Booker
Between the sleepless night, the emotional upheaval of facing a grown-up Karsen, and the adrenaline crash after the dust up in the gas station, there was no way I was keeping my eyes open for another minute. I handed the keys to Karsen and told her to get us to Salt Lake City. The drive would give me enough time to recharge and, maybe when I woke up, I would have enough strength to shove the fog of lust and the burn from old memories back in the dark where they had festered for the last few years.
I crashed as soon as I reclined in the passenger seat. It had been a long time since I’d knocked out in seconds. Sleep wasn’t something that came easy to me. Bad things happened when you let your guard down and let yourself be vulnerable, and never was a man more susceptible to attack than when he was asleep. It was a good thing most of my time was spent working in the dark. I was usually so exhausted or so utterly disgusted with myself by the time the sun came up, passing out in the bright light of day wasn't an issue. The demons dancing around me didn’t show themselves in the sunshine, so I was normally able to catch a few winks before the cycle of self-loathing started over again the next night.
However, with my fate in the hands of the woman I not only dreamed about, but also daydreamed about, I slept like the dead. There were no nightmares or long-forgotten fears jerking me awake and chilling me to the bone. Nope, drifting off next to Karsen, all that existed was her warm, citrusy scent and the enveloping feeling of contentment at having her by my side. Not much in my life had ever gone the right way. I was a pro at finding myself in every worst-case scenario, but being next to her had always felt overwhelmingly right.
I cranked my eyes open when the car rolled to a stop. Karsen was muttering to herself and tapping her fingers on the steering wheel to a beat only she could hear. Her face was set in lines of concentration as she stared out the windshield, and she was chewing on her bottom lip hard enough the surface was red and irritated.
I blinked and lifted my hands to scrub them over my face. She looked my way as I moved the seat back into the upright position and asked, “Are you hungry? I was going to run in and grab something really quick, but now that you’re awake I’d love to get out of this car for a little bit.”
I noticed we were parked in front of a restaurant chain and figured we must be inside the city limits. The area around us was much more populated than any of the route we’d been traveling. I rubbed my face even harder and rolled my stiff shoulders. Guys my size were not meant for road trips. There was never enough room to move, and every single part of my body was feeling the crunch from being cramped in the sedan for hours. It would be a good idea to keep going. Hitting a moving target was always much more challenging, but I’d always had a hard time telling this girl no, and I could use the space, too. My dick had woken up along with the rest of me, and it was also uncomfortably restricted behind the biting teeth of my zipper.
“We can go in, but we can’t linger. It’s best to keep moving.”
I kicked the passenger door open but paused before climbing out because Karsen sarcastically asked, “How in the hell do you think Troy is going to track us down in Utah? You wouldn’t let me bring my phone or my computer, remember? No one knows where we are. You wouldn’t even let me check on Ari this morning because you were afraid she would tell her brother that I’m on the run with you. I’m sure she’s worried sick. That’s the last thing she needs right now.”
I blamed my knee-jerk response on the fact I still wasn’t fully awake. “Troy isn’t the only one we have to worry about.” I could hear the anger and resentment loud and clear in my voice, so there was no way she was going to miss it.
We both climbed out of the car. She slammed the door on her side and crossed her arms on the roof, looking at me coolly across the space separating us. “What's that supposed to mean? Who else do we have to worry about?”
I groaned and threw my head back so I was looking up at the rapidly darkening sky. “Can we drop it? All I want to do is get you home as quickly as possible. Just like you asked me to.”
She made a face indicating it was a stupid question and she considered me ridiculous for asking it. “When have I ever dropped anything? Did someone follow you from home? Are you in some kind of trouble? Are we running to keep me safe or did you just manipulate me into this situation because I’m still a colossal idiot when it comes to you? I should know better than to trust you unconditionally.” Each question got louder and more forceful as she asked them. Her face flushed a hot pink, and she was back to gnawing on that lower lip like she was trying to chew through it.
I bit off a string of swear words and copied her pose with my arms braced on the top of the car. It would be so easy to tell her everything . . . I was already going to lose her so it shouldn't matter. But then I’d be out of her life, and when I went, I would be taking the person she turned to for protection and support with me. That wouldn’t be fair. I’d ruined her life once already, I wasn’t looking for a repeat performance.
“I’m not in any more trouble than I usually am. No one followed me from the Point, but I think you’re smart enough to know your sister and her man are not my biggest fans after everything that went down. I haven’t left the Point since the day I got out of prison. When people realize I’m gone, I think they are logically going to conclude the only place I would go is where you are. I’ve wanted to make amends for a long time, Karsen. That’s never been a secret. I fucked up and the people who love you know it. They also know I regret it. I owe you so much more than an apology, but that’s all I have to give.” I moved my hand and thumped a fist on the car. “If I were in Race’s shoes, I’d send someone after my sorry ass, too. It isn’t anything I can’t handle, but with you along for the ride, I worry about collateral damage. Hired guns tend to be overzealous when it comes to collecting a paycheck.” I should know, since I was one.
Her brows lifted and she released her trapped lip. I wanted to soothe the tender flesh with my tongue. I wanted to make her mouth sting with my own and let her nibble on something a lot harder and a whole lot lower. So much for reining in the lust clouding my every thought and action lately.
“You think Race is going to send someone to hurt you because you came all the way to Colorado to apologize to me?” She shook her head slightly, eyes narrowing. “That’s ridiculous. He was excited when I told him I changed my mind and wanted to leave the Point. He knows good and well that wouldn’t have happened without you. He owes you a solid.”
