Chapter 27

~ Gabrielle ~

Six Years Earlier

 

 

I trudged up the stairs to Danny’s apartment. I didn’t have to wear a brace on my knee anymore, which had forced me to gimp from side-to-side, but I still required one for my ankle, making me limp because of the stupid, thick boot. It was frustrating, but I was getting better. I also no longer resembled a survivor of a nasty car accident, the scrapes and bruises on my face having faded. But even though I was healing physically; emotionally, I was a wreck.

Ever since my release from the hospital, Danny had been around less and less. He blamed his lack of availability on recording and needing to make the final edits on his demos so he could send them out to record labels. I understood and supported him, but I didn’t like the negative impact the absence drew on our relationship. Even during the rare times I managed to snag with him, he was quiet, withdrawn even, and I couldn’t remember the last time he kissed me or extended a simple gesture, such as holding my hand. Anytime I tried to initiate anything, he rebuffed me, drawing back with a look of pain. And again tonight, he was pushing me away.

Rather than spending time with me, he was going to The Sanctuary with Dollar to free verse against other aspiring rappers. Danny often did these battles to build up his name and reputation, but he never allowed me to go to the ones held in this basement club, insisting the place was too rough for me. I begged and pleaded, but he refused, claiming having me there would be more of a distraction to him, worrying about me among the rowdy crowd. I soon learned, however, Kat and her friends attended the battles and, in fact, were going tonight, forcing me to take matters into my own hands.

He wasn’t going to be happy to see me, and that sad knowledge made me take a deep, calming breath before I knocked. I heard as he strode across the room and willed the nerves in my stomach to still.

The door flew open and Danny stared at me. Surprise warmed his eyes followed by a flash of pain before he covered it with a cold, hard gaze. “What are you doing here?”

I smiled, struggling to ignore the impatience on his face and praying I wouldn’t break down. “I wanted to see you, so I took the bus. Can I come in?”

He hesitated before moving aside to let me pass. “I’ve got to go in a few.”

“I know. I was hoping we could have some time together, since we don’t get to see each other much anymore.”

“I told you I’ve been busy with the demo.”

“I know. I’m not complaining. I’m just trying to make an effort.”

He stayed with the door at his back, eyeing me as I took off my jacket and draped it over a chair. I clomped over to him with a forced smile on my face and put my arms around his neck. He stood his ground with a steely gaze, his hands shoved deep into his jeans pockets, but when I leaned in to kiss him, he jerked his head to the side and stepped out of my hold.

His rejection broke my resolve to stay strong. “What is going on, Danny?”

He wouldn’t face me and only gave me his back. “Nothing. Nothing’s going on.”

“Stop lying. Please stop lying and tell me what’s going on. Is there someone else?”

His jaw tensed. “No, there’s no one else, G.”

I trudged over to stand in front of him, making him look at me. “Then what’s going on? Why won’t you even touch me? Is it because of what happened?”

He scowled. “What do you mean?”

“Are you disgusted by me now because of what happened with Terrell?”

“Jesus Christ. No, I’m not disgusted by you.”

“Then what is it? I’m at a loss here, Danny.” Exasperation replaced the hurt in my tone.

“It’s not all about you, G. You ever fucking think of that?”

“I didn’t say it was all about me!”

“Then maybe you should just back off!”

“Back off? Back off! Danny, I haven’t seen you in four days! We haven’t been with each other since I was out of the hospital six weeks ago. I think I have backed off! You, on the other hand, seem to want to forget I even exist.”

His eyes narrowed as he bumped his chest into mine, causing me to backtrack. “Is that what this is about? You horny, baby? You want some?” He leered at me and tugged at my shirt.

I batted at his hands and tried to push him away. “Stop it! Stop it, you asshole!”

He pinned me against the wall and nipped at my neck. “I love it when little Miss Goody Two-shoes swears. It makes me hot.”

I shoved his shoulders hard, making him step back. Both of our chests heaved as we stared at one another, and I wondered how we had arrived at this crossroad. How had two people, who loved each other more than anything, get to the point where we acted as if we hated each other, and called each other names? Why were we even here? I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, and I wanted to beg. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was, which, unfortunately, wasn’t an option. We had turned a corner somewhere, I didn’t know when or why, but I was desperate for another route. I didn’t like the way my blood surged throughout my body, screaming for a dark release. I’d never considered myself an antagonistic person before, but the intensity of my feelings for him demanded it, for better or worse.

A sense of fragile control settled over me, until I caught his expression, which stopped me cold. He didn’t seem mad or upset, but rather amused, even smug, as if my pain and anger humored him, which enraged me more.

A click reverberated in my head, and before I realized what I was doing, I grabbed a glass from the table next to me and launched it at him, the only way I knew how to make him feel the depth of my suffering. He ducked just in time, and the glass hit the wall behind him, exploding into a waterfall of shards. When he turned back, a dangerous glint shone in his eye.

“I wouldn’t do that again, if I were you.”

