emersyn gotten boobs? Hold the phone. Was I seriously oogling my best friend’s rack?

“Eli?” she questioned.

I snapped my gaze back to hers. “Yeah?”

“You were staring.”

“Because you have tits.”

“Excuse me?”

With a groan, I smacked my hand to my forehead. Oh, Jesus. Talk about sticking my foot in my mouth. “Nothing. Just something Gabe said.” Desperate to change the subject, I grinned at her. “You look amazing.”

Pink tinged her cheeks. “You think so?”

“Yeah, I know so.”

“Thanks.”

I held out my hand to her. “Come on. It’s almost time for us to perform.”

After she slid her hand into mine, I jerked her along behind me as I practically sprinted back to the stage. “Eli, you’re going to pull my arm out of the socket!” she cried.

“Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t want us to miss our cue.”

“Yeah, and I’m sorry that with these heeled boots I can barely walk, least of all run,” she countered.

Thankfully, when we reached Micah and Gabe, the other act was still performing. As soon as they got a good look at Emersyn, their faces took on the same shock I had.

Micah, the morally superior Renard brother, dragged a hand through his blond hair. “Your dad is going to kill us when he gets a look at you.”

Emersyn giggled as she glanced down at her outfit. “Is it really that bad?”

With a waggle of my brows, I teased, “Bad, but in a good way.”

Gabe snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think her dad is gonna look at it that way.”

“At this moment, I don’t give a shit—”

“Eli!” Emersyn admonished my cursing.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Anyway, I don’t care about what Pete thinks. All I care about is that we play and sing our hearts out to blow the crowd away.”

Emersyn’s brows shot up. “Are there a lot of people out there?”

I nudged her forward. “Just take a look.”

After poking her head out of the curtain, Emersyn froze. I took a step forward to stand beside her. “Isn’t it amazing, Sonny? I mean, could you ever believe we’d be about to play for so many people?”

When Emersyn didn’t respond, I glanced over at her. If there was an expression that exemplified “I’m about to piss my pants and run away screaming in fear”, she was wearing it.

“Whoa. You look like you’re about to hurl,” I remarked.

Emersyn swallowed hard. “Yeah, I kinda feel like I’m going to.”

After crisscrossing her arms around her chest, she tried stilling the tremors that suddenly ran through her. With her impossibly long legs, she looked like an unsteady colt trying to take its first steps. Fearing she might fall, I stepped forward and put my hands on her shoulders to steady her.

“Are you okay?” I asked lamely.

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Duh, Eli, she’s most definitely not okay.”

“But she was fine two seconds ago.”

“That’s before I saw the crowd,” Emersyn whispered.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s so…big.”

“What exactly were you expecting?”

“Not that.” Fear burned in her blue eyes. “Eli, I don’t think I can do this.”

“You’re just having a little stage fright. You’ll be fine.”

“I can’t go out there in front of all those people.”

“Sure, you can.”

She shook her head wildly back and forth. “I’m not being dramatic. Like, I don’t think I can move.”

“Then I’ll carry you.”

“Don’t you get it. They’re going to hate me. Some gringa trying to sing Selena.”

“If that’s the case, then they’re going to hate all of us, not just you.” I gripped her shoulders tighter. “The moment you open your mouth, you’re going to blow their minds.”

“Estas en!” the man with the clipboard shouted as he motioned us forward.

While Micah and Gabe started out onto the stage, Emersyn remained frozen to her spot. I knew I had to do something insane to get her out of her panic. When the idea entered my mind, I didn’t stop to think it through or what the potential ramifications could be. Like with most decisions in my life, I just charged right on through.

My hands, which had been on Emersyn’s shoulders, came up to cup her cheeks. After licking my lips and taking a deep breath, I dipped my head and planted a smacking kiss on Emersyn’s mouth.

When I pulled away, her eyes widened with horror narrowed at me. “Eli, you kissed me!”

“Yes, I did.” Since she no longer looked like she was going to puke, I didn’t stop to worry if I had any of that red gunk on my lips.

“But why?” she demanded.

“To shock your stage fright away.” Cocking my head, I asked, “It worked, didn’t it?”

Emersyn blinked. “Uh, yeah, I think it did.”

“Yeah, I thought kissing would be better than me slapping you.”

“Gee, thanks.”

I laughed. “Hey, I was desperate and had to do something.”

At the sound of Micah playing the opening chords of Como Le Fleur on the keyboard, Emersyn and I glanced out at the stage before staring back at each other. There was no time left to stall. It was now or never.

“Are we doing this?” When Emersyn bit down on her lip, I said, “You’ve got this, Sonny.”

After staring intently at me, Emersyn finally nodded. Drawing her shoulders back, she said, “Yes. We are so doing this.”

“Good.”

Taking her by the hand, I hurried us out onto the stage. Thankfully, no one booed us on sight alone. When we got to the center of the stage, one last shudder went through Emersyn’s body before she grabbed the microphone. That was my cue that it was clear to start playing my guitar, and I joined in with Micah and Gabe.

Emersyn transformed the moment she began singing. I’d never seen anything like it in my life. She’d certainly never done it during our rehearsals, and I’d only seen a small spark of it when we auditioned. It was like she had been waiting for this moment her whole life.

As I harmonized with Emersyn on the chorus, she danced close to me. The crowd and my brothers melted away, and it was just the two of us. Whatever had been ignited within her spilled over into me. I couldn’t remember a time when the chords of a guitar had flowed so effortlessly through my fingers. At the beginning of our performance, I’d been immersed in trying to keep Emersyn afloat. Now I was totally enjoying myself. I might’ve thought standing backstage was amazing but being on stage blew that out of the water. I couldn’t begin to put into words what it felt like having the crowd sing along with us, the look of enjoyment and adoration in their eyes. It was the greatest rush my thirteen-year-old-self had ever experienced. I knew I had just tapped into an addiction that I wouldn’t be able to quit.

When the song came to an end, I grabbed Emersyn’s hand in mine, and then we took a bow. Once we finished, I looked over to see tears shimmering in her eyes. After we got offstage, I started over to where Micah and Gabe were celebrating with high-fives and fist bumps. But Emersyn stopped me.

“Thank you, Eli,” she called over the roar of the crowd.

“What are you thanking me for? You did all of that on your own.”

She shook her head. “But I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”

“I’m just sorry I had to kiss you.”

With a giggle, she said, “I guess my first kiss could have been worse.”

“That was your first kiss?”

Sweeping her hand to her hip, she said, “Seriously, Eli? You’re my best friend. Don’t you think if I’d kissed someone, I would have told you?”

I shrugged. “You could have kept it from me.”

Her eyes widened. “Wait a minute, you kissed someone and didn’t tell me?”

No self-respecting thirteen-year-old boy wants to admit he’s never really been kissed. Although I wasn’t proud of myself, I did what most guys do when it comes to talking about being with girls. I lied.

“It was this really quick one with some girl at the fair.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” Holding her pinkie out, she narrowed her eyes at me. “Swear that even though you’re moving away, you’ll always be my friend, and you’ll always tell me your secrets.”

With a roll of my eyes, I countered, “Come on, Sonny. We haven’t pinkie swore in years.”

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah, so am I.” At her death glare, I said, “Look, it’s not going to take a pinkie swear for me to not forget about you. Especially not after today.”

Emersyn’s expression softened slightly. “You promise?”

“I promise.” I smiled at her. “You’re my best friend, Sonny. Nothing is ever going to change that.”

“And you’re my best friend, Eli.”