Chapter 16

Violet was up, showered, and dressed by nine the next morning. She hadn’t slept so well the previous night, but she felt a sense of relief at having finally come to terms with her own feelings. She was about to head to Cain’s house when her phone rang.

“You’re back? Please tell me you’re back,” Chrissy said into the phone.

“Yeah, I’m here. What’s up? Everything okay?”

“I’m not feeling well. I think I’m coming down with the flu or something. I need you to go into the clinic for me today. You think you can?”

She didn’t want to upset her friend and boss, but of all days…“Yeah, sure. No problem.”

“Thank you so much,” Chrissy said.

It looked like the long-overdue conversation with Cain would have to wait a little longer. Violet changed into scrubs and headed to the clinic.

Around midday, Travis came in holding a red-stained napkin around his finger.

“That’s a lot of blood, Texas,” Violet said as she ushered him to the back. “You guys need a new sport. One you’re good at. All these injuries can’t be normal.”

“I was trying to prove a point to Cain.” He removed the napkin.

“Sheesh, you’re going to need a stitch or two,” she said as she cleaned the gash by his knuckles. “What was the point, exactly?”

“The point was that fighting without wrapping your hands or using gloves can be dangerous.” He held up his hand and pointed to his knuckle. “And this was just from missing Cain and hitting the fence.”

“Well, duh! Who would fight without gloves?”

“Your boyfriend. He has a vale tudo fight, and I’m trying to get him not to go.”

“Vale what?”

“It’s a form of fighting where anything goes and they don’t even bother to wrap up. He’s going to get himself killed.”

“Don’t move,” she said as she pulled over a suture tray. “How is Slade okay with this? Or Frances, for that matter?”

“He’s not. Not at all. And I’m not sure whether Frances knows…ow!”

“Stay still. This will numb the area.”

“That’s a big fucking needle, darlin’.”

“Says the man who just punched a steel fence.” She leaned in and began to work on his hand. “So, where’s this fight and how dangerous is it?”

“It’s tomorrow night.”

“Where? What time?”

“At the ol—Oh, no. No, no, no. I ain’t telling you that. You go and he’ll kick my ass. That shit’s dangerous. Stay away from that, darlin’. Maybe call him and try to talk him out of it, but you can’t go to that place.”

She continued to work methodically on his hand even as the anxiety began to build. “Travis. It’s not safe. You said so yourself. Tell me where it is.” She finished the last stitch.

He stood and kissed the top of her head. “Don’t worry about it, Vi. Me and the guys will take care of it. Anyway, I think I convinced him with all the blood I left in the cage.” He winked at her and left.

Violet paced around the clinic gnawing on her lip. She texted JL, who showed up at the clinic ten minutes later, Frances in tow.

“Brought reinforcements,” JL said, nodding at Frances.

Violet explained the conversation with Travis. “So, I’m thinking Cain’s going to get himself killed,” she concluded. “And honestly, I think it’s my fault. We left things on bad terms…what if something happens? We have to find out where that fight is.”

“What is going on with you and Cain, anyway?” Frances asked.

Violet groaned and dropped her head against the counter.

Frances’s eyes widened. “Oh, my! You’re in love with him,” she yelped.

“Thanks, Mrs. Obvious,” JL teased. “Of course she is. She has been for, like, forever.”

“Yeah, I guess I did see that shit coming. Tony and I made a bet about it months ago.”

“Hello!” Violet waved her arms. “I’m right here, guys.”

“Okay, so what’s the plan?” asked JL.

“The plan is that one of you gets me that freakin’ address so that I can go talk him out of it. He’s not answering my calls and doesn’t seem to be home.”

“And he already left the Academy,” Francesca added. “I can’t believe that little asshole is fighting. If the boxing commission finds out, they’ll pull our license. Why couldn’t he just wait for the next fight like everyone else?”

JL snorted. “Because these two idiots are playing all sorts of dangerous games with each other, and he probably needed to blow off steam now rather than next year at the fight.”

“I’m not playing games,” Violet protested hotly. “I didn’t really understand—couldn’t really say—what I was feeling. I do now. I’m ready to tell him.”

