Chapter 10

Cain was still pulling a shirt over his head when she walked out of her room early the next morning. She had to make an effort not to look at his chest, and even so, she could feel her cheeks flush instantly. He stepped aside to let her by, but as she passed she accidentally brushed against his arm. His skin was so warm, and…well, she wasn’t blind. Not at all. He was a gorgeous man, and even though she’d known him all her life, being around him did fluster her at times. She’d always felt guilty about the way he made her feel, even when Jeremy was still in the picture.

“ ’Morning. How’d you sleep?” he asked.

“Good. You?”

“Not so good. I don’t sleep much.” He walked to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. He handed it to her, then took one for himself. “Don’t be mad, but I signed you up for a dating website.”

“You did what? I don’t think I can do that. Why would you do that?” She covered her face with her arm. “When did you do this?”

“You need to get out and date—a lot. Not stick to the first guy who shows interest.”

She flinched. That was kind of harsh. “I may not be a beauty queen, but I’ll have you know, men ask me out. All the time, actually.” Slight exaggeration, but…whatever! Perhaps she was a little overweight according to society’s standards, but she felt pretty and didn’t buy into the whole skinny-is-better mentality. She was healthy, she exercised, and she felt good. But in her mind she still sometimes heard the voices of the stupid girls from high school, screwing with her confidence. And her dad’s voice. God, her dad had been brutal when it came to her weight. Self-doubt was a bitch. “I’m not desperate. I don’t need to stick with the first guy—”

His hair was mussed and he looked tired. “Damn it. I’m sorry. That is not at all what I meant. You don’t need to remind me you’re desirable, Vi. What I meant was, you haven’t dated in a long time, and I want you to see all the options available for you out there. A dating website will be good for you. It’ll be fun. You can’t just have a date with that trainer guy and decide he’s it.”

“I don’t know….”

“We’ll screen the men together and maybe your next date will go better.”

Cain walked to the round wooden table where his laptop was, and he motioned for her to sit. As he typed away, she looked around.

“I’ve never been to your house in Tarpon Springs,” she mused. “Does it look like this? This is so bare.”

He looked up from the screen and glanced around as if this was the first time he’d thought about it. But he didn’t say anything and instead went back to typing.

“I’ll take that as a yes. If we find some photos or something here, I can frame them for you, if you’d like. I’m sure you can find a place for them at your house. All you’d have to do is tell me the color of your walls and furniture and I’ll go to the store and buy you some pretty frames.”

When he still said nothing, she let out a breath and sat back.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, Violet stood and walked around. “I’m going to need food for this.”

Cain looked up from his computer and shrugged.

She rolled her eyes and went into the kitchen. He’d done grocery shopping yesterday, he’d said. She opened the refrigerator to find skim milk, eggs, yogurt, and lots of bottles of water. On the counter there was a blender and two different huge containers of protein powder. She grabbed a yogurt and went back to where he sat. He looked at her, confused. “You didn’t bring me anything?”

“You didn’t say you wanted something.”

“I nodded.”

“No. You sort of shrugged.” Violet stood and went back to the kitchen. “It’s too early in the morning for your quietness. Water or milk?”

“Neither. There’s coffee already made.”

She hadn’t noticed the coffeemaker. She took out two mugs and poured the coffee into them, adding sugar and milk to hers. She went back to the table, and he took the mug and drank without even looking up.

After another interval of silence, her frustration boiled over. She slammed her palms on the table, a little more forcefully than she intended. “I can’t take it anymore! Why don’t you want to talk to me?”

Cain sat back slowly and drank some more of his coffee. “What would you like to talk about?”

“Everything. Anything. I don’t know. Just talk.”

“Do you have issues with silence?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “I may need to add that to your dating profile.”

“Ugh! No. I just…I uh…I don’t know. Why don’t you want to talk to me? I thought we made a deal.”

“Didn’t have anything to say, babe.”

Babe? That term sounded so unfamiliar coming from his mouth. She felt a surge of…something. She shook her head and ignored the flutter in her heart. “So you’re saying that it’s not that you don’t want to talk to me. It’s that you just don’t have anything to talk about?”

He nodded.

“You were always quiet, but since I’ve been in Tarpon, you’re even quieter. You really don’t talk. Like at all.”

“If you talk and I talk, who’s going to do all the listening?”

“Are you saying I don’t listen?”

“No. I’m just saying you talk. A lot. Sometimes it’s better to stop and listen.”

She huffed. “You’re so annoying. Ever heard of small talk?”

