13
“I can’t believe you slept with Knuckles!” Erin says for the third time, eyes as wide as saucers. “Oh my god, Celina, when I saw you checking him out at my birthday, I knew you thought he was hot but never did I think this would happen.”
After we were unable to get enough of each other all night long, he made me breakfast while I got ready for work, which I found to be a really sweet gesture. To have a man like Knuckles, a badass biker who can have anyone he wants and do anything he wants, cater and care for you is like a tiger letting you pet it—he doesn’t have to be nice, and he can rip you apart, but he chooses not to. He rode away on his bike, and I drove to work, sending Erin a message before I got there asking her when can I see her because I needed to update her on some things, like the fact I spent the whole night fucking her bestie and also how fucking amazing he is in bed. I sent Akeira a similar message, a heads-up to my two favorite girls. Little did I know, Erin would decide she couldn’t wait for said information and walked over to my desk at lunch with coffee, food, and her ears wide-open.
“I wonder if he would have told me if you didn’t,” she asks herself, shrugging. “Doesn’t matter. My best friend and my cousin are together and I couldn’t be happier about it.”
“Can you keep your voice down?” I admonish her, popping a fry into my mouth. “I don’t need the office to hear about my sudden sex life.”
“Sorry, I’m just so excited,” she says animatedly, her cheeks turning rosy. “He’s such a great guy, Celina, and I couldn’t think of a better woman for him. I never would’ve thought you would’ve opened yourself to him, but I’m so happy you did. And he clearly adores you. I knew when he said he was going to go check on you he was crazy about you. There’s no way in hell I’d let him fuck you around, you know that, right? I told him straight up, if you’re going after her, it’s for keeps.”
“That’s a bit cute of you,” I tell her with a grin. “My baby cousin looking out for me.”
“Well, I brought all these men into your life, it’s only fair for me to make sure their intentions are good. Otherwise Knuckles would have to deal with me, besties or not. But he has it bad, so we’re all good.”
“Don’t get too excited,” I tell her, downplaying her expectations. “You know how these things end up. One day I’m telling you this, and in a few days you’ll probably get a message from me saying, ‘Actually, never mind.’ ”
“Just let me be excited right now,” she commands, glancing around my office. “This is the hottest news I’ve heard in a long time. I thought after your asshole ex I’d never get a message from you like that again. And say what you like, but if you want to debrief the situation, that means it’s important to you, or it’s playing on your mind.”
“Or it’s because you know him!” I tell her, covering my face with my hands. “You know I have issues letting people in.”
“Understatement,” she sighs, bringing her eyes to mine. “Not everyone is going to fuck you over, Celina. Sometimes you just have to take a chance, and trust me, Knuckles is a man worth taking a chance on. He’s sweet, funny, a good father, but will also make sure no one ever fucks with you. He’s the protector of the MC, Celina. Yeah, they call it some other shit, but that’s how I see it. He’s a biker who cares and knows what he wants. And that happens to be you.” She takes a deep breath. “Now, when are you going to move into the clubhouse? I could use some female company, and I’m there all the time now that I’m on break from college.”
I chase her away from my desk.
After going out to interview a local artist for another piece I’m currently working on, I head back to the office to pack up. I told Akeira I’d call her on my way over. We never got to meet up as we’d previously planned, and with both of us working full-time and her recently married and sorting out her new house, we haven’t had much solid catching-up time. Handbag clutched to my chest and heels clicking on the pavement, I leave my office and head toward my car. I come to a standstill when I see Knuckles standing by my car, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
“Are you free to go on an adventure right now?” he asks, eyes sparkling.
“Right now?”
He hands me the sunflowers. “Yeah, I thought we could go for a ride.”
I’d worn black tailored pants to work this morning, which he saw me in.
“I’ll drop you back off to your car afterward,” he says, nodding toward his sexy bike. “You’ve never been on one before, right?”
I shake my head.
“Perfect,” he replies, a satisfied glint in his eyes. “I guess I’ll be your first.”
I smell the flowers, closing my eyes and breathing in their beautiful scent. “Thank you for the flowers. What are they for?”
“Just because,” he replies, reaching out to pull me closer to him with a hand on my hip.
“I’m meant to go to my friend’s house right now,” I say, stepping into his body.
“I’ll take you there,” he says, moving the flowers out of the way so he can kiss me. “Come on, it will be fun.”
I imagine Akeira’s face at my showing up at her house on the back of a motorcycle, pressed against the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. “Okay.”
I put my flowers in my passenger seat, lock my car, and then walk over to his bike. He helps me put on a helmet, which is more claustrophobic than I thought it would be, but I soon adjust to it.
“Keep your foot off the exhaust, hold on to me, and move with me when I turn.”
“Anything else?” I ask him, cocking my hip.