“Fine,” Frances decided. “I’ll get you the address, but I’m going with you. It’s not safe and I’m only doing it because you’re going to come clean and tell him once and for all about your feelings. No fucking around.”

Francesca was by far the strongest woman Violet knew, and quite frankly she kind of scared Violet. Violet stood straight and saluted her. “Yes, ma’am.”

“How are you going to get Tony to give you that information?” JL wondered.

“Oh, honey…I got ways,” Francesca said with a wink.

As soon as Violet was done with her shift, she went straight over to Cain’s house in hopes he’d be there. She wanted to tell him how she felt and beg him not to fight. But he wasn’t there, and he hadn’t answered any of her calls all day.

That night as she was getting ready for bed she received a text from Francesca: Got the info. You owe me big-time. My jaw will be hurting for weeks. And forgive me if I’m walking funny tomorrow.

TMI! Violet texted back with a giggle.

“I swear, that vein on Slade’s neck is going to pop when he finds out I came here,” Jessica said the following evening as they all climbed out of Jessica’s car.

“I probably won’t understand half the shit that Tony’s going to say,” Francesca added.

“Jack’ll probably arrest us and keep us locked up all night until he’s calmed down.”

“Y’all are making me feel bad. I could’ve come here alone,” Violet said, and then turned to Chrissy. “I thought you were sick.”

“Sick or not, I wasn’t going to miss this.”

“No way were you going to come here alone,” Francesca said. “Plus I need to know if Cain’s being an idiot. I need to see it with my own two eyes.”

As they got closer to the old, dilapidated building, Violet’s heart began to race. “There’s so many people,” she said, indicating a group of men standing by their car smoking.

“Tony said this was a huge fight. The big one. Like the championship of vale tudo.”

“I’m invoking the buddy system,” Chrissy ordered. “Pair up and hold hands. Make sure you stay close.”

“We’re going to stick out like a sore thumb,” Violet said.

“Ya think?” Jessica said. “Your cowboy boots have flowers on them, Chrissy!”

“I didn’t think heels were appropriate!”

“Neither are frilly shoes! You shoulda brought sneakers!”

“Stop arguing. Let’s go find a seat as far away from the cage as possible. I don’t want Cain to see us.”

“…she’s wearing wedges,” Chrissy continued to whine, pointing to Francesca’s footwear. “I don’t see what’s wrong with my boots.”

“Shut it, chick,” JL said. “We need to at least try to blend in.”

“There’s not one woman in this entire place. There’s no way in fuck we’re going to fit in. What we need to do is not draw any more attention to ourselves. So hush up,” Francesca scolded.

The women found a door that was only loosely secured with a chain. Francesca pushed the chain up a little higher so that the women could squeeze through the opening.

Violet took a look and muttered, “Guys, I don’t think my ass will fit through that tiny space.”

Francesca rolled her eyes and motioned for her to go. Violet contorted her body and tried to squeeze in. “Hold your boobs up and shimmy through,” Jessica instructed from inside.

“Shit! I think I saw Cain!” Francesca said, and gave Violet a shove, pushing her through.

“Ouch! I think I left a boob over by the door,” Violet groaned, holding an arm over her breasts.

“Suck it up, chick,” JL said as Francesca hurried in. They hid in a dark corner as Cain walked in and went to the opposite side. He looked focused and, as usual, stoic.

“Wasn’t the point to see him?” Chrissy whispered.

“Not before the fight. If he sees me now, he’ll worry the entire time he’s fighting, and either he’ll get himself killed or he’ll have us kicked out. Either way he’ll still fight. I just want to make sure he’s safe.”

“I’m starting to think this was a fool’s mission. And totally pointless,” JL said.

“Whatever. Come on,” Violet said as they made their way to the open area where the crowd was already cheering at something.

They walked along the back wall and stood in a corner far from the ominous cage in the middle of the room. “They have quite the setup,” JL commented.

“Yeah, I thought it would be seedier,” Chrissy said.

“Seedier?” Violet looked around at the men smoking and drinking, the hanging lights that glowed eerily in the darkened room. “What the hell did you expect? Human sacrifice? It looks horrible to me.”

“No. But they have a cage and everything,” Chrissy said.

