The Light Before the Dark
I’ve been in my room most of the day strumming my guitar and feeling a bit melancholy. I’m sort of in the mood to write music, but before I even put pen to paper, I toss it back down. What’s the point? Our U.S. tour ends in two months, and even though the band will eventually put out new music, I have a feeling it will be years down the line.
We’ve played eight nights in a row, and I’m feeling it. We’re taking a detour after the show tomorrow night so we can go to Sully’s. I can’t wait.
I’m hoping to finally pull aside Rhymin’ Rieanne and figure out what her deal is. Maybe the two of us could even collaborate on a side project. Something funny, just for some social media fun. With her twisted rhymes and my voice, we could probably do something scandalous.
The guys are asleep on the other bus, and Mel and Belle have been chatting and giggling all day. Noah hasn’t been getting much sleep because Mel is super uncomfortable, and Darren’s bus never gets rest these days because Cadence is teething. I did relieve Mel and Belle by taking Cadence for a while, but that was more for me than them. She loves spending time with Uncle Sawyer, and I love hanging out with the little munchkin. Besides, it’s good practice for when Mel has Nate, which will be any day now since she’s due tomorrow.
I’ve got a few minutes to kill before we head to the venue, so I decide to check in with Anna.
I wish you were here to go to Sully’s with us tomorrow night.
Bethie: Don’t remind me, I’m so sad.
If I can sneak it, I’ll record her and send you a video.
Bethie: That would be awesome! Any updates on Baby Weston yet?
Nope, I think he’s hanging on to Mel’s uterus for dear life.
Bethie: How’s Noah? Is he hovering?
Like you wouldn’t believe. He’s not going to Sully’s. They’re going to watch Cadence so Belle can get out.
Bethie: That’s sweet and probably good practice for them too.
*Sigh*
What’s the *Sigh* for? Spill …
Bethie: I think I’m ready, Sawyer.
For a baby?
Bethie: Yeah, don’t say anything to Wyatt, I want to surprise him. If we’re lucky, I could be due right when the International portion of the tour is over.
You’ll be a great mom, and you two deserve all the happiness in the world.
Bethie: What about you? Any thoughts on settling down?
Actually, yeah … can you believe it? I think I drank the Kool-Aid.
Bethie: Really? You’re ready for a wife and some kids?
I think I’m ready for the kids more than the wife, but it would be convenient to have both, I suppose.
Bethie: You’re such a jerk—besides, built-in sex is nice to have.
Only if she doesn’t always have a headache.
Bethie: Haha—I never have headaches. Wyatt on the other hand …
Don’t say anything, okay? I’m not planning or plotting or anything. I’m just slowly marinating in the idea, and I don’t hate it.
Bethie: Got it, my lips are sealed.
Want to see something cute?
Bethie: Always
I send her a selfie I took of Cadence and me earlier. She was smiling long enough to get the photo. I plan to rub it in Darren’s face later.
Bethie: OMG that is the cutest photo ever. Keep marinating in that idea, Sawyer. You’ve always been a natural with kids.
Well, I guess there are some perks for being the favorite uncle, and when I’m tired of them I can always give them back.
Bethie: Don’t tire out too soon. You’re going to be my favorite and most utilized babysitter when the time comes.
Deal. The guys are finally here so I gotta go. Love you.
Bethie: Love you too. Leave Utah with a smile and give them an encore they won’t forget.
I like that idea. Utah will always be a special place for all of us.
After everyone said their goodbyes and Noah was sufficiently satisfied that Mel was okay, we exited the buses and went inside the venue to do our sound check.
With each show, it gets a bit harder to imagine never having this again.
“It’s bittersweet, isn’t it?” Wyatt asks.
“Yes, but I’m surprised to hear it coming from you.”
Wyatt’s eyes widen. “Really?”
“Well, yeah. You and Noah wanted out.” I’m not angry anymore, just factual.
“He’s got a point,” Darren says, stopping next to me.
Noah looks at the three of us. “I’m going to miss the hell out of it.”
I take a step back and shake my head. “What?”
Darren and I exchange confounded looks, but Wyatt and Noah are smiling away. Noah offers an explanation, “That’s what you guys never understood. Just because we’re ready to move on with our lives and our wives, doesn’t mean we aren’t going to miss the hell out of performing or our time with you.”
Wyatt picks up where Noah leaves off, “These past ten years and beyond have been the absolute best and worst times of our lives, but we wouldn’t change anything. How many people get to experience what we have with their family? The highs and lows, our successes and failures, traveling the world, and the people closest to me were a part of it all. That’s a life well-lived, for real.”
