One Month Later

As I stood in front of the lighted mirror in the hotel bathroom, I gave my reflection a final check. In my black dress pants, button-down white shirt, and silver tie, my outward appearance looked good. After months of being on the road, it felt foreign being dressed so formally, but tonight called for it. Although the CMA Awards weren’t as formal as say the Oscars, it was still a step-up from the casual stuff we wore on tour.

If you searched beneath my well-dressed façade, you’d find looks were incredibly deceiving. While I might’ve flawlessly gone through the motions of pretending everything was fine, nothing made sense anymore in my life since shooting the video with Emersyn. With all the experience I had with women, I’d never been so epically clueless as I was with Sonny.

Before when I was interested in a woman beyond a casual hookup, I consulted my symbolic playbook to woo them. Flowers with cards personally written by me. Nights on the town with romantic dinners or sultry dances at the club. Serenade them with their favorite love songs from the band.

When it came to Emersyn, I might as well have thrown my playbook out the window. Maybe even burned it. There was nothing within it that could help me woo her. I’d never dated a woman who had been a close friend. The closest I’d ever come was a few years back when I was interested in Jake’s younger sister, Allison. It didn’t end up going anywhere because although she liked me, Allison’s heart belonged to Jake’s bandmate, Rhys. The two of them were now happily married.

Even if I had the answers of how to date Emersyn, I wasn’t sure I should. All I could think about was what would happen to us if it didn’t work out. Yes, some relationships ended amicably with the couple staying friends, but I wasn’t sure how that could work for two people with as much personal history as Emersyn and I had. Not to mention how close our families were. I didn’t want to imagine a future without Emersyn in it. Even if that meant I remained trapped in the friend zone.

In the end, maybe it wasn’t about all the things that could go wrong—maybe I was just a chicken shit. How else could I explain someone as driven as I was wanting something but not going after it?

After giving my appearance a final check in the lighted hotel mirror, I headed out of the bathroom. I grabbed the black suit jacket that was draped across the foot of the bed and then shrugged it on. A glance at my phone showed it was time to head out to meet the others. I’d already received a text that our driver was downstairs waiting on us.

Taking a deep breath, I realized it was time to slide the mask on—time to be the funny, easy-going Eli who everyone expected. Ain’t nobody got time for Emo Eli, least of all myself.

When I got out into the hallway, I bumped into Gabe and Rae who were just leaving their room as well.

While Gabe and I looked like matching bookends in our black suits, Rae appeared both beautiful and hot as hell in her fitted black cocktail dress. “Well, hello there, sexy,” I complimented as I kissed her cheek.

A pleased flush colored her face. It was easy to read how nervous she was. She was still getting used to dating a celebrity and being put in front of the harsh glare of the cameras. “Thank you, Eli. You look pretty handsome yourself.”

I glanced down at my suit. “I do clean up pretty nicely, don’t I?”

Gabe rolled his eyes while Rae laughed. “Yes, Mr. Ego, you do.”

“Since you’re wearing the same thing, that means you clean up well too, Gabe,” I teased.

With a grunt, he said, “We seriously need to talk to Stella about putting us in the same color. We look like the old days when Mom insisted on dressing us in matching outfits.”

Rae and I laughed at his outrage. Our attention was then drawn to a commotion down the hall. Jake and Abby were in the process of giving good-bye hugs and kisses to Jax and Jules who were not too happy about their parents leaving. “Why can’t we go with you guys?” Jax asked, his lips drawn into a pout.

“We’ve gone over this a million times, buddy. It’s not a place for kids—it’s just a boring thing for adults,” Jake answered diplomatically.

“I still want to go,” Jax countered which garnered a growl of frustration from Jake.

Always the peacemaker, Abby wrapped her arm around Jax. “You’re going to have lots of fun here with Nanny Mae. She’s going to take you swimming, and then you can order in room service. Even ice cream and cookies if you want.”

Normally the twins would have been stoked to do both of those things. But tonight, they weren’t having it. After they both shook their heads, Jules cried, “But I wanna get dressed-up and be bootiful like you, Mommy!”

