Ben

Heaving out a relieved breath as he tried to calm his racing heart, Ben’s eyes quickly found the most important thing in his world as the door slammed behind him.  After already losing three years with her, the last thing he wanted was for a wild animal to rob him of any more time together.  Running a still shaking hand over his beard, he and Sami stared at each other for a long moment, the unspoken connection between them still throbbing strongly after their near miss with Momma Bear.  “Well, I wanted to find a way to get you back inside with me to talk shit out between us, but I never imagined I’d have a bear to thank for it,” he attempted to joke with a playful smile.

“I still can’t believe that just happened,” Sami replied with a near hysterical laugh, rushing to the dirty window over the wooden table and peering outside.  “Oh, my God, they’re still out there,” she worried out loud, turning her frantic eyes on him.   “What are we gonna do, Ben?”

“That’s their playground out there, babe.  Their playground, their rules.   Which means they’ll be here as long as they like,” Ben reminded her, crossing the room and reaching out to grab her by the waist and pull her to him, silently hoping his arms still had the power to reassure her the way they once had.  It had been a long time, but his touch had always soothed Sami in the past, and as her body relaxed heavily against him, he couldn’t help smiling against the back of her head.  Because it appeared that some of his tricks still worked on her.  “And for future reference, the next time I say don’t play with the wild animals, I strongly suggest you listen to me.  That momma bear could have ripped you to shreds if she wanted to.  I don’t think I would have liked that too much.  Those designer outfits wouldn’t hang nearly so easily off those pretty curves, would they?”

“I guess not,” Samantha murmured, sinking into his solid chest. “I guess trying to make friends with a bear cub wasn’t one of my smarter choices,” she admitted quietly.

“Kinda like another choice you made on me a few years ago,” he said, tilting her chin so he stared down into her gorgeous eyes, watching as the light of recognition dawned in her clear green eyes. “I wanted to shake you silly then, too.”

Sami stiffened against him as she began to shake her head, already trying to pull herself from his embrace.  “Ben, I don’t know where you’re going with that, but I don’t wanna talk about the past.  It’s over.  Whatever we once had together is dead, gone, and buried.  Can’t you just accept that what happened between us last night was a one-off and leave it alone?” she whined, stomping across the room to the small kitchen area of the one room cabin, her anxious hands opening and closing the cabinets lining one wall.

“Vixen, the powers-that-be actually dropped a fuckin’ bear between you and your freedom this morning.  Don’t you think that’s maybe a small sign that we’ve still got some shit to talk about?” he asked over the din of slamming cabinets and drawers.

“Nope,” he heard her reply to him quickly,  still offering him her back as she continued rifling through cabinets as her hands unearthed a couple of dusty glasses and dropped them to the cracked Formica counter.  Silently observing her resume her search, he shook his head at her muttered curses.  “Any chance I could help you find whatever it is you’re looking for?” he asked, dropping his hands to his waist as she bent to begin hunting through the lower cabinets.  “Preferably before I take that pert ass you’re waving in the air as an open invitation to fuck it raw?”

Jumping back to her feet, Sami swung around to face him, narrowing her eyes dangerously as she shook a spatula she’d somehow found in front of her like a weapon.  “Don’t you even think about it?  This well is dry, Ben!  The pump is out of gas!  There ain’t no sugar for you in this shaker of mine, damn it!  Do you understand?” she yelled, jabbing at the air with her spatula.

Ben’s lips twitched.  “Nah, I think you need to be a little clearer,” he teased.

Face reddening, Sami tossed the spatula at his head.  “Oh, fuck off, Ben!   We’re not going to be screwing again.  Not today or any other day,” she growled before turning back to her hunt, this time opening the tiny oven and looking into the interior.

“Samantha, just tell me what you’re looking for,” Ben demanded impatiently as he watched her slam the oven door closed with a frustrated flip of her wrist.

“Something to drink!” she answered irritably, dropping her hands to her hips as her eyes darted around the room. 

“There’s coffee right there on the counter,” Ben nodded toward the blue enamel pot that he’d prepared before going outside to cut wood this morning. 

Sami made a face as she glanced toward the steaming brew.  “Yeah, I’m looking for something with a little more kick,” she shared grumpily as she spotted the duo of shelves above the stove.

