The shrill sound of my phone ringing brought me out of a dead sleep. It felt like my head had just hit the pillow. Rolling over in bed, I groaned as my muscles screamed in agony while a brass band pounded out a jazzy New Orleans-style tune in my head.

“Yeah?” I croaked.

“Hey man, you up?” Gabe asked, way too cheerfully.

“Not exactly.”

“Well get up cause I’m starving.”

“Then go eat with Rae,” I grumbled.

“She’s already downstairs. She left my lazy ass in bed a little while ago to go eat with Emersyn.”

A shudder of both revulsion and hurt ran through me at the mention of her name. It became replaced with simmering anger. Of course, Rae had gone downstairs with Emersyn. I’m sure they had to hash out my behavior from last night. “I don’t know. I’m pretty tired.”

“Come on. You need some food in your belly to soak up all the alcohol from last night.”

“You must be thinking about yourself. I wasn’t the one throwing them back like a lush out of rehab.”

Gabe chuckled. “I did get kinda carried away, didn’t I?”

“If I remember correctly, you ended up getting carried away by me when you almost passed out at the RCA party.”

“Since I obviously owe you, let me buy you breakfast.”

I snorted. “Okay, big spender, if you put it that way.”

“Just throw on something, and I’ll be at your door in ten minutes.”

“Fine.”

After I hung up, it took everything I had in me to roll out of bed. I felt like the one who had gone on a bender last night. In spite of desperately wanting to drink, I had limited myself to only one. I didn’t want to be out of it in case Emersyn called. Yeah, I was that stupid to have held out hope that she was going to need to talk to me. That maybe she was going to say she was sorry for pushing me away last night, and we desperately needed to talk.

But she hadn’t. So I’d been forced to spend the rest of the miserable night sober. To add insult to fucking injury, I’d not been able to sleep once I got home from the parties. Just like I’d told Emersyn, I couldn’t for the life of me get her off my mind. But nothing could have prepared me for the white-hot anger I experienced the moment I saw Emersyn with Rae.

While it might’ve seemed like I was overreacting to her confiding in Rae, it had truly wounded me. I was her best friend. I was the one she told her deepest, darkest secrets to. I was the one who had spent the last eleven months drying her tears and giving her a shoulder to lean on. I’d done everything I thought possible to help her, and she had paid me back by shutting me out.

No, it was more like she’d fucking slammed and bolted the door.

After I’d confronted Emersyn, I’d stormed back to my room. Once again, I took up pacing. When it was apparent I wasn’t getting to sleep anytime soon, I went downstairs to the indoor pool. With no one around, I started doing laps in my briefs. I sliced through the water over and over, trying to wear myself out. When I could barely catch my breath, I climbed out of the pool and started back to my room.

Once I got back inside, I slipped into the shower. As I started scrubbing the chlorine off my body, I couldn’t help remembering the feel of Emersyn’s fingers on my skin. Her frantic, yet gentle touch. The way it had felt like home when I’d been buried deep inside her. In the moment, everything about it was so fucking good. It was an emotional and physical connection like I’d never experienced before.

But the moment I came, the feel of her regret stripped all of that away. The last thing in the world I ever wanted was to hurt her emotionally or physically. Guilt plagued me that I hadn’t been strong enough for both of us to stop anything physical from happening.

Now as we faced the greatest crisis of our relationship, I didn’t know how to chip away the wall she’d erected between us. Especially not when my hurt and anger at her had helped construct that wall.

After digging a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt out of my suitcase, I went into the bathroom to change. A glance in the mirror had me recoiling slightly. Man, I looked like the hell that I felt. Averting my eyes, I brushed my teeth and then splashed cold water on my face.

True to his word, Gabe knocked on my door barely ten minutes later. When I answered it, he got the same expression on his face that I had when I’d seen my reflection. “Jesus, man, are you sure you didn’t go on a binge last night?”

“Positive.”

“Come on. Let’s see if getting some food and coffee in you doesn’t help. If not, I’ll see about getting you some booze.”

“How generous of you.”

“You know I always have your back, bro.”

His words caused a tug in my chest. Regardless of the torment I currently found myself in, I had to remember that I had a brother like Gabe. “I appreciate it.”

As we stepped onto the elevator, Gabe asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay. Fair enough. Just promise me if you won’t talk about it to me, you’ll at least talk to Emersyn about it.”

I jerked my head over to glare at him. “Why would you say that?” I snapped. I wondered if we were finally getting down to it where Gabe gave me the goods about what Rae had talked with Emersyn about.

