Charlie
I’d enjoyed a quiet day yesterday recovering from my hangover and finishing up with a gorgeous chip supper seeing as the night before's had been scuppered by jealous women. Today, seeing as I no longer had a job at Ebony’s boutique, I decided to have a pamper day and slowly get ready for my under the sea coronation and the fact that afterward I would meet Kai. We were going to have a meal at his place. Oh my! Would tonight be the night?
To say I was nervous was an understatement. I wasn’t convinced that an education from Pornhub was the way to go and so last night I’d gone on some forums on the internet for advice. I’d ended up reading several horror stories about broken penises and now I wasn’t sure I’d be able to relax enough to do anything. Anyway, I was getting ahead of myself. We’d not even had a date yet.
By the time my mum came home from work and my dad had got up from his vampire slumber, I was polished and preened within an inch of my life. I’d painted my nails in a range of pastel metallics: pink, blue, green; and my hair was tied back in a plait. I knew part of the ceremony was dumping seawater on my head so I’d figured a plait would ensure I stayed tidy after a soaking.
I stared at myself in the mirror in the hallway before we left. This was the final stage in preparation. I’d be Queen Charlene of Wyvern Sea when I returned.
“Are you okay, Charlie?” My mum came up behind me.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
We were picked up at the beach as usual. My dad had insisted that Grandad Dylan and Grandma Margret come as they could help if there were any problems. Then strangely we were also accompanied by Debbie and Mark, my other 'grandparents', who had insisted to Shelley over the telephone that they wanted to be involved as they were so proud. Yeah, right. I knew Debbie was trying to make amends for the past but it all seemed too little, too late. However, because Polly and Drake would be there and so they could visit them too, Mum hadn’t felt able to say no. My dad’s mother, Mary, was currently in a sulk as she couldn’t travel underwater as a ghost.
Mark and Debbie held onto each other tightly as the boat sped under the sand and when we reappeared next to the Duke’s home he had his hand on her butt. They’d been touchy feely since we’d met them at the beach and it was making me a little nauseous.
My mum was carrying her crown in a box. On land it looked rusted, but under the water it sparkled with its gemstones. She placed it on her head before descending and we exited the boat. Duke Brishon stood outside his home, dressed in a silver shellsuit, that clung around his large belly and ceremonial gold chains around his neck. He looked like a pimp. Mum acknowledged the Duke’s bow with a nod of her own head.
“Welcome, Your Highness, and guests. Please come inside where we shall perform the ceremony and have some refreshments. I felt the town hall would be a little too formal, for are we not almost family now?” He nodded towards Drake and Polly who came running from the living room out into the hallway to greet us.
“Hey, sis, niece.” Polly smiled a huge beaming smile. Then again she’d won her man on Friday and had no doubt been celebrating ever since so she could be forgiven her smug look. Then the smile disappeared as she saw our extra guests. “Oh, Mum and Dad. This is a surprise.”
“We would have called but we preferred to catch you unawares. Surprise you. More fun that way, eh, sweetie?” said Mark. No way was I calling him grandad.
“We thought you could give us a tour of your new home and of course we’re here to celebrate. It’s not every day your grandaughter becomes Queen is it?” Debbie said.
“Your own daughter was Queen, you didn’t seem to care then?” Polly shot out.
“Yes, yes. We made many mistakes and we apologise, and are determined to do our best to atone for them. We were very proud of you too, Shelley.” Debbie added.
Mark’s eyes took in everything around him. Like he was imprinting it in his mind. I didn’t trust him. The guy had threatened to go to the press just days ago and now mum had let him come underwater? I would mention it later, but for now, I needed this ceremony over with so I could meet Kai.
After a drink and some canapes, we made our way out onto the Duke’s rear patio.
“Please tell me that this time I don’t get covered in dirty seawater.” My mum said.
“No. No.” The Duke said.
Mum’s shoulders visibly relaxed.
“No, you have to be coated in fish excrement for the handover.”
“I beg your pardon, but did you just say fish shit?” My mum spat out. “Because that’s not happening.”
The Duke shrugged. “Without it the handover cannot take place. You’ll just have to stay Queen then.”
Mum looked to the heavens and then at Drake. “Is this true, Drake, and not something your father’s made up in retaliation for us stopping the wedding on Friday?”
“Queen, you wound me. And while I will enjoy every minute, I swear it is part of the ritual. It does have skin firming properties. Alas these-”
“Let me guess, can only be seen under the water, or they’d be pilfered by those above.”
“My Queen, you have learned our ways, just before you leave your post. You shall be a good advisor to your daughter. Now shall we?” He pointed to the arbor erected on the patio.
And so we all watched as my mum was smeared all over her face and neck in a dark paste.
“Dear God, even magic does not smell this bad.” My dad said, earning himself a death glare from my mum.
“I now dissolve you of your position as Queen.” Duke Brishon told her removing her crown and passing it to Drake to hold. “Princess Charlene, if you could step forward.”
I stood under the arbor desperately trying to hold my breath.
“Okay, please kneel.”
I did as asked. In the end I’d decided to dress in a plain grey trouser suit with a black top. I figured it would hide most of the marks from dirty seawater.
“In front of these gathered witnesses, I bestow upon Charlene Kimberly Landry the rule of Wyvern Sea. I grant her access to the waters, and safe passage to her and anyone she may choose to travel alongside her to visit us in the future. All of the sea bows to thee, our new Queen. Do you accept this position? If so, please accept now in front of these witnesses.”
This was it. “I accept the position of Queen of Wyvern Sea.”
Drake placed the jewelled crown upon my head and Brishon told me to stand. “The people of the sea will wish to pledge their allegiance to you, so if you could come with me and stand outside my home.”
I followed him back through his doorway to be greeted by a myriad of different sea creatures who bowed in front of me before swimming away.
Finally, Brishon held in front of me a golden box covered in pictures of fish. I knew what was coming. The dirty seawater. I’d seen it at our house when Mum had been made the queen. Brishon opened the box and threw the contents at me. Fish shaped pink confetti floated out over me.
“What the actual fuck?” Mum shouted. “Where’s the dirty seawater?”
Brishon shrugged. “It only takes on that appearance outside of the sea. Under the water it is confetti.”
“But I still had to be coated in fish shit? What happens if Charlie is no longer queen? Will she get coated in fish shit or will it have changed to Creme De La Mer by then? I’m going to find a bathroom.” She stomped off in a huff. Anyone would have thought she wanted me to be coated in crap!
“And that concludes the ceremony. Let us applaud Queen Charlene of Wyvern Sea.”
The people around us clapped, and my father took me in his arms and gave me a huge hug. “Daughter, I am very proud of you. I will shortly gather all your relatives and take them back to land. I would guess you are staying awhile?”
He nodded over to a few hundred feet away, where Kai stood waiting for me.
“I know you find it hard, Dad, but thank you.”
He sighed. “Can you find other words than hard when talking about boyfriends, Charlie? And believe me when I tell you it is taking considerable inner strength to not walk over to him and threaten him within an inch of his life.”
I laughed. “I think Kai is already crystal clear on that one. Now take Mum home, get her washed up, praise her youthful looks and take her out to dinner because otherwise she is going to turn from stinking smell wise, to being in a stinker of a mood.”
“Already made the booking at Hanif’s. See you later… Queen.” He bowed, smiled, and moved away.
Leaving me with Kai.