Shelley
All was pretty quiet and peaceful for the next week. Charlie visited the sea each evening where Duke Brishon gave her lessons in sea politics and then she’d spend a few hours with Kai before returning home. I’d decided the best way to keep Theo from worrying was to keep him distracted. I was tired but in a good way.
Friday morning came, and yawning, I crossed the threshold of Jax’s coffee shop to get a lovely hot brew. I think I needed an espresso chaser.
The door banged open and Samara hurtled through the door, her blonde curly locks bouncing all over the place, whipping me in the face as she finally stopped at my side.
“Shelley. Shelley. It’s started. Ebony was right. It is to do with sausage rolls. Look!”
She plonked a tray full of fourteen freshly cooked sausage rolls on the counter. My stomach rumbled. Written in tomato sauce across them was
T H I S I S W A R B I T C H.
“I’m telling you, they’re from that bitch Rebecca. I got a call from Cupid Inc Headquarters and I’m being full-on audited because she’s told them I don’t do anything; that I rely on the dating agency and fudge my figures. I’d only just got out of the last audit by getting Polly and Drake together.”
I didn’t tell her that actually I did that, because she had been instrumental in shooting her arrows into Keto to show the person Keto loved most was herself, which had paved the way for my sister and her boyfriend to get together for good.
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“Me? Well we ask Charlie don’t we? Seeing as this is the war.”
I took a drink of my coffee and closed my eyes to think this over. Surely this was not the war Charlie was prophesied to save us all from? But there was a declaration via sausage rolls, so I had to treat it as a possibility.
“I’m going to call the bitch.” Before myself or Jax could stop her, her phone was out of her bag and she’d dialled a number.
“Hey, Bex. Thanks for the rolls. Oh stop pretending you don’t know about them. Anyway, my friends are just sharing them. They said they’re delicious, so I’m just checking you didn’t put anything in them did you, or I’ll have to phone the police? Just a warning are they? Well, I’m over here shitting my pants, babe. What’s next, a Cornish pasty? You’re very strange, do you know that?”
She laughed. “Is that right? Cupid’s weekly magazine. I tell you what, whingebag mingebag. Why don’t you come here and see if Shelley can set you up on a date? Because although I might be too lazy to get people together, at least I managed to get a guy myself and he didn’t scream when he removed my panties because he thought a stray rabid dog was loose down there.”
I could hear screaming at the other end of the phone.
“Oh bring it. Go to the magazine. See if I care.” Samara hung up.
She looked from me to Jax and back again. “She’s going to write an article for the weekly Cupid magazine, explaining how dating agencies are killing the Cupid business and making some of us lazy, and how something needs to be done to stop the global phenomenon of dating agencies. She thinks she can get enough people together to descend on Withernsea in a protest.”
“Great. Protests against my dating agency. What amazing publicity that will be. How will I explain that away to the press?”
“They’ll just think Cupid Inc is a rival dating agency. I just hope Cupid himself doesn’t come down to earth and declare war on you. We don’t want a war on love. That would be catastrophic.”
“I’m sure Cupid will be happy to see love matches being made, however it’s happening.” I said.
“Well, maybe.” She shrugged.
“What do you mean, maybe?”
“Cupid gets all the kudos for people falling in love, yeah? He’s not going to be happy if the press get hold of the story and declare the Cupid system is outdated and agencies are the way forward. What if they say it’s agencies all the way and Cupid is out?”
“Oh dear God. Do you mean to say that this stupid Rebecca could cause Cupid himself to come to Withernsea and challenge me about my agency?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, I’ll speak to Charlie tonight. It would appear this could be the beginning of the war after all.”