Chapter 28

~ Gabrielle ~

Six Years Earlier

I winced at the daylight pouring through my bedroom window. I wanted to get up and close the blinds Monica intentionally left open before taking off for school, but getting out of bed and moving made me feel depleted and nauseous. Three months had passed since the fateful night at The Sanctuary, and as far as I was concerned, my life ended in that dank club.

I’d lost everything, leaving me no purpose to continue. It didn’t matter if I woke up every day—even though I did—because there was no longer any reason to do so.

My mom, Kat, and Monica tried to break me out of my funk, but regardless of what they did or said, I ignored them. They made me get up to at least shower and eat, and I appeased them once in a while, but most of the time, I brushed them off, only wanting to stay adrift in my dark world. My life was empty and meaningless, and nothing would change that.

Not long after Danny’s destruction of me in front of what seemed like the entire universe, I’d kept going, determined to move past the heartache and avoid the precarious edge I was toeing, but the following week, the final shove arrived in the form of a simple white envelope. A simple white envelope containing only a few slaying words. An integral part of the application process at Juilliard, the letter informed me, was the audition. If I couldn’t perform, then I couldn’t apply, and if I couldn’t apply, then I couldn’t request financial aid. They welcomed me to re-apply later on, allowing sufficient time for my injuries to heal, but perhaps next year. Next year. Not next week, next month, or as soon as you can. Next year…what a joke. I wouldn’t be around next year, if I had anything to say about it.

I’d lost the two loves of my life in two short weeks, for reasons unknown. I’d even lied about Terrell and his group assaulting me, hoping to preserve a future for Danny and me. But that had all been for naught. I had nothing…no hope, no dreams, no wants, and therefore, nothing to live for.

I now understood what my father must have felt in those final days before deciding to take his own life. The despair, the anguish, the hopelessness. The darkness…the utter complete darkness. There was no light in anything anymore, no reason to face the day. Nothing to put a smile on my face, a song in my heart, or a spring in my step. There was…nothing.

Rolling over to my back, I gazed through bleary eyes at the ceiling. My head pounded from lack of food and water, but I didn’t care and tried to ignore the growing headache. The throbbing became unyielding, however, demanding attention, and I pushed up and plodded into the bathroom. My body ached from head to toe, and I refused to look at my reflection in the mirror, knowing what would face me—unwashed, tangled hair falling over red, splotchy skin surrounding sunken and dull eyes too big for my long, thin face.

I opened the medicine cabinet in search of painkillers, and finding none, moved to the drawers, opening all of them. As I searched through each one, I pulled items out, tossing them on the sink, desperate to find relief from the incessant pounding and allowing me to retreat into my dark, silent world. Grabbing a tampon, I stared at the pretty, purple satin wrapper as my brain struggled to push a coherent thought past the pain. When it registered, I jerked upright. I counted back in my head, trying to remember my last cycle. Unable to recall even the last time I’d eaten, I turned and stumbled, before heading into the kitchen where a calendar hung on the wall.

I yanked it off the nail, not caring when it ripped, and sat at the table staring at the small squares outlining the days of the week. When I recollected nothing, I went back a month and then another. Nothing came, and I leaned back in the chair, puzzling it out. Perhaps I’d screwed up my cycle because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I’d heard losing too much weight caused irregularity or stoppage altogether. Or, maybe it was…

The answer hit me in a flash. Like a burst of lightning, I remembered the day in Danny’s apartment, our last time together without protection, and words of regret afterward.

“Omigod.”

Jumping up from my chair, my body protesting the rapid movements, I rushed into the shower. After drying off, I threw on whatever clothes I found lying about, unconcerned if they were clean or not, and pulled my wet hair into a ponytail. I grabbed my purse and hurried to the drug store down the street, ignoring my aching legs.

I returned and ran into the bathroom with the two purchased pregnancy tests. I followed the directions and then sat on the tiled floor, leaning against the bathtub with the test in my hand, waiting for the results. Either way, my life was going to change. If positive, I was going to have a baby; negative, I was succeeding in destroying myself.

Opening my eyes, I took a deep breath and turned over the plastic stick. The word “pregnant” glowed at me, bright and blue. I stared, unsure of how to react, before breaking into a wide smile. I laughed and then cried.

I could envision it; a life with Danny’s child, giving me love and happiness, and keeping his spirit in my life. Having the baby would remind me of the love we’d shared, and not the ugly way we’d ended. We’d had something beautiful, and from that, created a new life.

Even though he’d destroyed my life, without knowing it, he’d given me a reason to live.

* * *

“I can’t believe you’re up and out of bed, and even showered,” Kat commented as she walked into the apartment. “When you called, asking me to come over, I wasn’t sure what I would find.”

I bounced on my feet, unable to contain my excitement. “You will never believe what’s happened.”

“Did you hear from Juilliard again?”

“No, it’s better than that.”

I sprinted out of the room to grab the test, holding it behind my back.

Kat frowned. “Better?”

I smiled as I held up the pregnancy test.

“Pregnant? Girl, who’s pregnant?”

“I am.”

Her eyes widened. “You are? What?”

I nodded and sat on the couch. “Yeah, I realized today I hadn’t had my period in a while, and when I thought about it, I remembered it was right before one of the last times with Danny.”

Kat collapsed down next to me in shock. “It’s D’s?”

“Of course, it’s his. Who else’s would it be?”

“No, I know.” She waved her hand. “I’m sorry, girl. You caught me off guard. Pregnant? Wow. So, what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to have it.”

“Gabby, how are you going to do that? A single mother and all that...”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out, but I’m not giving up this baby. No way.”

“Gabby—”

“No!” I jumped off the couch, interrupting the lecture sure to come. “I don’t care what you think or what you say. I want this baby. I need this baby.”

“Okay, honey.” She stood and put her hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay. I understand. I only want what’s best for you. If this is what you want, then okay. Let’s do it. I’ll help with whatever you need.”

“Really?”

“Of course. You’re my girl!” She pulled me into a hug.

“Thanks.”

Kat gave my shoulders another squeeze, before releasing me. “So, what do you want me to do?”

“I could use help telling Danny.”

Her smile fell, and she sighed. “Honey, this isn’t going to bring D back, you need to realize that. He’s gone.”

“I know.”

She raised one brow. “Do you?”

“Of course, but he still deserves to know. It is his child.”

“All right.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll help you put something out on Facebook, or we can try to text people who can get in touch with him, but only if you promise not to break down if you don’t hear from him.”

“I promise.”

“Okay, let’s do it. So, have you thought about names yet?”

“Oh, I already know what the name will be, regardless if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“Really? What?”

I beamed. “Danny.”