Jules’s summation was spot-on. Abby was gorgeous in her silver-sequined dress and cowboy boots with her hair and makeup on point from being professionally done. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Not tonight.”

Almost on cue, they both threw back their heads and started to howl. Sensing it was time for an intervention, I walked down the hallway to them. “Hey now, you’re going to make Uncle E cry if you don’t stop,” I said.

“B-But w-we w-wanna g-go t-to t-the s-show,” Jules hiccupped.

I knelt down in front of them. “I know you do, but you just can’t. Mommy and Daddy aren’t being mean. They just know it isn’t any fun to go to the CMA’s, so they don’t want you to not have fun.”

The twins sniffled as they weighed my words. With a dramatic sigh and a downcast face, I said, “I sure wish I could stay here and go swimming with you guys. It would beat having to put on this suit and sit around all night. Not to mention we don’t get any ice cream.”

“You don’t?” Jax questioned.

“Nope. There won’t be any cookies either. Just lots of boring speeches.”

With his resolve wavering, Jax peeked over at Jules to gage her reaction to this horrific news. Of the two of them, she was certainly the most hard-headed and stubborn, which she had inherited from both of her parents. Jax, on the other hand, reminded me so much of myself with how laid back he was.

After rubbing the tears from her eyes, Jules proclaimed, “Okay. I guess I’ll stay here.”

“Me too,” Jax said.

I leaned in to give Jules a kiss on the cheek. “That’s my good girl.”

When my kiss turned into tickling, she giggled and pushed me away. “Stop it, Uncle E!”

I obliged her by turning to give Jax a kiss. After rising up, I ruffled his hair. “Now go get your bathing suits on.”

“Okay, Uncle E!” they chimed in unison.

As they scurried back into the hotel room, I called, “And behave for Nanny Mae!”

Shaking his head, Jake grinned at me. “I’ll be damned.”

Abby laughed. “I don’t know why you doubt his efforts. He’s always been a Twin Whisperer since the time the kids were born.”

“That is true,” Jake replied.

“Sometimes it just takes an outsider to diffuse a volatile situation.”

“It was still impressive,” a voice said from behind me.

I whirled around to see Emersyn smiling at me. As I drank in her appearance, my heart leapt into my throat. “Wow,” I murmured. Holy fuck was more like it. She was a living, breathing dream in her dress. The animal in me loved that it was strapless and show off a good deal of her rack. At the same time, the billowing skirt made her look like a goddess.

Emersyn broke out in a nervous giggle. “Is that a ‘good’ wow or a ‘terrible’ wow?”

“It’s a ‘holy shit, you look drop dead gorgeous’ wow.”

Her chest rose and fell in harsh breaths, and it was a moment before she could speak. “Really?”

“Stop fishing for compliments.”

An appreciative smile lit up her face. “Thank you, Eli.” As she ran her hand over the fluffy part of her red dress, she said, “Seriously though, I owe it all to Stella and Brandy. They’re the ones who made me even remotely presentable.”

“Get real, Sonny. Like I said before that night at Goodwill, you’d be beautiful in a burlap bag,” I argued.

“Just like you would always find a way to make me feel beautiful in it. Just like you did that night and how you always make me feel beautiful,” she murmured.

Electricity swirled in the air between us. It felt so strong I was tempted to reach my hand out to see if I got shocked. Considering how the hair on the back of my neck and arms were standing up, I’d already gotten zapped. No matter how hard I tried, I could no longer ignore how my feelings for Emersyn had changed.

When it hit me that the two of us might have an audience for our stare-fest, I threw a harried glance over my shoulder. Thankfully, Abby was straightening Jake’s tie while Gabe and Rae were taking selfies. I quickly clapped my hands together. “Okay, guys, enough primping and preening. Let’s get this show on the road.”

Gabe rolled his eyes. “This coming from the King of Primping and Preening,” he mused.

“I’ll be the first to admit it takes effort to look this good.”

Before I could fend him off, Gabe reached over and ruffled my perfect hair. “Bastard!” I cried before jokingly shoving him away. I then glanced in the large, gilded mirror hanging in the hallway. Smoothing my hair down, I replied, “I still look better than you.”

Gabe chuckled. “Keep telling yourself that.”

