Chapter 4

Violet was almost finished with inventory in the back of the clinic when she heard the bell chime from the front. She climbed off the stepladder and went out front.

She shook her head when she saw Cain by the empty receptionist’s desk holding a bloody towel by his lips. “I was just thinking it was too quiet across the street. Come on.” She gestured toward the door that led to the two examining rooms.

“You alone?” Cain’s voice was muffled though the towel.

“Yes, but don’t worry. I handle all the most basic stupidectomies these days.”

Cain’s brow furrowed, and Violet laughed. “It’s what Chrissy calls all the little injuries from the gym. She’s not a big fan of the fighting.”

“I never doubted you could handle it, by the way.”

“I like to let the patients know. Make sure they’re comfortable with a nurse rather than the doctor.” She patted the examining table. “Sit.”

He sat, and she took the towel away and began patting the area around his lips with gauze, which caused him to wince. “Don’t be a baby. It’s just some alcohol so I can see what’s going on.” She continued to work, concentrating on his injury and not his blue eyes, or his warm breath inches from her lips, or his musky smell, or the way his tongue darted out a few times. “You’re already training? Isn’t it too soon? You can rest for a few days, you know.”

“Why does everyone keep saying the same thing?”

“Because you just came from doing your super-secret spy thing, which I know you’re downplaying. You should get some R&R before you go full-out Rambo.”

He laughed and then cringed. “Ow!”

“Try not to move,” she said.

“I like to keep busy,” he mumbled.

“You always have, Cain. But sometimes we need rest. You’re not indestructible.”

He pointed to his lip. “Trust me, I know.”

“It’s an ugly gash, but you don’t need stitches.” She reached for some antiseptic ointment and applied it. “All done. Try not to get hurt anymore today, please. I’m leaving soon.”

They looked at each another for an awkward moment.

Cain broke the silence first. “This feels—”

“Unfamiliar. Weird.”

“Yeah.” He let out a breath and patted the examining table, and she hopped up next to him. “You were right about everything. I’m sorry.”

“I know that, Cain. I just don’t know what to do. How to act around you.”

“Can we start again?”

She was supposed to be making him sweat it out. Instead she looked at his sad blue eyes, which made him look so lost, and she just wanted to pull him into her arms and fight off anyone or anything that would make this giant of a man miserable.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving. I just…I needed to leave. I needed space. But I missed you while I was away,” he said.

A smile lit her face.

When Cain saw Violet’s smile, just like that he knew things would be okay between them. She had been this bright beacon of sunshine in his life. No matter what, she was always optimistic, always happy. He’d missed that smile, those freckles, her pink lips, her unruly hair…he could go on forever.

“I missed you too, Cain. Why did you need space? Space from whom, from what?”

He shrugged. “So you’re dating?” He needed to change the subject.

She was clicking the top of her pen repeatedly. “Yeah, I am. I’m trying to, at least. Apparently I’m difficult,” she said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Doubt that, Vi,” Cain said as he took the pen from her hand, forcing her to look at him.

“No, seriously. The guy last night seemed like a good guy, but obviously it didn’t work out, seeing as I left him in the middle of our date in order to literally throw myself at another guy.” She laughed. “And this one guy about six months ago, he was very nice, and then we went to dinner, and he had the funniest haircut and weirdest ears. I just…I couldn’t.” She laughed.

“Who wants to date someone with weird ears?”

“That’s what I said!” she squealed, finally looking relaxed and more like herself. “I get so nervous on dates. I say all the wrong things. I wear the wrong clothes. I get flustered.”

“You shouldn’t.”

She waved her hand around dismissively. “Anyway. I don’t think I told you last night, but I’m glad you’re back. I missed you. How long are you staying?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“What do you want me to say? I haven’t seen you in months. Before that you were in a perpetual bad mood. And now that you’re back you want me to list all my insecurities for you while we sit in a clinic after we had a pretty big argument and you have a broken lip?”

“Yes.”

“No,” she huffed.

“Vi.” He arched an eyebrow and gave her the look that always got her talking…more than usual.

Her eyes were busy looking at the balloon print on her scrubs. “I just haven’t seriously dated anyone since…for a long time. I feel uncomfortable about it all. The whole process. Will he like me? Will I say the right thing? Will he think my stomach’s too lumpy?”

“Your dad fucked you up a little, Vi,” he said, causing her to finally look at him.

“I know that. And I don’t hate how I look or anything. It’s just that I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell when a guy likes me. When he’s hitting on me.”

Cain stood and helped her jump down. He reached behind her and pulled her top back and away from her body so that the front was now taut against her skin and the sliver of skin between the shirt and pants were exposed.

“Cain! What are you doing?” She tried to swat his hand away.

“Look down.” He gestured with his free hand for her to look at herself. “What do you see?”

She rolled her eyes. “The tops of my boobs,” she said incredulously.

He let out an exasperated breath and pulled her by the arm to the mirrored wall in the reception area. Before she had a chance to protest or question him, he stood behind her and pulled on the back of her scrubs again.

