Chapter Twenty
“My secret’s long, obscure and unrefined,
Love’s quiet whispers between the lines.
You put down your pride to hold me in your hands,
Swearing tears wouldn’t tarnish loves true plans.
Your sharp edges, they’re not so rough,
Endless dredges, and I found love.”
Lydia Michaels
My Edgely Boy
Isadora opened the door, startled to see her brother. “Lucian.”
She quickly tried to disguise her disheveled appearance, but it was too late. His perceptive gaze missed nothing.
“What the hell happened to you? Are you sick?”
Tucking her matted hair behind her ear and closing her cardigan over her wrinkled T-shirt, she invited him inside. “I haven’t been feeling my best.”
“Have you been to a doctor?”
She didn’t need a doctor. “Do you want coffee?”
“It’s four o’clock in the afternoon, Isa. You’re not even dressed.”
She hadn’t had the energy to dress in days. “I’m taking a day of rest.” Or five. “Coffee?”
He followed her into the kitchen where several dishes were stacked in the sink and the coffee pot sat with only half a cup filling the bottom of the carafe. She set the filter with fresh grounds and rinsed the pot.
“Stop staring at me.” She just wanted to be alone.
“Have you had anything besides coffee today?”
“Yes.”
She had ice cream for breakfast sometime before the sun came up. She didn’t have the strength to answer for herself or bear his scrutiny, so she tried not to make eye contact as she loaded the dishwasher.
“What did you need, Lucian?”
He hesitated, the coffee pot hissing quietly in the background as it brewed. His gaze was sharp, scrutinizing every telltale sign of her dysfunctional mind.
“Something was delivered to my office yesterday.”
She stilled and shut off the faucet. Pulling a fresh mug from the cabinet, she tried to appear interested, but couldn’t muster any intrigue. “Oh?”
“It was for you.”
Frowning, she turned to him. “What was it?”
Her personal mail was typically sent to the house, but sometimes her statements went to his office. He usually handled those things.
“It’s… Are you sure you’re okay? Your eyes are really puffy.”
“I’m fine. I’m just tired. I probably caught a bug,” she lied.
He grudgingly accepted her word. Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a white envelope. “Here.”
She took the envelope in her hands and stared at it, not recognizing the penmanship. “What is it?”
“I don’t know. Someone left it on my desk.”
“Who?”
He shrugged. “No one saw who put it there.”
There was no address, no identifying seal or even a stamp. “This was hand delivered?”
“Appears so.”
Since when did her brother let people near his desk? He was usually obscenely protective of his private space.
Her thumb slid under the lip of the seal and she paused. Maybe she should open it when she was alone.
“Are you going to see what it is?”
She looked at him. “I’m surprised you didn’t already peek.”
His grimace proved the temptation was there. “It’s addressed to you.”
“You open plenty of my other mail.”
“Statements. This looked personal.”
The coffee finished percolating with a steamy fizzle. She slid the envelope into the pocket of her cardigan and filled a mug. “You sure you don’t want any?” She asked out of politeness, but hoped he wouldn’t linger.
“I can’t stay. I just wanted to give you that.”
“Well, thank you.”
Guilt bloomed, as she was relieved he was leaving, but she pushed it away—too many negative emotions already occupying her heart. She couldn’t handle company at the moment. She’d even been deterring Parker from visiting when she could, though he persistently found his way over, even if just to sit silently by her side.
Lucian’s forehead creased and he hesitated. She sipped her coffee, staring at him, raising a brow.
He shook his head, eyes troubled. “You know you can talk to me, Isa. If something’s wrong, I’ll fix it for you.”
“Some things can’t be fixed, Lucian.”
“Does this—” He waved a hand at her disheveled appearance. “—have anything to do with Hughes?”
“Wouldn’t you just love it if I said yes?”
His expression appeared wounded. “No. I get no pleasure from watching someone hurt my sister.”
She weighed the truth of his words and sighed. In that moment, she wanted to lean into her brother’s strength and confess she was breaking on the inside, that a man she gave half her life to was suddenly gone and she was in such despair she could barely move. But she didn’t.
She looked at him, seeing his strength, recognizing his need to make everything right for those he loved, and she knew even he could not fix this for her.
