Charlie
I’d done a great job so now I was fired? How did that work?
“Ebs, that doesn’t seem justified. I was hoping I’d get a pay rise not the sack.” I grumbled.
She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sorry, darling, but you now need to focus your energies on saving Withernsea and so having to come here on a daily basis cannot happen. You’d be too distracted by the new stock and might miss a clue as to how to save the world. I cannot have it on my conscience that Withernsea residents succumbed to some evil force because I’d made the Queen stay to do a stock-take. So sorry, but you’re fired, she repeated in an Alan Sugar’s ‘The Apprentice’ way.
“I think you’re having far too much fun sacking me.” I huffed.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll get over it while you’re shopping. You shall continue to qualify for your staff discount.”
Indeed, I was over it already; over it and looking around the store. I spotted a short, tight, silver glittery dress that when it moved caught the light and sparkled like a rainbow. “Oh my god, this is perfect.”
“Perfect for giving your father a heart attack.”
“Dad doesn’t have a beating heart, Mum. I’ll put that in my trying on pile, Ebs.”
I had the best time shopping with my mum. As soon as we had heavy bags, we could just whizz off home, drop them off and start all over again. We had a late lunch at Red’s Steakhouse and then Mum said goodbye and I made my way to see Alyssa who said she was free.
Her mum let me in. Alyssa was in her bedroom with her earbuds in singing along to Little Mix. I knocked on her open door and walked in.
“Hey, Lys.”
She pulled the buds out and sat up.
“Hey.” She stared at me. “Bloody hell, Charlie, it’s going to take some getting used to seeing you look so different, you know.”
I waved a hand in the air. “Oh just pretend I was on Extreme Makeover or something.”
Her mouth downturned at the corners. “But what are we going to do, Charlie, because the fact is I’m still sixteen and you’re what, like early to mid-twenties now? Maybe it’d be better if you looked for a new best friend.”
“I don’t frikking think so.” I told her straight. “Listen, lady. Get what I look like out of your head. I am still completely naive about life. So think of it like I’ve got the older outside and you’ve got the older inside. I need your help, bestie.”
She sat up straighter. “Well, I guess I did save the pack, so having me in your 'Save Withernsea' arsenal would be advantageous.”
“It certainly will, but, babe, right now I need you to explain sex to me, all the ins and outs, and also help me to look my best.”
“For a start maybe you could not describe it as all the ins and outs?”
“Babe, I know nothing. I’ve never seen a man’s bits in real life. No clue what to do with them. Obviously, I know what’s supposed to happen, but I mean how do I learn how to be good at it?”
Alyssa put a hand to her brows and covered her eyes. “Oh dear God.” She pulled her laptop from under the bed and placing it on her knee, patted the bed next to her. “I hope my brother doesn’t spy on my internet search history after today. We’ll start with Pornhub.”
In less than a year I’d gone from mashed banana puree to performing a fake blow job on one. From wean to peen.
“That’s it, Char, try to get it right to the back of your throat.”
The door burst open and Kim walked in, making us jump a foot. She looked disappointed. “Oh, I thought you were having some kind of group sex with the pack and I was going to watch.” She sat down on the chair in front of Alyssa’s desk. “How disappointing.”
“Kim, you can’t just burst into my room like that. What about my privacy?” Alyssa complained.
“Privacy? You want to talk to me about privacy? On Friday most of you saw my vagina while I gave birth to three babies.”
What could we say to that?
“Anyway, one thing you can take from having to witness my nether regions is that they were tended to and cared for. There are no weeds growing in my ladygarden. So, if you’re going to be shagging Kai soon you need to get booked in at a salon to ensure everything looks its best.”
“I’ve got a ladyshave. Remember, I was fifteen before. There was hair down there.” I reminded her.
“I’m sure Kai is looking forward to getting stubble rash from going down on you.” Kim huffed.
“She might have a point.” Alyssa said. “Maybe you should go and get things waxed?”
“Well, I’m busy today. Only I need to be back home in two hours so I can be made a wyvern.”