Then the first fight began, and all the women—except Francesca, who was cheering and hollering with the crowd—covered their eyes as blood flew everywhere. Violet was happy they were standing far away.

“Ay, Dios mío. Darme paciencia. No lo puedo creer.” A very livid Tony suddenly appeared in front of the group.

“Oh, hi, honey.” Francesca pasted a huge fake smile on her face, stood on the tips of her toes, and kissed the corner of his mouth. “So, funny story—”

Violet felt terrible for dragging her friends to the fight, so she sidestepped Francesca and stood in front of Tony. “It’s my fault. I made her come with me.”

“Made her?” Tony huffed. “Have you met my wife? I can’t make her do anything. She does whatever the hell she wants. Obviously. Otherwise she wouldn’t be here right now.” He took out his phone and texted something. “And you two”—he pointed to Chrissy and Jessica—“I’ve got a surprise for you as well.” Taking Francesca’s hand, he said to the group, “Follow me. Keep your heads down and do not say a word to anyone. Cariño, you better cover your tits or I swear to God…” Francesca, who had on a boat-neck top that was really not showing much, rolled her eyes.

Chrissy grabbed Jessica with one hand and Violet with the other. JL ran to Tony and took his other hand. Francesca scowled, but it was playful in spirit. “You said we had to stick to the buddy system. I pick him.” JL shrugged and stuck her tongue out at Francesca, who laughed.

As they rounded the bleachers, Violet saw a group of very angry, very large men with their arms crossed, staring at the group.

“Fuck,” Chrissy said when she saw Jack.

“Oh, man. You see that vein pulsing on Slade’s neck?” Jessica said, inching closer as if Violet could protect her.

“We’ll talk when we get home,” Slade said to Jessica. “Do not step an inch away from me.” He pulled her to his front, and even though he looked absolutely furious, he wrapped his arm around Jessica’s waist, pulled her against him and kissed her forehead.

“I cannot believe you’re here,” Jack said in a tight voice. “Yesterday you felt like shit and today you’re in a fucking shady ass place like this! You didn’t even tell me about it.”

“You’re a cop—you would’ve made a big deal about it,” Chrissy retorted. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Making sure no one gets hurt. I’m trying to stay under the radar, but you all being here is not helping.” He turned to address the men. “I’m taking Chrissy and heading out. Keep me updated.” He, Slade, Travis, and Tony tapped fists, and then he left with Chrissy before Violet had a chance to say anything.

“And you two dumbass women?” Travis said to Violet and JL. “This is dangerous. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” Violet admitted. “I’m a nurse, so if something happens I can help. Or maybe I could’ve talked him out of it. I don’t know. I needed to be here, okay?”

“If he sees you, he’ll get distracted.”

At that moment Violet saw Cain. It was as if the noise and lights and smells surrounding her disappeared, and all she could focus on was him. Beneath the stoicism he wore like a mask she saw the sadness on his face, a sadness that she’d give anything to see disappear.

“Look, he’s coming out,” JL whispered.

“Stay quiet and don’t draw attention to yourself.” Travis pulled his sister and Violet close. Just then a guy walked by, whistled at JL, and made an obscene gesture.

JL opened her mouth to retort, but Francesca stepped in front of her and faced the man. “Unless you want that tongue shoved inside your ass, I suggest you leave her the fuck alone.”

When the man saw Tony looming behind her, he skulked away.

“What’s so hard to understand about stay quiet?” Tony said to his wife.

At that moment the referee said something in a language Violet couldn’t understand. “What’s he saying?”

“Sugar, you think I understand Russian?” Travis said as he patted Violet’s head. “You’re cute.”

Violet rolled her eyes and turned back to the ominous-looking cage. Cain’s hair was slicked tightly back, and he looked very focused. He was wearing black shorts and no shirt and was walking beside another guy, someone Violet didn’t recognize. The guy said something to Cain, who nodded. A moment later, to cheering from the crowd, a short and stocky man came into the cage. He was much shorter than Cain but much wider. He had ripples and ripples of muscles, and he walked as if the bulk in his arms precluded him from straightening them. His thick thighs bulged out of red shorts. He had a hairy chest, and when he turned around Violet saw that his back looked much the same. But his face and head were void of hair.

