Chapter Three
Colin’s breath stuck in his throat. A lance of shame pierced him, then regret. “I… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Maggie said. She shrugged casually, but her face was still flushed. The encounter with that hipster jackass had left her more shaken than she would admit to. “When you’re a woman traveling alone, you need all the ammunition you’ve got. I still wear the ring to try and ward off unwanted advances.”
“I see,” he said. “Does it usually work?”
“Most of the time. Not tonight, though. Some men simply don’t care if I’m married, they hit on me anyway. Some men just don’t like the word ‘no.’” She drew a deep breath and let it out. “Whatever. I’m fine. Thank you for your help. Please can I buy you a drink?”
“Yes,” Colin said simply. He moved aside to give her room and gestured toward the back booth. “I’m at my usual perch in the corner.”
“I noticed. I was going to come say hello at some point.” Maggie flashed a tiny grin, then walked with him.
A widow, Colin thought, still dumbstruck. He believed her. The lightning quick flash of grief in her eyes when she’d said the words was genuine. But at her young age? Christ, she couldn’t be but thirty, maybe that. Curiosity overwhelmed him. He tried not to stare as he sat quietly across from her.
“Want to share a basket of chips with me too?” Maggie asked with a smile.
He blew out a long, slow breath, trying to make his tense muscles ease. He had to relax. His adrenaline had kicked in at the sight of that loser backing her up against the wall and putting his hands on her. But if she was okay now, he had to be too. “Sure, why not?”
Deirdre, their server, appeared as if summoned and they placed their order. As soon as she walked away, Maggie said, “Colin… I swear I’m not married. I’m not out here playing around, looking to cheat on my husband. What I told you is true.”
“I believe you.” Colin studied her. “May I ask a few questions?”
“Sure.”
“How old are you?”
“Thirty.”
He felt a lick of satisfaction to know he’d guessed correctly.
“How old are you?” she asked.
“Forty. Almost forty-one. A wee bit older than you.”
“Only a wee bit,” she teased back lightly, tossing him one of those sunny smiles. “You don’t look it. Good genes in your family. I thought you were maybe thirty-six.”
“I’ll take it.” He grinned back in spite of himself. “Ehm… how long has your husband been gone?”
“Five years now,” she said, and the twinkle left her eyes.
Colin winced. “I’m so sorry. He was young, then.”
“We were twenty-five. Car accident.” Maggie’s voice was flat, as if she’d said the words a million times and it was now rote. “We were both in the car, he was driving. He was killed instantly. I woke up from a coma a week later.”
Colin’s heart plummeted to his stomach as her words sank in. Two young people, their whole lives in front of them… then in a flash, him gone, and her waking up to what must have been utter devastation. A chill rolled over him and he shuddered. “Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry. I…”
“Thank you.” Maggie fidgeted with the round cardboard coaster on the tabletop, spinning it in slow circles. “So, Colin. You ever been married?”
She was forcibly turning the subject away from herself, and he couldn’t blame her. So although he usually hated talking about himself, he acquiesced. “Aye, I was. For nineteen years. Recently divorced. ’Bout nine months now.”
Maggie’s eyes widened. “It’s like, a whole process to get a divorce in Ireland.”
“You’re tellin’ me,” he muttered. “Wasn’t fun, or easy. But here I am. ’Tis done.”
She leaned in, her eyes brighter. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you get divorced after all that time? Especially when this country makes it so hard to do it?” She bit down on her bottom lip. “I’m sorry, I’m just so curious. You can tell me to shut up.”
To his own surprise, he shrugged and said, “It’s all right. Ehm… Trish and I never truly loved each other. I…” I watched all my brothers marry girls they were crazy in love with, and it made me realize what I’d never had. It made me angry enough to finally look at my miserable life and want out. “Unfortunately, it was a dead marriage from the start.”
“Then why’d you get married at all?”
“I got her pregnant.”
“Oh. I see.”
Deidre returned just then, placing a glass of pale ale before Maggie and darker stout in front of Colin. “Chips’ll be out in a minute.”