Shaking her head, Rae said, “You two are like two overgrown little boys.”

With a wink, Gabe said, “Maybe that means you should spank me to get me in line.”

“If you manage to behave yourself for the rest of the night, maybe I will.”

Holding up three fingers, Gabe replied, “Scout’s Honor.”

Rae grinned. “Come on. Let’s go.”

As they started down the hall, Gabe threw a wicked look at me over his shoulder. “Don’t be jealous, bro. I’m sure you can find someone willing to spank you at the after parties. You usually do.”

Fuck me. I couldn’t believe Gabe had just suggested me getting a spanking from some random chick. The moment he had said it Emersyn had stiffened at my side. When I cut my eyes over to her, she looked away from me. “Whatever, man,” I grumbled as I started down the hallway.

With the security detail and the others, the elevator was full when Emersyn and I reached it. “We’ll take this next one,” I said as the next car dinged on our floor.

“See you downstairs,” Gabe said.

I motioned for Emersyn to get on. Once we were inside, an awkward silence pressed down on us. Finally, I cleared my throat. “Gabe’s an idiot.”

Emersyn’s head spun around to stare at me. Shifting on my feet, I said, “You know, saying what he did. Like I’m going to go hook up with someone at the after parties, least of all get a spanking.”

“You aren’t?”

“Hell no.”

Curiosity burned in her eyes. “But why not?”

Wanting to gauge her reaction, I said, “Because I’ll be there with you.”

As the elevator shuddered to a stop, Emersyn’s mouth made a perfect “o” of surprise. “You’ll be with me?”

The doors opened, and the others stood waiting for us. “Yes. I’m always with you, especially on nights like tonight.” When she blinked at me, I added, “You know because of the tribute for Jack.”

Her expression slowly darkened. “Right. Of course.”

We stepped off the elevator and followed the others outside to the limo. The moment the car pulled away from the hotel, Emersyn started to slightly come unhinged. She shifted in her seat, crossed and re-crossed her legs, nervously tapped her red jeweled heels, and twisted a strand of her hair between her fingers. The years melted away, and she was the same scared shitless thirteen-year-old about to take the stage at the Selena tribute.

I thrust my glass of vodka at her. “Here. Take a sip or two to take the edge off.”

“I’d love to, but I’m afraid if I have any alcohol, it might throw my balance off, causing me to fall flat on my face in front of the cameras.”

When I chuckled at her response, she threw a death glare at me. “It’s not funny.”

“You’re right. It’s not.” I threw an arm around her shoulder and drew her close to me. “But surely you know, I’d never let you fall.”

She turned her head to gaze into my eyes. “I know.”

“Did you get nervous before when you were with…” I don’t know why, but I couldn’t seem to bring myself to say Jack’s name. My refusal to acknowledge his name seemed to be happening more frequently with my changing feelings.

A ghost of a smile came on Emersyn’s face. “Of course, I did. You should know better than anyone how I’m not the best with crowds.”

“Regardless of how nervous you might be, you wow and amaze our audiences each and every night.”

As tears swam in her blue eyes, she wagged a finger at me. “You’re killin’ me, Smalls.”

I laughed since her comment referenced one of the movies we watched as kids. “By complimenting you?”

“Yes.” She swiped under her eyes. “With the way I’m feeling, it’s not going to take much to get the waterworks started tonight.”

“You’re nervous about the tribute?”

She nodded. “I don’t know how it’s going to make me react, and I hate that whatever I’m feeling is going to be played out for the cameras and the crowd.”

“I could always throw my suit jacket over your head so they couldn’t see how you were reacting,” I suggested.

Emersyn giggled. “You know, that’s not a bad idea.”

“Just say the word and I’ll do it. I’ll tackle the camera guy to the ground if you want me to.”

Her hand came to cup my cheek. “My knight in shining armor.”

“Damn straight. Ready to slay paparazzi in a single bound.”

“And I love you for it.”

As soon as the words left her lips, Emersyn’s eyes bulged. Her hand fell from my cheek and into her lap. Once again, we had tip-toed over the finely drawn line in the sand that defined our “friends only” relationship. Now we faced the awkward dance of trying to forget whatever forbidden emotion was spoken.

