Changes
Mel and I had the perfect wedding. Never once did it feel like I was in Noah’s shadow, but I felt him with me the entire time, and I’d never felt more at peace. We opted not to take a long honeymoon. We only took a weekend trip to Santa Barbara. Mel didn’t want to leave the kids too long, and there was a lot to do at the new house. Besides, both of us have spent most of our lives traveling places. There’s something to be said for staying in one place and enjoying the company and the moment more than the novelty of a trip.
When we arrived home, Darren had just put the kids to bed. Mel was disappointed we missed them, but she also didn’t want to wake them up.
“Can I talk to you two about something?” Darren asks, and I motion to the couch so we can all sit. As I pass the wall of photos, my heart swells with pride, and I say a silent hello to Noah and Belle.
“What’s wrong, Darren?” Mel’s concerned tone pulls my attention back to the two of them.
“Ever since the wedding and your move, I can’t shut off my mind. There’s no easy way to do this, so I’m just going to ask. Mel, I know you have your hands full, and I know Sawyer needs to agree too, but …”
He runs his hands through his hair, and when he looks back at us, his distress is evident.
“Tell us, Darren. It can’t be that bad.”
“You say that now, Sawyer, but I want Mel to be Cadence’s mom. I mean, you know … Belle will always be her mom, but …”
Mel is already crying, and she leans forward and clutches his hands. When her eyes lock on mine, I nod—she doesn’t even need to ask. Cadence is already a part of our crew, she’s the reason I bought the house next door after all.
“Darren, I’m happy to play whatever role in Cadence’s life you want me to. I will always be Aunt Mel, but if you want me to step in and take care of all the other stuff, you know it would be my utmost pleasure.”
“Thank you,” he whispers with tears in his eyes.
“Of course, but why the sudden freakout? We’re not going anywhere, and I hate to bring this up, but you might meet someone soon who could easily take on this role. I don’t want to step in and take something away from your future wife because if she’s half as good of a mom as Sawyer is a dad to Nate, Cadence will be lucky to have her in her life.”
He looks between the two of us and exhales. “At your wedding, I looked around at everyone coupled off and happy. I’m not ready for that, and I don’t know if I ever will be. I’m not even sure I want more kids. Cadence and I are two peas in a pod, and I don’t know that I want to change that. She already lost Belle, she shouldn’t have to worry about losing me too.”
Darren is spiraling. I’ve only seen him do it a few times in his life, but this isn’t a good thing. “Come on, man, you’re a great dad, and she’s not going to lose you. You’d never put a wife or any other kids ahead of Cady, and you know it.”
“I’m not so sure about that. What if I fuck up? It’s a big risk to take when I don’t have to. I’m perfectly happy with the way things are right now. I can have sex with random people whenever I need to fulfill my needs. And I have a great life with my daughter. She’s my entire world, Sawyer.”
Perhaps us moving out was too much change for him. Maybe all the recent changes have just got him wigged out. “We know you well enough to know that would never happen. Until you figure it all out for yourself, we’re here for you. In the meantime, I have to talk to you two about something.”
Mel looks between us. “What’s with you guys today? Is it spill your guts day and no one told me?”
Darren cocks a half-grin. “Sawyer just feels the need to one-up me as usual. Don’t worry about it, Mel.”
“Good point,” she replies, smirking back at him.
“Haha, enough jokes at my expense. You may feel bad in a minute because I did a really nice thing.”
“Quick, Mel, feel his head. Is he feverish?”
“No, he’s just in love. I kind of like him like this.” She kisses me quickly. “What did you do, Sawyer? I want to know.”
“Well, I want to preface this with the fact it doesn’t have to be permanent, and it can be undone.”
Darren groans. “Doesn’t sound good if that’s how you start off.”
“Shut up, asshole. I bought you a house.”
Their heads whip toward me in rapid succession. Darren replies first. “Say what?”
“Well, it was sort of a wedding present for Mel, but the gift is actually for you. Don’t worry, I won’t object if you want to pay me back.”
“Why would I pay you for a house I didn’t ask for?” he asks incredulously.
“Sawyer, back up and start at the beginning for us, babe.”