They thanked her, then Maggie lifted her glass in a toast. “To my hero tonight. Thank you for stepping up for me.”
“Bah, I’m no hero,” Colin said, “but you’re welcome.” He gently tapped his glass to hers and they drank. “I have to admit, I might’ve liked to see you slam your knee into his balls, like you said.”
She laughed. “He would’ve deserved it.”
“Damn right.” He felt his body ease some more, took another swallow of stout.
“So you have a kid.” She continued as if they hadn’t been interrupted.
“He’s a grown man now,” Colin said. “Nineteen and at university. My younger son is seventeen, and my daughter’s just turned fifteen.”
Maggie studied him for a long moment, then declared, “You adore your kids.”
“I do.”
“Your whole face softened when you spoke of them.”
“Did it?” He chuckled at that. “Well, they’re the best part of my life.”
“That’s lovely.” Maggie chewed on her bottom lip, her keen eyes still on him. He tried not to stare at her luscious mouth. “So you live here now, in the city. They live with their mother?”
“Aye.”
“Are they in Dublin too?”
“No, about fifteen minutes out. Not too far. She kept the house, of course.” He stole another sip of his drink. “You give everyone the third degree, or just me tonight?”
“Everyone.” She smiled brightly, without apology. “I like meeting people, finding out their stories. It’s the best part of my job, other than the sights I get to see.”
“I’d like to hear more about that,” he admitted.
“What, my job?”
He nodded, suddenly a bit shy. “I always wanted to travel. Planned to see the world. I didn’t get to. What you do sounds interesting.”
She gazed at him for another long beat, and he could feel the wheels turning in her head. “You work at University College Dublin, you said. What do you do there?”
“I’m head administrator of the Finance Department.”
Her brows arched. “Well la-di-da. Go you.”
He snorted and shook his head. “It’s dull as shite.”
She laughed at that. “But still impressive. So you have regular office hours?”
“Aye.”
“Could you ever slip away for a day?”
“Perhaps.” He thought about it, then said wryly, “Truth is, I have vacation time stocked up that I rarely use. I could easily take a day. Why do you ask?”
“Because I have all these fun day trips planned,” Maggie said, “and maybe you’d like to come with me on one. I’d have a local to give me the real flavor, and you could see something that maybe you haven’t. Or at least, get out for a bit. It’s not the world, but it’s a start.” Her warm brown eyes danced as they held his. “Could be fun. And something tells me you could use a little fun.”
“Oh really.”
“Yup.”
He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t ignore the hum in his blood as he looked at her.
“I’m fun to be with,” she declared, and batted her long lashes as she smiled at him. He had to laugh; her exuberance was captivating. “I am! We could see some things. You could keep me company.”
“Something tells me you never lack for company.”
“Actually, I’m a loner, but I make friends easily.” She shot him a pointed look. “Sometimes too easily, if you know what I mean.”
“Well, you’re an attractive young woman,” Colin said. To soften the statement, he exaggerated his Irish brogue as he added, “Of course men are goin’ ta make a beeline fer ya, lass. Ya just gotta make ’em pay for any unwanted attention.”
She giggled, the light sound filling his chest with delight. “Well, I’ve taken lessons in boxing, karate, judo, and jiu-jitsu along the way—”
“Now I’m the one who’s impressed,” he said. “And for better reason.”
She smiled as she went on, “I travel alone. I have to be prepared. But having a big, strong companion on some of the more remote outings is never a bad thing. So join me, Colin. We’ll have some fun, and I could tell you more about my travels, since you seem to actually be interested.”
“I am interested.” The admission made him feel bashful for some reason, but he swallowed it down. “So… these day trips. Where are you going?”
“Well…” She reached into the small cross-body bag strapped over her shoulder and pulled out her cell phone. “Pulling up my itinerary for the weekend and next week, hold on.”
As she scrolled on her phone, he took the opportunity to gaze at her. Maggie Spencer was a stranger. Brazen American. Too young, too pretty, too full of energy. What the hell was he thinking, saying yes to going off on a jaunt with her? He must have lost his mind.
But she just drew him in. Like a man who’d been out in the cold for too long and found a fire burning, he wanted to get close enough to enjoy some of the warmth he’d been lacking… that he craved. He blinked at his thoughts.
You wanted to do new things, he reminded himself. You’ve been free for almost a year, and you haven’t done a bloody thing. Do something, McKinnon.
“Wherever you’re going on Saturday,” he heard himself say, “I’ll go with you.”
She looked up from her phone to smile broadly at him. Pure sunshine. “Great.”
*
And so it was that Colin found himself being led on a guided tour of The Little Museum of Dublin on Saturday morning. He knew of it but had never been there, having written it off as a commercial tourist trap. He was gratified to find he’d been partially wrong. Yes, some of it played to tourists, but it had its merits—lots of attractions in a small space, and the staff was friendly and knowledgeable. And of course, his companion for the day definitely made his natural glass-half-empty nature feel like it was being filled. Maggie Spencer was delightful. Something about her had snuck through a crack in his frozen core, filling it with a shaft of light.
She’d greeted him with a warm handshake and that dazzling smile. She’d been waiting for him by the front entrance, right on time. He liked that; Trish was always late and it had made him bonkers. Maggie was a ball of energy, ready to go. With her natural charm, she had the young male tour guide eating from the palm of her hand within minutes. She asked many questions, good ones that showed her sharp mind. She took copious notes in a small notebook, explaining to Colin that she’d sort through them and transfer them to her laptop later.
After the Little Museum, they enjoyed a long walk through St. Stephen’s Green, which was fully lush, dark green, and perfect on an early August day. As sunlight played through the trees, Maggie told him about other favorite public parks in cities she’d visited: Central Park in New York City; Forest Park in Portland, Oregon; Humboldt Park in Chicago, an old haunt in her college days. Then she added the Villa Borghese in Rome, Vondelpark in Amsterdam, Hyde Park in London, Englischer Garten in Munich, Parque de Retiro in Madrid, Parc des Buttes Chaumont in Paris… her list flummoxed him. It left him astonished and made him ache with wanderlust.
Then they headed over to Grafton Street, always bustling with activity. Colin watched Maggie eye the people, the many storefronts and boutiques, and had to admit he enjoyed it as well; he hadn’t strolled along here in ages. He’d always relished a long walk, just to take in surroundings, but Trish hadn’t. If she wasn’t going out for a specific purpose, she disliked going out for “no reason.” Colin stole more than a few glances at his attractive companion. Maggie understood the appeal of simply wandering; she knew it wasn’t for “no reason,” but for all the best reasons. Something told him that though he’d known Maggie for a few days and Trish for half his life, Maggie might understand him on levels that Trish never had.
“I’m starving,” Maggie declared. “Tell me you’re ready for lunch.”
“I could eat,” he said.
“Well, the Guinness tour starts at three,” she said, “and if I don’t eat, I’ll take two sips and land on my face. Can’t have that. I don’t get drunk in public.”
“Ever?”
“A woman traveling alone? That’s asking for trouble. I’m lucky, I can hold my alcohol pretty well. Two drinks don’t really affect me. But more than that, no. I only tie one on in safe places, with safe people.”
He nodded, considering that. She was smart.
“Lunchtime!” She pulled him into a classic-looking typical pub.
They settled into a high-backed booth in the dark wood-paneled room. Before the server had even brought their drinks, she was asking him questions. About his upbringing, about university, about his kids—she certainly wasn’t shy. He gave her stilted answers, but he did answer. Because she wasn’t asking to just make chatter, she seemed genuinely interested, and he found himself responding to her naturally inquisitive yet friendly nature.
But he noticed that while she loved to ask him about him, she wasn’t as forthcoming about her own life, other than the sights she’d seen. No personal details. Recognizing that, he waited until the server had set their entrees down before subtly turning the tables on her. Fair was fair.
“So where is home for you, Maggie?” Colin reclined a bit, the dark green leather booth cool at his back as he eyed their tremendous burgers.
“Home?” She shrugged as she picked up hers from her plate. “Wherever I go, that’s where I am.”
Her evasive answer confused him. “You don’t have a home base somewhere?”
“I’m a traveler,” she said, then bit into her burger. He took a bite of his, waiting before she continued, “I don’t stay in any one place for too long. A few weeks, a month at the most. Then I’m off again. So to pay rent on an apartment I’ll rarely see seems foolish.”
“Really.”
“Yup. I make my living from writing about traveling; I travel. Gotta go where the jobs are. In fact, truth be told, this job will be the longest I’ve stayed in one place since I was twenty-five. Then, as I said, I’ll be off again. That’s how I roll.”
Colin mulled that over. He was simply flabbergasted at the idea. He was so deeply rooted into his life—first being part of the huge McKinnon clan, then by having his own family, which rooted him in twice as deep—that he couldn’t imagine being so completely untethered. To be free to pick up and go anywhere, anytime, at a moment’s notice… it was an alien concept.
But one that was also exciting and alluring.
“I think I’m a wee bit jealous,” he finally said. “I’m the exact opposite. Rooted into the ground here. Hell, even when I finally got my freedom, I didn’t go far, did I? Couldn’t. Needed to be near my kids. I always will be.”
“Right now, while they’re young, you should be,” Maggie said. “But hey, they’re growing up. One day, much sooner than later, you’ll be free to go somewhere else if you wanted. Have you thought of that?”
His eyes widened and he scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck. Live somewhere else? Do something solely for himself? “Not really.”
“Maybe you should.” Maggie turned her smile up to the server, thanking him when he placed a basket of chips between them. “I’m addicted to these.” She grabbed one and bit in with glee. “I’ll gain a few pounds before I leave Ireland if I don’t stop. But ohmygod I love them. Good thing I walk a lot.”
“Everyone has their vices,” Colin said, and reached for a chip himself.
“True. What are some of yours?” she asked, a playful twinkle in her eyes.
He just arched a brow at her. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He put another chip in his mouth.
“Ha! I would, actually.” She pointed a chip at him, brandishing it like a weapon. “I’ll find out sooner or later. Mark my words.”
He only grinned. She’d been right the other night, he had to admit it: she was fun to be with. He hadn’t met anyone like Maggie Spencer in a long time… maybe ever.
“So,” he said. “Where’d you grow up? Maybe that’s an easier question.”
“About an hour outside of Columbus, Ohio. Do you know where Ohio is?”
“Midwest, I think. Yes?”
“Pretty much. I hated it there. I grew up in the most boring suburb ever.” Maggie stole a sip of cider before continuing. “Third of four girls—aka, the invisible child.”
“You?” He quirked a small grin. “I can’t imagine you being invisible to anyone. You’re a force of nature.”
He was rewarded with a wide sunshine smile for that. “Am I? Well thank you. But I wasn’t really one there, or then. I was just the one always being either ignored or yelled at.” Maggie reached for the small cup of brown sauce and dipped her chip. “Hailey was the pretty one, Stacey was the smart one. Then me. Then right after me, we’re only a year apart, Brittney was the sweet baby. So naturally… I became the wild one.” The smile became laced with something wicked.
“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me one bit,” Colin said.
She laughed freely. “No, huh?”
“No. Also, the placement.” He wiped his fingers with the linen napkin. “I’m the third of eight, but the oldest son. My brother Sean, he was fifth. Stuck in the middle, I guess you’d say. And a pain in the arse from day one. He was wild, always stirring up some kind of trouble.”
“And you’re Mister Responsible. So you and he didn’t get along, I take it?”
“No. We… we never clicked. We went head to head all the time.”
“That’s too bad.” Maggie shifted her head, ensuring that her ponytail didn’t slide over her shoulder while she was eating. “Maybe he just needed some attention.”
“Maybe he just needed to listen to his parents and teachers once in a while,” Colin groused.
“Ouch. Harsh.”
He scowled at that. “It’s in the past. He has his own life now. He left Ireland at nineteen and never looked back. Owns a bar in New York City, married a lovely woman and has a little girl, with another babe on the way. He’s fine, I assure you.”
She stared at him. “And you’re a little jealous, maybe.”