He made a weird face at the term. “Why would I make small talk with you? I’ve known you forever. Not necessary. That’s what you do when you’re getting to know someone or need to fill in an uncomfortable silence.”

Uncomfortable silence? Wasn’t that what had just happened? She thought about it for a second. Was it possible that this man was comfortable just being with her? In silence? Interesting that he didn’t feel the need to fill the void with chatter. Maybe she could learn a thing or two from him after all.

“You uncomfortable?” he asked, seeming sincerely curious.

She had to take a moment to think about it. She’d thought she was, but she realized that she wasn’t really uncomfortable—it just felt strange to have silence. “Nope. I’m good.”

He smiled, gave her a wink, and then went back to working.

Finally Cain looked up from the laptop, seeming pleased with his work. He turned it around so she could see the screen. “What do you think?”

A picture of Violet in profile with a big toothy smile took up most of the screen. It wasn’t the most flattering photo. Her mouth was open, her teeth were sticking out, her eyes were partially closed, and she was wearing a WtF T-shirt. “Where’d this photo come from?”

“Had it.”

“You had it? When was this?” She leaned into the screen. “Was this during the hurricane?” They’d been forced together at Francesca’s house during a hurricane a few months earlier. She’d been playing board games and drinking like a loon with their friends and didn’t recall anyone taking photos.

“No big deal.” He clicked a few tabs and then directed her attention back to the screen. Why had he taken her photo? Such a weird man. He tapped the screen, instructing her to read.

Violet skimmed through her profile and laughed. “Really? Twenty-eight-year-old single nurse, likes to work out and shoot guns?” She snorted out a laugh. “The men will be lining up.”

“What? It’s honest.”

“Let’s start off with the part about working out. I hate working out!”

“But you’re always at the gym.”

“Doesn’t mean I like it,” she said, and he looked at her curiously. “I do it because I hate it a little less than being overweight and unhealthy.”

“Working out shouldn’t be something you hate. When we get back we start working out together.”

“What’s with you? You keep telling me what to do.” She pursed her lips and drew her eyebrows together, arranging her face in a parody of his, and dropped her voice as low and gruff as it would go. “ ‘When we get back, we work out together. Tomorrow I find you boyfriend.’ ”

“You said I was a jerk. I’m trying to make it up to you. I wanna show you that working out can be fun.” He looked back at the screen. “What else is wrong with your profile?”

“Shooting guns?”

“You do. Well, you did. You were really good at it.”

“It’s a weird trait, don’t you think? I was always with you and Jer and ended up doing boy things. Men don’t like that.”

Who says men don’t like that? Fuck, maybe he was some sort of weirdo, but the image of Violet holding a gun and shooting into the dead center of a target was one of the sexiest things he’d ever seen. He remembered her, all giggly and girly, her peaches and cream skin glistening, as she got off two perfect rounds with her 9mm Glock. Delete, delete, delete. He clicked on the keyboard. If he liked it, he could just imagine what other men would think. Men could be such perverts! “Taking that shit off, men don’t like that,” he lied.

“Okay, so now I’m just a twenty-eight-year-old single nurse who hates working out?” she asked with a forlorn look on her face. “The men will be beating down the door for sure.” She sat back and pointed at the screen. “And that picture has got to go.”

“Why?”

“You can’t see most of my face and I look crazy. You can practically hear me cackling. I want a real photo so that the guys will know what to expect. In this they can’t see my body. I don’t want them to think I’m some skinny girl and then they see me and go running. How embarrassing would that be? I want them to see the real me and I want them to know what to expect. I’d want them to do the same.” She was looking through her phone, apparently for an alternative photo, as she talked.

He took her chin between his fingers so that she’d have to look at him, and he gave her a look that likely made grown men cry. “You need to stop with the weight comments. Swear to God, babe, one more and I’m going to be really pissed.”

She looked at him for a second. “Ooh, I’m really scared,” she said, pretending to shiver in fear.

He shook his head and let her go. “You should be.” He began to type again. “I don’t like it, so stop it. You’re not fat. You’re not even overweight. You’re…” Perfect, he almost said. Instead he tried to will her to stop looking at him. He could feel her stare. He wished her father weren’t dead so he could kick the man’s ass for doing a number on his daughter’s self-esteem with all the weight comments. The woman had an ass and tits. Lush ass and tits did not make a woman fat, it made her mouthwatering—at least it did for him. “Okay, so you like to read, I’ll add that.” He typed away. “You used to line dance. I can add that, too. Do you still do that?”

