Booker
I was extra cautious when we left the motel that morning. I drove an hour out of the way, backtracked, and then sped through the town where we’d spent the night. It was a ridiculous route and I made note of every single car we passed. I knew if I saw the same make and model more than once, the likelihood that we were being followed was high. Karsen and I systematically picked through the rest of her belongings looking for another tracking device, but we didn’t find anything. As we drove, I got madder at myself. I was pissed for reacting with my gut and merely disassembling the device instead of planting it on another car headed the opposite direction. It was a rookie mistake, one I shouldn’t have made. When it came to Karsen, I always acted on instinct first and tended to regret things later on. My brain definitely ended up third in line behind my heart and dick when it came to making decisions where she was concerned.
Not that I was ever going to regret getting to hold her through the night. Or getting to know how she tasted and felt as she unraveled against my tongue. I would never lament knowing the way her eyes deepened to rich, beautiful espresso when she hovered right on the edge of an orgasm. And I would never, ever forget the way she said my name like it, like I, was something special as she drifted off to sleep, head tucked under my chin, hand resting on my heart. She was dead-on about it being the best memory I would ever have. The only problem was now that we’d created something so unforgettable together, I didn't know how I was supposed to go back to living my life pretending I didn’t know there could be kindness and softness out there, even for someone as fucked up as I was.
Love and respect went hand in hand, and I would never have either from her if I didn’t stop letting the experiences from my past define the man I was going to be from here on out.
With a new resolve to look forward instead of backward in place, I pushed us through to Seattle and worked us down the coast. There were no more run-ins with mysterious cars and blending into the city proved to be extremely easy. We stopped for a late lunch on the Sound and then drove down to Portland. I pulled over at a busy rest stop so we could figure out our next move.
My plan was to drive through the night to Reno. It was completely out of the way and anyone following us would be totally thrown off by our route turning back toward the east. Selfishly, I knew it would also give us one more night together before I had to hand her over to the man who nearly destroyed us both in order to set her free.
Karsen grumbled about the added hours, knowing we could hit the Point by tomorrow night if we just kept heading south on the highway. It would mean switching off drivers, giving both of us a chance to snooze while the other handled the driving. I didn’t like it, would much rather have zig-zagged for another day, but I could see being in the car so close to home was starting to wear on her. She didn’t seem nearly as anxious or as excited as she had been initially about returning to the Point. Now, there was a steely resolve and some sort of determination I couldn’t quite figure out fueling her desire to get back as quickly as possible.
Reluctantly, I agreed to the straight shot down the coast. I was rewarded with a squeal and a smacking kiss for my weakness where she was concerned. I wrapped my arms around her, operating on reflex, when her body slammed into mine. However, I was stunned stupid and unable to return the excited kiss. When Karsen pulled back and scowled up at me in confusion, I squeezed her and told her numbly, “No one has ever really initiated affection toward me in public before.” In that moment, I realized exactly how pathetic that sounded. She gaped at me in shock as I shook my head to clear out the slippery cobwebs of tangled memories I no longer wanted to be stuck in. “I’ve never held anyone’s hand. I’ve never had anyone kiss me in front of other people the way you just did. People don’t even like to look at me, Karsen. Let alone touch me.” And I knew it wasn’t entirely due to the scar that mangled one side of my face. When you were built like a beast and carried death around in your eyes, people instinctively gave you a wide berth. It was their self-preservation instincts kicking in the same way they did when around any wild animal. Predators were unpredictable.
Her scowl deepened and she looked like she was ready to take on the entire world on my behalf. I could fight, I had to in order to survive, but Karsen was a fighter. It was ingrained in her, threaded throughout the very fiber of her being. I knew how to hurt people, she knew how to heal them by never giving up and never giving in when she believed in someone.
“Touch is a basic human need, Booker.” She ran the back of her hand over my ravaged cheek and leaned up on the tips of her toes so she could put tiny kisses all up and down the silvery length.
