Shelley
It was a given to hate Mondays, but this Monday really was the pits. So my body could exist with the barest of sleep, but being kept up all night by my husband, and not in a good way, meant I felt like death warmed up.
Theo had spent the entire night and all the hours of dawn pacing the house and asking me how he could get permission to go under the sea to drag his daughter back home. It had taken me hours upon hours to get Theo to realise that his now grown-up daughter could do what she wanted. However, I did agree with him we were presuming that she had stayed out with Kai, and a text from her would have been appreciated to stop her father from alternately going between apoplexy at Kai taking her innocence and worry that the Queen had been abducted and wondering when we were going to receive a ransom note.
I sent Charlie a text asking her to just let us know she was okay when she received the message. I was about to leave the house to go to the office when I received a return text.
Charlie: I am so sorry. I fell asleep at Kai’s. I didn’t mean to worry anyone but I appreciate I will have done. Back soon, just want to check first if Dad is all menacing vampire and threatening to kill Kai.
I texted her back.
Mum: your dad was a mess... Try to remember to send us a quick text in future. I know you’re grown up now, but we’d worry anyway, impending war or not. Hope you had a lovely evening. I’m off to work now xo
She sent another.
Charlie: Best evening ever! Kai has crafted me the most beautiful chair. I’m going to bring it home with me. He says it’s my throne lol!
I had a feeling that my daughter was beyond happy from sitting on something, but that it wasn’t the chair. However, I wouldn’t share my musings with her father.
Theo returned to the kitchen after yet another perimeter check. “Have you heard from her yet?”
“Yes, she just texted. She apologises but said she fell asleep at Kai’s. She is on her way back now. Apparently, he has made her a chair, and she’s bringing it back with her.”
Theo let out a deep exhale, something I always found amusing bearing in mind we didn’t breathe. “Oh, this is good, she fell asleep. Hopefully, Kai covered her with nice warm blankets and looked after her. I can’t wait to see the chair. It seems Kai is very talented with those hands of his.”
I placed my hand over my mouth, and made sure my mind was shuttered off, so that Theo couldn’t detect my amusement. I didn’t know whether my husband was really being stupid or had just decided to live in a land called denial. Either way, he had calmed down, and I had no intention of setting him off again.
Theo excused himself and finally went off to bed. I headed to the hallway where I shoved my feet into my shoes, grabbed my bag, put on my coat, and whizzed off to work.
No sooner was I sat behind my desk than my phone rang. I answered the call from my adoptive mother before having to hold the phone away from my ear as she screamed down it hysterically.
“Mum, calm down. I have no idea what you are saying. Take a deep breath; what is the matter?” Then I listened as my mother informed me that she had been at the hospital all weekend after my father had been found unconscious at the back of the library.
“I don’t even know what he was doing there, Shelley. He was certainly not doing the puzzles. That in itself is a puzzle. He never does puzzles, he refuses point blank to watch Countdown in an afternoon if he’s on a day off. So I don’t understand why he was there. So far they have diagnosed he is suffering from complete exhaustion, but he’s yet to say a word. But it’s his eyes, Shelley, they just seem filled with fear. Do you think I have worn him out with too much sex and now he’s scared of me?”
Of all the things I expected my mum to say, that had not been one of them, and it’d filled me with a mental image far scarier than anything I had envisaged thinking of war in Withernsea.
“Oh, Mum. I’m sure that’s not it. Maybe he hadn’t been feeling very well and so had gone into the library to rest and the only seat free had been near the puzzles? Did the librarian say anything?”
“Huh, the librarian had no idea he’d even come in. She only noticed him when locking up for the night. She panicked when he wouldn’t stir.”
“What have the doctors said about how exhausted he is? Have they seen this before?”
“They just said he’ll need to rest at the hospital and that they've placed him on a vitamin drip. His levels are slowly coming back to normal and they said hopefully, in the next day or two, he’ll start to come around and tell us what he has done to become so tired.”