The secrets she carried would be her burden for the rest of her life. Sawyer’s half added to everything else that already rested on her shoulders.
She was done keeping secrets, done hiding behind lies, but this one was a permanent tattoo on her past. Without Sawyer, it seemed wrong to confess the truth now, like a betrayal to his memory.
Never again would she make the mistake of thinking that deception solved anything. If anything, Sawyer taught her how blemished reality could be when clouded by a lifetime of secrets and lies.
She studied her brother, believing he would never honestly position himself between her and her happiness. She trusted that he loved her enough to let her choose what her heart wanted.
A decade ago it would have been the same, but she’d let Sawyer scare her with his own insecurities. She should have told Lucian what was happening then. Another thing that was too late to change, because telling him now would fix nothing.
She was done hiding. Done waiting for a clear path. Life was too short and she was through wasting time on sadness or concerns for other people’s bullshit when her own world was complicated enough.
She put down her mug. “I’m in love with him, Lucian.”
He drew in a slow, measured breath. “I know you are.”
“I know you don’t approve, but … this is my life. If he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I wouldn’t hesitate.” She paused, waiting for him to protest, but he remained silent. “Are you going to ask if he loves me?”
“No. I believe he does. You’re easy to love, Isa.”
She laughed without humor, sorrow cutting her breath into a shallow ache. “Not always.”
He scowled at her. “Yes, always.” Stepping around the island, he turned her shoulders and looked in her eyes. “I want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. If Parker makes you so, then I’ll try to put our personal differences aside. For you.”
Shocked that her brother could not only accept her decision but also clear the path for her future, she struggled to respond. “Thank you.”
It was that easy seeing how quickly he surrendered his grudges for her. But she supposed she always knew he would, be it his trouble with the Bishops or this. She just never expected it to be so simple.
When someone loved you they accepted you as you were. No conditions. Lucian accepted her now and he would have accepted her then. It was an untrusted truth she wished Sawyer had been given the time to learn.
Her mouth formed a sad smile. “Sometimes, I think we have to suffer through the crappy parts of life to prepare us for good. Maybe it’s sadness that makes us appreciate the value of the little happy moments in between.”
His face pinched with concern and she realized her mind had gone someplace he couldn’t follow. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Realizing he had no idea what she was talking about, she nodded. “Maybe none of us are ever okay, but when we find the right people, the people we’re meant to be with, I think the ups and the downs don’t matter so much. All that matters is having someone there to hold your hand—someone who truly gets you and won’t let go. That makes things okay.”
He still wore a look of confusion. “And you think Hughes gets you like that? You trust he’s in this to stay?”
Scattered memories danced through her mind, filling her heart with warmth, smoothing over the broken edges. “He gets me more than anyone in this world ever has. We have no secrets and our flaws only make us stronger, because there’s no room for shame when you love and accept someone that completely.”
“I get it.” He nodded and let out a breath as if he could finally put down a worry he’d carried for a lifetime. “Trust me. I definitely get that sort of love and acceptance. I’m glad you found it.”
And she believed he did get it. “He misses Evelyn. Life’s too short to let insecurities get in your way, Lucian. Let them have their friendship back.”
Letting out a low groan, he rolled his eyes. “Give it time. I’m starting to believe he’s over her.”
She scoffed. “I should hope so.”
He smirked and winked, letting her know he was teasing. His expression sobered. “The other night I was watching him. The way he looks at you when you talk, the way he anticipates and hangs on your every word… There’s something right between you two. There has to be if even I can see it.”
She smiled. “I know.”
He sighed and tapped a hand on the countertop. “I’ll work on it. Try to get some rest. If you’re not feeling better tomorrow I’m sending Vivian over to check on you.”
“Of course you will.” She walked him to the door.
She waited until he left to take her coffee to the den. Pulling the envelope from her pocket she tore open the seal.
My Dearest Isadora,
If you’re reading this, then I assume I’m gone. I’m so sorry to put you through this, as it has been something I’ve always feared leaving you to face alone. I never wanted to cause you pain.
You wear your heart on your sleeve and love without reservation—this I know. No one has ever loved me with the unguarded ease that you have. My only regret was loving you too much and not enough at the same time.