Too bad Warren isn’t here yet. He’d enjoy this.
Noah throws his arm across my shoulder. “I know I’ve been boring you guys to death about the bad feeling I’ve had since all that Sara shit went down. I’m trying to let it go. I’m so excited for Nate to get here, there’s just no room in my heart or my head to keep worrying about this shit. I still haven’t mentioned it to Mel because she doesn’t need that kind of stress.”
Noah and I have had many talks about his fears. I’ll admit, I’ve been concerned because he couldn’t let it go, but it seems like he’s finally in a good place.
“If you’re worried, don’t hide it. But if you’re legitimately happy, I’m relieved to hear it.”
“Thanks, Sawyer.” Noah looks between us. “I’m feeling optimistic and happy. Everything I’ve ever wanted has come to fruition. Plus, we’ll be able to tell the girls about The Sunshine Project soon. We’re doing great things, things that will make an impact for years to come. Once we open our label and start helping some Indie bands find their way and avoid the pitfalls of big-label contracts, I think we’ll be putting our expertise to good use.”
We finish our sound check, and I feel lighter somehow. Noah and Wyatt’s words really affected me tonight. Maybe they’re the same words they’ve been saying all along and I was finally able to hear them. For the first time in a long time, I think I can look to the future with happiness instead of dread. These guys aren’t going anywhere. Our landscape may change, but we will all be together for years to come.
“Hey, guys, I was talking to Anna earlier, and she reminded me why Utah has always been special to us.”
Darren cups his hand around his mouth and calls out, “Rhymin’ Rieanne.”
“Exactly,” I say with a smile. “Anna had a great idea. She suggested we do an encore tonight to end all encores. We don’t have any fancy equipment or lights or anything, but we could do a few extra songs, really work them up. What do you say?”
Noah’s yawn reflects how tired we all are, but maybe this will be invigorating. “I’m down. Other than trying to knock my wife into labor, I have no other plans but to sleep tonight.”
“Yeah, like you’re going to sleep with Mel tossing and turning. Good luck with that.” Noah flips Darren off, and we all laugh. I think I’m going to miss our random banter most of all.
“The offer still stands. It’s been a long time since the five of us have crammed onto the same bus and had a guys’ night. They’ll be right behind us. If anything happens, we can easily stop.” Wyatt flashes Noah his puppy dog eyes—like those can compare to fucking his wife.
“Good try, Wyatt, but I’m going to stick it out on the bus with Mel. Besides, I like the whole idea of having sex to induce labor. I’d be ecstatic if she had Nate on our day off and I didn’t have to constantly worry she’s having contractions and trying to push through till we get back from a show.”
I nod. “She would do that. I can totally picture it.”
“Yup, and that’s why I’m going to stay on my bus with my wife. You guys have a couple of shots for me though.”
“Like he even had to ask,” Darren says, but the joke is really on him because he knows he won’t be drinking while he’s got Cadence tonight.
The crowd was one of the most responsive we’ve had in a while, and they practically brought down the house with the encore. Our assistant passes out towels as we step off the stage.
“That was incredible, but I am so tired,” Noah says, smiling.
“Look at Noah showing his age. Are you even going to be able to get it up tonight?” Darren teases as he yawns.
“And yet I’m not the only one yawning.”
“But I don’t have to go home and perform any husbandly duties,” Darren counters.
“Only fatherly ones,” Wyatt quips. “I wonder which ones are harder?”
Darren narrows his eyes and busts up laughing. “When did we get this old? Back in the day, we’d be off to a party for a night filled with drinking and fucking, and if we didn’t sleep, we’d drink an energy shot and do it all again the next day.”
Damn, he’s got a valid fucking point there. We’re not even thirty yet.
“It’s the music,” Wyatt says, “not our age.”
I whip my head toward him. “Come again?”
He turns to me. “We’re singing all the songs slower, acoustic, and unplugged. We’re not getting the adrenalin high. We only break a sweat due to the lighting, not because we’re running all over the stage anymore. I’ve thought it was a nice way to transition out of the touring mindset. Almost like weaning off a drug.”
Well, shit …
“So we’re not old, we’re just touring like old fogies. Good to know.” At least it sort of makes sense now.
“We could do one more high-energy show,” Noah offers, and we all look to him with questioning gazes.
My heart races at even the hint of a big performance. “What are you suggesting?”
“The tornado fundraiser. We do one of our old sets. That’s coming up in the next few months, right?”
Darren grins, Wyatt nods, and I’m … completely down with the idea. We each toss out a fist, and Noah counts us down.
“Bastards and Dangerous on three. One, two, three.”