“Perhaps it’s just been all the stress of late? You know, all this threatening to go to the press. Maybe he just wound himself up so much his body decided it needed a rest. The mind is a peculiar thing, maybe this exhaustion thing is connected to the arguing with Polly and me.”
“It’s true he has been making more of an effort at home: cooking meals, doing a little housework, and then doing me. Sorry if that’s a little too much information, but it’s true. We’ve had more sexy times in the last few days than we have in the last few years. He also joined a gym, so it is possible that along with his paranoia about supernatural creatures and falling out with his daughters, plus my threat of divorce, that everything just overloaded him.”
“Well he’s in the best place. Hopefully, he will continue to improve. I’ll try to get over to visit him tonight.”
“There’s really not much point at the moment, Shelley. Not while he’s unable to speak and sleeping all the time. I’ll let you know when he comes round and we can arrange for you to visit then. I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment what with arranging the wedding reception, running your business, and keeping an eye out for potential war, but thank you for offering.”
We said our goodbyes and ended the call. It was proving to be a really weird morning. I decided that before I did anything else today, I would pop down to Jax’s and grab a coffee and a chocolate doughnut, because I needed some normality to my day. I grabbed my purse and left my office, knocking on Lucy’s door to see if she wanted anything.
My co-worker had been unusually quiet this morning. She yelled, “Come in,” so I opened the door and entered her office. She was banging at her keyboard with such ferocity that I was surprised it was still intact.
“Is everything okay with you, Lucy?” I kept to the back of the office so I wasn’t in danger of being hit by a keyboard missile if she managed to smash through it.
“Fine.” She said in that way women do which means things are most definitely not fine.
“Clearly, things are not fine. So what’s going on?” I asked her, “and get on with telling me because I’ve already had a bitch of a Monday morning and if I don’t get a coffee soon, I’m likely to blow, and right now you’re the one in my firing line.”
Lucy stood up from her desk, narrowing her eyes at me. “If I was still a demon right now, this situation would be even more heated than it is already. You, Shelley Landry, are currently interfering with my life and I’ve just about had enough of it.”
“What are you talking about, Lucy?” I placed a hand on each hip. Lucy did the same. All we needed were cowboy hats and pistols and we were ready to duel.
“You decide you’re throwing me a wedding reception. Then you decide it’s time for Charlie to learn all about supernatural history. Therefore giving my husband an excuse to take himself away from all the wedding preparation.”
I sneered at her. “What preparation? We are doing everything for you. The only thing you have to do is decide what you are wearing and Bbony is helping you with that. Then you just have to choose which Tom Hardy DVDs you want. It’s hardly taxing is it? Talk about ungrateful.”
“And that shows just how out of the loop you currently are. Ebony is hardly making it into the store because she’s too busy shagging her husband. Instead Alyssa is there and her choice of outfit for me is a leopard print micro dress. Every time I try to talk to Samara to ask how she is decorating the coffee shop, she just whinges on about this other Cupid rep called Rebecca and bores me to death about fucking sausage rolls when I’m not involved with the buffet. I have Jax asking me of the dietary requirements of all the different species invited, which is something Frankie could do easily, but every time I go to ask him he’s too busy finding out information or teaching your daughter. I didn’t ask for this goddam reception, and I’m finding it all a large ball ache just to end up with 14 tin openers and 32 tea towels as wedding presents from all the tightwad attendees who won’t spend a tenner on a DVD.”
“Well, I am terribly sorry that I tried to do something nice for you. I’m currently trying to protect Withernsea from war and my husband from killing my daughter's boyfriend, but let me put all this to one side to make sure you have a wedding reception to remember.” I said all this with hearty sarcasm, but all Lucy said was 'Thank you' and then she sat back down. Unbelievable. She really was one on her own.
“I would like a latte please.” She went back to her work.