“Jealous? Of Sean?” He snorted.
“That he got out of Ireland. That he went away.”
“No.” But something in Colin’s gut clenched all the same. “He wasn’t happy here. I’m glad he landed on his feet.”
“Does he know that?”
“What?”
“That you’re glad he ended up okay?”
The fist in his gut clenched and twisted. “I don’t think he’d care. He and I weren’t close. In fact, I’m likely one of the people he was most glad to get away from.”
Maggie gave him a sad look. “That’s too bad. You’re his big brother, he probably looked up to you… shame you didn’t get along.”
Colin pursed his lips. Everything she said bothered him. He didn’t want to consider that anything she’d gleaned, with only a few sentences, could be dead on.
“So how’d you get started as a travel writer, Maggie?” He stared hard, making it clear the subject was closed.
She simply picked up another chip. “By traveling with my husband.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Really?”
“Aye. You’ve dug into my past, haven’t ya? Turnabout’s fair play.”
Her mouth curved wryly. “I guess it is.”
She gave a short version of how, ten years before, she’d met Zack Spencer when they were students in a journalism class during their third year at the University of Chicago. They’d fallen immediately and passionately in love, and found they’d also shared a dream: they both wanted to see the world. So after graduation, they set out to do that, together.
They’d started a video blog together to document their travels, initially intending to explore for just three months. But they loved it, and the blog got popular, and Zack had a keen sense of business to go along with his sense of adventure. They wanted to keep traveling together, truly see every corner of the world. Soon, they managed to sell articles to other travel sites and work out small gigs with established tourism agencies… and their careers as travel writers were born.
“We went everywhere,” she said as she finished up her thick burger, the sauce and juices running through her fingers and onto the plate. “The blog grew, we had over a million YouTube followers, and our articles kept selling to other outlets, so we went with it.”
“What was your long-range plan?” Colin asked.
“We didn’t really have one.” Maggie’s hands stilled. “We didn’t get that far.”
He noticed that while Maggie kept saying “us” and “we,” and talked in detail about the travels, she didn’t reveal much about her relationship at the base of it all. The few times she said his name, her eyes lit up. She’d been crazy in love with that man. “You got married at some point, obviously.”
“Yes. We did.” She wiped at her messy hands with the huge paper napkin until it was a crumpled ball.
“How old were you?”
“When we got married? Twenty-four. Both of us were.” She seemed to slow to a halt before Colin’s eyes, then visibly shook it off and reached for her hard cider. “We’d been engaged for over a year, but on impulse we got married on the beach in Bali. Just the two of us.” Her voice and gaze had turned soft, dreamy as she remembered. “It was magic. Then we stayed there to honeymoon for another two weeks. Best trip of my life.”
“Christ,” Colin said mournfully. “You were only married for a year, then.”
“Yes.” She snapped out of her haze and met his eyes. “But don’t look at me like that. You don’t have to feel sorry for me. It was the best year of my life.” A wistful grin played at the corners of her mouth. “He was my soul mate, and we had an amazing five years together. Some people will never have that, ever. I had that. I was lucky.”
He swallowed hard. Her refusal to give in to sorrow or pity made him admire her all the more. “You’re right,” he said. “And it’s a damn good way to look at it.”
“Well,” she said, “it’s the truth. Plus, it’s either think of it like that, or get bogged down by grief every time I think of it, and that serves nothing. Life goes on, whether you want it to or not. I miss him every day, but I have to keep going, or I might as well have died too. And that’s not living.”
“Right again.” But Colin couldn’t help himself; he lifted his glass in a toast. “To living, then,” he said quietly. “And to your attitude, and your strength.”
Her eyes rounded and locked on his. But then she smiled softly, lifted her glass, and tapped it against his as she murmured, “I’ll drink to that.”
Colin had many more questions about her former life, but didn’t want to pry. He also didn’t want to drag her any further back into her sad past. Her attitude was amazing, but she didn’t need to think of what she’d lost, not today. They were out to have a good time. “So tell me where you’ve been most recently. Amaze me with your worldliness.”