“Sami, it’s not even eight in the morning yet,” Ben declared with a frown as he glanced down at his watch and Sami dragged a kitchen chair in front of the stove.  Jesus, had she been drinking as a way to cope with things she didn’t want to deal with since they’d split up?  One look at her healthy skin and clear eyes, however, appeased his concerns.  No one that looked as fantastic as she did could have been drinking for three solid years, right?

As if she heard his worries aloud, Sami focused an annoyed glower down on him from her perch on the chair.  “Good grief, Ben.  Quit looking at me like you need to find me the nearest twelve step program.  I’m not an alcoholic.  It’s just that being abducted by my wacko ex-fiancé and fighting off a bear in the last twelve hours might have rattled my nerves a bit.  Besides, it’s five o’clock somewhere,” Sami added crossly as she climbed on top of the chair and began combing through the contents of the shelves.  “Yes!  Praise Jesus and all his disciples!” she shouted as she located a dusty bottle and held it above her head.

Ben nearly groaned as he noted the familiar label.  “Whiskey?  Really, vixen?” he groaned as he lifted a hand to steady her as she wobbled on the chair and helped her down.  “Maybe we should stick with coffee while we talk,” he suggested, snagging the pot with one hand as he followed her to the kitchen counter.

“Yeah, and maybe I’m Mary Poppins and with a spoonful of this here sugar,” she snarled, waving the dusty bottle of Jack Daniels over her head, “I’m just hoping it will make that nasty medicine you’ve got there slide down a hell of a lot easier,” she continued as she eyed the coffee pot in his hand.  “But somehow, I doubt it.”

“Cute,” Ben chuckled, snagging her bottle of Jack Daniels with one hand while he slid the coffee pot back on the counter with the other.  “Look, I’ll compromise and make us both Irish coffees.  You remember what that is, don’t you, Sami?”

“Which one?  The Irish coffee or the compromise?” Sami snarked, lifting her chin in challenge.

“Compromise, you little shit.  You know, it’s that thing where you don’t get exactly what you want, but we both get a little of what we want,” he needled her gently.

“Ugh,” Sami grunted.  “I hate those,” she muttered sulkily, crossing her arms over her chest as Ben reached for the two chipped coffee mugs that were beside the coffee pot.

“I recall,” Ben returned, splashing a liberal amount of whiskey into each cup.  Smoothly preparing the coffees, he tossed his girl a grin.  “You always were a woman who liked having things her own way,” he remarked casually as he slid her mug toward her.

“Still do,” Sami concurred as she lifted her cup to her lips and took a sip before wrinkling her nose.  “Yuck,” she hissed, shaking her head and pulling a face as she reached for the bottle of liquor.  “Needs more mellowing,” she complained a she tilted the lip of the bottle over her cup and poured..

“I’d say that’s mellow enough,” Ben growled before snatching the whiskey out of her hand.  “Otherwise, you’ll be so relaxed, you’ll be close to comatose for our conversation.”

Sullenly, Sami lifted her mug to her lips and glared at him.  Her flashing eyes made it clear she’d rather eat ten penny nails and battery acid than have a discussion about the past.   Well, that was too damned bad for her.  Their talk was long overdue.  “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he heard her mumble into her cup.

“Samantha,” he chided warningly.

“What?” she asked innocently.  “I happen to really think talking is overrated.  A chat about our past is just gonna dredge up feelings I’d rather not experience.  I’ve put the pain and bitterness in my rear view, Ben.  I wish you’d do the same.”

“Can’t,” Ben denied flatly.

“You mean you won’t.  There’s a big difference,” Sami countered wearily, dragging the chair she’d used as a ladder back to the table and collapsing into it. 

Following her, Ben chose to take the seat on the opposite side of the table where he could easily observe her face and block her exit if she tried to flee.  Sure, it might seem extreme to think she’d try to bolt after they’d just had to nearly battle a bear to get back inside the cabin, but Ben also knew his vixen well enough to know that she’d willingly run right off the edge of  a cliff when her fight or flight switch got flipped.  “You should know by now, Sami, I mean what I say,” he reminded her.  “At least, I mean what I say when I say it.  It’s recently been brought to my attention, however, that sometimes learning previously unknown information can change how I feel about things that I’ve said and can render statements I’ve made to be both invalid and false,” he maintained, enjoying the confused look that crossed Sami’s face.

Canting her head to the side, Sami scrunched up her face.  “What in the hell are you babbling about?” 

Slowly, Ben leaned forward, propping his elbows on the table as he linked his fingers together and took in Sami’s puzzled expression.  “You know very well what I’m babbling about.  I know the truth, Sami.  About everything.  You can drop the act.”

Putting her coffee cup down, Sami kept her movements slow and deliberate, careful not to spill a drop of the still hot liquid.  “There’s no act here, Ben, and I’ve grown bored with this little drama between us.  I think I’ll take my chance with the bear,” she said, starting to rise from her chair.

Staying her with an immoveable hand on her wrist, Ben shook his head.  “Sit your ass down, Sami.  We’re doing this.  Three years too late if you ask me, but we’re finally going to have this out,” he insisted steadily, his deep voice even, but adamant.  “Now, as I was saying… you can stop trying to run out on me, Samantha.  There’s no point now. I know the truth.”

“The truth?” she echoed incredulously as she threw up her hands, exasperated.  “The truth,” she repeated again, scoffing.  “Okay, Benny boy.  I’ll play along,” she allowed, her voice strengthening slightly as she shot him a bright, artificial smile.  “What truth do you think you know so well, big guy?”

“You can kill that pithy tone, vixen.  The little-miss-high-and-mighty act isn’t gonna fly with me.  I know you better than that. And I’m talking about the truth about why you were leaving me three years ago,” he clarified brusquely, her snide, cutting attitude aggravating him beyond measure.

Sami face paled, but she kept her voice level as she rolled her eyes and said, “Oh, my God, Ben!  It wasn’t exactly a state secret.  I wanted to be more than some photographer’s wife even if he was a moderately successful one.  I wanted my own career!  I wanted money and fame.  I wanted the clothes and the jewels.  I wanted it all… all the things you said you wanted to get away from.  And you were hella successful if this dilapidated cabin is anything to go by,” she jeered, gesturing around the room at the dirty floors and scarred walls.  “Kudo’s on that, Ben!”

“No, Sami.  Those are the things you told me you wanted.  It was a very convincing story, and you did a bang-up job of selling me that lie.  Like a true blue idiot, I bought every word, too,” he replied remorsefully, wincing at his own stupidity.  “But it wasn’t the truth and we both know it.”

Sami’s face continued to whiten with every soft word he spoke.  “It was!” she argued sharply, her high-pitched voice both desperate and pleading. 

“It wasn’t,” Ben continued sadly.  “As I said, I know the truth, Samantha.  About all of it, baby.”

“You don’t know anything!” Sami spat, taking a step back as she wrapped her arms around herself and swallowed hard. 

“But I do know, vixen,” Ben whispered, hating himself for the tears that began to fill her pained eyes.  “I know that you and I were insanely happy until a month before we split… so fucking in love that we used to make our friends sick with the way we were all over each other.  Especially after I asked you to marry me.  Do you remember, babe?” he asked huskily, rising from his own seat at the table to take a step in her direction.  “We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.  When we weren’t with each other, it would create a physical ache, Sami.  Like a phantom limb.”

Closing her eyes, Sami inhaled a shuddery breath.  “I remember,” she conceded brokenly.

Nodding, Ben took another step in her direction.  “Then, about four weeks before you decided it was over, things changed.  You said it was because that’s when you started getting cold feet, but that wasn’t it, was it, Samantha?” he queried gently, witnessing her flinch before she hung her head, her hair falling around her face like a curtain.

“No,” she uttered with a small, negative shake of her blonde head.

“No,” Ben repeated sadly.  “I feel like such a fucking ass.  How could I have forgotten that you went to see your doctor?  Honest to Christ, I don’t know how I forgot.  Not when you’d made that appointment for both of us… to begin preparing for the family we both wanted.”

“Ben, please don’t do this,” Sami whimpered, her voice thick and hoarse as she kept her head down.

“I have to do this,” Ben replied softly, his voice agonized.  “It’s the only way I know how to do this.  We’ve got to tear down the lies between us in order to rebuild our life together, baby.  If I could spare you the pain, I would.  Just know that I’m here, hurting with you.  Take my hand, Sami, and let’s just get through this,” he urged, holding out his hand, palm down as he held his breath and waited to see if she’d take it.