Kim took her phone out of her pocket. “Hey there. Can you do a bikini wax? Yeah, come to the main house. Charlie. See you in a few.”
She hung up. “Samara’s on her way.”
My eyes widened. “Samara, the pet groomer?”
Kim shrugged. “Well, you grew overnight. There could be years worth of hair down there for all I know. She does Afghan’s, so you'll be fine.”
She stood up. “Right, I’ll be back when Samara gets here. In the meantime I’ll go let three babies suckle on me and destroy my great rack.” She pointed to the computer. “Might want to search for water sports, so if Kai asks, Char doesn’t think he wants to surf. Also could be a lot of confusion over the subject of diving.”
With that she walked out and the door banged shut behind her.
“Oh my god, that woman.” Alyssa said. “I’ll be glad when the cubs are a little older and they move back to their own place. Only right now Mum is insisting on helping. I love my sister-in-law but that’s twice she’s burst into my room today. She’s only been here since late last night. The first time was to ask if I had a vibrator because she’d thought putting it under the bassinet might help Louisa fall to sleep.”
I burst out laughing. I loved Kim hard. But she definitely took some getting used to.
“So how’s it going with Bartholomew?” It was time for the attention to go on my friend. “How did this date come about? I notice him being in his twenties isn’t a problem for you.” I quirked a brow.
She wrinkled her nose. “It kind of is. We went out, and he kept saying things like what do you want to do when you grow up? I told him I’d left school and that I could take a key role within the pack, but he’s human. To be honest, I’m not sure how much he understands about the supernatural world. And I can’t exactly say ‘oh I killed two people and saved the pack, so stop asking me how many GCSE’s I got’.
“Anyway, as the evening went on, he relaxed and he started to see that I was indeed a woman and we made out in a shop doorway. But he hasn’t asked me out again, and when I saw how he looked at Maisie… well, I kind of think I’m wasting my time.”
“How old is he?”
“Twenty.”
“He’s only four years older than you then, but I guess in terms of experience of both life and sex he could be way ahead of you. You just need to keep reminding him you’re a woman, not a girl, and that means not hanging around the coffee shop counter like someone waiting to meet a backstage pop star.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Hey, we so need to go clubbing. Oooh, and because you’re older, you can help get me in. Oh let’s do it later tonight!”
I shook my head. “Alyssa, I’ll have had enough today. I don’t know what the side effects of becoming a wyvern are yet.”
She pouted. “Char, it’s Saturday night.” She’s back on the computer faster than I can say no again. “Look. At ATIK in Hull it's 'Oh la la Saturday'. Free to get in before 11pm and 50% off drinks. You have your vamp speed so you can get us there in a flash.”
“Alyssa, you’re always sick when I transport you anywhere.”
“Well, I’ll probably puke at the end of the night anyway so it’s a bit of practice. Pleaasseee? We can let our hair down, get dressed up, and I can try to meet someone who doesn’t treat me like I’m a kid.”
I sighed rather loudly. “All right. But only because I’m not going to seek out Kai tonight. I want to get used to my new body for a day or so. I want to date him so bad, Lys. But I texted him and said I’d see him on Monday after they formally made me Queen of Wyvern Sea. That gives me two days to get my dad used to the fact I’ve grown up. I might have to tell him I’m staying over at yours though.”
“No problem.”
“Do you know?” I told Alyssa. “I reckon saving the world will be like child’s play at the side of this adulting lark.”
She tilted her head. “So how do you prepare for war if you don’t know what the threat is, or when it’s going to come?”
“I do the only thing I can do. Get as powered up as possible and get on with living my life.”
“Samara’s here.” Kim’s voice came floating up the stairs. This was followed by footsteps and then the door opened. “She’s waiting for you in the bathroom. I’ve given her a black sack to collect your bush in. Garden waste strength.”
I threw my blue webs out at her and once again a heap flung out rather than just one, coating Kim in what looked like a ball of wool. “I hope that’s not a prediction of what’s about to happen to Samara,” she quipped and left the room.