“Oh, shit!” Francesca muttered. “He’s fighting Popeye.”

“Yeah, he does look like Popeye,” JL agreed.

“The name’s not really because of his looks,” Francesca explained. “It’s because of some green shit he shoots up—like Popeye’s spinach. He got kicked out of the UFC for using. I heard that whatever it is, it makes him go all fucking loony and beat shit up.”

“Oh my God,” Violet said, eyes wide. “Do the people that run this know this?”

“Darlin’, the people running this place are probably his suppliers,” Travis told her.

Violet turned to Tony. “You’re his friend. Tell me the truth. Is he equipped for this? I can jump in there and beg him to stop.”

“Are you fucking outta your mind?” Slade interjected.

“These Russians will kill you for getting between them and their money,” Francesca said, agreeing with him.

“Come stand here, darlin’,” Travis said soothingly. “Try to relax.”

“Why are you guys even here?” JL asked the men.

“We’re going to kick Cain’s ass when he’s finished,” Slade said. “We didn’t want him fighting.”

“More like an intervention,” Travis said.

“Intervention?”

“Sugar, your boyfriend is self-destructive. He’s a professional fighter—he doesn’t need to fight in this sort of underground match.”

Self-destructive? “Did he get that black eye from one of these fights or from sparring at the Academy?” Violet asked.

“What do you think?” Slade said.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” Francesca asked, sounding frustrated. “It’s my Academy too. I should know about these things.”

“You’ve been busy with law school. Didn’t want to worry you,” Tony said.

“He’s leaving. Did you guys know that? He took a job somewhere overseas. Something unsafe,” Violet added, all of a sudden wanting to shake her tall Viking.

“I think it’s PTSD.”

Just then the bell rang, and Violet’s attention shifted to the cage. Popeye planted himself in the middle of the cage, forcing Cain to circle around him. Cain didn’t seem worried, although he did look focused.

Cain attacked first by launching himself toward the man’s middle, but Popeye didn’t even budge. Instead he kneed Cain in the chest.

“Oh, God!” Violet gasped as she saw Cain right himself.

Cain resumed circling Popeye, who threw a few punches, missing each time. The man didn’t seem to be expending any kind of energy; his feet were flat on the floor as he pivoted slightly to keep his front to Cain, who moved around him. Cain landed a kick to the man’s thigh, the sound of the contact reverberating around the room but it seemed to have caused more pain to Cain’s foot than to Popeye’s thigh. Then the first bell rang, and Popeye slowly walked to one side and Cain to the other.

“He’s a brick wall,” Slade whispered.

“Yeah, Cain’s going to have to hit him on the face—repeatedly,” Tony said. Violet closed her eyes and said a silent prayer to keep Cain safe.

The bell rang, and Cain stood up, still looking confident. Again he circled the man, but this time he threw a series of combination punches. A few landed, and if it hadn’t been for a twitch in Popeye’s face, Violet wouldn’t have thought he felt any of them. Then Cain threw a punch that looked lazy; Violet didn’t understand what it meant, but the man lost his footing and Cain took the opportunity to again launch a blow to his midsection.

“Stay up. Stay up,” Violet whispered, her hands over her mouth.

“He’s a professional jiu jitsu fighter,” Travis reminded her. “He’s better on the floor.”

Violet looked at Travis for a moment before turning back to the cage and whispering, “Get on the floor. Get on the floor.”

“That was impressive,” Tony noted. “Cain distracted him enough to get him to let his guard down.” Just then Popeye’s knees gave way, and he fell to the ground. Immediately Cain twisted and turned until Popeye’s arm was extended in such a way that either he would fall completely to the floor or his arm would break. Smart man that Popeye was, he went down and tried to quickly flip, but Cain was faster and got the man pinned to the ground, his forearm pressed against Popeye’s throat. But Popeye was strong and moved just enough to push Cain out of the way. Cain retaliated by grabbing the man’s arm and hyperextending it across his body. The crowd roared, Violet closed her eyes, and Frances cheered. The referee yelled something in Russian as Popeye whimpered in pain, his shoulder visibly dislocated. Cain had won the match.

