Chapter Twelve
“With all that softer elegance of mind, By genius heighten'd, and by taste refined. Yet early was she doom'd the child of care, For hapless love subdued th' ill-fated fair.”
Hannah More
The Bleeding Rock
“What is this?” Isadora took the slender, gift box from Sawyer, surprised that he’d bought her something. It looked like Tiffany.
“I saw it and thought of you. Open it.”
She glanced at the box, trying to recall the last time he’d surprised her with a present. Once he got her a set of earrings, but they were too heavy so she rarely wore them.
Her fingers tugged the ribbon and it unraveled easily. Sliding the lid off the box, her lips parted as she found a beautiful diamond tennis bracelet inside.
“Sawyer, it’s lovely.”
“Let me help you put it on.” He lifted the chain and closed it around her wrist. “It looks good on you.”
She smiled but didn’t experience the satisfaction some women might from such a gift, and that made her uneasy. She seldom wore jewelry, other than her mother’s pearl earrings. Mostly, she only accessorized when she was attending a formal function.
Turning her wrist, she admired the way the bracelet sparkled, but thought the weight might take some getting used to.
“Thank you.”
“I know it’s not the diamond you wanted, but it’s a start.”
She frowned. The diamond she wanted?
Her eyes widened, realizing he was referring to an engagement ring. Thank God he didn’t get her one of them. How strange that the idea of something as permanent as marriage with Sawyer scared her after all these years.
“I have something else for you.” He moved to the antique secretary in the corner of the room and returned with a long envelope. “I think you’ll really like this.”
She took the envelope and hesitated, a sense of foreboding coming over her that she couldn’t decipher. “Why so many presents?”
“This one’s a gift for both of us.”
She couldn’t imagine what sort of gift could fit inside such a slender envelope. Maybe a gift card for a couple’s massage? She drew a blank. Her fingers slid under the lip and pulled out two vouchers.
“Plane tickets?”
“For Capri. You said you and Toni didn’t spend enough time there during your last visit to Italy. I booked us a villa for next week. We’ll have a private chef and the use of a pontoon boat. Wait until you see it, bella. Our room opens up to the Mediterranean and it’s the perfect view of the Amalfi coast.”
She loved Capri, but…
Placing the tickets back inside the envelope, she put them on the coffee table. “How long were you planning to go?”
“A week. Slade has everything covered at work and I think we’re both overdue for a vacation.”
Worried that he’d massively misinterpreted their situation, she frowned. “Sawyer… I can’t go away with you.”
“Why not?”
Was he nuts? Parker would flip out if she went to Europe with him—to a romantic villa in Capri—for a week. “Because we’re not there yet. I haven’t made up my mind.”
He rolled his eyes. “Or because you think this is unfair to Hughes?”
“Yes. And it’s not fair. You’re moving way too fast.”
“I can afford to take you somewhere nice, bella. I shouldn’t have to curb my efforts to even the playing field.” He swiped the envelope off the table and showed her the tickets again. “I have us flying first class and arriving on—”
She covered the tickets with her hand to get his attention. “You’re not listening. I can’t go with you. It has nothing to do with Parker’s finances.”
Parker could afford to take her around the world and back, but that wasn’t the point. She didn’t need a man to buy her a trip. She could afford one on her own. This was a distraction.
She looked him in the eyes so he would listen to what she was actually saying. “I’m not ready to go anywhere with you.”
“Now you’re just being stubborn. It’s a gift, Isadora.”
“Well, I can’t accept it.”
Growing frustrated, he took the tickets and walked them back to the desk. “I’ve already paid for everything.”
“Well, you should have asked first. What would happen when we got there? Would we sleep in the same bed, staring out at the Mediterranean Sea, pretending everything is normal? Sawyer, it’s not.”
“I’m trying to make it normal, but you’re fighting me every step of the way.”
“You’re trying to hurt Parker. You want to remove him and taking me to another country is an easy way to do that.”
“Do you think I care how he feels, Isadora?” he snapped. “If my plans interfere with his, tough shit. He’s interfering with mine.”
She stood and shook her head, hurt that he would make this about him.
“What about my plans? This whole thing is supposed to be so I can make the right choice. People are already being hurt. I won’t make things worse by running off with you and completely shutting him out. I can’t do anything until I make a decision.”
“Well, when’s that going to be? It’s been a week. I don’t know if you’ve seen him or not. I have no idea what you’re thinking or if I’m wasting my time. Am I even a consideration in your decision? He may be fine with the arrangement as it stands, but I want him gone. It’s not fair to me, this waiting and guessing where we stand when all you seem to care about is him.”
She swallowed tightly. “I see.” She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. “It’s been one week, Sawyer.” She paused to let that sink in so he could gain some perspective. “I waited thirteen years for you.”
Registering the difference, he took a step back. Something akin to panic flashed in his eyes. “Isadora…”
She held up a hand, not interested in his backpedaling. “This bracelet… Is this what you intended to buy, or did you go to the jeweler with something else in mind and chicken out?”
