EPILOGUE

 

 

ASH

“Is everything ready?” I ask Ru, stopping to sneak a blini with salmon piled on top from the tray he’s just finished preparing.

“Oy.” He makes as if to smack my hand, but his grin gives him away.

“I can’t get enough of this fish,” I say by way of apology before popping it into my mouth.

“I can tell.” He chuckles. “That’s the sixth one from this tray. If you keep going like this, I may as well hand you the whole platter and start a fresh one.”

“Maybe you should.” I glance back at the stairs. “So are we ready or not?”

“Everyone is waiting, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Thank God.” I smooth my hands down the front of the silver threaded black cocktail dress I bought just for tonight. “I’m nervous enough as it is.”

He unbuttons his chef coat as he gestures at one of the servers to come and collect the first platter. Holden’s only been with us since the end of spring. A few weeks at most. But my first official hire fits right in. He grins at me as he approaches. “You look fabulous.”

“Thanks,” I say.

“Come on, man.” Ru shakes his head. “Don’t talk to the boss’s girl like that. He’s likely to blow a gasket and we’ve only just got him back up to speed.”

“Never mind Ru. Sam’s not like that at all.” I elbow Ru in the ribs, and he cusses under his breath. “Besides, if you want to blame anyone it should be me.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t at fault, did I? It’s been four months and you still won’t let him in the kitchen full time.”

“That’s because we would have to fire Madeline.” I mock glare at him. “And I like her better than you.”

“Ouch.” He brushes pretend hurt from his shoulders. “But you’ve done a good thing convincing him to relax a bit more.”

“Who says I let him relax?” I wink at him.

“Get that platter into the function room now,” Ru growls at Holden, shaking his head at me. “Can’t have people waiting around hungry.”

“Ash, there you are.” Summer slips into the kitchen, side stepping one of the staff working the dining room and barely escaping colliding with another. “I forgot how hectic it gets back here. You guys make it seem all so effortless from the outside.”

“Did you—”

“Bring it?” She beams. “Yes, I did.”

“Thank God.” I exhale. When I first suggested this party to Sam, I told him that after the scare he gave us we all needed to celebrate his still being with us, but that was only part of why I organized tonight. Nerves swarm my stomach, or maybe that’s the salmon I probably shouldn’t be eating. “Where is it?”

“Where’s what?” Sam asks, coming up behind me.

“Your balls, man,” Ru quips. It’s almost believable that our conversation was about that topic exactly.

“Wow.” Sam’s gaze drifts from my face to my dress to my legs and then back up again. “You look…”

“Beautiful,” Summer says.

“Stunning.” Ru makes a snide face that almost ruins his compliment.

“You’re not bad yourself.” I move closer so that I can straighten his tie and run my hands down the front of his shirt. Mostly I just want to touch him and feel the steadiness that he brings.

“Maybe we should go out to the dining room,” Summer whispers to Ru.

“Lead the way,” Ru says.

We’re not alone in the kitchen, but the crew has gotten used to our public displays of affection. They continue on as if there’s nothing to see as I tidy Sam’s collar and he touches his lips to mine.

“I have a feeling this is going to be a great night,” he says, his hands wrapped around my hips. “But then every night for the past four months has been pretty damn great, Ash. I just need you to know that.”

“I know it,” I say, unable to keep my smile at bay. “Best nights of my life.”

“I have to tell you something else.” Lust turns up the corners of his lips as he toys with the off the shoulder straps of my dress and lays them flat against my skin. “This dress is enough to give me a heart attack.”

“That isn’t funny,” I tell him. My heart still bottoms out when I think about that night. I can’t bear the idea of not living each day with him.

“I suppose not,” he agrees. “But I couldn’t find the words to tell you just how perfect you look tonight.”

“Come on.” I take his hand. I feel like I could take flight from how nervous I am. “Let’s go in.”

All of our friends are gathered in one room and we spend a good hour just talking and laughing and being together. I’m not the same girl who came back to Sam with nothing but trouble. I’m not the same girl who thought she was completely alone in the big bad world. Sam is my constant. And these people are my family.

I don’t get those same feelings of guilt and shame and loneliness when I wonder what my mother would think of me now if she were alive to see how I’ve grown. I don’t think about my father and wish things were different. I don’t hate my past, because without it I wouldn’t have this beautiful, close-knit group of people. Or Sam. And Sam is everything to me.

I grab Summer while Sam is deep in conversation with Dylan. Every now and then he glances in my direction and my heart skips a beat.

“Here.” She pushes the small blue box into my hand.

“Does anyone know?” I ask.

“No.” She says. “But I’m dying for them to find out.”

I clutch the box behind my back like my life depends on it as I make my way to Sam. He breaks away from Dylan before I can get to him. He clears his throat and the whole room goes silent.

“Ash, love?” He extends his hand for me to take. I frown at him, confused by the sudden attention of our friends, and he looks a little uncertain as I place my hand in his. “Everything okay?”