“Right, that would help. A few months ago, the house next door went on the market. I bumped into the agent one day, and before she could even put the sign in the ground, I bought the house. At the time, I was worried about Mel and Cadence. I thought it would be hard for them to be separated because Mel has been the only mother-like figure in Cady’s life. Then I started worrying about Nate and Cady. While I think it’s good for them to spend time apart in their own homes, they don’t know what it’s like to be apart either. The drive from the beach to here is ridiculous, and it’s going to get old fast. I thought maybe you’d want the house and could use the beach house as a fuckpad on the weekends.”
Okay, I’m not sure I’ve ever spoken so fast without taking a breath, but it’s all out in the open now. They’re staring at me with wide eyes, but neither of them says a word. They look back and forth at each other as if they’re afraid to speak over one another, but Mel finally breaks the ice.
“It’s excessive, but it’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Cadence has the best uncle in the world.”
Darren looks between us and throws his hands up in the air. “What did I tell you about one-upping me? How do I ever top that? Oh, wait … I don’t because he’s Sawyer fucking Weston and he’s always got to beat everyone. I can’t believe you bought me a house.”
“Well, like I said, you can always pay me back.”
He scoffs. “Fuck that, and give up being able to tell people you love me the most and that’s why you bought me a house? Get real. This is priceless.”
Mel laughs and laughs, which I’ll take any day over the tears she was crying a few minutes ago at Darren’s proposition. “At least no one can accuse me of being a kept woman. That honor is all Darren’s.”
“A kept man, thank you very much. Seriously though, why didn’t you just tell me the house was on the market?”
“Because I had a feeling something like this might happen, and I didn’t want to give you the opportunity to say no. If you really don’t want it, I can sell it, but I was thinking if we knock down the fence between our yards, we can build a hell of a studio between your land and mine. Add a separate entrance, and we’d be set. My land is kid-oriented already, and your land can house the business.”
“And we get a fresh start for all of us,” Darren murmurs as he considers my proposition.
“I love the idea. If he doesn’t want the house, we could still keep it, build out the business, and I can use it as my escape place when things get too crazy over here.”
Darren points a finger at her. “Hold up, woman, you aren’t turning my house into a she-shed before I even move in. You don’t have squatters’ rights just yet.”
“Does that mean you want it? It needs a rebuild, so it’s going to take some time to fix up.”
“Yeah, I do, and I still have the money from the Mulholland house sitting in an account accruing interest. I’ll even pay you for it.”
Darren surprises me. I thought this would be a bigger fight. Maybe he’s more ready to settle down than he even knows.
“I got the house at a steal. It needs a lot of work, but with my contacts, even after all the work, you’ll have a good chunk of change left over. That monstrosity of a house you bought was way overpriced.”
“It was also overpriced when I sold it. I made a killing. People will pay extra for anything attached to a celebrity. It’s cool; we’ll sink whatever is left into the business.”
“Speaking of, we need to have a meeting soon. Wyatt asked what I thought about Jordan being part of the studio, and I think it’s a good idea, but I also think we should offer to let Warren buy in as an equal partner. We wouldn’t be anywhere without him.”
Darren nods in agreement, but I’m surprised when Mel speaks up.
“What do you guys think about making Nate an equal partner in trust? I know it’s supposed to be Weston Brothers, but when he grows up, it would be nice for him to be able to take Noah’s place, if he wanted it and if it’s okay with you guys.”
“You never told her?” Darren flashes me an irritated glare.
“It never came up.”
“Mel, we already agreed to that a long time ago. Nate should be a part of anything Noah would have been.”
“Really?” Tears glisten in her eyes.
“Come on, Princess, did you expect anything less? Noah will always be a part of us. Anything we do as brothers or a band will always be inclusive of his memory and Nate. We wouldn’t be the men we are, the family we are, without Noah. It’s just not possible.”
After our wedding, Mel and I had some slips. Condoms aren’t always at the ready, and when we catch a free moment for sex in the laundry room, the garage, or in the shower, who has time to track down a rubber? Besides, I could have ten kids with Mel and never get tired of growing our family.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise when she was pregnant again a mere three months after our wedding, but it was. Three months after that, she came to me and told me she was ready to let Belle’s blog go. It was a monumental moment for her, and as much as I hated to see her step back from something she loved, I was happy she’s finally found a place in her life where she’s okay to do so.