“I saw it and thought it would look pretty on you. You’re reading too much into the gift.”
“Am I?”
“Yes! I buy you jewelry and a trip to Italy and I’m suddenly being interrogated for my efforts?”
Looking down at the carpet she wondered what she was doing, why she was even there.
“I don’t need someone to buy me jewelry or vacations. I never have. That was never what was missing in our life.”
“Tell me what will make you happy, bella. I’m trying here.”
She laughed, but her eyes prickled with unshed tears. It was so damn simple and he still couldn’t figure it out. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to love me.”
“Sometimes actions speak louder than words.”
And somehow, after all these years, his actions fell short.
He’d lost touch with the woman she’d become—if he ever knew the real her at all. Maybe it was the idea of her, some innocent, young, pretty thing who could look up to him with inexperienced affection and trust. She was older and wiser now.
He wanted the young girl she used to be, easily swayed by cliché gestures that really meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. She never understood why jewelry and flowers were supposed to be some magic fix in relationships. Romance was nice, but store-bought gifts seemed the easiest shortcut to the heart when the joy of falling in love was hidden in the journey.
She thought of Parker, of eating movie theater candy in bed while trading intimate secrets about their past. Of how he sent her children’s books with little notes inside and left novels at her house after he finished reading them, marking his favorite parts so she’d think of him even when her mind was on something else.
She thought of how he had picked her up the first time she’d ever been truly knocked down. He was chivalrous and thoughtful and didn’t treat her the way everyone else did. He challenged her and took the time to truly know her, what flowers she liked, what music, books, when her favorite part of the day was. Did Sawyer know any of those things?
Thirteen years and they’d missed so many essentials, so many little details ordinary couples probably took for granted. She never realized just how much they were lacking until she met Parker.
She loved Sawyer, because he’d always been a constant in her life, a dependable pillar she could count on, even when they weren’t a couple. But she loved Parker for teaching her that every day could be special and—
Oh, my God, I love him.
I love both of them…
She staggered back, the realization hitting her like a ton of bricks. She loved Sawyer, would always love him. But loving Parker… When had that happened?
Did Parker love her? She rolled her eyes. Does Sawyer love you?
She looked at Sawyer. He appeared put out by her indecisiveness. It seemed funny, being that she’d always given more of herself than he could reciprocate and yet he still could appear shortchanged.
Had he changed? Was he really willing to put himself in a vulnerable place, because love was an uncertainty that ebbed and flowed like a natural current of life? If he was willing to fall, he’d have to let go of all his hang-ups.
“I love you, Sawyer.”
The line of his mouth fell. He stared at her as if she’d just announced she was pregnant or dying. She’d never seen a man more incapable of coping with people’s emotions. Enough.
“Okay then.” This was a mistake. She reached for her purse. “I’m going to assume this night’s over.”
“You’re leaving?”
Her gaze slowly met his, her eyes blinking with amazement. “Yes, Sawyer, I’m leaving.”
“What about the rest of the weekend? Do you have plans?”
Throwing the strap of her purse over her shoulder she stared at him, her arms crossing over her chest. “I love you, Sawyer. Do you feel anything when you hear those words from me?”
“Of course I feel something.”
“What? For once in your life have the balls to say what you feel and forget about the consequences.”
“I know I want a future with you, Isadora—”
“No!” Her hands flew to her ears. “You don’t get the rest of my life if you can’t say you love me! You don’t get a week in Italy, or even tomorrow! Here and now, do you love me?”
Taking several labored breaths, he stared at her.
Silence.
Like a deer caught in headlights, he just stood there.
“I have to go.”
He didn’t speak or try to stop her.
When she reached her car, she let out a fury of swear words, her palms slapping against the top of the steering wheel until something caught her eye.
The bracelet. There must be over ten karats on her wrist, but each little stone mocked her. It was a sad substitute for a real commitment. It made a mockery of everything they’d shared and every opportunity she set aside for him. No more. This time she was making the decision for them.
Parker was wrong. It wasn’t Sawyer’s move. It was hers. And she was, once and for all, walking away.
Using her teeth, she unclipped the bracelet. It slithered onto her lap and she tossed it into the cup holder. She was done.
Backing out, she dialed Parker on her Bluetooth.
“M’lady?”
“Hi.” Oh, she needed to calm down. Her voice still held that waspish edge. Trying again, she asked, “How’s your day going?”
“Okay. You could make it a lot better.”
She smiled and navigated her car toward her house. “How can I do that?”
“Just hearing your voice is a step in the right direction.”
Her heart melted. “Such a sweet talker. I had plans but they sort of fell through. Did you have lunch?”
“Nope. Want me to pick you up? We could grab something in the city.”
He was so easy, so positive and uplifting. She wondered when she should tell him about Sawyer. More importantly, how long until she told him she loved him?
She never wanted to have those words go unanswered again, so, to be safe, she should probably hold off a little longer. But he needed to know she’d made her choice.
She chose him. “Lunch sounds great.”
“I’ll pick you up in thirty.”