CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 

 

ASH

“What are we doing?” I ask as Sam leads me down the stairs. First the birthday presents, including the new dress I’m wearing, and now a surprise? I’m blindfolded, and Sam has a strong grip on my hand as he goes downstairs before me. It does nothing to keep me from freaking out about the situation though. Somewhere outside of my dark little world someone giggles. I could almost swear it was Summer, except… My stomach lurches. “Please God, no.”

“Shush,” Sam says, pressing his finger to my lips.

I take the chance to bite it, and end up with his finger in my mouth and my tongue wrapped around it as he presses me up to the wall. Even after this afternoon, and the last ten days of almost constant sex, I can’t get enough of him. It’s like our bodies are catching up on all the time we’ve been apart.

“That’s Mandy isn’t it?” I strain to hear more, but all’s gone quiet below. Still, her voice is unmistakable, and I get the urge to take one of those long meat forks Sam has downstairs and jab her with it. Not to hurt her exactly, just as a warning that this is my territory. Sam is my man.

“What vicious thoughts are going through your head?” I can practically feel him watching me, his gaze burning into the blindfold.

“Nothing.” I push away from the wall enough to turn my face away from the sound of his voice.

“Sure,” he says. “That’s why you look like you want to hurt someone.”

“I know where you keep the meat forks.”

“Hmmm.” He chuckles humorlessly.

“Why is she here?” I bow away from the wall, struggling against his hold. “I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to see the way she looks at you, like she’s a little too familiar with you.”

“Stop it,” he orders, crushing me to the wall with his body and taking my head between his hands. “She wanted to see you because she’s still your friend. If you’d told her otherwise, or I’d slept with her, or she wasn’t very happily taken with her perfect man then I would have told her not to come.”

“You didn’t sleep with her?” My heart stutters to a stop in anticipation of his answer. “I mean, it would be okay if you did,” I ramble. “It’s not like you weren’t free to do whatever you wanted. It’s just she’s one of my friends, and I can’t help—”

His lips caress my ear. “No. I did not sleep with her.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“Not even a little bit,” he echoes.

“So, just to clarify, you didn’t…”

“I’m not going to say everything was completely innocent, Ash. Wish I could, but I can’t do that. I can’t tell you I didn’t kiss her or that we didn’t get close. I just can’t. But I can tell you that we never really got further than kissing, and I can sure as hell tell you that I never wanted her the way I want you. No one’s ever come close to that for me. All I can say is that I didn’t think we’d ever end up here. Not in a million years. Or nothing and nobody could have made me get close to anyone else. I would have waited for you to be ready for everything we could be to each other.”

I don’t know why I’m so hung up on Mandy and him. The things I’ve done. The people. And Sam had to see it on the internet with thousands, soon possibly millions, of other people seeing it too. I’ve always caused him more pain than he’s managed to cause me. Stephen was right about that. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. And so am I.” He rubs his thumbs across my cheeks where the blindfold is a little damp. “How about we agree to leave the past in the past? Concentrate on the here and now. On us.”

“Yes.” I nod.

“Good.” He kisses my forehead, lingering with such tenderness that I struggle to recall how I can be jealous of another woman while his lips are pressed to my skin. “I’m just going to go down and ask Mandy to reschedule this visit for another time.”

“Leave it, please.” I catch his hand before he can walk away. Sam needs to know that I’m putting everything into us, and that I’m not going to willingly hurt him again. Perhaps being around Mandy will help me put last summer in the past. “I want to see her.”

“Okay.” He squeezes my hand and then puts his arm around my waist. “Only a few more stairs.” We get to the bottom and he guides me into the function room. His fingers tense on my hip and then fall away. “You can take the blindfold off now.”

I shift my fingers to the material over my eyes, cautiously push it up. The private dining room is bright, so it takes a moment for my eyes to adjust as Mandy yells surprise and other voices follow suit. I blink a couple times as I pull the blindfold off completely and hold it between my hands.