I grunted and ran my hand up her back. “The only person whose touch I ever needed was yours. The rest I could have done without.” Her touch made me feel like a man, not a monster, not a machine. All the other hands that had been on me made me feel like I was nothing. Literally, I was no more than pile of skin and bones with no heart or soul inside.
She nodded briskly like she understood exactly what I meant and patted me on the shoulders, which seemed so ridiculous I couldn’t help but grin. It was like someone petting a wolf in order to calm it down and get it to behave.
“Let me drive while we still have daylight. If anything happens I’d rather not be trying to outrun another car in the dark. I’ll leave that to you. You can catch a few hours of sleep and we’ll switch off when we cross into the next state.” She kissed me again, this time a peck on the tip of my nose and her eyes melted into a golden, chocolate swirl so soft and warm it made my heart lurch painfully inside my chest. “And I want you to know I love touching you, Booker. You’re going to have to fight to keep my hands off you. I would want everyone who sees us together to know you are mine and I am yours, and there will never be any question whether or not I think you are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”
She flounced away around the front of the car with a sassy swish of swaying hair and a strut that made my mouth go dry. There were a lot of things I really loved about grownup Karsen Carter, but the undeniable confidence and self-assuredness she now possessed was at the very top of the list. It was like she finally realized she really was meant for greatness. People hadn’t been blowing smoke up her ass in order to placate her. Watching her own her independence and individuality made my dick almost as hard as watching those long legs of hers carry her like she was perpetually walking a runway.
I threw my head back and looked up at the sky, as if the clouds and endlessly blue expanse had the answers for questions I couldn’t ask. I wanted nothing more than to be hers and to tell her she had always been mine, but there were so many obstacles in the way. I couldn’t see a clear path to either of us getting to that point. Normally, I just ran right over whatever was standing in my way, but if I did that this time, I had no doubt I would lose her forever. There was no way to win this game, not when Race was holding all the cards. But that didn’t stop me from imagining what it would be like to have her hands on me all the time. I wanted to be claimed like that. I wanted someone to be proud of being with me. It was asking a lot, considering I couldn’t even stand my own company half the time.
I laced my fingers together and put them on the top of my head, reluctantly making my way around the car to the passenger side. When I climbed in, she was humming the same tune as her ringtone and grinned at me when I gave her a look.
“It’s Taylor Swift.” She said it like I should know.
The only reason I had any clue who Taylor Swift is was because of the girls who danced at the Empire where I often bounced. When there weren’t knees to break and heads to bash, they mentioned Karsen would make a killing if she started to strip because of her resemblance to the popstar. Of course, Karsen would become a stripper over Race’s dead body, but I’d still Googled the singer and was surprised that the girls were right. Karsen and the music mogul both had a look about them. An innocence, tempered with something sharper and more calculating. In Karsen’s case, all that softness covered up some edges that sliced right down to the bone.
I settled into the seat and tried to find a comfortable spot to lean. When she was back in the protective hands of her sister and almost-brother-in-law, I was never going on a road trip again. Well, I may never breathe again once I was back on Race’s turf so that may not even be a concern.
“You kind of look like her. The singer. I bet you hear that all the time.” I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what it was going to be like rolling back into the Point with her by my side.
I felt rather than saw her shrug. “Yeah. I’ve heard it a time or two. Usually from a drunk guy trying to hit on me. Ari and I went and saw her in concert a while back. I couple of little girls asked me for my autograph.”
She giggled at the memory, and again I felt like a hopeless idiot for ever thinking our lives could align. In the Point, people thought she could make money from the way she looked, taking her clothes off and titillating men for a living. In the real world, little girls mistook her for their idol and asked her to sign something for them. I groaned and threw my forearm over my eyes to block out the sun and the headache I could feel forming.
The truth was, no matter how much I changed, or how far I pushed myself to repent, I was never going to be good enough for her. There was no making amends for all the things I’d done to earn my place in the Point. I wanted respect and I got it. Only, I now realized I sought it out from the wrong people.