A week after she relinquished the blog, I approached her about helping me turn my journals into books. She hasn’t been writing at all—her only focus has been our family. I thought it might get her creative juices flowing again. If not, at least it would give her something to do since our twins were keeping her a bit more run-down than usual.
Her belly is huge and feeling the twins kick around inside her is crazy. I’ve been worried about Noelle since I learned the twins were coming. Cadence and Nate are a team, and the twins will be a team, but where does that leave my little girl?
“She’ll be fine, Sawyer. Stop overthinking it.” Mel knows exactly where my mind drifts when I’m rubbing her belly.
“How do you know?”
“Because she’s our daughter and her Weston and Triton blood runs deep. Besides, there will be days where boys will be boys and they’re going to leave Cadence and Noelle in the dust. It’s more likely they’ll be more like the three musketeers than pairing off into duos.”
“Maybe you have a point, especially now that Wyatt and Anna bought a house down the street. Jake and Sam are going to be over here all the time now.”
“Exactly, and if anything, Aunt Rory will step in and teach Noelle everything she needs to know about being fierce. She had to learn quickly to stand up for herself since Diane was so much older than all of you.”
Rory and I have successfully bridged the gap between us the past few years. We’re in no way as close as she and Noah used to be, but we’ve forged our new relationship pretty well. Reading Mel’s books was all the insight she needed into how Mel and I came to be.
About a month after Mel and I finished the first part of my story, she went into premature labor. We were prepared for it, but it was terrifying nonetheless. We were fortunate, and they were able to stop the labor, but she was assigned bedrest until the end of her pregnancy or until labor started again, whichever came first.
I’d never appreciated her more than I did in those couple of months. My wife is amazing. She takes care of the kids, the house, and our meals, and she never complains. I’d always considered myself an active parent, but when Mel was out of commission, there were days I thought I would lose my mind. After just a few days, I was exhausted. The whole experience was eye-opening, and it made me see a part of my wife I’d taken for granted and didn’t even realize I was doing it.
Chasing around and taking care of three kids under the age of four is no joke. Plus, I tried keeping Princess company as much as possible.
Mel was grumpy and frustrated she had to sit still, but it was mostly her fear showing through. She swears she’d do it all over again if it came with the same results—two full-term baby boys. She caressed her baby belly and talked to the twins often. Once, I overheard her talking to Belle and Noah, asking them to please make sure the twins made it safely. I’d had that discussion with them many times, so I understood the comfort she pulled from it.
The remainder of my book was delayed. Mel tried like crazy to get me to write with her, but all the sadness was yet to come, and our babies were my only priority. I suppose it shows how much she’s grown and put the past behind her the last few years. Maybe I’m not as strong, or maybe she puts on a more stoic poker face than I do. Whatever the answer, I never gave up. While she was pregnant, we were not going to finish the story.
“Sawyer, are we sure this time?”
“Yes, without a doubt. I think we finally did it. Just in time too. We only have about a week left before you’re allowed off of bedrest, and I bet they come soon afterward.”
“Okay, good. I really love these names. I think we finally got it right.”
We decided on Greyson Owen Weston and Joseph Triton Weston. Triton is kind of a big name, but he’s a rock star legacy baby—it could be worse. Besides, they come from a line of strong men and women. Both boys are named after the men before them—my dad, Mel’s dad, and Mel’s mom’s dad. It seemed fitting since Nate and Noelle also honor other members of our family.
“Princess, we get everything right,” I whisper against the shell of her ear and enjoy the sounds of her whimpers.
“I miss us,” she says on a sad sigh.
“We’re right here, baby, but I know what you mean. I miss sinking into that sweet fucking pussy of yours too.”
“Sawyer, stop.”
“What? You don’t want to know how badly I want to dip my tongue inside you? Licking and sucking until you explode on it?”
“Seriously, Sawyer, you’re making me want sex, and we can’t have it for months. It’s not fair.”
I grab her hand and place it on my cock. “I know, but isn’t it exciting to see that even while you’re on bedrest, just the thought of making love to you turns me on?”
Groaning, she motions to her body. “I’m not sure how in the world you can find all of this attractive. Have you seen my stretch marks lately?”
Pulling her head to mine, I kiss her with all the built-up passion inside me. “You’re gorgeous, Princess. Pregnant or not, skinny or fat, you will always be gorgeous. If you’re worried about the stretch marks, stop. I find them incredibly attractive.”