It took every ounce of my patience to not slam the door off its hinges on my way out. The quicker I got down to the coffee shop and got my drink the better. On entering the shop, I was pleased to see that there wasn’t a queue and I quickly ordered two espressos and a large Americano. I decided to sit in the coffee shop to drink them, and order Lucy’s latte and take it to her when I had had a chance to calm down. Looking around, I found Maisie sitting in a corner of the coffee shop nursing a large glass of milk. I wandered over to her. She didn’t usually frequent this place, so I wondered why she was hanging around here this morning. I’d probably regret asking, but something made me go over to her anyway.
“Hey, Maisie. Is it okay if I sit with you?”
Maisie looked up at me. “Sure, it would be nice to have some company.”
I took the seat opposite her and looked at her closely. She definitely didn’t have her usual joie de vivre. It looked like everyone was having a difficult Monday morning.
“I hope you don’t mind me saying, Maisie, but you’re not looking your usual self today.”
She sighed. “No, I’m feeling really fed up.”
“Do you mean you’re feline really fed up?” I sniggered.
She gave me a look of disdain. One that only our feline friends were capable of. The look that said you are lucky to be in my company so don’t push it.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself there. What’s going on?”
Maisie stretched out her limbs in an exaggerated movement. “Since Lucy and Frankie got together, I’ve been living next door where I have to stay a cat all the time. They are a really hot couple. I was hoping that somehow one day I’d be able to expose the truth about myself, and then hopefully expose myself, if you get me, so I could get it on with the Jason Momoa lookalike and his sexy wife. But yesterday she told him she was pregnant. So that is that. Not only does that rule them out as my sexual partners, but I heard her say that she wanted me gone, that she was going to go to Frankie and tell him he needed to make sure his cat stayed in its own home. So once again I find myself unwanted. I wouldn’t mind but I’m a damn fine pussy.” I’d wondered why Maisie’s glass of milk had been served on a saucer, until she picked it up, poured a little onto the saucer, and proceeded to pick up the plate and lap the milk from it. I’d never been attracted to a woman, but watching her tongue flick across the saucer, I felt the neighbours sexy wife didn’t know what she had been missing out on. Maisie placed down the saucer and sighed.
“Funnily enough, I was thinking of you the other day. I’m not sure about your present accommodation worries, but I think I might have a perfect match for you date wise. Have you been in the Indian restaurant? Because I think Rav could be your ideal date.”
“Hmm. I’ve seen him around the place. He is quite attractive. However, spicy foods tend to upset my feline constitution. Maybe, you could introduce us? What is his house like? Is there a spare room, no dogs, a nice fire with a rug in front of it?”
“He currently lives with his mum, and I hear is desperate to get his own place. I've been told he has given up on trying to find his ideal woman. He used to be on the books of the dating agency, but ceased his membership because his mother scared away every single date he had. Apparently, she wishes to choose his wife.” I looked at Maisie and raised a brow, “I thought you’d be a match for an interfering mother any day of the week. But just to warn you that Rav is half-demon, proving that his mum is no walkover.”
“Where might we find this Rav this morning? I think I should like to meet with him as soon as possible to see if he might be a potential partner or pet owner.”
“He’s usually found in the restaurant most of the time when he’s not doing his duties in Hell. Theo says he spends all his spare time there in order to keep out of his mother’s way.”
Maisie stood up out of her seat, picked up the glass of milk and swallowed it down greedily. “What are we waiting for, Shelley? Let’s go.”
I figured why the hell not? I was matchmaking even though these two people weren’t actually on my books. It meant Lucy’s latte would have to wait which gave me a smug sense of satisfaction. I finished my drinks, said goodbye to Jax, and we made our way to Hanif’s.
I knocked on the door, opened it and went inside. Usually Rav would hurry to meet me on the rare occasions I came to see him for something, but today he wasn’t there and instead I was met by a middle-aged woman holding a duster.
“Can I help you, dear?” The woman said.