“I just meant if you won’t talk to me, at least talk to her. You two talk about everything, don’t you?”

We did. But now we’re like two bitter strangers who couldn’t possibly confide in each other. “Yeah, we do.”

Gabe nodded. “I don’t like seeing you this way. It’s seriously unnerving. I mean, I’m supposed to be the broody twin, not you.”

“Sorry to be infringing on your territory,” I replied tersely.

“Try not to let it happen again,” Gabe joked as we stepped off the elevator. As we turned the corner toward the hotel restaurant, my stomach knotted at the prospect of seeing Emersyn. What the fuck is wrong with you? One fight with Emersyn, and all the sudden you’re acting like a pussy. Man up, and get your ass in there.

I swept through the dining room door with Gabe on my heels. After scanning the room, I found Rae and Emersyn sitting at a far table. While Rae had her back to us, I had a perfect view of Emersyn’s face. The moment she looked up and saw me striding toward her, the laugh she’d been sharing with Rae cut off, and her expression darkened.

If Gabe noticed, he didn’t say anything. Considering how he had tunnel vision when it came to Rae, he probably hadn’t been paying attention. After leaning in to bestow a kiss on Rae’s cheek, Gabe said, “Hey babe, thanks for leaving me this morning.”

Rae smiled up at him. “I’m sorry. You just looked so peaceful that I hated to wake you.”

Since Emersyn and Rae were sitting across from each other, Gabe flopped down in the chair beside Rae, leaving me to warily eye the chair next to Emersyn. When she saw me looking at the chair, Emersyn turned her head and stared out the window. Okay, fine. So that’s how she was going to play this.

Grudgingly, I sat down. Immediately, I went for one of the empty cups on the table. When I reached for the coffee carafe, my hand brushed against Emersyn’s. She jerked her hand away like she’d been scalded. Ducking her head, she buried her hands in her lap. As my fingers slid around the carafe’s handle, I looked up to see Gabe peering at the two of us—his dark brows creased with confusion. Since she knew exactly what was going on, Rae appeared epically uncomfortable.

After Emersyn’s reaction, it was inevitable that an awkward silence fell over the table. Normally, I would have cracked a joke to try to lighten things up, but I didn’t have it in me today. Without looking at Emersyn, I asked, “Can you pass the creamer?”

At first, I thought she was going to ignore me because she remained frozen in her seat. But then she reached her hand out and slid it down the table.

“Thank you,” I mumbled.

With the tension reaching new heights, Emersyn cleared her throat. “Actually, I’m not as hungry as I thought. Excuse me.” Her chair screeched along the floor as she tossed her napkin on the table.

As she hurried away, Gabe cocked his head at me. “What the hell was that about?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know.” I narrowed my eyes at Rae. “I would have thought your girlfriend would have spilled all the gossip by now.”

“That’s not fair, Eli. I didn’t ask for Emersyn to confide in me,” she protested.

Turning toward Rae, Gabe asked, “What is he talking about?”

Before she could respond, I snapped, “Emersyn kindly unloaded her problems on Rae last night instead of talking to me.”

“Why is that an issue?”

“Because I’m the one she should have been talking to. I’m the one who was going out of his fucking mind worrying about her.” I scrubbed my hands over my face as I shook my head. “I’m the one who screwed everything up by having sex with her.”

Gabe sucked in a breath so fast he wheezed. “You did what?”

With a roll of my eyes, I said, “You heard me loud and clear, brother dearest.”

“I was hoping I hadn’t.” He glanced from me over to Rae. “You knew about this?”

She bobbed her head. “Emersyn told me last night.”

“Holy shit,” he muttered.

“That pretty much sums it up,” I muttered.

The color slowly drained from Gabe’s face. “What the hell did you do to her?” he demanded.

“Whoa, wait a minute. I didn’t do anything to her outside of having sex.”

“She freaked out at your touch, not to mention she won’t look at you. She also was apparently so upset that she needed to talk to Rae last night.” His blue eyes narrowed into angry slits. “Seems to me like something terrible happened to her.”

“And that automatically means that I’m the Big Bad Wolf who took advantage of her?”

“No. But it seems awfully suspicious to me.”

“Not that it’s any of your damn business, but she came on to me. She begged me to have sex with her to make her feel alive again. Regardless of the fact I’ve wanted her in that way for several weeks, I didn’t think last night was the right time. But it was because of my feelings for her that I gave in.”

