30
Time flies by, and soon I’m as big as a whale, and almost ready for the baby to arrive. Katie is the same. I take her shopping, and we buy everything she needs for her room in the clubhouse and a makeshift nursery. Rogue told me to put it all on his credit card, obviously wanting to look after his best friend’s baby and make sure the infant will have everything he or she needs. It goes to show just how much the Cursed Ravens look out for one another.
“When Shovel gets out of prison, our baby will be one year old,” she tells me, touching her belly, a wistful look on her face. “Do you think he will love the baby? Even if the baby doesn’t come out . . . perfect?”
“I do,” I tell her gently as we stop in a toy store. “If he didn’t care he wouldn’t have brought you to his family to take care of you, and it’s his first kid. I have no doubt he already loves the baby, and the Ravens always take care of their own. And the baby will be perfect, Katie. I told you before, you don’t need to worry, and stress isn’t good for the baby.”
“I guess you’re right. He rang me yesterday and we spoke about baby names,” she says, stopping to touch an elephant soft toy. “It’s going to be hard being in the hospital alone.”
“Someone will be there with you,” I say, stopping and studying her. “And if I’m not in labor, I can be there too. Otherwise Erin said she’d love to.”
“That would be nice,” she says, picking out a few of the toys. “I’m just hoping the baby will be healthy, that’s all I want. I keep having dreams that she comes out screaming, crying, and suffering withdrawals. I know it doesn’t really make sense, because I’ve been drug- and alcohol-free for eight months now. I haven’t even had a cigarette, but I don’t know, I just have this fear.”
“Eight months of being healthy is a good thing. You did the best you could, and I’m sure it will all be fine,” I tell her, grabbing a few items myself: a cute sloth soft toy, some rattles, and a keepsake baby journal. “We just have to think positive.”
“I know, you’re right,” she admits, holding her items to her chest. “Not long to go. I made it this far.”
“You did. Now come on, let’s pay for all of this, get some food, and go home. I don’t know about you, but my legs are starting to ache,” I say, frowning.
After this baby comes out, I’m going to have to hit the gym, because all I’ve been doing is eating. I made sure I’ve kept active by walking every day, but I know I’ve put on a lot of weight.
Or at least my double chin keeps reminding me, anyway.
“We have dogs now?” Rogue asks as my three fur babies run around the clubhouse. “These rotties are beautiful. I don’t know about the rat though.”
“Hey.” I scowl, sitting outside with my feet up on another chair. “I’ll have you know, Kobe is the better guard dog out of the three. The rotties are just there to scare people with their looks, but they are actually gentle giants.”
Rogue reads the collars on one of the dogs. “Snape? His name is Snape? You are such a nerd.”
He laughs when he reads Carlton’s. “You’re so funny, Celina.”
“I’m glad you think so,” I reply, just as Knuckles walks back out with some drinks and healthy snacks in his arms.
“Imagine the two rotties sitting at the gates, people will shit themselves just that little bit more,” he says to Rogue, grinning impishly. “They’re good dogs, I trust them around my girls, too.”
“You need to bring them to visit more. Like those therapy dogs to cheer everyone up,” Rogue says, patting Carlton affectionately.
“I’m sure I can manage that,” I say, softening. “How’s your mom doing?”
“She got moved into the nursing home this week,” he says, eyes still on my dog. “It’s so hard seeing her there, but she can’t look after herself anymore, and I feel so guilty, but I can’t look after her either. Sometimes she looks at me and doesn’t remember the last few years. A few times it’s felt like she’s just looked right through me, like she’s fading in front of my eyes. I don’t know how people survive this shit, seriously.”
“I guess this is going to happen to all of us in the end, we get old and then we leave our legacy behind,” I say to him, gently stroking Snape as he comes up to me and rests his head on my lap. “I know it doesn’t make it easier, and the pain probably won’t go away, but she’s still here for now.”
“Yeah, it’s just fuckin’ shit to see such a strong woman disappear,” he admits, sighing deeply.
Katie walks out, appearing distressed, hands on her stomach. “I think my water just broke,” she announces, glancing down. “That or I just peed myself.”
Knuckles and Rogue share a look.
“Fuck, here we go,” Knuckles whispers. “Get the car ready, Celina and I will grab her shit.”
“Meet you out front,” Rogue says, getting the hell out of here.
I rush to Katie. “We’re meant to time how far apart the contractions are.”
Or something like that.
Shit, I should have paid more attention in those classes I went to.
“I’ll go grab her bags,” Knuckles says, also bailing on me.
Shit.
What am I meant to do? What if the baby comes out right here, right now? I read something about someone tying an umbilical cord with a shoelace . . . Why aren’t I wearing shoes with laces today?
Okay, think, Celina, think.
You can do this.
When she screams, I take it a contraction is taking place, and time it until the next one.
Five minutes.
“Yeah, I think we should definitely go in,” I tell her, grabbing my phone and calling Erin. And if they tell us it’s too soon, too bad, I’d rather be safe than sorry.
“Hey!” she answers. “I was just thinking about you. What are you doing tomorrow night? Do you want to go out to dinner?”
“Erin, we have a huge fucking issue. Katie has gone into labor,” I say in a panic. “Can you meet us at the hospital? I need you, because she’s freaking out and it’s making me freak out, and I lied about reading that baby book you bought me. I just skimmed it. Oh my god, I should have read the fucking book, because it’s me who is going to have to do this next. Although at least if it’s me, it’s Knuckles’s problem.”