“Yes, I wondered if Rav was around this morning?”
“Oh no, sorry. He’s taken a week's annual leave at short notice. Apparently something came up. That’s why I’m here.”
“Oh, okay. Well, thank you anyway.” I noted Maisie’s look of disappointment. “It’s okay, Maisie. We'll go back to the coffee shop and I’ll give him a call from there. If he’s got some spare time today, you never know, he might be able to meet you for a date.” Her expression brightened again.
Unfortunately, when I did ring him from the coffee shop, a female answered his phone.
“Oh, sorry. I was trying to get hold of Rav. I must’ve got the wrong number.”
“No, this is Rav’s number. He’s just rather tied up at the moment,” the woman informed me. I then heard a series of groans which put me in no doubt as to what she meant by tied up, and I realised that the domestic at the restaurant hadn’t known how true her words were that for Rav, this week something had come up. After ending the call, I turned around to Maisie and apologised for getting her hopes up for no reason.
“Oh no worries. Who’s saying I would have liked him, anyway. Thank you for trying.”
“Well, if there’s anything else I can do. You can always come look at the books to see who else is free. If you join the agency, we’ll be able to input your details. You’d have prospects coming out of your ears, I’m sure.”
“I’ll think about it.” Her stomach growled. “So, any chance you’d buy me a piece of haddock from the chippy?”
I finally returned to the office and dropped a latte off with Lucy who didn’t even look up to say thank you. Then I called Samara, Ebony, and Jax and told them that they’d better make sure they’d done what they’d promised for the wedding reception and not to expect too much in the way of gratitude from the newlywed.
I stayed behind a little to get caught up on work. The truth was I didn’t feel like going home if I was about to witness World War Three. Finally, when I could put it off no longer, I whizzed back to the farmhouse.
I found my husband admiring the craftsmanship of Charlie’s chair. The piece was spectacular. So much so, that I only received a cursory hello from Theo before he went back to looking at it.
“Thank goodness that this does still look beautiful out of the sea.” He said. “I do believe I am going to commission your boyfriend to make a chair for each room here on the bed-and-breakfast side. Could you bring him here, or take me to him so I can discuss this? I may even get him to do headboards for each room. Oh the possibilities.”
Charlie looked at me from over her father’s head, shrugging her shoulders.
“Well, you’ll see him at the wedding reception on Friday, won’t you? You can talk to him then.” She told him.
“Oh, yes. Of course. Perfect. That gives me time to go around the house and make a list of what I might like him to make. Splendid. Thank you, Charlie. I’m excited. Seems you have a good one there after all.” He patted her on the shoulder. “Right, I’m just off to my office for an hour.” With that, he left the room, kissing my cheek on his way past.
“What the hell just happened? He’s been possessed. Where’s your real father?” I asked Charlie. “We said to look out for unusual behaviour and there it is.”
“Mum, he said he understood that I had grown up and realised he was being stupid, and that he didn’t like it, but as long as I was happy and Kai treated me okay, he would try to make peace with it. Then he stared at the chair for an hour.”
“Well, thank God, because there’s enough to do without fearing your father is going to lynch your boyfriend.” I proceeded to tell her about Mark being in hospital.
“Oh that’s awful. I can’t say I’m keen on him, but Debbie seems okay these days. It must be a worry.”
“Well, apparently he’s joined a gym to try to tone up, among other things. Sounds like he’s overdone it. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but my arse wants to sit itself on the sofa and watch television.”
“I’m going back to Kai’s.” She told me.
I smiled. “You might have been as well leaving that chair where it was.”
She grinned back. “He’s making me another for at the cottage.”
Stepping forward, I wrapped her in my arms. “Go on, you get going and enjoy yourself. I’ll call you if you’re needed for any Withernsea woes. If I don’t see you before, I’ll catch you Friday at the reception. Eight pm at Jax’s.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. It’ll be nice for us all to get together for something good.”
If only that had proved to be the case...