A knife twisted in my chest when Gabe looked to Rae for confirmation. “Damn, bro. That’s cold,” I said.

At the same time, Rae jabbed an angry finger at Gabe. “How could you even suggest that? You know Eli is incapable of taking advantage of a woman. Least of all Emersyn.”

“Thank you, Rae,” I croaked.

Gabe’s shoulders sagged, and he couldn’t bring himself to look me in the eye. “Damn, Eli, I don’t know what to say—”

“I think that you’re really fucking sorry is a good start,” Rae interrupted.

If the situation hadn’t been so dire, I would have laughed at Rae’s feistiness. Gabe had certainly met his match in her.

Gabe winced. “Yes, I’m really fucking sorry. I know you would never, ever take advantage of anyone. I know you’re Emersyn’s best friend, but she’s my friend, too. The love and concern I have for her momentarily blinded me. I hate seeing her so upset.”

“So do I.”

Leaning forward in his seat, Gabe said, “Tell me what happened.”

“How many more blanks do you want me to fill in?”

“Enough to understand what happened so I might be able to help the two of you.”

“Fine. After having mind-blowing sex where she came twice—”

“Too much freaking information, man,” Gabe said with a grimace. At the same time, Rae didn’t appear too shocked at my declaration, which led me to believe Emersyn had told her that little tidbit.

“Whatever. When it was over, she freaked out on me. Before I could calm her down and let us talk about what happened, you two showed up at her hotel room. Even though I wanted to stay, she demanded I go with you guys.”

“That’s exactly what Emersyn told me,” Rae said softly.

“What else did she say?” I demanded.

Rae shook her head. “I can’t betray her confidence by telling you that.”

“Oh, now you get a conscience when it comes to betraying people’s confidences. How noble of you,” I snapped.

A growl came from Gabe’s throat. “Quit being a dick to Rae. None of this is her fault.”

Although I hated admitting he was right, I said, “I’m sorry, Rae.”

Her expression softened. “It’s okay. I know you’re hurting and confused. I will say that I told her she needed to talk to you.”

“Looks like she really took the advice to heart.”

“I don’t know why she’s still shutting you out. There’s absolutely no reason why the two of you shouldn’t sit down and talk things out.”

“Maybe you should go upstairs and try to talk to her?” Gabe suggested.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me to act as a chaperone? I’d hate to get blamed for something else I didn’t do.”

He groaned. “Jesus, man, I said I was sorry. If you figure out what I can do to make it right, let me know, and I’ll do it.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.” I rose out of my chair. “And payback is gonna be a bitch, bro.”

Gabe gave me a small smile. “Fine. I can take it.”

As I started to leave, Rae reached out to grab my arm. “Good luck,” she said.

“Thanks. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”

By the time I got upstairs to our floor, my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. Stepping out of the elevator felt like the scene in The Shining when the hallway stretched out for miles. When I got to Emersyn’s room, I knocked on the door. “Sonny, it’s me.”

A few moments passed. Just when I began to wonder if she wasn’t going to answer, the door swung open. “Hey,” she said softly.

“Hi.” When she didn’t offer, I asked, “Can I come in?”

“I guess so.”

She swung the door open, and I dipped inside. At the sight of neatly folded clothes on the bed, I turned to her in surprise. You’re packing?” Emersyn nodded. “But we don’t leave until tomorrow.”

“I’m leaving today,” she said softly.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me perfectly well.”

“Fine. I’ll bite. Why are you leaving today?”

“I want to go home.”

“You’re going home in week for the holidays. What’s the rush now?” The four of us had plans to fly down to Puerto Vallarta where one of the members of Runaway Train, AJ, had a beach house for a little rest and relaxation before heading home to our families. It seemed like we’d made those plans a lifetime ago.

She glanced up at me. “You know the reason.”

“Maybe I want to hear you say it.”

Throwing up her hands, she replied, “You. Me. Us. That’s the reason why I want to go home.”

“I never pegged you for a runner.”

“I’m not running away.”

“It sure as hell looks like it. If you’re not avoiding me, you’re running away from me. I think that’s what hurts the most about all of this. There’s never been anything we couldn’t tell each other. There’s nothing we’ve ever held back or hidden.” I closed the gap between us and placed my arms on her shoulders. “Dammit, Emersyn, talk to me!”

A forlorn expression came over her face. “I wish I could, but I can’t. No matter how hard I try, the words won’t come. I…” She shook her head. “I just need some time.”