She guffawed. “Not really. I mean, it’s been years.” He remembered when Jeremy’s mom had made them all take line dancing classes. Violet loved to go, but Jeremy and Cain complained the entire hour. “Oh! I love horseback riding, and I love the beach. Put that,” she said cheerfully.

They tinkered with the profile for a while longer, enjoying each other’s company and laughing together. He loved her laugh, always had. She laughed for herself. It was unrestrained and infectious. It was the sort of laugh that brought joy to other people.

At one point she laughed so hard she let out a snort. Immediately she covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide. “Shoot. I shouldn’t laugh so loud.” She cleared her throat. “Dating 101: no snorting.”

He shook his head and gently put his hand over hers. “No. Don’t change the laugh. The laugh stays.”

Violet looked down at Cain’s hand covering hers, then up at his face. He seemed momentarily tormented. When he saw her staring at him, his gaze softened.

For some reason the way he was looking at her made something inside of her shift. She wasn’t sure what had just passed between them, but it felt important. As his clear blue eyes searched her face, she thought maybe she’d been deluding herself in thinking she could just have a sexual relationship with Cain. He lifted her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers but didn’t say anything.

“Cain?” she asked quietly.

He cleared his throat, shook his head as if clearing his thoughts, then released her hand and turned back to the computer. Violet sat silently as he typed, her mind reeling.

What if this was a bad idea? She’d put sex on the table, and he hadn’t taken her up on it. Maybe she’d put him on the spot and now he didn’t know how to get out of it. Or maybe he wanted it just as much as she did and this was all part of the stupid lesson plan.

She watched as he changed her profile photo to one in which she was full-on smiling at the camera. It physically hurt him to share that photo with the online world, but there he was clicking “live” on her profile.

Violet sat back and stared fretfully at the screen. “So, what now?” she asked.

“Now we wait. When you get some hits we’ll go over them together. You have a date with that trainer of yours coming up, don’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Excited?”

“Eh,” she admitted. “He’s cute, but I don’t see it going anywhere. I’m not sure he’s my type. He’s kind of a gym rat.”

“What else is the matter?” he asked. When she didn’t answer, he said, “Tell me,” sounding a little annoyed.

She waved her hand dismissively. “It’s nothing. So, this is safe and I’ll screen all the men? I don’t really like this idea. I want pointers, but I don’t think I’m that desperate that I need to do this online dating. I’m in no rush now that the reunion is over.”

He wanted to yell: You might not be in a rush, but I am! I don’t know how long I can control myself. I need you settled down so that I can move the hell on! Instead he said, “You said you wanted to move on. Well, if you don’t put yourself out there, it’s never going to happen. Men don’t just knock on random doors looking for dates.” He shifted in his seat. “And second, do you think there’s any possible way that I’d be okay with you doing anything unsafe?”

“Well, you aren’t going on the date with me, Cain.”

“How do you know that?”

“What?”

He laughed. “Okay, no. I will not be going on the date with you. But we’ll screen the men together. We’ll run a full background check before—”

“Whoa! Overkill.”

“No. Not overkill. I have the ability to do that in a flash, and I’m doing it.” He took a breath as if he’d used up all the words for the day and getting more out was a monumental endeavor. “And I’ll make sure you go to a place where it’s safe. The Pier or something like that for the first few dates. You don’t go alone. He doesn’t pick you up at home. Neutral location. You pay your way, so there’s no expectation.”

“Wow, sounds super fun.”

“Your sarcasm is duly noted, but that’s the way it’s gotta be. You date, but you date safe. There’s a lot of fucked-up people out there. I’ve seen too many things. Part of me wants to lock you up and keep you in a bubble. You’re too innocent, too naive, and I don’t want the world to taint you.”

“I am not naive, Cain.”

“You are. It’s sweet. But it’s dangerous.”

“I feel completely out of my depth. Maybe I shouldn’t do this.”

“No, you should do this, but do it my way.”

“I’m a grown woman. People date all the time and it’s not this complicated.”

Suddenly a thought occurred to him. Could it be possible? It had been so many years—six, to be exact. “Have you slept with anyone other than Jer?”

“That’s really none of your business, Cain. You can be real crass sometimes. If I didn’t know you, I’d say you were a jerk.” Her arms crossed at her chest and her foot tapped. He didn’t say anything so she kept talking. That was the aftermath of his silence, she chattered away and got to stew in her anger while the deafening silence lingered on and on. Finally, she blurted out any and everything. “You know what? I do know you and you are a jerk.”