“I have something to say to you,” I tell him. “It’s important.”

“I have something to ask you,” he says, sticking his hand into his jacket pocket. “And I don’t think it should wait.”

“Holy shit,” Summer says with a gasp. I swing my gaze to her. She has the biggest smile on her face and her eyes are like sparkly saucers as she stares at me and her brother.

“Ash?” Sam lowers himself onto one knee in front of me as he pulls a box from his jacket pocket. “I’ve known you all your life.”

I gape at him, my eyes tearing up. Completely stunned, I fall on my knees with him. “I’ve loved you for almost as long as I can remember.”

“And I made a promise to you.” His voice trembles, but he continues on as though if he doesn’t get it out right now it might not be exactly what he wants to say. “One you didn’t know about. One that I kept secret since before you were born.”

“I don’t know what you said to me before I was born.” The words tumble out. I’ve rehearsed them so many times this past week that I can’t stop them now. “I don’t know if you knew that we would be friends, or lovers, or family in our own way. But there’s this feeling I get in my heart that makes me believe you told me you would always be mine.”

“I promised you I would always be yours.” His eyes are suspiciously bright as he squeezes my hand. “In whatever capacity you needed. I would be your friend when you needed one. I would be your family when you felt like you had none. I would be your rock when the world didn’t make sense. And I would be your shoulder when you fell apart.”

“You’ve been all those things.” I nod. “Always. And you’ve been more. So much more. Even when I didn’t deserve it.”

“I didn’t expect we’d fall in love.” He opens the box to reveal his grandmother’s gold filigree ring. The oval sapphire is surrounded by a row of round diamonds that glitter under the lights. “I didn’t expect that when I promised to be yours you would choose to be mine.”

“I didn’t think we’d get a second chance after I blew it the first time.” I pull my own box from behind my back. Our friends laugh, and someone says ‘unbelievable’.

Sam does a double take. “Are you proposing to me?”

“I’m trying to.” I beam at him through the tears of joy that are blurring my vision.

“But I’m proposing to you.” He takes the ring from the box. “Or at least I’m trying to.”

“If I don’t get this out, Sam, I’m going to start bawling.” I press my lips together as I open the box I’m holding and pull out the slim gold band I bought. “You loved me at my very worst, you know. You loved me when no one else could. I didn’t want to wait for the perfect moment to ask you to marry me. I didn’t want to wait until you asked me. I just wanted you to know that I’m yours. Always. Now. Forever.”

“We talked so much about getting married and settling down somewhere nice. About having a family of our own. You were going to wear those tatty old bunny slippers and pretend you could cook, remember?”

“I remember.” I can barely keep it together.

“I don’t want to wait any longer to have that future with you, Ash.” He holds his grandmother’s ring in front of my finger. “Will you marry me?”

“Only if you’ll marry me.” I sob as he pushes it onto my finger, slides it over my knuckle and all the way down.

“It doesn’t work if I don’t, you know.”

Again, our friends laugh. They must think this is crazy, but it’s absolutely perfect to me.

“Of course I will.” He gives me his hand, but I’m shaking so hard, he has to take the band from my fingers and put it on himself. Then he clasps my hand between his palms and uses his thumbs to brush away my tears before he drops his mouth to mine in a tender kiss.

Our friends begin to applaud.

“There’s something else,” I whisper when he stops kissing me. Something important and special and secret. But I promised him I wouldn’t keep anything from him. No matter how new or scary it was. No matter how it would affect us.

“What is it?” He pulls me up off the floor, catches me when I lose my balance a little bit.

“I took a pregnancy test while I was getting dressed earlier.”

“You what?” He peers into my eyes and his crinkle around the corner the way they do when his emotions aren’t solid. “You’re pregnant?”

“I don’t know.” I bite my lip. “I didn’t check. I was going to but then it didn’t feel right without you there too.”

“But you think you are?”

“I think so.”

“Congratulations.” Summer comes up to us, throws her arms around her brother before turning a hug on me that is so tight I have to fight for air. “I can’t believe you both proposed to each other like that, and neither of you had any idea. And now you’re going to be my sister, and not just my best friend.”

“Sorry, Sum.” He grips my hand, dragging me away from her. “There’s something we need to do.”

“We’ll be right back,” I call out as we race out of the room.

Rushing through the kitchen, we hit the stairs and start running. He scoops me up in the storage room. His bedroom door slams against the wall as we burst into the room and into the bathroom.

“Where?” He lets me slide down his body and puts me on my feet.

“Here.” I unwrap the stick from the wad of toilet paper I’d bundled it up in when I decided I couldn’t find out without him. My pulse is racing and not just from the stairs. Starting our own family, his and mine, has been a dream for so long.

He takes it from my hand and holds the purple and white plastic stick in front of both our noses.

“Pregnant,” I read the stick.

“Pregnant,” he says.

We glance at each other from the corner of our eyes, both of our faces breaking out in the biggest grins. Our dreams are finally coming true.

***

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