Chapter 20

~ Gabrielle ~

Present Day

I walked through the back door after dropping off Dani at a dance camp her father had paid for, and dumped my purse on the kitchen island, relieved to find the room empty. I never knew what I would encounter in Danny’s house. There always seemed to be an endless party going on—big groups of people hanging around doing a lot of nothing, at all times of the day.

Danny’s troubles with drugs and alcohol were no secret, both contributing to his “bad boy” image the critics used to prove why he was such a horrible influence, along with his controversial lyrics. I was sure some of the reports were true; I’d witnessed him drinking and smoking pot when we were dating, but he had never appeared to be out of control. Perhaps with the new lifestyle came harder drugs, ones more difficult to shake.

His recovery was supposedly successful. I hadn’t seen any evidence of him being under any influence of anything, but maybe after Dani and I turned in for the night, he partied. I’d never seen him hanging out, but truth be told, I knew little of what he did throughout the day. For the most part, he disappeared, and then reappeared out of the blue to spend time with Dani.

I hated whenever his friends were around. The girls glared at me, making snide remarks under their breath, and one girl even accused me of falsifying Dani’s paternity to get at Danny’s money, which was amusing, since anyone who wasn’t blind could see he was her father. Put him in pigtails and they were almost twins.

Whoever they were and for whatever reason they hung out all the time, their constant presence gave me pause when I thought about letting Dani stay the night at her father’s house once we moved out. I wouldn’t expose her to that behavior, especially if I wasn’t around to shelter her from it; even if he was her father.

Opening the fridge, I scanned the contents for something to eat for breakfast before plopping in front of the computer to continue my daily job search, since I had time to kill before meeting my mother and sister, who were both in town, for lunch. I cringed when someone trudged into the kitchen, afraid the group had wandered in from some other part of the house, despite the early hour, and I regretted my plan. When I closed the door and turned, however, it was only Danny.

All assumptions about him partying during the night appeared to be true as I took in his appearance. He looked worse for the wear with his short hair flattened against his head, and his eyes red and bloodshot. He hadn’t shaved, and the stubble only accentuated the gray pallor to his face. The way he squinted at me, I guessed he had a monstrous headache.

“Hey,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “She get off okay?”

“Yes. You all right?”

He shrugged, but said nothing as he opened the cupboard and pulled down a mug before walking over to the coffeemaker.

I remained silent, watching as he doctored his coffee with sugar and cream before taking a hesitant sip. He winced, but followed with another drink, as if trying to inject the caffeine into his system as fast as possible.

“Danny?”

“What?” He slouched down at the kitchen island and rubbed at his temples.

I stood right next to him, and up close, his coloring was worse. “What are you on?”

He scowled. “What do you mean, what am I on?”

“Danny, I’m going to ask one more time. What are you on?”

His eyes narrowed. “I’m not on fucking anything.”

“Oh, really? Is this the way you look every morning?”

“You trying to say I look like shit or something?” His lips quivered as he wavered between trying not to smile and grimacing in pain.

“I’m serious. I will not have Dani here while you’re doing whatever drugs you’re doing. I heard about all that.”

He took a sharp breath through his nose. “And you believe everything you hear?”

“Come on, I’m sure some of it was true.”

“Well, then you would have also heard I went to rehab.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t go right back.”

“I’m glad you have so much confidence in me.” He turned away, and guilt swept through me. I was just as bad as everyone else, jumping to conclusions when it came to him. My voice stopped him when he reached the threshold of the room.

“Well, tell me what’s going on then.”

He turned. “You’ll believe me?”

“I’ll hear what you have to say.”

He shook his head and studied the floor. When he glanced up, there was a brief flash of hurt in his eyes before the curtain fell. “You used to believe in me.”

I sighed. I wanted to trust him, but I had, and look where that got me—six years of heartbreak and loneliness, all my dreams crushed. “I want to, Danny. Believe me I want to, but this isn’t about me. This is about our daughter.”

He walked back into the room and stopped in front of me. The color was returning to his face. “I guess it’s a start. For now.”

I hesitated, unsure what he meant, and tried to read his steely gaze; but like always, he was good at hiding what he was thinking and feeling. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t sleep, and when I can’t sleep, I record. I was up all night, recording.”

“Recording?” I frowned. “Where? At some studio?”

“In the basement.”

My brows shot up to my hairline. “You have a studio in your basement?”

“Yeah, just a little one. I can’t always be going somewhere to record, especially when inspiration hits in the middle of the night.”

“So, you can’t sleep and you go record, and that’s why you look like…” I waved a hand at him.

He smiled. “We can’t all be beautiful all the time like you, G.”

“Danny…” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, when you don’t sleep for fucking, I don’t know how many days, yeah, you’re going to look like shit, eventually. When you’re a recovering addict, they won’t give you anything to help you sleep anymore.” He rubbed his hair with his hand and took another sip of his coffee.

I studied him, trying to decide if I believed him. When I said nothing, he scowled. “What?”

“What about all the people always hanging around? You’re telling me you’re not partying with them?”

He snorted. “Fuck no. I told you, those aren’t my people.”

“Then why are they always here?”

“I don’t know. They’re friends of friends or something. They come here to hang.”

I shook my head, struggling to make sense of everything. “So, you’re telling me—” I ticked my fingers, “—you’re not doing any drugs, you don’t sleep at all, you disappear into a recording studio in the basement, and the people who are always here hanging out, as you say, are not your friends and you don’t know why they’re here. Did I get everything right?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

I threw up my arms. “Why would you want random people here all the time?”