“You done?” he said at last.

“No! Actually I’m not.” Her eyes narrowed. “You…you…ugh!” She stood up, and actually stamped her foot. “You are so…” Her cheeks reddened even more. “It’s none of your freaking business!”

“Bringing out the big guns, I see.”

“Shut up, Cain. You’re an asshole.”

“Oh wow. You actually cursed. I can’t believe it.” His voice was teasing, but inside he really was surprised.

“Well, now you know how mad you made me.”

“Why?”

“Why?” she repeated exasperatedly.

“Yeah, why? Why are you so mad? Because of the way I asked the question or because of the question itself?”

She huffed indignantly. “Both!”

He didn’t say anything, just looked at her. God, the way he looked at her. It made her confused. Flustered. Did he even know how to apologize? He could’ve at least said he was sorry for asking the question. But he didn’t. He didn’t say a word.

She paced around the room, his eyes following her. At last she burst out, “Yes!”

“Yes?” He leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs.

“Yes, I’ve had sex since Jer. I know. I know. What does that say about me, right? My fiancé died. In war. Saving this country. And then I go and sleep around.”

He stood up abruptly. “Sleep around? How many men, Vi?”

She wanted to scream at him that it wasn’t any of his business. “Just one. One time.”

He let out a big breath. “Why? What happened?”

“Why? Well, it was about two years after Jeremy died and I went on a few dates with this really great guy, one thing led to another—”

“I meant, why only once?”

“Oh.” She bit the bottom of her lip. “I felt so awkward and unsure sleeping with Frank. Frank was his name, by the way. I was used to…you know…” She blushed.

“You were used to Jeremy.”

“Exactly. And it just felt foreign and weird. I felt so guilty afterward. Like I was cheating on Jeremy, so I cried.” She covered her face. “While we were doing it! I cried in the middle of doing it! How embarrassing, right?! He was nice about it, though. But I broke it off with him after that. I was too ashamed, and anyway, I just couldn’t do it again. Now you see why I’m so nervous. I suck at this.”

“So what? You’re never going to have sex again?”

“I hope that’s not the plan.”

“I bet that’s why you find faults in every guy. It’s an excuse to break it off before the intimacy begins.”

She shrugged. “Maybe. Everything feels so new because it’s been so long. Plus most of the experiences I’ve had were with the same person. I don’t want to jump the first guy who touches my boobs!”

“Who’s been touching your tits?”

She gave him a look. “No one. I’m just saying…I need to relax.”

“You need to be desensitized.”

She looked at him like he was crazy.

“Seriously. Right now you’re like a horny teenage boy—one touch and you come in your pants. After some practice, that’ll stop.”

She laughed. “So you want me to do what? Sleep around? I don’t know if that’s something I can do. Honestly, I wish I could, but…nope. Can’t. It’s not me.”

“I didn’t say for you to sleep around. You need to practice a few things first. For example, you need to just get comfortable being naked in front of a man.”

She stopped pacing. “I think part of it is…I mean, I loved Jer. I swear, it hurts my heart when I think of him. But he wasn’t really a man when we started dating. We were both so young, and he was gone so much. In fact, during the six years we dated, he was away more often than not. Now I’m older and these guys…well, they’re men. And they’re used to certain…things. You know? Like, you have a ring on your…” She awkwardly pointed to his crotch. “And…well, is that, like, normal? I mean, I don’t even really understand how that would work and—”

“Whoa!” He put his hands up to halt her rambling. “I meant to ask you. How’d you even know about my piercing?”

“Oh. Um…” She looked up, looked down, looked anywhere but at him.

“Spit it out.”

“Frances told me.”

“Tony has the biggest fucking mouth!”

“Don’t be mad. I think he told Frances it was the bro code or something and wouldn’t say anything to her. It wasn’t him. It was in your medical records at WtF. Besides, they’re our friends—they were just curious, mostly.”

“They?”

Violet seemed abashed. “It’s no big deal. It’s just girl talk.”

He groaned. “Great. Everyone knows. And now you’re curious.”

“Not so much curious as intimidated. But also sort of relieved. Before, if I went on a date and it led to sex and the guy pulled out his junk and it had a ring on it, I would’ve passed out. Now I think I’ll be more prepared.”

Cain chuckled. “I don’t think you have to worry about it. It’s not all that common. But I’m going to help you with all these fears, okay?”

“Excuse me? What?”

“I’m going to show you everything, Vi. You asked for my help, and I’m going to give it to you. I’ll tell you when you’re being awkward and when you’re being cute. You’ll be completely ready for your dates. You’ll have them eating out of the palm of your hand.”