My fingers flew up to my mouth, and I gasped, shocked at what I had done. I didn’t even know myself anymore, didn’t like who I had become. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Danny; I needed him to talk, to tell me what was happening, because I was lost.

I slunk to my knees and dropped my head into my hands, my shoulders shaking as I cried. I was alone in my grief for a few minutes until I heard him sigh. His hands touched my back, and I jumped in surprise, having expected him to leave me where I was. Looking up into his face, I spotted the Danny I loved and who loved me, his blues eyes filled with concern and warmth.

“Don’t do that,” he said as he rubbed my shoulders.

He sat on the floor next to me, pulling me into his side. I rested my head on his shoulder and relished the comfort he was providing.

“I don’t understand,” I whispered with a sniffle.

“I don’t either,” he murmured.

He was slipping away from me. I didn’t know why or what I had done, but I was desperate to latch onto the thin threads that remained and pull, using everything with my power to keep him by my side.

Ducking my head, my lips found his, but he jerked.

“Don’t start that, please.”

I ignored him, and did it again, this time with more insistence. He tried to move away, but I followed, keeping my mouth pressed against his.

His hands gripped my shoulders, and I waited for him to push me away, but they held, and then pulled me closer. He opened to me, and I fell into the kiss. It was sweet and tender, and with a hint of sadness, but it was my life preserver to keep me afloat.

I stretched back, and he came over me, our lips never parting. Shifting my hips up, I pressed against his hardness and he groaned.

“Gabrielle,” he whispered.

“I’m here.”

His hands squeezed my breasts outside of my sweater and our kiss picked up in urgency. We were rushing toward the end that I didn’t want to come, but was clueless how to stop it or turn us in a different direction.

He tugged my zipper, and I lifted, so he could pull my pants down, but he only got half way, hampered by the heavy boot. He leaned back and with one hand, undid his, and yanked them down just as far, and then slid right into me.

We both gasped in pleasure, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he took his time, drawing out each stroke. I moved with him, awkward and clumsy because of the brace on my ankle, but it wasn’t long before a warm glow filled me.

Holding himself on one elbow, he kissed me, his tongue twisting and coiling with mine, and I kept pace, rolling my hips against his before he pulled back and hissed in a breath.

“Fuck, you’re going to make me come,” he moaned.

His words pushed me over the edge and I cried out, writhing underneath him as everything within me expanded and contracted in soft, dreamy pulses, and he stilled, pressing hard into me as he gritted out his release on a groan.

A few seconds passed before Danny swore and rolled onto his back, yanking up his pants. The cold, barren distance opened between us again and slapped me in the face. Nothing had changed.

I eyed him through lowered lids as I righted my clothes, uncertain where we stood.

He leaned down to help me up. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I folded my arms across my chest.

He glanced up, and the curtain was back. “Because that shouldn’t have happened.” His gaze went past me to the clock on the wall. “Shit. I’ve got to go.”

“We’re not done here, Danny.”

His eyes flitted over me as he shoved his arms through the sleeves of his jacket. “Yeah, we are.”

He walked out the door and shut it behind him without another word, the silence trailing in his wake speaking volumes, but it was nothing I wanted to hear.

 

* * *

 

“Move up so he can see you, girl.” Kat pushed me forward.

“No, I’m fine here.” I tried to shrink into the shadows to avoid standing out like a sore thumb. Not because I was the only white face around—there were many scattered throughout the crowd—but I was the only tall blonde with a big boot on her foot. Thankfully, I had Kat at my side, telling any interested party where to stick it when they came on too strong.

“What do you mean? He’ll want to see you.” She pulled me to stand next to her, right under one of the few working lights hanging from the ceiling.

I glanced around at the dark, dank green club, which resembled an unfinished basement. Exposed pipes and heater ducts wound and crisscrossed above, and the flooring was nothing but a cement slab. A small raised platform flanked the front of the room, and large speakers loomed in opposite corners, facing outward, with towers lining the back wall. In the middle, sat a table and a DJ, who provided the mixes.

Kat and her friends had arrived late to pick me up, so we’d missed Danny’s first two rounds. We’d pushed our way through, ignoring the complaints and glares from those already there. He wasn’t going to be happy I was there, if he even saw me, so I didn’t want to draw too much attention to myself. However, once he stepped onto the stage, a black ball cap worn low on his head, attempting to hide proved to be fruitless. All he had to do was turn my way, and I stood out like a glowing Christmas tree.

When the MC finished going through the rules, he tossed a quarter in the air and instructed Danny to call. When he called heads, he glanced out at the crowd and his eyes locked on mine. Winning the coin toss, the MC asked if he wanted to go first or second, but he didn’t respond, his hard stare staying on me for what seemed like an eternity. People craned their necks my way, wondering what had caught his eye.