Always her protector, I knew I needed to give Emersyn a reprieve. “Just like I love you for letting me be here for you.”

Emersyn opened her mouth to say something when the limo came to a stop. “We’re here!” Abby cried. She was doing her usual excited bouncing up and down.

“Try to rein it in a little, Abster,” I teased.

Laughter bubbled from her lips. “I can’t help it. I love award nights. Even if we weren’t nominated, I would still want to come to see the performances.”

With a grin, Jake kissed Abby’s cheek. “There’s a kiss for luck that you guys win.”

“That’s the best you can do for a good-luck kiss?” she teasingly asked.

After placing both hands on Abby’s cheeks, Jake leaned in and bought his lips to hers. As a brother, it was a seriously disgusting display. But at the same time, I couldn’t help feeling a twinge of jealousy at what the two of them had. When I dared to throw a glance at Emersyn, she had the same longing look in her eyes that I was sure I had.

The limo driver chose that moment to open the door, and the waiting crowd went wild at the sight of Jake and Abby’s lip-lock. Even the roar of the fans didn’t rush them apart. Instead, they broke the kiss when they were damn well ready and on their own time. Of course, my sister dissolved into a fit of giggles as Jake helped her out of the limo. Gabe and Rae went next, and then it was my turn.

After I exited the limo, I turned back and held out my hand to Sonny. “It’s party time, Cinderella.”

She smiled up at me. “Okay, I’m ready.”

The moment she emerged from the limo, the cameras started going off all around us. Jake and Abby were old pros at walking the red carpet, and they started on down the aisle. Since this was also Rae’s first award show, Gabe had his arm wrapped around her waist before they faced the barrage of reporters ready to pounce. By the time they reached the auditorium doors, they will have been brow-beaten with questions about when they might be getting engaged. I certainly didn’t envy Gabe.

When one of the label’s handlers steered us over to a reporter, I squeezed Emersyn’s hand for reassurance. I hoped for Emersyn’s sake that tonight’s questions focused on Emersyn’s future with Jacob’s Ladder and not on her past with Jack. Deep down, the epic bastard in me didn’t want to share Emersyn with Jack’s memory tonight.

A woman in a glittering black dress gave Emersyn and me a toothy grin. “Good evening, Eli and Emersyn. How are you two feeling?”

Taking one for the team, I grinned. “We’re feeling fantastic. How about you?”

“Just over the moon to get to be hanging out with you and all these other amazing country stars.”

“It certainly is a wonderful night to celebrate the immense talent within this industry,” I said.

“I’d have to say a lot of that immense talent lies within your band. I mean, Jacob’s Ladder is nominated for Vocal Group, Song, and Songwriter of the Year.”

“We couldn’t be more honored that we’ve been recognized this year. It is truly a humbling experience just to be nominated.”

Yeah, I realize I sounded like an epic tool, but that’s the kind of shit that you were supposed to say. We’d been groomed for years on how to handle the press. And there were bits and pieces of the truth in there. It was a humbling experience to even be invited to the CMA’s, least of all be nominated for awards.

The woman appeared to have had enough of me because she turned her attention to Emersyn. “You appear to have had a seamless transition with becoming part of Jacob’s Ladder?”

Sonny gave her a genuine smile. “Yes, I have. But all the credit goes to Abby, Eli, and Gabe, along with the other members of the band and the crew. They’ve gone above and beyond to make me feel welcome and make it run smoothly.”

I shook my head. “She’s just being modest. When it came to adding someone to the band, we couldn’t imagine anyone with so much talent who would be a better fit.”

“Eli, the video for Wrapped in You is getting a lot of attention. It just released last week, and it’s already become the most viewed video on the website.”

“Yeah, we’re insanely proud of it,” I responded while Emersyn nodded enthusiastically.

After glancing between Emersyn and me, the reporter said, “Many people are citing yours and Emersyn’s off-the-charts chemistry in the video for its success.” With her microphone free hand, the reporter fanned herself. “It is scorching hot. I don’t know how you two kept from ripping each other’s clothes off.”