Despite my whirling thoughts and churning gut, I managed to fall into a restless sleep. I woke twice, once when I hit my head on the passenger window when Karsen slammed on the brakes to avoid a car that careened into our lane, cutting her off. And once more when Karsen reached out her hand to play with my short hair when we got stuck in rush hour traffic. The feeling of her fingers scraping over my scalp electrified my entire body. I went instantly hard and found myself leaning into her touch, seeking more, letting the sensation of being soothed sink all the way into my bones. Apparently, this wolf was pretty fucking close to being domesticated and I couldn’t muster up the energy to care.
When I woke up the final time, the sun was going down and I noticed we were pulled over on the shoulder of the road. I blinked a few times before the spinning red and blue lights pulled me totally awake and had me snapping upright with instant alertness.
“What happened? Were you speeding?” I whipped my head around to look at a terrified Karsen who was watching the police car in the rearview mirror.
She shook her head and looked at me with huge eyes. “I wasn’t doing anything. We crossed the state line, and the next thing I knew he was behind me. He followed us for a solid twenty minutes before turning on the siren and pulling me over. I don’t have my driver’s license, and the trunk has a goddamn arsenal loaded into it; why would I do anything to draw attention to us?” She sounded petulant and annoyed because obviously she was smarter than that. We both knew it.
“We crossed the state line?” I shifted in my seat, eyes darting to the door on her side of the car where my gun was stashed. I was a felon. It was totally illegal for me to be in possession of any kind of firearm. If the cop searched the car and took me in, it was a one-way ticket back to prison for me. I had a truckload of fake identification for all different occasions, but if my fingerprints were run for any reason, any reason at all, I was toast. A cold sweat slipped from my hairline and started to roll down my spine. “I don’t like this.” We were too close to home for it all to fall apart now.
With our breath held, we both watched as the cop got out of his cruiser and made his way up along the side of the car. He had mirrored shades on, even though the sun was going down, and he kept his hand on the butt of his gun as he approached Karsen’s side of the car. As subtly as she could, she slid one of her hands into mine and squeezed.
“Good evening, Officer. How can I help you today?” Ever the chameleon, Karsen slipped into her perfectly innocent girl-next-door guise between one breath and the next.
The cop tilted his sunglasses down and ran his gaze over both of us, pausing to look at our linked hands.
“Do you have any idea why I pulled you over, young lady?” His voice was hard and gave nothing away.
“Umm . . .” Karsen gave me a searching look and then offered up a helpless shrug. “I really don’t. I can’t think of a single reason why you would pull me over, Officer.”
The cop hummed a little and braced a hand on top of the car. “Where are you headed?”
I thought it was super weird he had yet to ask for identification from either of us and I didn’t like the way he was eyeballing me over the top of Karsen’s head. It was all I could do to breathe in and out and not start to hyperventilate. I could practically hear the cell doors slamming shut. The sound made my ears ring as my blood pressure shot through the roof.
“Uh . . . We’re headed home. Down the coast to the Point. I doubt you’ve ever heard of it.” She flashed him a guileless smile that almost had me believing she was some kind of angel. “My sister is getting married soon and I’m in the wedding.”
The cop nodded as if the information she was spewing was fascinating. He tapped his hand on the roof of the car and it took every single scintilla of willpower I possessed not to jump out of my damn skin.
“I know the Point. Know it well. I owe a favor or two to a guy down there I bet we both know. Got in deep with the wrong people placing bets on the horses in Del Mar. Offered to help me out if I did him a favor down the road. He put a call in and asked me to keep an eye out for a young woman on her way home. Not sure I want to know how he’s been monitoring traffic cameras all up and down the coast, but he has been. He asked me to check on her if I happened to see her and he mentioned the man you were with might very well be keeping you with him by force. He gave me the go ahead to remove you from your companion’s company by any means necessary.” Karsen gasped and whipped her head around so fast I was stunned she didn’t give herself whiplash. “However, you don’t seem to be in any distress. Are you with this man against your will, young lady?”
