Chapter 24

Jessibelle

As soon as our lips met, the heat and anger that was pulsing through me morphed into something else. It didn’t disappear, but changed into something different. Into passion. Into desire.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close, feeling his body against mine and savoring every second of it. I should’ve shoved him away, shouldn’t have fallen for his shtick so completely, but I wanted him so badly. His kiss ignited something deep in my soul I couldn’t argue with.

He backed me up to my table in the center of my living room and hitched me up on top of it. I wrapped my legs around him, not breaking the kiss as his tongue penetrated my mouth. I pressed against him, and his hand traced the arch of my back to draw me in closer. Moaning against my lips, the sounds that came from him seemed to carry a kind of urgency I hadn’t heard from him before.

“God, I need to fuck you,” he growled in my ear, and I reached down between his legs to find him already rock hard. The feeling of his cock brought back memories of him inside me. I couldn’t wait any longer.

“Then fuck me,” I hissed, biting his ear between my front teeth. He didn’t need any more encouragement. He tore t-shirt off and helped me struggle out of my jeans, quickly sliding his hand up my thigh. I damn near came at just his touch, letting out a gasp as he touched my pussy for the first time. This was not the time to take things slow. No, if I didn’t feel his cock inside me in the next two seconds, I’d explode from pent-up desire.

He fumbled in his pocket for a condom and unfastened his pants quickly. He pulled me to the side of the table, and plunged into me with a purposeful moan. I leaned back and threw my leg around him to allow him to get deep inside of me. He took my invitation, grabbing my hips and pounded me right on the table.

“Fuck!” I cried out, the curse bursting from my mouth before I could stop myself. I didn’t care if the neighbors heard, didn’t care if Aston was to walk back in right there and then and see us fucking on my table. I just wanted to feel him in me, to confirm I was the one he wanted. I clenched my teeth and gripped the table as best I could, letting him rail me hard and fast and deep.

“Jesus, Jessi,” he panted, his fingertips digging into my thighs. “Fuck.”

I tipped my head back, my fingers digging in to the table, my mouth opening. I thought we’d had some wild sex before this, but none of it came close to this. All the pent-up frustration and anger and fear and desire that had built up in me over the last few days suddenly burst forth in a wave of pleasure that tore through me like a wildfire. It was so intense, my body felt as if it would explode out from underneath me, my legs bucking and trembling, but I grabbed the table and opened my mouth wide and let out a cry of pleasure that seemed to tear up the space around us. He continued thrusting into my pussy, the walls tensing around him, milking him out. He came, letting out a long, animalistic groan that matched my cries of pleasure as we both reached our climax.

He slowly slid out of me. Now that the intensity of our encounter was over and the real world was starting to seep back in, I felt something I couldn’t quite give a name to. Something that wasn’t good.

He disposed of the condom and buckled himself back up, and I grabbed my shirt and put it on. My heart beat fast, perhaps faster than it had when we’d been lost in each other. His eyes met mine.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, scanning my face for some kind of explanation. “I just—” I sighed. There were so many questions dancing around my head and I was having trouble figuring out which one I wanted to ask first. Suddenly, a tear edged down my cheek. I pushed it away angrily and thought back to Alana in his arms in tears on the kitchen floor. Thinking about her was enough to remind me exactly why he hadn’t been in touch the last few days, and I knew I couldn’t let him get away with it any longer.

He reached out to touch my arm. “Please, just tell me?”

I jerked it away before he could pull me into an embrace because it seemed his physical touch was enough to make me forget everything I needed to keep at the front of my mind.

“You’re not going to stay,” I replied, swallowing heavily to fight the tears rising dangerously. I didn’t want to sit here and sob my eyes out in front of him. In fact, I couldn’t think of anything more humiliating than letting him see how much he’d gotten to me, how much and how badly I wanted him. If I could peel back time, I’d make him get out of here alongside Aston, because having to explain myself, my doubts, my fears, my feelings for him, after what had happened was proving harder than I thought. Could I just go back to bed? And ignore every single one of these stupid, overwhelming thoughts that seemed intent on pressing through to the front of my brain?

“Of course, I am.” He reached out for me, but I brushed his fingers away from my arm before he could get a grip. I didn’t want him to comfort me. I wanted him to tell me the truth.

“You’re going to go back to her,” I continued, nodding as though to confirm it to myself. There was no chance he was going to choose me over Alana. She was beautiful and proper and rich.

“That isn’t going to happen,” he said softly, almost as a prayer. He pushed his hands into his long beautiful hair and raised his eyebrows at me. “I’m here, aren’t I? With you?”

“Because you’re still too busy rebounding,” I pointed out. “I know you guys split up. And I know she wants you back, and I know you were engaged. You can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for her, for fuck’s sake.”

“I can tell you that,” he insisted, his voice rising a little bit. I hopped down from the table. I had to get away from him. Away from his wickedly sexy smile, his smell. His eyes. I took a few steps away from him. I didn’t want to bear the brunt of his emotions again, and I refused to let him intimidate me. I knew that wasn’t what he was trying to do, that he was just trying to get across how strongly he felt. But I couldn’t trust him.

“Then why did you drop me like that?” I pointed out. “After what happened at the place in Atherton?”

He looked at me intently, and I knew he was searching his mind to come up with an answer that would explain his choice. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. Because if it wasn’t this excuse, then there would be another and another and another for why I had to come second. And eventually, one of those excuses wouldn’t work for me, and I’d have to admit I didn’t come first to him. That someone else always would. Right now, it was Alana, but who knew who it would be next time? I had no interest in finding out.

“You need to go.” I shook my head. “Please. Just leave. I need some time to myself.”

“I’ll give you as much time as you need,” he murmured. “But I want you to know the last thing I want right now is to be apart from you.”

“I’m not so sure you get to make that choice,” I said, looking down. When I finally had the courage to face him he had closed his eyes, as though what I was saying was physically hurting him. Then he let his shoulders slump and he turned away. I watched him go, and wondered if I hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of my life.

Once he was gone, I returned to my bedroom and pulled the covers up over my head. How could we swing between making love like that to tearing ourselves apart again? It didn’t make sense.

I needed to get out of the city for a while, because if he knew where I was, there was a chance he would come back. I could work on the case, keep focused on trial documents, and take things from there. Who could I go to? And then, of course, it struck me. My mother. She lived far enough out of the city that no one would find me. I could finally get some time to myself.

I pulled myself out of bed after a few minutes, or maybe it was a few hours, because when I felt like this, time seemed to move in some kind of odd double-time. I started to pack, picking up clothes and grabbing for my laptop. Even the thought of being that far from Zach made my stomach twist up with fear, I knew I couldn’t sit around waiting for him. I had to get on with my life, and right now, getting out of town was the only way I knew how to do that.