Yes, I loved you. Some days I loved you so much I couldn’t bear the intensity. Other days I loved you enough to push you away, knowing you deserved so much more than I could offer. You put me, along with so many others, before yourself. I only ever wanted to be the sort of man who put you first. Thank you for loving me more than I ever deserved.
I know you’re hurting. I know I’ve been a clumsy fool with your heart and I should have done better. If you can forgive me for leaving you this way, please find it in your heart to remember these simple truths...
I loved you in the beginning. I loved you in the end. And I loved you every day in between. My love will never fade. My heart belongs to you. Carry it with you always and please don’t grieve too long. You have a world of opportunities waiting for you.
Do not take life for granted, Isadora. Laugh easily, love fiercely, and go after everything you want. That is my final wish for you. That is what I’ve always wanted for you.
I love you, now and forever.
~Sawyer
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she held the damp pages to her chest and curled into the chair. Harsh sobs broke from her throat as every emotion she’d tried to stifle over the past week, burst through her defenses and came tumbling out.
She wasn’t sure how much time had passed or how many times she reread the letter. She didn’t move from that chair until late that night.
When she reached her room, she folded the paper, soft and soggy with tears, and lovingly tucked it into her jewelry box, beside her mother’s pearl earrings and her walnut kisses.
Her hand brushed over the note one last time and she whispered, “Thank you.”
Everything that letter said, and the secrets tucked between the lines, pulled poetry out of pain and exemplified what true love was. It wasn’t the words, but the gesture. Not the closure, but the opening.
From the familiar squiggle of the casual e’s to the cleverly positioned p’s, she understood everything this letter was intended to accomplish and loved it all the more for failing its purpose.
Resting on her bed, she looked up at the ceiling, wondering if there was a heaven. Her eyes stared at nothing as everything shifted into perfect lucidity.
“I love you.” It was the greatest truth she knew. And speaking it aloud seemed to let her heart finally rest. For the first time in days, she slept soundly through the night.
The following morning she showered and dressed, feeling like a weight she’d carried for decades had finally faded away. The letter was perhaps the greatest gift she’d ever received.
To know she’d given half her life to this outcome seemed the saddest journey one could walk alone. But, in the end, she wasn’t alone.
She was loved. Deeply. Unconditionally. And selflessly.
The proof of that love mended so many scars. The evidence rested between the lines of the only lie she’d ever let stand between her and Parker, because that lie was perhaps the most gallant expression of love anyone had ever shown her.
He loved her enough to go against all his principles, somehow involve her brother, and pretend to be a man he despised, just to sew up the hole in her heart. Each little word mending wounds that no one other than Parker knew she bore.
She swore she’d never tolerate a lie between them, but he’d found the one exception. In trying to convince her that Sawyer had loved her, Parker only managed to prove how deep his own love reached.
Pulling up at his house, she waited in the car for a moment, willing her nerves to settle. This was her life. This was her journey. And her hero had come out of nowhere, a dark knight who managed to catch a pawn and make her feel like a queen.
She smiled, wondering what she would have done had they never crashed into each other that evening at the opera house. It was now her move and she knew exactly what she wanted, exactly what she needed to do.
Her fingers closed over the key and shut off the engine. As the car rattled into silence, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror and smiled. “Checkmate.”
She knocked quietly on his door and he opened it a second later. He stared at her, guarded worry in his green eyes, hidden behind unrefined affection. “Isa.”
“I have a question for you and I want you to give me the absolute truth. I’ll know if you’re lying.”
Fear flashed in his eyes. “Okay, do you want to come in first?”
“No. Not until I have your answer.”
His Adam’s apple made a slow bob as he swallowed. “I’m listening.”
“I’m done being sad. I know grief takes time and it will come and go, but I don’t want to put my happiness on hold for something I can’t control. I love you, Parker. That hasn’t changed, nor will it ever.”
He still appeared guarded, but slightly relieved. “I love you, too.”
“That’s why…” Damn, this was harder than she expected. “That is why…” She licked her lips and drew in a deep breath. She could do this. On an exhale she pushed the words out. “Parker Hughes, will you marry me?”
His eyes widened. “Wh… What?”