He smoothed back a few strands of hair that had come out of his ponytail. “Seduction is all about self-confidence, Vi. If you think, feel, and act as if you look hot, men’ll see you that way. What’s your biggest hang-up?”

“I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s just that I feel so unsure. With Jeremy he was mostly in charge and I’d follow his lead. So I don’t really know where to start. I’d probably pass out if I had to get naked in front of a guy right now.”

“Okay, that’s lesson number one. Strip.”

“What the hell? Are you crazy?”

He chuckled. “At the moment your biggest hang-up is being naked. So I’m going to help you with that.”

Her face paled a little. “I think I might have changed my mind. Maybe we could do more of a theoretically based education—you know, you show me a few things, and then we talk and discuss.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Or you show me a few things. You can talk and discuss. I may also discuss it with my mouth on your nipple and my hands in your panties.”

“Oh my God, Cain! I can’t believe you said that.”

“You can’t?” He smirked.

“I suppose that after yesterday’s little speech, I guess I can believe it. I’m just not used to it yet.”

He chuckled again. “This isn’t an all-theory class, Vi. I mean, if that’s what you really want, fine. But that’s not what you proposed yesterday. You need to work on your courage, so don’t back out now. We are going to work on your confidence. And by that, I mean you need some.”

He was right. The mere thought of getting naked in front of a man practically made her break out in hives—not because of her weight, but because of her lack of experience. “Okay, but how about parameters? I trust you. You wouldn’t make this weird for me. Right?” Of course he didn’t answer. He never freakin’ answered. Instead he just stared at her as if that was the most ridiculous question he’d ever heard. “And we’d go from the sexy stuff right back to being friends, right?”

“You and I? We will always be friends.” His answer warmed her heart, and she smiled.

But then he said, “You ready now?” and all the self-doubt flooded back. This was the worst plan in the history of the world! She could already see each and every way this was going to backfire. Yet she couldn’t physically bring herself to stop it.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” She jumped and down to loosen up, as if she were about to go head-to-head with Mike Tyson.

“Sexy,” he teased.

“Very funny.”

She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes. With shaky hands, she pulled her shirt over her head and threw it across the room awkwardly. It got caught on a lamp, which crashed to the floor. She put her hands over her face and groaned, wanting to cry, but he chuckled. “Ugh! Don’t laugh at me!”

“I wasn’t laughing at you,” he said warmly. “I was laughing because you’re so adorable.”

“No! Not adorable, sexy. I’m a sexy vixen!” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

He chuckled again, but then he saw her flawless milky white skin, her soft abdomen, her big round tits, and the freckles scattered around her shoulders and the tops of her breasts, and suddenly things weren’t funny anymore. His eyes roamed up to her pink and black polka dot bra, which made her big tits look like they were about to spill over. This was a dream come true for him. He loved her voluptuous body. Always had.

He swallowed. “You did well for your first lesson.” He went to retrieve her shirt and tossed it over to her so she could put it on. He needed her fully covered and out of his house before he ripped everything else off her.

“Oh. That wasn’t so bad.”

No, it was excruciating, Cain thought. His fingers itched to touch her. He stood, discreetly shifted his cock in his shorts, and headed toward the door. “I’m going for a jog,” he said gruffly over his shoulder.

“Wait. What?” she said, causing him to stop in his tracks. “You keep doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Just leaving. Stop it!”

“What do you want me to do?”

“What you would do with any other girl.”

He hesitated for only a split second. Then he marched back to her, put his hand at the back of her neck, and pulled her to him with a sure grip. Judging from the way her cheeks flamed and her pupils dilated, she felt the same passion he did. He brought his lips down to hers, and instantly her body went soft and melded into his as his fingers coiled in her hair. “Violet,” he whispered into her mouth.

Her hands gripped his shirt, and he let go of her neck and ran his palms firmly down her neck, shoulders, and bare torso. He palmed her breasts over her bra. “God, they feel so good,” he said as he continued to kiss her, his mouth going to her neck. She tipped her head back to give him more access. “Better?”

She looked up at him, confused.

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked, giving her small kisses along her shoulder, his hand kneading her breasts.

“Heck no! It’s worse because I have a feeling you’re going to go for your stupid jog and leave me all—”

“Horny?”

She nodded, and he smirked as he stepped away and again adjusted his shorts. “See you later, sunshine,” he said with a wink as he walked out, leaving her flushed and panting in the middle of the room.