Fuck. While I’d anticipated having to field the occasional Jack comment or question, I hadn’t contemplated how to answer the ‘Eli and Emersyn Sitting in a Tree’ type questions. Beads of sweat had begun to pop out on my forehead under the reporter’s interrogation. The last thing I needed in my confused state was to be put on the spot about what the hell was going on between Emersyn and me.

After clearing my throat, I replied, “I’m not sure about any of that. For me, I think the success is more attributed to the fact we had a talented director who knew how to draw out the best performances from Emersyn and myself. Not to mention the gorgeous scenery where it was filmed.”

Narrowing her eyes, the reporter said, “I’m not sure anyone was paying attention to the scenery when it came to the two of you. It appeared you two were a couple very much in lust…if not love.”

A high-pitched giggle escaped Emersyn’s lips—one I usually heard when she was extremely nervous. “I can’t believe people think Eli and are anything but just friends. Any chemistry we have comes from our friendship. He’s always been just like a brother to me.”

Well damn. To say Emersyn’s comment had stung would be an understatement. It was more like it fucking wounded me. It told me everything I needed to know about how she felt about the two of us. After taking a moment to recover, I added, “Exactly. I mean, we are performers, and the video was just another form of performance.”

“If you say so,” the reporter replied, a knowing look on her face.

Words. They’re just words. I’d wanted Emersyn with every breath in my body that night, and nothing had changed in the time since then. He’s like a brother to me. A brother. I didn’t have any brotherly love toward Emersyn. Not anymore. But once again, I held all that in.

We didn’t have a chance to defend ourselves anymore because we were ushered down the red carpet to more reporters. But even though the reporter changed, the questions didn’t. We continued to have to deny any romantic involvement between the two of us.

By the time we entered the building, my emotions had been through the fucking wringer. Before we entered the auditorium, I made my way over to the bar. “Glass of Jack, please.” When I turned back to Emersyn, I fully expected her to give me shit about drinking so early in the evening, but she surprised me instead.

“I’ll take a vodka cranberry,” she said to the bartender.

“Guess you decided to partake in some liquid courage after all, huh?” I remarked.

Staring straight ahead, she replied, “Damn straight.”

Instead of taking our drinks with us, we quickly slammed them back at the bar. Although I could have gone for a second, I decided it was best to pace myself. Gabe and Abby would have my ass if we won an award, and I was slurring my acceptance speech.

“Want another one?” I asked.

“Yes, but I know better.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Ready to go in?”

When she nodded, I led her away from the bar and into the auditorium. Because of yesterday’s rehearsals, we knew where our seats were. Since we were performing as well as being nominated, they were in the front row. As we made our way down the aisle, we stopped to talk to some of the other artists we knew. Thankfully, no one grilled Emersyn and me on if we were a couple like the reporters had. I seriously don’t think I could have taken it. By the time we finally reached our seats, the stage lights were flashing, signaling it was time for the show to start.

“I guess this is when I should say ‘Break a leg’, right?” Emersyn asked.

“Considering you’re nominated along with us, I’d say it would be breaking multiple legs,” I replied.

She laughed. “I shouldn’t be any more recognized than Norm or Mike. I’m just a contributor on the road—it’s not even me that you hear on the album. You, Gabe, and Abby are the heart and soul of Jacob’s Ladder.”

“I think you’re forgetting you’re the star of a hit video. That means something. Most of all, you mean something to this band.”

Emersyn’s expression grew serious. After turning toward me in her seat, she drew in a deep breath. “I don’t tell you nearly enough how grateful I am that you gave me a job. Being in Jacob’s Ladder saved my life. I owe so much to you. And to Gabe and Abby.”

“You don’t need to tell me. I know how much you appreciate it.”

“No, I really do need to say it. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had as well as my boss. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that.”

As I stared into her blue eyes, I had to wonder if in some subtle way, this was her way of addressing our changing relationship. That just like me, she wasn’t willing to lose what we had as friends for the chance there might be more between us. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had too, and I wouldn’t do anything in the world to risk losing you.”

She slowly nodded her head. “Right.” She turned back in her seat to face forward. “Glad we said that.”

From the tone of her voice, I had to wonder if she actually felt that way, or like me, she felt trapped.