Her features infused with light again, and she chuckled. “Might be easier to tell you where I haven’t been. I don’t mean that to sound like a brag.”
“I know. I didn’t take it as such.” He liked seeing her smile again. “You’re comfortable in your own skin in a way that only experience brings.”
Her head tilted as she appraised him. “That’s a lovely thing to say. Thank you.”
“It’s just the truth.”
“Well, I like it.” She grabbed a chip and popped it into her mouth before listing off a bunch of countries that made Colin’s insides seize with longing. One of his initial assessments had been right: her life was the embodiment of everything he’d wanted and didn’t get to have. She’d traveled all over the world and loved passionately with all her heart. It made him feel like a bland shell in comparison.
“You got quiet,” she said. “Or, even more quiet than you usually are.”
He gazed at her. She couldn’t know how her life brought up turmoil in his head and heart. He finally admitted, “You make me itch with wanderlust just listening to you. I envy you more than a wee bit.”
She nodded at that, slowly, as if she was thinking before she spoke again. “Well,” she said, “maybe it’ll just be within the confines of your home country, but perhaps I can help you scratch that itch while I’m here. You’re welcome to join me on any of my excursions. I mean it.”
“That’s… kind of you,” he said.
“I’m serious.” Her dark eyes held him. “You’re an easygoing travel companion. I’ve enjoyed today so far. And besides, you need to get out more.”
“Can’t say you’re wrong there,” he murmured. “But easygoing? No one’s ever described me as easygoing, or easy anything.”
“I can imagine that.” Her grin turned wicked. “Actually, you’re a little gruff and stoic, and that frown seems permanently etched into your features, but I like you. There’s no pretense with you. No drama, no agenda. You’ve got secrets and stories, but you keep them to yourself. Makes me want to peel away the layers. I like all that.”
He regarded her across the table. Her pretty face, her warmth and humor, her natural charm… everything she’d seen and done… she liked him? “You can likely scoop up any man in Dublin to join you,” he said. “Ones who are more friendly, more outgoing, more energetic, and definitely younger. Why drag me along?”
“Because I like you,” she said flatly. “Isn’t that reason enough?”
He blinked at her.
“Besides, you need someone like me around.” That dazzling smile blinded him. “You need some fun in your life.”
“Oh really.” That was his response? He’d gone daft.
“That’s right. And I dare you to deny it.”
“This is me denyin’ it.”
“Then this is me calling bullshit, boy-o.”
He chuckled in spite of himself.
“You’re a good man,” she said. “You’re trustworthy. I feel it. My gut rarely steers me wrong on these things. Rational, smart, level-headed, and mature.”
“Ah.” He nodded slowly. “Mature being code for older. And since I am, I’m not really a threat, is that it?”
She shocked him by barking out a laugh. “Are you kidding me? Forty isn’t eighty, Colin.” She leaned in on her elbows, eyes narrowed on him. “What, you think I don’t find you attractive or sexy, a ‘threat,’ because you’re ten years older than me?”
“Almost eleven,” he murmured.
“You’re ridiculous.” She popped another chip into her mouth and chewed. “Hate to tell you, but I think you’re very handsome, Mister McKinnon. You have a sexy voice, the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, a gorgeous mouth, and a trim body that I bet is quite attractive under those clothes. Yes, I noticed.” Everything about her exuded a sparkle, and he felt blinded. “You’re hot, Colin. But that’s not why I asked you along today.”
He could only gape at her. Words failed him.
She smiled warmly before adding, “But mostly, I like that you’re ‘not really a threat’ as in I feel safe in your company. You’re my hero, remember?” She winked. “So yeah, I’d like to take you along on a day trip or two so you can have some fun. Finally travel a bit yourself, have new experiences. Your repressed wanderlust speaks to me.”
He was flabbergasted.
“Hey, I’m doing all these things in Ireland whether or not you join me.” She shrugged, took a sip of her drink, then again smiled that bright, shimmering smile. “So, Colin? You want to take some day trips with me or not? You wanna bust out or not?”
He gazed at her for a long moment before he found himself saying, “I do.”