 

~ Danny ~

 

As I stared at the love of my life, absolute hatred of myself coursed through my veins, followed by waves of nausea. The desire to be someone else, along with resentment of the circumstances that had brought me to this point, had never been stronger than at that moment. I knew what I had to do, and now how to do it, but it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was going to humiliate and embarrass her, and she would never forgive me, nor would I ever forgive myself, but I had to cut the final tie. I’d fucked up earlier today, unable to resist her, and that would continue to happen until I broke away. I couldn’t string us along anymore; it wasn’t fair to her and it was excruciating for me.

Maybe one day she would understand why, but never would she show me forgiveness, not that I deserved any. This was the only way to keep her safe, which was all I ever wanted, and that meant getting her away from me and removing the target from her back.

I took a deep breath and caught Dollar’s eye, who had also spotted her. He gave a small nod of approval, understanding what I was about to do. Our wait for the perfect moment to present itself was now over.

“I’ll go second.”

I stepped to the side as the MC handed the mic to Pac and listened as he called me out in lyrical form. He hit on the color of my skin and my poor status, which I expected, but it surprised me when Pac brought up my prudish girl. That, I hadn’t anticipated, but I didn’t react and didn’t let Pac know he’d struck a nerve. In fact, I was going to have the last laugh when everyone heard what I had to say.

 

~ Gabrielle ~

 

My color rose at the insults and I tried to step back, but Kat grabbed my hand and held tight. “It’s okay. It’s what they do. Danny will stand up for you. You’ve got to have thick skin for this, girl.”

I wanted to tell her Danny wasn’t going to stand up for me, but I couldn’t find the words. Something in his gaze spoke of finality, conveying we had reached our end, even if I didn’t understand why.

When Pac finished, the crowd roared its approval. He had successfully slammed Danny, in their opinion, which is what counted, and they now waited for his response.

Danny took the mic from the MC and walked to the edge of the stage. The beat started, and he strode back and forth, readying himself and organizing his thoughts, before he stopped in front of Pac.

He reiterated what Pac had hit on, calling himself out as poor white trash, but then he brought up me, telling everyone the only reason he dated me was because I reminded him of the night spend with Pac’s mom under the sheets. He lamented, however, I wouldn’t get the hint, following him around and crying about how much I loved him. Turning, he pointed, and countless pairs of eyes landed on me.

 

“So, tell me, Big Pac, I need you to help me,

How do I get the girl to get the hint?

Tell her, please, tell her that she needs to go back to the sticks.

I can’t take it no more, I’m done with this bitch,

You can have her, consider this a thank you gift.”

 

The crowd whooped and hollered, roaring its approval. Tears streaked down my cheeks, and I remained frozen in place with my soul ripped open and exposed to everyone. He didn’t even look my way to see if the killing blow succeeded, but rather only turned and sat on a speaker, his head bowed as he waited for the verdict.

Through my daze, someone grabbed my hand and pulled, making my feet move. “Let’s go, Gabby. Let’s get you out of here and away from that motherfucking asshole. I can’t believe that fucker did that. Out of our way, please!” Kat pushed people aside.

I moved like I was in a dream, everything progressing in slow motion. His words replayed over and over in my head, filling me with shock and horror, humiliation and dejection. I didn’t even know why, and I wondered if I ever would.

 

~ Danny ~

 

After being selected the winner, as judged by the volume of the cheers, I jumped off the speaker and ran backstage without stopping.

“D!” Dollar yelled as he and Big T rushed after me. “D, wait.”

I sprinted around a corner, making it into the corroded bathroom stall before everything I had eaten that day reappeared. I spit a few times, trying to rid my mouth of the horrid taste before I flushed, and slammed the door open. Big T and Dollar were standing on the other side.

“What the fuck was that?” Big T asked.

“Just something he had to do,” Dollar told him. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about it? He demolished her in front of everyone!”

I shoved past them and moved over to the faucet to rinse out my mouth. “Don’t remind me. We don’t talk about her from here on out.”

“What the hell, D?” Big T was incredulous, not understanding what had just happened.

I caught his eye in the scratched-up mirror hanging over the single rusty sink dripping only cold water. “I had to, T. I had to, or else Terrell is going to fuck her up even more than last time.”

“This is crazy!” Big T threw his arms up, appalled on Gabrielle’s half. “She don’t deserve that, D.”

I whirled and grabbed Big T’s collar, anger giving me the strength to shove him against the bathroom wall despite our size difference. “No, she didn’t! She didn’t fucking deserve any of that. But if I didn’t, he’ll kill her. You know that, and I know that!”

Big T nodded as I backed away, my chest heaving. “Okay, dawg. Okay, I get it. You had to do what you had to do.” He tugged down his jacket. “What now?”

Dollar stepped up and rubbed his hands together as he smiled. “Our connection came through and there’s a scout out there. Now we go to LA and make our man a superstar with a new tag.”

I raised a brow. “A new tag?”

“DOA.”

“DOA?”

“Dead on Arrival, which is what the competition will be once we get on the scene.”

I sighed. “That’s all we can hope for.” I stood straight and squared my shoulders, ready to put this behind me and move on, if that was even possible. “Let’s go.”