“No! Absolutely not. He’s the one who got me this far. I’m with him because I want to be.” Each word was more forceful than the one behind it.
The cop tapped the hood of the car again and took a step back. “Figured there was more to the story than that blond pretty boy was giving me.” The police officer took his sunglasses off and pointed a finger at me. “If I search this vehicle am I going to find an unregistered weapon?”
Nope. He was going to find about twelve. I slowly nodded and felt my palms beginning to sweat. If I were in the driver’s seat, I would have floored it and tried to outrun the man. I was practically gagging on the thought of getting locked up again.
“I may have gotten a heads-up about that. If you want some unsolicited advice, ditch the weapons and get the girl home in one piece. The only reason I’m not taking you in is because Hartman took my ‘53 Hudson a few months ago and sold it off before I got a chance to buy it back. That car was my great granddaddy’s. That little punk acts like he’s untouchable, but he’s not. I hope you show him he isn’t God and isn’t above the consequences that come with playing with other peoples’ lives.” He nodded again and looked at Karsen. “If you care about your traveling companion, you better step up and put your foot down, little girl. Your big brother isn’t playing fair, and the next cop who comes along might be more afraid of him than I am.”
Before Karsen could snap that Race wasn’t officially related to her yet, the cop passed along one last warning look and headed back to his car. He wasn’t even back in the cruiser before I had the passenger door open and was falling to the ground on my hands and knees. Lunch came up in a rush as I gagged and choked. I could feel sweat dripping into my eyes, or maybe those were tears. Either way, my face was wet and I was shaking all over when I felt Karsen’s hand on the center of my back and her lips on the crown of my head.
Pathetic. Weak. Powerless.
I was back to being all the things I swore I would never allow myself to be again.
“I can’t go back, Karsen. I can’t.” The cold cement. The restricted space and constant fight for survival. If I ended up back in prison I knew I wasn’t making it out alive this time.
“Go back where? Booker, I’ve never seen you like this.” She sounded scared, but there was no way her fear could touch the terror screaming through me at the moment.
“I can’t go back to jail. I won’t go back. I’ll die first.” I lifted my head to look at her, hoping she could see what I thought of having everything stripped away from me was doing to me. When you had a weakness, it could be used against you. She’d just witnessed it first-hand.
Nothing would have made me hurt her. Nothing on Earth was worth losing her and letting her go. But I was powerless against the way the fear of getting locked up made me feel.
“That’s not going to happen. I won’t let it.” She sounded fierce and so protective, I desperately wanted to believe her. She was a fighter, and the idea of her fighting for me did something to my insides that made my fear feel small and insignificant.
I looked at her from under my lashes as I pulled myself together. “I’m not this guy anymore. The one who falls apart and lets himself get run over by someone smarter and more powerful. At least, I thought I wasn’t that guy anymore. Everything I’ve done in my life is to prove I’m not him.” I hated how she witnessed me at one of my lowest points in years. The last time I had been this low was when I let Roxy and her friend have their way with me the night she showed up in my apartment, all the while knowing the wheels I set in motion were going to spin us out and tear us apart.
She kissed me on the top of my head and took a step back. Her eyes were alive with gold fire as she put her hands on her hips and told me, “You are the guy who has always walked through fire to get to me, Booker. Nothing that happened today changes that. We all have a breaking point; it’s what makes us human. Let’s get going. We need to find a safe place to ditch the guns and I think we should find a different car. If we get stopped again, I’m not letting them take you, so we’d better be safe rather than sorry.”
She started ticking off a million things that needed to happen, and I knelt at her knees knowing I would follow her anywhere she wanted to lead me. I would battle every single dragon she asked me to slay. I wasn’t much of a white knight; my armor was beyond rusted and ruined. However, I knew there was no one who would give as much, or go to the lengths I would go, in order to keep her safe. She might be the princess of the Point, but she was the Queen, the undeniable ruler, of my crooked and shady heart.