Damn Shovel for going to prison. How selfish of him. It should be him here, taking care of this situation.
“Okay. Don’t worry, I read the book twice, so don’t panic. I’m on my way,” she says, calm and in control. “Don’t stress, we’ve got this! You just get her to the hospital. I’ll meet you there.”
I’m glad someone has her shit together, because it’s not me. And I love her even more for reading the book.
Twice.
“Okay,” I whisper, taking a deep breath and hanging up. “Come on, let’s get you changed and into the car.”
I help her change out of her wet yoga pants into the first thing I can find, which ends up being Elmo pajama pants, but seriously, who cares right now? As long as we get her to the hospital in time before that little human starts burrowing his or her way out, that’s all that matters. I doubt anyone is going to judge her choice of attire while she’s screaming bloody murder and in active labor. By the time I get her out front, Knuckles and Rogue are standing by the car waiting, looking antsy as hell. Knuckles has his arms crossed and is leaning against the car, tapping his foot, and Rogue looks like he’s about to throw up. I know exactly how both of them feel.
“It’s fine, guys,” I tell them, ushering her into the car. “It’s all fine. Let’s go get us a baby.”
The drive only takes fifteen minutes, but it feels like an hour.
“Oh my god, it hurts so much,” she sobs, body shaking as she cries, tears dripping down her face. “I didn’t think it would hurt so badly, Celina. Make it stop; make it stop!”
I don’t know how to help or what to do, so I turn into one of those assholes who tells her she needs to breathe through each contraction, like that’s going to stop the pain.
“In and out, deep breaths,” I tell her, looking to the front for some help, but the men look like they’d rather be anywhere else in the world right now. “I hope you’re better during my labor,” I tell Knuckles, scowling at the back of his head. “If you go silent like this you won’t be prepared for the abuse you’re going to receive.”
Gage rings Knuckles’s phone, saving him from commenting.
“Almost at the hospital, Prez. Erin and Ace are on their way. Yeah, cool. I’ll see you soon.”
He ends the call, then announces, “Okay, we’re here.”
“Thank fuck,” I whisper, cringing as she starts to scream even louder. “I could never be a midwife, or a doctor, because I can’t handle this.”
“It feels like someone is stabbing me in my lower tummy and back,” she cries, rocking back and forth. “I’m going to die, I know it. At least if I do die, this pain will be over. Is it meant to hurt this much? It’s a sign, it’s a sign that there’s something wrong with the baby.”
This fear she has instilled in herself that there’s something wrong with her baby is seriously concerning. Maybe she needs to talk to someone about it, because there’s a look in her eyes that gives me the heebie-jeebies, like something just isn’t right. Maybe I should mention it to her doctor.
“Okay, no one is dying, you’re going to be fine, and the baby is going to be fine, too,” I tell her, rubbing her back soothingly. “Just concentrate on getting through the pain and making it to the hospital. One step at a time, just keep giving me those deep breaths.”
I have no fucking idea what I’m saying or meant to be saying, but it seems to calm her down. I wish we had a doula with us here right now, so I wouldn’t have to make stuff up on the spot and could actually give her some decent laboring advice.
But we made it, with no baby making an appearance in the car, which is cause for celebration. I didn’t watch enough delivery YouTube videos to be able to assist with one.
Knuckles parks the car and I help Katie out, while Rogue runs inside to get help and a wheelchair.
A midwife runs out to help us and takes control of the situation. “Who is coming into the room with her?”
“I am,” Erin calls out as she runs toward us. “Yes, I made it just in time.”
Katie starts screaming, and Erin watches, frowning, and possibly contemplating her life decisions. “Oh, wow,” she mutters, looking to me with wide blue eyes. “Oh God, and you have to do this next.”
I was completely calm about my labor up until right now, and I wish I never had to see this, because now I’m freaking the fuck out. You never know how you’re going to deal with something, how you’re going to handle it, until it happens to you. Am I going to scream like that? Scaring everyone in my general vicinity? Oh fuck, I hope not. I’d like to think I’d be a little quieter, but I guess we all won’t know until the time comes.
“I need a nap,” I announce, rubbing my eyes.
“You take her home, I’ll stay here with them,” Rogue declares, stepping up and taking one for the team.
“I love you,” I tell Rogue, then step into Knuckles’s arms. “I feel so drained and that wasn’t even me going into labor. I need you to hold me and tell me that I’m not going to scream like that, and that she was exaggerating, because if she wasn’t, I have a world of pain to look forward to in the near future.”
He wraps me in his warmth, and kisses the top of my head. “You are going to be fine, I promise. Come on, let’s get you home and into bed.”
He picks me up and carries me to the car, one of the perks of having a largely built, strong man, and straps me into the passenger seat.
“Well, that was interesting,” I say when we drive away from the hospital. “And traumatizing.”
“She’s a kid, what did you expect?” he replies, reaching over and touching my stomach. “You’re going to handle it like a boss, Kitty, and even if you don’t, I’ll be next to you helping you through it.”
“I wish men had to give birth,” I grumble, shifting on my seat, trying to get comfortable.
“I wish I could do it for you, too. Trust me,” is his sweet reply, which has me mollified a little.
I end up falling asleep before we get home, but when I wake up, it’s to the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced.