26
When Erin returns, I’m all but dying for the gossip, but all she says is, “Knuckles wants you. I’ll keep the girls occupied.”
“Okay,” I reply, dragging the word out. Her expression gives nothing away. She’s been at the clubhouse too long, because she never used to be able to control her expression. “You’re not going to give me a little warning on what I’m about to walk into?”
“Well, Flora is there, and they’re having a chat. And by chat I mean that she’s yelling loud enough for anyone walking by to hear,” she says, wincing. “Also this is the first time I’m seeing her. Did you know she’s kind of old? Knuckles did a major upgrade. Petty, but true.”
“No, I’ve never seen her either,” I say, hesitating for a second before I walk out the front. I appreciate her compliment, but I’m not going to admit that. When I walk out, I realize Erin was right because Flora is yelling, loud. Knuckles seems to be blocking her out or not reacting, but I don’t miss the tightness of his jaw and his stiff posture. Their conversation should be a private one, not one that the whole clubhouse can hear, and I don’t really understand why she’s yelling in the first place. She came to his clubhouse to yell at him? I try to tone down the anger I feel at that, and remind myself that she did bring the girls here. That has to mean something, right?
“What, now are you going to forget all about your girls because you’re having a new kid with some new woman?” she yells at him, crossing her arms over her chest. “I can’t believe this. You better not stop paying your child support too.”
Okay, and the anger is back. I know for a fact that Knuckles gives the girls more than he needs to, and because he wants to, not because he has to. He’s secured their future and covers everything that they need. All they need to do is ask, and it’s theirs.
“When have I ever not paid you?” he fires back, muscle ticking in his jaw. “I pay you more than I’m meant to, I’ve put property and savings accounts in their names, and I buy them everything they need. Don’t you ever fuckin’ talk to me like I’m a deadbeat father, Flora, because I’m a damn good one, and you know it. Having another kid doesn’t change how much I love my girls, and you’re a crazy bitch for even thinking that. I will love all my children equally, and that will never change. I’m offended that you’d even bring this shit up, or think that of me. Or is this just you starting drama because of the way you heard the news?”
I notice that Flora does look older, maybe in her late thirties, but I think she will be one of those women who will always be beautiful, with her light hair and eyes and her willowy figure.
“You know I’ve always loved you and wanted you back, Knuckles,” she blurts out, the emotion in her voice hard for me to hear. “You couldn’t have expected me to take this well.”
Knuckles never gave me any indication that his ex wanted him back; he acted like it was mutual on both sides, but I guess I never asked, I just assumed. Still, I’m surprised at what I’m hearing, and I’m not exactly thrilled about it either.
“You cheated on me, Flora,” he says, gritting his teeth. “Don’t act like I broke your heart and did you wrong, because we both know that that wasn’t what happened in our relationship.”
“When will you let that go?” she cries, stomping her foot. “It’s been years, Knuckles. And I told you: I only slept with him because I thought you were doing the same to me! What was I supposed to do? You’re always at the clubhouse, which is filled with women, and I saw the way they looked at you. Can you blame me for thinking you weren’t always faithful?”
My jaw drops open. I had no idea Flora cheated on him, but it explains why he has trust issues. He hinted at the fact that she didn’t trust him but not that she actually went out and betrayed him that way. Maybe Knuckles and I are more alike than we knew, we’ve both tasted betrayal and we’re both still wearing the scars it leaves behind. It also makes me realize that we need to communicate more. This is the stuff we should be telling each other, not hearing from others in a heated argument, or overhearing, as it were. I should have known this. And I should have known that Flora wanted him back. Will she ever allow herself to move on? I really don’t want to have any drama, especially because of the girls; I’d hate to see them get upset or feel put in the middle. I just hope Flora shields and protects them instead of dragging them into this mess, just like I was as a child. My parents would fight in front of me and badmouth each other to me, and I always wondered why their love for me couldn’t win out over their hate for each other. All I wanted was for them to let me be a kid, to enjoy my childhood without dealing with their personal issues with each other, but they rarely let me have that. I’d never put that on any other children.
