Kat’s sitting up in bed with her legs stretched out and crossed at her ankles. Zeus’s big, furry body drapes over her as if her lap is a throne and he’s the king of it while Aphrodite curls up near her feet. “What are you reading?” I ask, dropping the damp towel from my waist.

“Romance novel.” Her stare jumps from the pages of her book and lands on my naked body. Eyes normally filled with needy hunger now shoot daggers in a pick-that-up-or-die look.

“I’m not gonna leave it there. Relax.” She goes right back to reading as I pull on a clean pair of boxer briefs, snapping the thick waistband around my hips.

I’m an asshole, and I’ll tell you why. Two weeks ago, Kat froze me out. She threw me to the dogs to fend for myself, and by that, I mean I’ve been doing the no pants dance with Rosie Palm and her five sisters. It’s cold out here all by myself, so in a last-ditch effort for a little lovin’, I’m using Kat’s weakness against her. Her Achilles’ heel. I even busted out the Old Spice body wash for an added advantage. What can I say? I’m desperate.

Unfortunately, the book lodged in her hand is getting more play right now than I am, which is a huge kick in the dick. Then again, how often do I find Kat reading? Huge red flag.

I blow two air kisses, clapping my hands twice. “C’mon, Zeus. Get down, boy.” The dog lifts his head and looks at me with his dumb, lazy gaze. Yes, we’re one of those annoying couples that regards our dogs as children. I hate even saying it out loud, but Zeus is actually going to be wearing a bow tie and standing at the altar with us when we get married in a couple of weeks. Kat’s idea, not mine, but the old man’s gonna look sharp as hell.

“Zeus!” I call again, with a non-threatening whack on his hind. He lazily pushes to his feet and jumps off the bed, the metal tags on his collar jangling as he trots away. I slide into his spot, resting my head on Kat’s stomach with my arms around her.

She buries her fingers in the short thicket of hair at the top of my scalp and rakes it back. The feel of her fingernails lights me up like magic. I want to feel them digging into my back as I pound her into the mattress, but she’s not taking the bait.

“How was work today?”

The question raises my hackles to such a level that even the sensual swirl of her fingertips tracing the shell of my ear doesn’t bring them down. I hate my job. Like, despise it. But a guy with my arrest record doesn’t have a ton of options as far as work goes, and stocking shelves at Trader Joe’s actually offers benefits, which I need anyway. Still, it’s a mindless, crappy job that pays shit, and I can’t stand that Kat’s basically the breadwinner right now. I should be taking care of her, not the other way around. No wonder she doesn't want to fuck me anymore. I’m a total loser.

“Whatever,” I mumble, pushing my face into her lower belly as her hand moves to the back of my neck. “That feels nice, baby.”

“I know you’re unhappy there,” she coos, reading my mind. “You’ll find something else eventually. You’re a smart guy.”

Blah, blah, blah. It has nothing to do with me being smart or driven or any of those other things she’s constantly placating me with. The fact of the matter is, no one wants to hire an ex-junkie. Period. It’s too much of a liability. At least back home, the Tates took pity on me and gave me a chance. I was able to prove my worth. Out here, no one looks at me twice. The only good thing I have in my life right now is Kat, and even she seems like she’s backing away from me.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Using my thumb, I lift the hem of her tee just enough to expose a golden strip of skin, then press my lips to her stomach. Her muscles contract. I flick her belly button with my tongue, continuing to trail open-mouthed kisses across her abdomen.

“Chase . . .” My name comes out clipped with a warning, yet her voice is breathy and light.

The tiny taste of her turns me into a man possessed. The scent of her arousal beckons me like an old lost love. I need more. Always more. I curl my fingers into the waistband of her shorts and start to drag them down her slender hips, but she drops her hand to stop me. “C’mon, babe. Stop.”

“You don’t want me to stop.” I suck her skin between my teeth and nibble on her hipbone.

“That’s exactly why you have to.” Without comment, I continue my trek across her body. She sucks in a sharp breath. “Chase, I want you to stop.” The whole phrase burst from her chest in one long, static whisper. She tugs on her shorts, hiding from me.

