Hey, it’s Chase. Leave a message.

I disconnect the call with a pout, angry with myself for missing him this morning. I only got to talk to him briefly last night, forgetting about the three-hour time difference. He was half asleep when I called, so he didn’t say much. Hearing his voice just makes me feel better. His deep, smooth baritone crooning in my ear as he says he loves me is all I ever really need.

Opening my messages, I tap out a quick text.

Hoped to reach you. Sorry I missed you earlier. Phone sex tonight?

Giggling, I hit send, picturing his crooked smile as he reads my text, his lids all droopy and hot. Warmth rushes to my lower half. I lift his pillow and hug it to my chest, inhaling the clean, masculine scent that clings to the case. He smells good even when he isn’t trying. It’s like his body’s natural pheromones or something. They call to me, throwing all my hormones into a tizzy.

RuPaul and his merry band of drag superstars prance around on the television as I settle deeper into the mattress. It calls to mind an old life. The version of me at my worst, yet still one of the best times of my life. Chase and I watching Devin play Hedwig, dancing at the club, and the way he took care of me the next morning as I hung my aching head in shame. We were written in the stars way back when and destined to find each other. He sewed up the seams in my heart with tattooed fingers and never let go.

One minute, I’m gearing up to sashay and chantey, the next I’m ripped from my sleep by the sound of Aphrodite whimpering at the door. My heavy lids blink as my gaze slides over to the digital clock on the cable box. 4:03. A jolt of sadness hits my stomach as I lift my phone to see if Chase called and I missed it. Another burst of heartache blooms in my chest when I realize he didn’t.

“Okay, Aphro. Chill the fuck out.”

Begrudgingly, I throw back the covers and slip out of bed, wrapping myself in Chase’s fleece before opening the door. The fresh fragrance of cotton and Cool Water surrounding me hurts my heart. He didn’t call, didn’t text. What if something happened? I’m sure Athena would have called me. What’s the deal?

Aphro bolts down the hall, her little feet slipping on the hardwood as she cuts a sharp turn to the right. I work my arms through the sleeves and reach in into the pocket to find my smokes. My fingers curl around the white and gold box. I pull it out and slip the filter between my lips as I yank open the back door.

With my phone nestled snug in my armpit, I light the tip, watching the orange glow highlight the darkness around me. Those months we spent apart were the loneliest of my life. I’d sit by my window, watching the world turn with a stagnant stare wondering what he was doing. If he was happy, if he’d moved on. The desolate feeling was a vacant hole in my chest. I’d gotten everything I ever wanted, but without him, it was nothing.

My whole life without him was nothing. A black hole threatening to swallow everything I’d worked for. But when he came to California to find me, I felt born again. I know how crazy I sound. Putting this much pressure on a singular person is intense, but I can’t help it. He’s everything—everything—and I can’t stand knowing he’s out there doing God knows what without me. I’m not strong enough to handle it.

Without another thought, I whip out my phone and dial. My stomach hardens, my breaths coming coarser, faster. I just need to hear his voice. Need the reassurance that everything’s okay and he’s coming home to me soon.

Hey, it’s Chase. Leave a message.

“Uh, hey, baby. If you get this message, please call me. I love you.” I suck my cigarette down to the filter and flick it into the yard before whistling for the dogs to come inside. Light from the TV still flickers in my bedroom, creating a creepy gray hue hovering over my bed. That same sense of emptiness from long ago twists in my gut. Something’s wrong. I feel it like a sixth sense. We’re connected that way. Two halves of one whole.

I’m still curled under the covers as the sun blazes through the windows. Sleep eluded me. I spent the night with Billy Mays and Jillian Michaels. I learned everything there was to know about Flex Tape and the TreadClimber, but I still didn’t know where my fiancé was hiding.

With a heavy heart, I push myself up and dial Athena. “Geia sou, Kitty! What’s up?”

“Did Chase come back to the house last night?” My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. I try my best to hold back the burning sting clawing up my esophagus as I wait for her answer.

The creak of an opening door groans through the phone. “Bed’s still made. Everything okay?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t been able to get in touch with him.” My fingers find the ends of my hair and twist it up in circles. “Have you heard from him at all?”

“Do you think maybe he met up with some old friends while he’s in town? Maybe he ended up spending the night in the city or something.”

“The only friends were me and grandma, Thene!”

“Don’t freak out, okay? Relax. He has a lot on his plate right now. I’m sure you’ll hear from him today.”

“Yeah,” I respond although I’m not convinced. “If you hear from him, please have him call me, okay?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Thanks, Thene. S'agapó.”

“S'agapó, Kitty Kat. Let me know if you hear from him.”

Athena’s ever-present optimism doesn’t appease me. In fact, it only serves to further exacerbate the unease that continues to stew. It’s been twenty-four hours. Little did I know, this would be day one of a shit storm I’d yet to see coming.