Cain was bent over taking deep breaths, his eyes closed and his hands on his knees. His hands hurt like a bitch, but other than that he felt fine, although he was sure he’d have bruises all over the place tomorrow. He turned his head slightly to the side and did a double take. God, he was so fucked up he was seeing visions of Violet.

The vision approached, and as she got closer he stood straighter and walked to the fence. “Vi?”

She grabbed the fence, her eyes teary. “Are you okay?”

“Violet?” he repeated, as if he couldn’t believe it was her.

“I…Cain, are you okay?”

He grabbed the fence and she leaned closer.

“I’m fine.” He caressed her cheek with a finger through the small holes on the fence. “You’re here? Alone? Don’t move.”

Before she had a chance to explain, he unlocked the fence, jumped down, and ran to her. “Your shoes.” She pointed to the floor.

“Iggy has them. But I don’t care about that. You can’t be here.” He wiped his brow with the back of his hand.

“Nice ass,” some guy hollered behind Violet, but when he got a look at Cain’s death glare, he walked away.

Cain’s nostrils flared. “Home. Now,” he said as he took hold of her hand.

“No, wait!” She pointed behind her.

“Damn it,” Cain said when he looked at the group standing a few feet behind him. He didn’t want to talk to them. To any of them. He pulled Violet toward Tony. “I cannot fucking believe you brought Violet here.”

Tony squared his shoulders. “Brother, you think I’d bring your girl here? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Why are you here?” Cain said, looking at Slade, Tony, and Travis.

“We have to talk,” Slade said.

“Your shoes.” The man Violet had seen earlier with Cain handed him his sneakers. “You must be Violet. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I…uh…you have?”

“I’m Iggy. I work with Cain. Cain, my man, you did great. Yuri’s looking for you.”

“Take her home,” Cain said to Tony, with a nod of his head toward Violet.

“We’ll wait for you outside,” replied Tony.

Cain took a step closer to Tony. “I said, take her home.” The best friends stood nose to nose in a standoff.

“Oh, put your dicks away,” Francesca said, getting in between the two. “You.” She pointed at Cain. “My office tomorrow at nine in the morning, or you’re out of my Academy.” She took Violet’s and Tony’s hands and dragged them out.

Violet looked over her shoulder at Cain, who stood there with his nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed, and then turned and walked away.

The first five minutes of the car ride consisted of Tony yelling about how dumb and careless they’d been and how we weren’t allowed to ever return to a fight, making Violet and Frances actually promise—out loud—they wouldn’t do it. Violet tuned out everything after that, since Tony was yelling in Spanish, Francesca was replying in Portuguese, and Violet was 100 percent sure they didn’t understand each other.

As soon as she closed the door and saw Tony leave through her curtains, she got in her car and went to Cain’s house. She slid down to the ground and waited by his front door. She had her eyes closed and her head against the wall when he finally arrived.

“You’re supposed to be home,” he said, extending his hand to help her to her feet.

“I have to talk to you.” She walked right in as soon as he unlocked the door.

“Nothing more to talk about.” He closed the door behind her and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

She went to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee as she waited. He was not going to kick her out. He was going to listen. He had to listen!

She was sitting on his bed, sipping coffee, when he walked out.

He didn’t acknowledge her; instead he began to open drawers and stuff clothes into his big army-issue duffle bag. It reminded her of watching him and Jeremy pack all those years ago, and brought back terrible memories. The last time she’d seen Jeremy he had been packing.

She looked at what he was doing, took a shirt out of his hand, and tossed it on the bed. “Don’t leave again. Stay.”

“I have to. I made a commitment.”

She put her coffee down and walked around the room. “Remember when you told me that I find faults in men because I’m trying to break it off with them before we get intimate? Because I’m scared of sex and I’m not experienced? Well, I lied. I know exactly why I find faults in other men. It took me some time to figure it out, but I did. Finally, I did.”

She waited for him to acknowledge her. To say something. But obviously all his words had been used up already, because he just sat there looking impatient for her to finish. “Like you, I thought it was because I was insecure or inexperienced. But it’s not that. It’s because they’re not you. I don’t find any faults in you. And God, you have a boatload of faults. But I’m apparently blind when it comes to you.”