“You were the one who wasn’t faithful,” he replies shortly, impatience in his tone. “And we’re not here to hash out what happened with us because we are done, Flora. And you need to accept the fact that I’ve moved on and that I’ve finally found someone who makes me happy.”
I clear my throat and step through the door, feeling bad enough that I just stood there and listened to both of them air their dirty laundry. “Is everything okay?”
Yes, I’m inserting myself into a situation where I’m probably not meant to. But that’s my man, and it’s my baby she’s yelling at him about. Not to mention, like I said before, I should be meeting this woman at some point. She is Willow and Westley’s mother, and I think that we should be on good terms for this whole co-parenting thing to work. She clearly isn’t going to make the effort, so it’s going to have to be up to me.
“It’s fine,” Knuckles says, softening as he sees me. “Celina this is Flora, the girls’ mother. Flora this is Celina, my woman.”
“Nice to meet you, Flora,” I say, closing the space between us and offering her my hand. I can be the bigger person here, for all the children.
For a moment I think she’s going to leave me hanging, but then she takes it. “Do you want to come inside and have a drink or something?” I ask her, hoping we can discuss things sitting down and in a calm manner.
“No, thank you,” she refuses, lines around her mouth appearing as she frowns. “I don’t need to celebrate the moment Knuckles forgets his children. He said he’d never have any more, do you know that? He told me that he never would, but as I learned the hard way, he, like all men, lies. And now his focus isn’t only going to be on the girls. He’s going to have a newborn keeping him busy, and I’m going to have to explain to them why their dad doesn’t have as much time for them. Can you imagine what that’s going to be like?”
She’s clearly being dramatic and coming to the worst conclusion. Knuckles always has time for his daughters, and if by some miracle he was too busy to be there for them, I would go and make sure whatever they needed was taken care of. Does she understand that? That I see her children as my own family. I’d do anything for them, just like I would for their father. Yet instead of celebrating that, we’re here because she’s unhappy about the love of my life, my unborn child inside my stomach.
“We didn’t plan this child,” I tell her, trying to keep my calm when all I want to do is yell in her face that this isn’t about her and I hate that she’s made it that way. “And no offense, but I don’t think it’s your business if Knuckles has more children, just like it’s not his if you had more, as long as the girls are loved, taken care of, and included in everything, right?”
She scoffs. “I don’t know what world you live in, but I know men. They get distracted by things that are shiny and new. Trust me, you will find that out when he gets bored of you.”
The thought of that happening makes my stomach tighten. Of course, there’s always a chance we won’t work out, but I’m choosing to live in the now and trust that what we have will last. Thinking of all the bad things that could happen is no way to live, and trust me, I should know, as I’ve lived that way for so long.
“Whatever past you two have is between you, but do not bring my innocent child into this,” I tell her, tone stern. “I have done nothing wrong to you, and I think Knuckles is a great father. I grew up with an absent one, so it means something to me that he isn’t that way.”
“I was meant to be the only woman who had his children,” she blurts out, yelling the words, and finally we see the real reason she’s here.
She’s jealous.
She gave him something no other woman ever had, or ever would, but now that’s changed.
Because I’m going to give him a baby, too.
She doesn’t solely have that part of him anymore. It’s kind of petty, of course, but it makes sense. This is his first love, the woman he thought he’d be with forever, but it didn’t work out. Still, I guess it would be hard to completely let that go, especially when you’re forever tied together because of the children. This is the moment it’s hit her that she’s lost him for good, and she’s obviously not taking it well. I hate that I’m here for this, but at the same time it’s made me understand so much of why Knuckles is how he is, and the kind of relationship they had and have now. It’s clear Knuckles respects her as the mother of his children, but it seems like Flora still hasn’t let go of what they had. Or maybe it’s just a pride—or possessive thing—I’m not sure, but she needs to let it go. I’m not going to handle this well a second time, I know that much.