Rejection splashes on my face like a bucket of ice water. I sit up, my lips twisted in disdain, and my brows pinched tight. “You cheatin’ on me?”

“What? No!” She scrambles from the bed, her hands trembling like fall leaves. “How dare you even accuse me of that?” she sneers, her nostrils flaring.

“Well, what am I supposed to think, Katarina? You spend all your time with another guy, and suddenly, my dick’s not good enough for you anymore!”

She cringes as if I’ve slapped her. Perhaps my choice of phrases was a bit biting, but I’m too fucking mad to care. “Don’t bring Erik into this! He’s my AA sponsor, Chase. He’s a friend, and yes, I spend time with him, but you’re who I want to spend my life with!” The gleaming edge in her razor-sharp glare begins to soften as her eyes brim with tears. “I just needed to see if our relationship was strong enough to weather the storm.”

“You shouldn’t need a test to know I love you. I’m here. I gave up everything in New Jersey to be with you. That should be enough.”

She crosses her arms over her chest, her quivering lips pressed into a thin pink line. “I know you love me, Chase. I never doubted that for a second.”

“Then why are you shutting me out?”

“Our love life is just another addiction sprouting from the same cracks in our foundation,” she spouts, squaring her shoulders.

My chin falls. What is this monkey-ass bullshit she’s blowing out with now? When Kat gets something in her head, she fixates on it until it becomes a cancer. It was bad when she was drinking, but it’s so much worse now that she’s not. “It’s sex, Kat. It feels good. That’s why people do it.”

“Not like us.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I mumble to myself, swiping a hard hand down my weary face. “Explain.”

“We don’t deal with anything! The other week you got a parking ticket. What happened afterward?”

I narrow my gaze, trying to resurrect a memory from a month ago. Her pleated skirt up around her waist, panties pooling around her ankle boots, quivering legs giving out beneath her as orgasm number four rocked her senseless. By the time we both collapsed, I’d forgotten all about the ticket.

“When you got home, you bent me over the couch and pounded me stupid.” She answers for me, reading my mind.

The wicked smile that curls along my mouth can’t be helped. She said some seriously filthy stuff that day. “You didn’t sound like you hated it.”

“That’s not the point! You were furious about the ticket, and instead of working through that anger, you came home and took it out on me.”

“This is crap, Kat. We’re about to make a big life change, and you’re getting all lost in your own head and creating unnecessary drama.”

“Don’t tell me what’s in my head!” she shouts, standing stiff, her hands clenched at her sides.

“Baby, I don’t want to fight with you, okay? We’re stressed, and we’re tired; let’s just go to bed.” Throwing my hands up in defeat, I settle on the mattress and drape the covers over my legs. This shit could take all night, and tomorrow, she’ll be on to something else.

“I’m terrified,” she mutters, her voice small and childlike. The fiery blood in my veins turns to slush. I feel it hardening inside my heart as a tear rolls down her cheek. Her nervous gaze falls to the floor at the foot of our bed. The same bed we bought together, then made love on before the plastic was even off the mattress. This entire house was built on one solid foundation. Us. Everything in this pile of bricks can wash away with the tide for all I care. If we don’t have each other, all of it means nothing.

I hold out my hand, waiting as she steps forward to take it. A jolt of warmth travels up my arm into the frozen hunk of ice in my chest, thawing it enough to restart its slow rhythm. Kat’s been hurt in ways I couldn’t even begin to imagine, and that kind of shit leaves lasting scars. Both of us were broken when we met, damaged beyond repair. We slapped ourselves together with tape and called it new, but it’s an illusion. Every day is a constant struggle to stay above water.

“Do you still love me?”

She curls into my chest, wetting me with her tears. “So much it scares the bejesus out of me. I want to marry you, Chase, but my head's a mess, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore. I can’t think straight, and I know I’m taking it out on you, and I’m not sure how to stop this relentless buzzing in my brain that won’t go away.”