Summer rushes at me from her spot between Gabe and Dylan. “Happy birthday, Ash.”

Dylan steps forward and grips my hand between both his meaty ones. “Just because you’re getting older doesn’t mean you have to become more mature, all right?”

“Thanks for the advice.” I smile, glancing back at Sam, who is at the bar. I have a feeling that humorous counsel doesn’t necessarily fit here.

Gabe hugs me. “Shall I get you a drink?”  

“Mmm.” I nod. “Please.”

“Here.” Sam hands me a flute of golden bubbles. “Already grabbed you one.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, unable to stop staring at him. Will Summer be able to tell how I feel about her brother just from the way we act around each other? Should I tell her?

“Happy birthday, Ash.” Mandy throws herself at us, her arms going around me and Summer at the same time. She’s a flurry of pink, like strawberries and sparkles. “I’m so glad you’re here. It’s been forever. I thought maybe I did something to upset you last time you were here. Oh, you have to meet my boyfriend. He’s the sweetest, grumpiest man you’ll ever meet.” She fans herself like that combination is the hottest thing she can imagine.

She bounces away long enough to grab the dark-haired man standing alone. He looks uncertain and a little put out at being here. Is he aware of how close Mandy and Sam got before she chose him?

If he is, he does a good job of hiding it as he offers me his bronzed hand. “Nice to meet another friend of Mandy’s.”

He has friendly eyes, he’s won Mandy over, and he doesn’t look at me like he’s acquainted with my snatch, so I allow him to take my hand. “Likewise.”

“Thanks for coming,” Sam tells him.

I hold my breath waiting for him to reply, or to ignore Sam, or to look daggers at him. The way I thought I’d be looking at Mandy before I walked into this surprise party. Instead he shrugs, a friendly smile gracing his eyes. “Water and milk and bridges, right?”

“Absolutely.” Sam nods.

“Besides, a friend of Mandy’s is a friend of mine,” he says to me. “Happy birthday, Ash.”

“Come on, let’s sit and catch up.” Mandy takes my arm. “It’s been so long, and I’ve missed you.”

Does she not know? Has she not seen the video? It’s a weird sensation to not have to worry about what she thinks of it. She pushes me into a seat between her and Summer, who looks at me with a curiosity I can’t be imagining.

When Sam slips into a seat on the opposite side of the table her gaze goes to him before coming back to me. I wait for her to ask what’s going on between me and her brother. I wait while she takes a sip of her champagne, but she doesn’t ask. Maybe I’m conjuring up that calculated look in her eye, but after so many years I doubt it.

***

“Hey.” Sam touches the middle of my back as he pushes another glass of champagne into my hand. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Yes.” I nod and take a sip. “But it’s weird to have this done for me.”

“You’re supposed to be surrounded by friends and family on your birthday, Ash.” He bows his head closer.

“I’m just not used to it, I guess.”

“We’re going to change that,” he says.

“Do you think your sister knows?” I nod in her direction, trying not to make it obvious. “Do you think she realizes I’m sleeping with you?”

“Is that what we’re doing? Just sleeping together?” He wiggles his eyebrows.

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“Would you care if she did?”

“Would you?” I glance at him.

“Not one little bit,” he says. “In fact, maybe I’ll march over there now and tell her.”

“Everything?” How much should we tell her? How hard will she take it if both of us admit there’s huge secrets in our past we haven’t told her about? Especially considering the secrets I’ve already bombarded her with in the last week or so. Maybe it’s too much to soon.

“We have to be sure,” I whisper. He has to be sure that I’m not going to leave. I have to be certain that I’m not going to disappoint him.

“I am,” he says. “What do you think is going to change for me? I couldn’t give up on you at your worst, Ash. You can’t expect that I will now, surely?”

“I-I just need a little more time.” I need to talk to my dad. I need to deal with Luca before I can be certain. What if this tape blows up in my face again? What if it hurts Sam because he’s linked to me? When does love outweigh the damage it causes?