He shrugged. “Why not? They’re somebody’s friends. The house is big enough. You have a problem with it?”

“Well, yeah; not that it’s any of my business, but I have a problem with it. Dani doesn’t need to be around that. Some of them seem to be…inappropriate.”

“Okay. They’re gone.”

“Wait, Danny.” I put my hands up, attempting to keep up with him. “This isn’t my house, and this isn’t for me to decide. I’m simply telling you I don’t want Dani around it. If they can find another time to hang out or whatever—”

“No. You’re right. They don’t need to be here. I’ve got a family now, and that’s what this house will be used for.”

I frowned and tried to understand what he was getting at, which became clearer when he placed his mug on the counter and cleared his throat.

“I wanted to talk to you…”

My heart flipped into panic mode and I stepped back. He could only want to discuss two things—a custody agreement for Dani, or give me some lame excuse about the horrible night when he ripped me apart in front of the world, and by his expression, it was the latter.

“I’ve got to go.” I reached around him to grab my purse. “I’ll be back later,” I called out over my shoulder before rushing out the door.

I sat in my car with my hands gripping the steering wheel, and took a deep breath. There was no way I was ready to have that conversation with him, and I probably never would. As much as I wanted answers, it would kill me to relive that night, and hear whatever weak justification he might try to give me.

It was time I got out of there.

* * *

I walked into the restaurant and glanced around. When I spotted my sister and mother in the back corner, I smiled with a wave and weaved my way through the tables before pulling them both into big hugs. Now that they both lived elsewhere, I didn’t see them a lot, and I missed them. We tried to get together at least once a month to catch up, or whenever Monica came into town, but the time was always too short. This visit, they’d miss Dani, much to everyone’s dismay, since she was attending the dance camp.

“How are things in Chicago?” I asked Monica.

“They’re good.” She glanced between our mother and me. “Michael and I are moving in together.”

“Oh wow! That’s great,” I said as Mom reached over to hug her.

“I’m so happy both of my girls have found such nice men.”

“Yeah.” I shifted in my chair and dropped my eyes. Then the waiter arrived to take our orders, saving me.

Monica waited until the server left before turning back. “Spill it.”

I smiled. “Never could hide anything from you.”

“What’s going on, Gabby?” Mom asked, her faced etched with concern. “There isn’t trouble with you and Brad, is there?”

“Uh.” I cleared my throat. So much had changed that I had no idea how I would dump everything on them. “Yes, actually, there is. I left him, and I’ve moved out.”

“What?” my mom said in alarm. “Where are you living?”

“Ah, yeah. That’s the funny part.” I chuckled and scratched my head. “I’m living with Danny.”

“Danny who?” Mom asked, not catching on.

“Oh no,” Monica groaned. “What the hell are you doing, Gabby? How did you even get back in touch with him?”

My mother caught up and gasped. “No! Don’t tell me you are back with that horrible man!”

I scowled. “He’s not a horrible man, and I’m not back with him. It’s a long story how our paths crossed again, but he was kind enough to offer us a place to stay while I figured things out, so he could spend time with his daughter.”

“You told him about her?” Monica asked.

“Of course, I did. She’s his daughter. He has a right to know her.”

“Well, he didn’t want to when you were pregnant.”

“According to him, he never saw our texts or anything.”

“Oh, baloney,” Mom huffed and took a drink of her water.

“I believe him,” I told them, ignoring their twin scowls of disbelief. “You didn’t see his face when he found out. He was shocked.”

“Of course, you’re going to believe him,” Monica said. “He can do no wrong in your eyes. Did you forget what he did to you?”

“No, I didn’t forget.” I was tired of defending my decisions and him. “I understand how you guys feel about him and why, but I’ve decided I want Dani to have her father in her life, and since he wants to be, I will do all I can to help their relationship grow. What happened between me and him is in the past, where it will stay.”

“Gabby, honey, he isn’t safe,” my mom pleaded. “You hear all the time about the horrible things he says in his songs. Plus, all his issues with drugs and stuff. He’s no good.”

“Mom,” I said in exasperation. “I’ve told you this before; that’s his music. It’s an act, an alter ego, if you will, based on things he’s witnessed. He doesn’t believe those things. It’s part of the hip-hop culture. Both of you conveniently forget how you once invited him into our home, treated him like family, and were curious about him and his music. You weren’t worried about safety then.”

“What about the drugs?” Monica asked with a raised brow.

“He finished rehab and cleaned himself up.”

“And that’s it? Everything’s good?”

“No, everything isn’t good, but he works hard every day, and he will continue to. He wants to do what’s right for Dani, and he knows if he screws up again, I won’t let him be around her.” I saw the doubt on their faces and sighed. “Give him a chance. That’s all I ask, and all I’m doing. He deserves that, if nothing else. You don’t see him with her. He loves her like crazy, and she’s nuts about him. He would do anything for her.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Monica asked, “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“How are you handling being around him again?”

“I’m fine,” I lied. “It isn’t about me anyways; it’s about Dani.”

“You’re okay with seeing him every day and not knowing why he did what he did?”

I swallowed past the tight lump in my throat. “It doesn’t matter, Monica. It was so many years ago.”

“But you’re still not over him,” she stated.

I met her gaze. “It doesn’t matter. Dani is what matters.”

“So, you’ll suffer in silence for her?” She reached out to squeeze my hand.

“Yes,” I said, and squeezed back. “It’s all I can do.”