“You’re being ridiculous,” he tells her, lowering his tone. “We haven’t been together in years, Flora. I’ve moved on, and you should too. That doesn’t mean that we aren’t a family, because we are, albeit a blended, sometimes dysfunctional one, but still a family, and you don’t need to be here right now making a scene because I’m going to have another child. It doesn’t change anything for you, except that the girls will have someone else who loves them, and someone else to love. This has nothing to do with you.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
She starts to cry, and I feel bad and awkward, but I wait for him as he escorts her to her car. When he returns, he pulls me into his arms and kisses the top of my head. I squeeze him tightly, really needing this hug and his arms around me.
“I’m sorry you had to see that,” he says to me, sighing. “I had no idea she’d come here and make a scene like this.”
“Is that what she’s usually like?” I ask him, watching her drive away.
He shakes his head. “No, she usually stays away and does her own thing. I only ever see her when I’m picking up and dropping off the girls, and she’s fine at those times. Friendly, but not too friendly, if you know what I mean. I thought we had a good co-parenting thing going on. I never knew she felt this way. I mean, I knew she might not be happy about the news, because she’s generally not happy about anything, but I didn’t think she’d react like this.”
“Should we go back inside, the girls must be wondering where you are,” I tell him, pulling his hand. “I don’t know what to say about all of that. I don’t like the fact that she clearly can’t let you go, or thinks she has some hold over you because of the girls, but you made it clear it’s one-sided.”
“Of course it is, you know you’re the only one I want. If I wanted her, I’d be with her. I haven’t seen her in that way since she cheated on me.”
“Something else you didn’t mention to me,” I say gently.
He laughs without humor. “I guess that’s where my ego comes into play. You kept saying how I can get any woman, and how they must throw themselves at me, and how no one has probably told me no, yet it was all so far from the truth. I was cheated on. I don’t like talking about it, because it hurts my pride, and I’m not a man shit like that should happen to.”
“Well, then,” I mutter, gathering my thoughts before I reply. “Anyone can get cheated on, Knuckles. That’s on her, not you. That’s her disloyalty, and you can’t control someone’s faithfulness.”
Wise words, but I know how hard I took it when I was cheated on. I was embarrassed, and he’s right, my ego and pride played into that too. I didn’t want anyone to know, but everyone did, and I hated it.
I still hate it.
So I know exactly what he’s saying. I wish he felt like he could tell me though, because there’s no judgment between us, and nothing he says about his past will change how I feel about him.
“I know, you’re right. It’s just a bit of a sore spot for me, and I don’t like to talk about it. You handled that really well by the way,” he says to me, giving my hand a squeeze. “No yelling, no drama . . . I’m impressed. You are one classy woman, you know that?”
“Trust me, it’s not easy hearing someone isn’t happy about your unborn child,” I admit, touching my stomach. “It’s like I instantly go into protective mode. I was so angry, but I kept telling myself to think of the girls. Plus, you know I don’t like to give too much away to anyone. If I showed her my anger, I’m stooping to her level and letting her win.”
I don’t know how I made this into a competition, but apparently I did.
“I’ll be here to protect you both,” he says, pulling me to a stop to give me a kiss. “And don’t worry about Flora. She’s just jealous that I’m moving on with my life, but she’s going to have to learn to get used to it. And she won’t say anything to you; she knows better than that. She will get over it with time, maybe when she meets someone of her own and understands what it feels like to make a connection.”
The girls are laughing with Gage when we return, and Erin mouths, “Everything okay?” and I nod to her. I’ll give her a rundown the second the girls are out of earshot, because I’d love to hear her opinion on this. I just need to tell Akeira, and my parents, and then everyone is up-to-date with my recent life events.
I’m doing this.
I’m going to have a baby.
Whether Flora likes it or not.