“I know this isn’t the traditional way it happens, but forget tradition. When I look at you, I can imagine a family—our family—and I want that with you. Life’s too short for regrets and I’d regret it forever if I didn’t tell you, here and now, how I feel. You’re my person. You’re the missing piece I was always meant to find in this world. I believe that with every ounce of my being and every battered piece of my heart, which, by the way, you’ve made grow so much it sometimes makes me ache.”
Out of breath, she sucked in a gulp of air. “I just … love you. More than I ever knew someone could love a person. And I want to be with you. Always.”
As dependable as the sun rises and sets, his arms closed around her, supportive, protective, dependable, and strong. His mouth found hers as he lifted her off her feet and turned their bodies, walking her into the house.
“Is that a yes?” she asked when he finally broke the kiss long enough to let her talk.
“Shh.” He kissed her again.
“Park—” His lips demanded all of her focus. “Parker, is that a yes?”
He shook his head. “What is it with you Patrases always stealing my thunder? The guy is supposed to ask.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t want to wait.”
He laughed. “Stay here.” Giving her a sharp glance, he pointed to where she stood. “Do. Not. Move.”
Unsure what he was doing, she watched as he raced up the stairs and returned a moment later, moving at a slower pace.
“This is not how this was supposed to go. I had a hot air balloon and stargazer lilies in store.”
She frowned, unsure how he could have possibly anticipated this was going to happen. They never discussed marriage until this very moment.
He dropped to his knee, unveiling a small velvet box in his hand and her eyes widened. “Oh, my God.”
“Isadora, I always thought I knew what love was. Then I met you. You’re my shoe that fits, my Oz I’ve been searching for, my everything. I don’t ever want to let you go and I’m prepared to spend the rest of my life giving you reasons to let me stay. You’ve become my best friend, my lover, my last thought before I go to sleep and my first thought when I wake. Now I want you to be my wife. I want to make a family with you. I want to give both of us the chance at a fairy tale.”
He opened the box and a stunning diamond winked in the sunlight. “Will you marry me?”
“When did you get that?”
He smirked. “The moment I realized there would be no living without you.”
Her fingers covered her lips as she lost her composure. “Yes!”
He bolted to his feet and kissed her again, this time backing her to the wall and slipping the ring on her finger. She glanced down at her hand, finding the weight comforting, like a steady reminder he’d always be with her.
“It’s beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful.” He continued to kiss her and then started to laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
He chuckled. “I was just thinking… You’re going to be a Hughes.”
She snorted. “My brother and father will love that.”
He arched a brow. “I’ll love it. Isadora Hughes.” His eyes closed as he pressed his brow to hers. “My wife.”
As he held her, her heart felt a sense of completeness she’d never known. Sometimes love hurt, but it wasn’t always painful.
Parker had shown her that love could be freeing and fun, an unapologetic method in seeking happiness that didn’t depend on other people’s opinions. He showed her what true love really was and now that she knew, she’d never accept anything less.
She would never tell Parker she knew he wrote the letter. She would read it often, and though he’d signed it with another man’s name, it was his love that filled the page.
Sawyer would have called her bella, but that wasn’t what gave it away. It was Parker’s heart behind those words, which she recognized better than her own.
He showed her that the heart could grow and love again, deeper, longer, epically so. That was how he loved her and that was how she loved him. Just the way love was meant to be. Open, in living color, not a single gray area to be found.
The moment she chose her path, time moved swiftly. Days were filled with laughter and evenings were full of sultry pleasures.
That autumn, just before the snow came, they planted the hedges at her home—their home. Over time the yew hedges would grow. By the following spring, they were tall enough for her nephew Keaton to toddle through—though he still was learning how to walk.
Their children would play there one day as well, chasing and laughing with their cousins like children were meant to do, secure, happy, and free.
As she sat on the veranda staring over the blooming gardens, she gazed at the labyrinth in the distance. Of all the crazy twists and turns, she and Parker had found their way home.
Things had certainly changed. Turns out her Master’s in English was exactly the degree she needed to figure out her calling.
Her life had never been that interesting. But once she found her hero, everything changed and it became that much easier to save herself. He made her brave, a lioness full of confidence and courage. He made her believe she could achieve anything.
Parker rescued her the day they met and, in a way, he rescued her every day since simply by encouraging her to be exactly who she was on the inside. When he found her ramblings hidden on a file in her laptop, he’d read her words from beginning to end in one sitting. Not a single secret between them.