“Okay. Now look. What do you see?”

“Cain…”

“Have I ever backed down from anything? Tell me. You know I won’t stop till you do.”

She huffed. “Fine. I see…well…my boobs, my stomach.” She shrugged. “I know what you’re trying to do, Cain.”

“Yeah? You do? Then tell me what I want to hear.” His other hand reached to her front causing the front of his body to press against her back. His hand grazed her midsection, his fingers skimming under her breast. “You were dressed up yesterday. You looked nice, by the way.”

She looked into the mirror to meet his eyes. “So I look bad today—is that what you’re saying?”

“Don’t change the subject. You know that’s not what I meant,” he said, his eyes roaming her body. “Doesn’t look like you’re going to answer.” He smiled and looked back to her torso. “You know what I see? I see perfect plump tits. A long neck. A flat stomach.”

“I’m sure you’re used to well-defined abs,” she said with a self-deprecating laugh.

“Who the fuck wants a bony woman? I don’t.” With his other hand, he gripped her hip and bent down lower. His mouth was close to her ear as he spoke. “I also see hips, Violet. Deliciously full hips. The kind of hips a man wants to grab hold of while he’s taking his woman from behind.” Her eyes closed, and her lips parted. He knew it was a bad idea, but he couldn’t help but run the tip of his nose softly and reverently against her neck, inhaling her familiar scent, feeling her warmth. His hand gripped her hip a little tighter when a barely audible moan escaped her lips. Fuck! He’d been back twenty-four hours and he was already losing his goddamn mind, but he couldn’t help himself. This is why he had avoided being friendly with her again.

He let go of her waist and her shirt, moved a back a little, and looked down. “And God, look at that ass, Vi. That’s an ass. Look at those dimples.” He couldn’t help but groan a little as his fingers pressed against one of the small dimples at the base of her spine.

“Yeah, I know. Don’t remind me.” She looked over her shoulder and down to her ass. “I’m glad it’s back there so I don’t have to look at it.”

“I’m telling you, Violet, you could pretty much assume that if the guy has a dick, he’s hitting on you. Men love tits and ass, and fuck, Vi, you have both. Any man who can’t see that is either blind or stupid. Haven’t I always told you that you don’t need to lose weight? You look fine. You just need your insides to realize how perfect your outside is.”

Her face reddened. These were the boldest words he’d ever said to her, and he wasn’t quite sure if he’d just stepped over a line that shouldn’t be crossed, but everything he’d said was true and he didn’t regret saying it. She was beautiful and sexy, and she needed to know that, but evidently that didn’t stop her from being as surprised by hearing his words as he was to have said them.

“I wasn’t fishing for compliments. But thank you, Cain. You’ve always been…” She looked away as if trying to find the perfect words to say. She seemed somber, and a somber Violet was disconcerting. Normally she was always cheerful. Her voice was thick with unspoken emotion. “I just…I love you, Cain. You’re my oldest friend and you keep leaving me. I just…missed you, is all. It wasn’t so much that I was mad at you yesterday as I was sad.” She got on the tips of her toes and unabashedly wrapped her arms around him. He hesitated briefly and then pulled her close.

“I love you better.” He leaned in as if he was going to kiss her, his breath so close to her skin made her skin prickle. He used to kiss her cheek all the time but she was suddenly very aware of him. Of his lips hovering so close to her cheek, of his scent and his breath. He stepped back before there was any contact and pointed to the ointment on his lip as his reason for pulling away, but he could tell she hadn’t missed his reddened skin and hitched breath.

“I heard Tony and Slade talking about going out for drinks tonight with everyone. Are you going?” he said as he walked toward the door.

“Yes, I told Chrissy I’d be there.” She smiled as she cleaned up the small exam room.

As he walked back into the reception area, he thought back to how he’d felt when he’d been holding her. A lump formed in his throat. He’d give anything to have kissed her just now in front of the mirror. But he couldn’t do that. He could never have her.

He remembered how she’d looked at him, her smile. Her sunshine seeped into his pores, traveled though his body, and wrapped around his heart. It was almost too much, her light reflecting against his darkness. He had said, Love you better. It had been years since he’d uttered those words. It was what he’d always told her when they were younger.

He cleared his throat and strode toward the door. He needed space…again. If he could have taken the first flight back to Libya, he would have, because it was the only way he could stop himself from dragging her to the nearest flat surface and worshipping every single part of her body and soul with his own. Or telling her how he’d been in love with her for—he’d never not been in love with her.

He cleared his throat. “See you later,” he called over his shoulder before he walked away…again.

Like a pussy.

As he headed back across the street to the gym he realized he’d lose Violet forever if she knew the truth—that Cain was at fault for Jeremy’s death. It was a secret that ate at his soul daily. And to add to the cluster fuck that was his miserable life, the one thing he wanted most in the world was the one thing he could never have: his dead best friend’s fiancée.