“Okay.” He tries to hide the scowl that creases his forehead over my indecision. “A little more.”

His phone rings, breaking up the awkwardness between us while he turns away to answer it. His tone is hushed to start with and I don’t think anything of it, until he clenches his jaw. “She’s been trying to get hold of you for weeks, sir.” 

There’s a pause, but my heart rate picks up.

“She needed her father. And if you wouldn’t answer her, I thought maybe you’d at least answer me.”

Did he really call my dad? And Robert actually responded?

“I’ll put her on.” He turns and holds the phone out to me. “You wanted to talk to your father, now you can.”

I stare at his phone. My dad’s waiting for me to answer, when I didn’t actually think he would. Sam pushes it closer as if to say go on. I pick it up tentatively, cradle it to my ear. “Dad?”

“Ashleigh. Why is Stephen Sweets’ son calling me? You know I’m far too busy to deal with your friends.”

“I-I know. It’s just I needed to talk to you about—”

“I’m aware of your indecent behavior if that’s what you wanted to tell me. It’s been brought to my attention. You of all people should know better. But then again, you’ve never cared about reputation or how you hurt other people. I don’t know why I would expect differently.”

“I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean for it—”

He sighs loudly, and I imagine he’s checking his watch. “You never do mean it, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re irresponsible and immature. I’m not sure how long you expect me to ignore your actions.”

Sam’s jaw gets harder the longer I stay on the phone. It’s clenched so tightly at this point. I turn my back on him because I can’t stand that he’s upset over my dad’s reaction. It wasn’t unexpected. Still, it’s hard to hear the condemnation in his voice. There’s no disappointment. Only reproach. “I know I screwed up, but—”

“I don’t have time to placate you,” he says. “I’m on my way to dinner with the heads of the Hong Kong division.”

“Dad, please,” I beg. Christ, my voice sounds so whiny to my own ears. “I need to ask you something.”

“If this is about money—”

“No,” I snap. Does he know about Luca’s intentions? Is that what he’s saying? Did Luca contact him directly? But that’s the last thing I want to ask him about now. Taking a deep breath, I ignore the urge to hang up on him. This might be the last conversation I have with him. “I just…tell me something about my mother?”

“About Rachel?” He sounds surprised. A long pause follows where I almost ask him again mainly to find out if he’s still there. Then he exhales slowly as though he’s deflating. “Why?”

“I just need to know something about my mother. We’ve never talked about her.” I need him to tell me about her. I need to know she existed and what she was like. Even if only a little. Something to explain why he is the way he is. “Tell me how you met.”

“Fine,” he says, resigned. “I met her when I was in college. She was waitressing at one of those beach bars in Malibu. The moment I saw her I knew I was going to marry her.”

Tears spring to the corners of my eyes, and I bite my thumb, silently hoping he’ll continue. A chuckle fills my ears. The sound is sad but also filled with memory. It’s so completely different from anything I’ve ever heard from my father.  

“She told me it would never happen. That she wouldn’t date a man like me. I wasn’t her type. Too stuck up when she was such a free spirit. But I won her over. Married a year later. We were happy.”

“Was it worth it?” I whisper. I can barely force the words out.

“Was what worth it?” he asks, probably lost in memories that I can never touch.

“Loving her, before I…”

“Yes. It was worth it. I wouldn’t give up a single day we had together before…” His voice changes as we turn full circle back to me. He’s almost businesslike again. “I don’t have any more time to indulge you, Ashleigh. I won’t be late to this meeting.”

“Dad, one more thing…”

“And you can tell your friend that I don’t have time for these calls either. Unless it’s a real emergency.”

He hangs up on me as I say, “I just thought you should know it’s my birthday.”

I stand there with the phone still glued to my ear. Still trying to piece together the man who loved my mother so much it didn’t leave room for anyone else, with the man who could never quite look me in the eye. And it was worth it? He doesn’t regret having loved her. He only regrets me.