It was Parker, with his love of literature to match her own, who convinced her she had a story to tell. In the end, other people agreed.
She’d received a letter that September, an offer to buy her story. It had come from years of journaling about the inexplicable patterns of love, but in the end, the heroine became a queen, rescued by a knight, and they lived happily ever after.
She’d always assumed Lucian was the interesting one, Toni the mischievous one, but maybe they all had a love story in them. The sort that proved even the most jaded heart could love again. And happily ever after wasn’t just for fiction.
Her hand rested on her stomach, as her eyes found Parker’s. He smiled and placed a dish on the bar as he crossed the veranda.
“I see you looking at me,” he teased, laughter dancing in his green eyes. “Don’t think I don’t know what that look means. You want to ravish me. Have your wicked way with me right here in the gardens.”
She laughed, pretty certain he was the one responsible for the last ravishing. “Not in front of the company.”
His lips brushed hers as his hand gently rested over her fingers. They shared a knowing look. After dinner, they’d share their news.
“I better start the grill,” he whispered. “If I don’t feed them soon they’ll never leave and there will be no ravishing.” He kissed her one last time and collected the plate. “Lucian, you gonna prep these steaks or what?”
Her brother turned and scowled. Rising from his crouched position on the stone, he scooped Keaton onto his hip.
“That’s your Uncle Parker. He’s a real pain in Daddy’s ass. Mostly because he’s still upset I beat him up a few years ago. It was a great battle and I was the indisputable victor.”
“Lucian!” Evelyn snapped. “Don’t teach him words like that!”
Lucian tsked. “That’s Mommy’s serious voice, Daddy’s only weakness. Come on. Let’s go help Uncle Parker before he burns the steaks.”
Evelyn waddled to the seat next to Isadora and sat with a winded sigh. “My ankles are eating my shoes. I’m so over this second pregnancy.”
“Stop,” Isadora laughed. “You look beautiful.”
Evelyn lifted her glass and grimaced. “Between just finishing with nursing Keaton and your brother’s potent virility, I haven’t had anything fun to drink in almost two years. After this, I’m done.”
Toni, ever the graceless one, took the seat between them and poked Evelyn’s ankle. “Look at the way the skin stays puckered in. Is that normal?”
Isadora rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a brat. One day it’ll be you.”
Her sister scoffed. “Doubt it. Need a man for that to happen.”
Parker called over to the table. “Scout, are you eating meat this week?”
Evelyn made a gagging face. “No. I’ve been off meat since my second trimester. I’ll just have sides.”
Parker turned back to the grill and Evelyn swatted Toni’s hand away. She glanced at Isadora and smiled. When she looked at Isadora like that it was if she were silently thanking her for bringing Parker into their family, where he belonged.
Sometimes Isadora caught the two of them sharing a look, which ended in a laugh, as if their happiness was all too surreal to believe. Isadora had moments like that too—when she looked at Parker, unable to believe her happiness was real.
They had been married in the summer, a small, private ceremony on the coast. Her father and Tibet had flown in, but didn’t linger. Christos danced with her and told her she’d done well for herself. That he was proud of her. But his praise didn’t affect her the way she imagined it would. Funny, how when a person goes without something long enough, the significance tends to fade.
Life had taught her that nothing was impossible. Every day, Parker took her breath away then breathed it back into her soul at night. He showed her a love she could depend on, above all else, a love that was real and only grew with time.
He told her he loved her each and every day, never letting her wonder otherwise. But she never doubted his affection. She knew, not just from his words, but his actions.
Their love was a tangible presence in their life, what made their house a home. It was a gentle surrender that led where they had no choice but to follow.
Passionately, fiercely, easily, he cherished every piece of her, even the tarnished parts others had left behind. Their love was so powerful, so epic, all that came before seemed like a child’s sketch next to a Monet. Just as someone special once promised love should be.
Sawyer had loved her, admitted or not, a real love now guarded close to her heart. But he could never own her heart because it was meant for someone else.
Parker fearlessly loved her with the truest kind of love. Her heart might wear scars, but he adored every tender inch of her being, accepting her completely, just as she loved and accepted all of him. It was … everything love was meant to be.