“Yeah, enjoy the ride,” he replies, grinning at me before putting on his own helmet. He climbs on, and then I do the same, adrenaline filling me. My fingers run down his abs before holding on to him, and I glance down to make sure that my feet are where they’re meant to be. He starts the loud engine, and I grip on to him tighter as he takes off down the road. I can’t help but smile as we start to gain speed, the feeling of flying and freedom taking over me. Now I know what Erin was raving on about, it’s like everything else in the world is forgotten, all my problems and worries, and for the first time in what feels like forever I’m living in the present, the now.
I feel alive.
He takes me for a scenic ride around the beautiful parks and buildings of the city before we come to a stop near a lake.
I get off the bike, and he does the same, removing his helmet and offering me his hand. Walking down to the lake, I can’t help but say, “This is a little romantic.”
I don’t usually like public displays of affection, but no one is around and it feels really private. The sun is setting, and it’s just a stunning view.
He chuckles and replies, “Actually, I had to stop somewhere because you never told me where your friend lives.”
I look up at him and start to laugh. “You could have pretended, you know, and taken the credit for this,” I say as I gesture to the view.
“No bullshit, remember?” he says, giving my hand a squeeze. “But I did bring you flowers, so that counts as something.”
“I never said it didn’t,” I reply with a sassy look. “I love the flowers. I loved that bike ride even more.”
“I knew you would,” he says, glancing up at the sky and then back to me. “It kind of sets free that little wild side everyone has. Some more than others.”
I smile but say nothing. My wild and reckless side retired a few years back, and instead I put my focus into my career and reaching all my goals. But that feeling of being free, I can see how people can get addicted to that.
“We’d better get going so you can see your friend,” he murmurs, bringing my fingers to his lips and kissing them. He tries to bring me closer to his body, but I resist, and something about that makes him chuckle.
“What?” I ask him.
“You’re not very affectionate, are you?” he asks, bringing me flush up against his body. “It’s like your default setting is to not like being touched very much. I don’t even think you realize you do it, but you’re always putting space between us every time I touch you, or you wait for a little but eventually move away.”
I shift on my feet.
Why is he always putting me on the spot like this?
“I’m an Aquarius,” I reply, and he shakes his head at me, lip twitching. I puff out a deep breath. “I don’t know, and you’re right I don’t do it consciously. I just don’t like someone always being in my space, but I am affectionate sometimes. I like to cuddle.”
After sex, mainly, when my guard is down and I’m sleepy and sated.
Shit, is there something wrong with me? Maybe I wasn’t hugged enough as a child.
“I didn’t mean all the time,” he murmurs, lowering his head to give me a quick kiss. “But sometimes I literally have to pin you in place to get a kiss from you.”
“You’ve known me for five minutes,” I point out.
“Time doesn’t mean shit,” he says, eyes dropping to my lips. “You could know someone for a year, and someone for a week, and be closer to the person you just met.”
“I agree with that,” I say, resting my open palm on his chest. “I guess I’d better introduce you to my best friend.”
“After only knowing me for five minutes? Why do you want to rush into this, Celina?” he asks, giving me shit about my previous comment.
“Time doesn’t mean shit,” I fire back, slowly smiling. “Now, you going to take me for another ride or what?”
“I’ll give you a ride anytime, sweetheart,” he rumbles, leading me back to the bike, his arm wrapped around my shoulders. “This time, remember to tell me where we’re going though.”
“She’s ten minutes from my house, but further up,” I tell him. “We need some secret code so I can show you where to go.”
“Like pointing or tapping my shoulder in which direction you want me to turn?” he asks, amusement in his tone. “Just tell me the street name and number, and I’ll figure it out, no Morse code is needed.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. It’s Twenty-eight Beach Lane. Two-story house on the right.”
“Got it,” he murmurs, and when I step out of his reach he gives me a knowing look, but doesn’t say anything else.
I duck my head, staring down at the road.
He said I’m not very affectionate, and that’s a sore spot for me, because it’s something Robert would say. When Knuckles said it though, it was curious, not bitter or hateful. Then again, we just met, everything is fresh and new; we don’t know each other’s true colors yet. What he accepts now he might hate later.
I’ll try to be more affectionate, but it would also be nice to find someone who gets me. Who understands that just because I’m not all touchy-feely, bubbly and cuddly all the time, I’m not a cold person.
Because trust me, I know that in the right hands, all this frost will melt, and there’s fire underneath.
A raging, burning inferno.
I’m not cold.
I’m terrified of rejection, of hurt, of wasting my time and of losing myself.
But how can I expect love if I’m afraid to give it?
All I want is a man with eyes for only me, and one who won’t run when things get a little tough.
Take your money, your status, and your fancy things, I just want acceptance.
And it’s harder to find than you think.