“What?” He stopped what he was doing and looked at her.

“You walked out after Jeremy died. You moved away. Then I came here and you walked out again and went to Libya. Then two days ago you said a lot of things and then you walked away again. And now here we are again. You’re going to leave—again! I should tell you I’m done with this bullshit, but I can’t because I will always forgive you. I can’t help it. Last time you got a lot of stuff off your chest and left. Now you’re going to listen to me. It’s my turn to talk.”

“Violet…” he warned.

“No. Listen to me. You rejected me. We kissed, it was magical, and you never did anything about it. Now—now!—I come to find out that you love me? You’ve loved me for, what, fifteen years? So why can’t you do something about it now? Why does one of us have to leave? Why can’t we just be together? I don’t understand.”

“You’re Jeremy’s girl.”

“Was! Cain, I was Jeremy’s fiancée.” She stepped closer and held his face in her hands. “Honey, you have to let it go. I have. It’s hard. I know it is, but he’s not coming back. He wouldn’t want to see you suffering. He would’ve wanted you to be happy even if that meant being with me.”

“I can’t!” he roared. “I can’t!”

“Why not?” she sobbed.

“Because I killed Jeremy!”

It was as if she’d been punched in the stomach. She physically took a step back.

“I was supposed to have his back. I was supposed to, but we had an argument that day. The only argument we’d ever had, and I let him walk out. He left so pissed, and then that night…”

“Oh, Cain.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your faul—”

He shifted away from her touch. “Don’t say it’s not my fault. It’s my fault, Vi. We were fighting about you and he wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking. I should have had his back!”

“Cain. Please. This is me. Me! Violet. I didn’t know until a few hours ago how much I needed to know you loved me. What are you so scared of?”

“I don’t share. I don’t do emotions. Never have. I was taught men don’t show emotions. How is it that we grew up with fathers who never showed emotions and you can’t help but say every last thing in your heart and I can’t seem to say one single thing? The only fucking thing that scares me, Violet, the one thing in this whole big world that scares me, is that you won’t ever love me.”

She took his face in her hands, stared at him, and whispered, “It scares me that you don’t already know that I do.”

“Violet…”

“I didn’t even realize how in love I am with you until this morning. But now that I know, you can’t take that away from me. From yourself. Look at me. I’m the same girl who’s loved you her whole entire life. Maybe I didn’t know I was in love with you until now, but that’s just because I was too blind to see it. If Jeremy was standing right here right now and I had to pick, I’d pick you.”

“Don’t say that!”

“You have to let me love you, Cain. You have to. I know that I sound completely childish and stupid begging you to give us a chance, but I don’t care. Not anymore. Jer would’ve wanted us to be happy. I can’t breathe without you. You keep leaving me and I can’t breathe when you’re gone. And that isn’t a feeling you have when a friend leaves. It’s a feeling you have when the person you’re in love with leaves. Ask anyone—I’m miserable when you’re away.” Her tears flowed freely, her nose ran, and her chin quivered. “This stupid game we’ve been playing, these nights I’ve slept in your arms, my face pressed against your chest, listening to your heart beat…it’s the best I’ve slept in years. I feel whole. I feel like I’m home. Don’t leave me again, please. And while we’re talking about crazy things, stop all of this fighting before you get really hurt.”

“We can’t, Violet. I’m not good enough for you. I bring out the worst in you. We argue. I’m jealous. But most importantly, I will never be able to love you the way you need to be loved because I’m all fucked up with guilt. It’ll never work out. Jeremy is…I just…I have to go.”

She clutched her chest and sobbed. “If you leave again, I won’t wait. I won’t. I didn’t stand up to Jeremy like I should’ve when he reenlisted. I won’t watch the only other person I’ve ever loved destroy himself. Don’t do this to me. Please,” she begged.

She saw his hardened face and the resolve in his eyes. It was the same look he’d given her twelve years ago. “Trust me, this is for the best.”

“Then I’m done. I’m done letting you treat me like crap. I’m done caring whether you’re hurt or alive. I’m done being your doormat. I am done!” she yelled, and stomped out of his house, slamming the door behind her.