I push a lock of blue hair off her forehead. When she came home with it the other day, she claimed, “Every bride needs something blue.” I joked that she already had my balls, and she laughed. Life with Kat is always like that. The ups are up, and the downs are down, and there isn’t much of an in-between. “Maybe you should talk to Dr. Goldberg about your meds if they aren't working.” She nods with a strong sniffle. “I love you,” I tell her, stroking her face and dropping a kiss along her hairline.

“One day, you’re gonna wake up an old man, resenting me for all the demons that continue to taunt me.” She looks up, black eyes drowning in melancholy and fear.

“No,” I reply, shaking my head. “Because I'll have long since vanquished your demons, pulled them out of you, and dragged them into the hell that resides in me. You’re not alone in this. We fight them together, side by side.”

She snuggles into me deeper, burrowing into my chest as if she can't get close enough. I run my fingers across her jaw, taking in the color difference in our skin. Hers a beautiful bronze against mine, pale and permanently stained with ink. The last of her tears cling to high cheekbones glittering in the soft glow of a nearby lamp. I want her pain. If I could take it from her, I would, but I can't. I can only offer myself and a promise that I'll never let her fall, even when her legs are too weak to hold her weight and the world is crushing down on her back. I'll always be there to catch her.

Pulling her tighter, I drop my lips to hers, the kiss soft as butterfly wings fluttering against our mouths. A timid mewl sounds from the back of her throat. I sweep my tongue against her teeth, stealing entry into the warm, wetness of her mouth. I taste her fear like a bitter pill melting on her tongue, feeling the full weight of her anxiety bearing down on us both. Sharing her breath, I share her burden. Own it for the moment we're connected, our hearts beating together, hands twisted around our bodies as if we aren't two singular people, but one, conjoined in pain.

* * *

A cigarette dangles from my lips as my dog drags me down the crowded city street. Saying it's a beautiful day is kind of an obvious duh. Every day is a beautiful day in California. Sunshiny and bright, a perfect eighty degrees. Just like the day before it. Three hundred and sixty-five days of spring.

A heart-stopping buzz drones against my leg. I pull out my cell phone, and Kat’s face illuminates the tiny screen.

I grin and pull the cigarette from my mouth with two fingers, blowing the smoke from the corner of my lips. My “bachelor party” consisted of me, Nikos, and a couple of guys from the store playing laser tag. Yes, the night before my wedding was about as exciting as a twelve-year-old’s birthday party, but when you cut out booze and chicks, what’s left?

Now, before you cock a questioning brow, let me explain. I’ve been clean and sober for over four years, not counting a little drunken mishap when Kat and I broke up. Not my finest hour but that little blip didn’t get me down. I got back on the wagon and never touched another drop. Neither of us have. I don’t need mood-altering substances when I have Kat. She has enough mood swings to keep me interested until the day I die.

With one squinty eye deflecting the smoke, I type in a quick reply.

I don’t get much farther when my phone blares from my pocket again. When the picture message loads, I almost drop the damn phone on the sidewalk. It’s a mirror image of Kat wearing nothing but a scrap of panties. The slender arm draped across her nipples holds the phone, while the other flips me the bird, her scarlet lips pursed in a bright red kiss. The caption reads: Getting ready to pleasure myself to the mental image of you in a tux.

Fuck . . .

It’s been weeks since I’ve touched her, and my cock stiffens. Out on the street with raging wood is never a good thing. I pick up the pace to a steady speed walk, trying to get to where I’m headed faster while formulating a reply with no blood in my head.

I tear my eyes from the sexy image on my phone in time for the pedestrian crosswalk sign to change from a person to a hand, but when I step out into the road, a backfiring car sets Zeus on edge.

The pit bull takes off like a bullet, dragging me across the road faster than I’m prepared to go. The phone resting in my hand tumbles to the pavement, shattering on the painted white lines. Spider-web lines crack over Kat’s naked image. I watch it skitter across the concrete, half a second before the impact blows me off my feet.

I never even saw it coming . . .