I snatched my arms away from her. “Bullshit. You managed to spill your guts to Rae last night. If you truly weren’t able to talk about it, you wouldn’t have been able to talk to her. You would have kept it all buried deep inside. You know, like we once did with our feelings for each other.”

“Please, Eli. Can’t you just give me a little time?”

“Time to what? Talk yourself out of whatever feelings you have for me? Time to decide it was all a mistake?”

“Time for a little clarity. My emotions are all jangled at the moment. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel if don’t take some time to try to put myself back together again, I can’t stay in the band.”

“Jesus, now you’re not only running from me, but you’re thinking of running from the band, too?”

“They’re one and the same, Eli. I can’t have the band without having you, as well.”

“Just answer me this. What did I do that was so wrong?”

Sadness filled her eyes. “Nothing.”

“Then why are you doing this? Why are you leaving me?”

Emersyn didn’t respond. Instead, she stared down at the carpet. Reaching out, my fingers came to her chin. I tipped her head up to where she had to look at me. “Why are you leaving me?”

“Because I’m afraid.”

“Is that all?”

Smacking my hand away, Emersyn narrowed her eyes at me. “It’s a pretty huge fucking deal to me.”

“That’s not what I meant. You see, I get it. You know why? Because I’m scared as hell too. I have been for weeks now. But you know what? I’m done with being a chicken shit, so I’m willing to give it a chance.”

“I wish it was that simple. I wish I could just throw caution to the wind and see where this took us. But the fear is too great.”

“It doesn’t have to be. I’m here for you. Always.”

She swept her hands to her hips. “Do you want to know scares me the most?”

“Yeah. Enlighten me.”

“What if you are just the rebound guy after Jack? You’re the one who brings me out of my grief and gets me ready for my true love.” An anguished look flashed in her eyes. “I can’t bear the thought of using you like that, Eli.”

“Now we’re getting down to what it’s really all about, right? Everything is always going to be about Jack.”

“He was my husband,” she murmured.

“And he’s dead, and you’re still alive.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Trust me, I realize that. I’ve spent the last few weeks knowing I can’t compete with a ghost.”

“That’s not fair.”

“I know it isn’t. But I can’t help the way I feel. I’m mad as hell at a dead guy because he’s always going to win. You’ll always pick him over me.”

“It’s not picking him over you. It’s trying to understand my feelings.”

With a shake of my head, I placed my hands on either side of her face. “I tried so hard not to fall for you. When the feelings first started, I told myself it was just because I was horny and you were a beautiful, sexy woman. I thought if I could just get laid, I wouldn’t think about you sexually. But two tries showed me I couldn’t screw you out of my mind. More than anything, I realized my feelings went so much deeper than anything physical. It also transcended anything I’d ever felt for you as a friend.”

Shuttering her eyes closed, Emersyn muttered, “Oh, Eli.”

“Then I started noticing the little things about you—the things a man notices about the woman he’s attracted to emotionally. Like the sound of your laugh, the way your nose scrunches up when you’re shredding the fiddle, and the way you experience a movie with a range of emotions, rather than just idly watching it.” A low groan came from deep within my chest as it felt like my heart was breaking. “As time went on, I started imagining what it would be like to be the man who you loved with all your heart and soul—who you spent the rest of your life with.”

I dropped my hands from her face. “But I guess I was just out of line.”

“No. You weren’t. I did the same with you.”

“You did?”

She nodded. “Any woman would fall in love with you, Eli. You’re sweet, kind, and generous. Not to mention ridiculously handsome and sexy.”

“I don’t care about any other women. I just care about you.” I love you, and I want you as my forever.

Tears pooled in her eyes. “And I care about you, Eli. I always will. I can’t lose you.” Her fist came up to smack against her chest. “I just don’t know what to do with all these feelings. Please, for now, just let me go.”

What the fuck? Not enough for me? What the hell did that mean? She was everything to me.

Part of me wanted to stand there and fight until I bled. But the part of me that was already wounded and broken down didn’t have the fight left. Taking an agonizing breath, I nodded. “I hope you work everything out. Don’t worry about the band. I’ll make sure the label doesn’t give you any shit if you decide you have to leave. And no matter what happens, I’ll always be your ride or die Eli.”

For the first time since I’d known her, I didn’t dry Emersyn’s tears. Instead, I strode over to the door. “Bye, Sonny,” I murmured. Then I walked out into the hallway and potentially out of Emersyn’s life forever.