“Shut up, you do not.”
With utter sincerity, I look her in the eyes. “No, Mel, I do. Each one of those marks represents the life we made and brought into the world. I’ve watched you give birth to two kids already, and those marks are the indicator of the warrior who lies inside you. I’d never make it through that kind of agony, but I will be by your side each time you choose to go through it so we can bring more little Westons into the world. There isn’t a single thing about you I don’t find sexy.”
Her eyes well up with tears. Mel’s always been hormonal while pregnant, but it’s double trouble with these babies.
“Promise me something, Sawyer.”
“Anything for you, Princess.”
“When Noelle is older, remind her what kind of man she deserves.”
“Done.”
“I’m not finished. You also need to make sure Nate, Joey, and Grey know how to treat their wives and girlfriends.”
I think back to when we first met and all the ways I fucked up.
“I’m not sure I’m the best example for that.”
“Sawyer,” she caresses my cheek, “you are the best man I know. You’re the perfect example for them. Not only can you teach them how to act, you know how to teach them what not to do. Our children are lucky to have you, and so am I.”
“I love you, Princess.”
“And I love you, always.”
Tonight is Nate’s sixth birthday, and it’s been six years since we lost Noah. Mel is inside putting the little ones to bed, and I’m in the gazebo, monitoring the treehouse from afar and reflecting on life. When Noah left us, I never imagined at the end of all the heartbreak I'd have love, especially not with Mel.
If you asked the me I am today if I would have been with Mel without having Noah’s permission, I honestly couldn’t tell you. I’d like to think I was a good enough person to never have traveled down that road. At the same time, I hope I would have said fuck it and gone for it because she is the best thing to ever come into my life, and I firmly believe Noah would have forgiven me.
Nights like these, I miss him most of all. Noah was the closest person to me, so it makes sense I will always miss him. Mel understands that more than anyone; she knows us both better than most people ever will.
Amelia has become my very best friend and filled the hole Noah left. Don't get me wrong, no one could ever replace Noah, but whether we like it or not, time keeps going and people grow and evolve. Someone would have eventually stepped into that role in some capacity. I’m just happy it’s my Princess, and I can honestly say I think Noah would be too.
Some nights, when I'm outside in the gazebo, under the stars, I swear I feel his presence. The first time I heard his laugh from the treehouse, I thought I was losing my mind. I actually climbed up there, and what I found was even better.
Nate and Cady were curled up in sleeping bags with flashlights telling jokes and sharing secrets. Their laughter was so much like their parents’, there is no way Belle and Noah weren't with them. In fact, I felt it so strongly, I left without them seeing me. I didn't want to intrude on their time with their parents. That moment was for Noah and Belle, not me.
I’m wishing for that tonight, for my son but also for myself. Something to give me a sign on the happiest and saddest day of the year—a laugh from the treehouse or the whisper of his voice on the wind. Cadence, Nate, and Jake are laughing and giggling like crazy up in the treehouse. The stars shine bright in the sky, frogs croak down in the creek, and the crickets chirp all around us.
It takes me back to a time in our lives when things were simpler. Where the only thing Noah, Jordan, and I were worried about was if our parents were going to make us go home early. Grandma and Grandpa’s house was always a magical place.
“Those were good times.” The voice is clear as day in my head, but as I look around, I’m all alone. Maybe this place is magical after all, or maybe I’m hallucinating because I miss him so much. Whichever it is, I don’t even care because hearing him, even in my head, makes me feel less alone, especially today.
“There you are,” Mel says, carrying the baby monitor and joining me on the bench. “It’s the strangest thing. I was walking down here and heard a voice. When I looked around, no one was there. Were you talking to yourself?”
She heard him too. Not that I’ve ever doubted it, but in this moment, I know Mel and Nate survived that crash to save me.
“No, but I was wishing for Noah, and I swear I heard him. I thought it was in my head.”
“What did you hear, Sawyer?”
“‘Those were good times.’ What did you hear, Princess?”
“‘Be good to each other.’ I thought you were telling someone about Noah’s wedding speech. I’m not sure if I’m freaked out right now or really fucking happy.”
I pull her close and kiss the top of her head as we stare into the sky. “Always choose happy, Princess. It’s how we’re supposed to be.”