I didn’t go to Colorado to just apologize. I went to collect what was mine, if she still wanted me, and Race would know that. In Race’s world, there were no favors and no one owes anyone anything. In Race’s world, there was blackmail and manipulation until he got his way, regardless of the cost. I pushed off the car and rolled my shoulders again. “He loves you. There isn’t much he won’t do to keep you safe. He knows that while I won’t let anything hurt you, the last thing you are with me, is safe.”
She moved off the car as well, a frown of confusion stamped on her pretty features. “Of course I’m safe with you.”
When she reached my side, I looked down at her and let all the desire and want I’d been repressing loose in my gaze. I bent my head so we were eye to eye and I watched as the gold fissures in the rich brown of hers flared with heat.
“Oh no, you’re not, puppy.” It was an old nickname. One I knew she hated because it always reminded her how much younger she was than me. It was also my way of keeping her in the strictly hands-off category, because puppies were cute and loveable. Junkyard dogs like me were left alone to keep the riff-raff out. No one let us in at night or cuddled with us. We were solely used as weapons, not pets.
I told myself to pull away because my point was made, but I couldn’t seem to move. She was so close. She was the only thing I’d ever wanted more than the reputation I’d earned to keep the people who could hurt me at bay. She wasn’t a shy, sheltered little girl anymore. No, this was a woman staring back at me, silently daring me to finally do something. I was a man of action, but with Karsen, I’d been forced to let our fate be fondled by dirty hands and unfortunate circumstances. This was the first time I was the one calling the shots where she was concerned, even if they were the wrong calls to make.
I wasn’t sure who moved first.
Maybe neither of us did.
We’d always been drawn to one another.
I breathed in as she breathed out, like I was tugging her toward me with the whisper of her sigh. When my lips landed on hers, there was barely any pressure. Just the featherlight touch of my mouth to hers, but I felt the impact like a sledgehammer to my gut. The velvet softness and warmth of her plump lips almost took me to the ground. I could feel the indent in her bottom lip from her teeth and did my best to kiss the pain away. If I could, I would kiss every pain she had into oblivion. Especially the pain I caused. I would give just about anything to erase the bruise of burden from her heart.
Tentatively, I lifted a hand and cupped her jaw. Her skin was silky smooth under my rough palms, and I felt the delicate shiver that coursed through her as I skimmed the tip of my tongue across the seam of her lips. She let out a sigh that may have been my name, but I was too busy darting into the entrance, into the warm recess of her mouth she granted me access, to get excited over it.
She tasted like every daydream I’d ever had. Sunny, bright, and slightly sweet. Her flavor burst on my tongue and made my mouth water. I always knew when I got a taste of her it was going to ruin me. She was the end of the road. There was nothing for me past this woman and the way she completely undid me with just a kiss. My entire life people had tried to take me out, to end me. They wanted me on my knees, demanded my submission and my surrender. Karsen Carter owned both with nothing more than the flick of her tongue and the slide of her lush lips against mine. I could feel a quiver where our lips touched, but I had no clue if it came from me or from her, and I didn’t care. I was powerless where she was concerned, and for the first time in my life, I was okay with that.
Her small hand lifted and wrapped around the wrist of my hand holding onto her face. My pulse kicked against her fingers and my cock throbbed insistently behind my zipper. I waited to see if she was going to pull me away, but when her fingers simply rested there, stroking the frantic beat of my heart as my pulse raced, I moved closer and deepened the kiss.
I could drown in her. The way she tasted. The way she sounded as I did my best to devour her. The way she smelled. All of it filled my senses and sucked me under. Nothing existed outside of Karsen and the feel of her mouth moving under mine.
I increased the pressure until she whimpered into my mouth.
This kiss shouldn’t hurt, but because it was us, of course it did. There was so much between us, so much we missed and weren’t allowed to have. It was going to be painful trying to wade through all of the denial to get to each other.
My teeth raked across her swollen lower lip and she stepped in closer to me. Her free hand found its way to the side of my face and I ordered myself not to freeze when her fingertips touched my marred cheek. I couldn’t remember the last time another person had their hands on my scar. Maybe the nurse who took the stitches out in the prison infirmary? Her caress shouldn’t burn. The nerves under the ravaged skin were long dead, but I swore I could feel a trail of heat in every single place her fingers fell. She was a little arsonist, setting my entire body alight and letting fire loose in all the cold, dark places left vacant and abandoned inside of my heart.
Our tongues tangled as I put a hand on her lower back and tugged her lithe body closer until it was flush with mine. I felt her breasts flatten against my chest and swallowed back a moan as our hips aligned perfectly. She was too good, too flawless, and too lovely to be made just for me. But we fit together like she was designed to fill up all the empty spaces inside of me.
I deepened the kiss, taking what I’d been denied for so long. I wasn’t going to let a single part of her mouth go untasted, and my wandering hands were doing a pretty good job of making sure none of her creamy skin was left untouched. I had a hand on the gentle swell of her ass, and the other moved from her face to the long fall of her hair. She was trapped against me, and my eager dick was super happy she wasn’t doing a thing to get away. The slow grind of her hips as she writhed and wiggled to get closer had my cock throbbing so hard it almost hurt.
Our teeth clicked together as I jerked her closer, sucking the tip of her tongue and practically dry-humping her in the parking lot of the family restaurant. Common sense fled the minute I got my mouth on her, and every instinct I’d honed over the years to keep me alive went numb under the onslaught of need that pummeled me from every direction as I finally allowed myself this one indulgence. This one moment that was years in the making.
It was a kiss worth dying for.
The blare of a car horn startled us apart. Karsen fell back a step, lifting her hands to my chest and pushing me back so there was space to breathe between us. Her better-than-brown eyes were out of focus and her mouth was kiss swollen and wet. She was the very image of ravished, and there was no denying I loved being the one to put that look all over her.
The angry mom in the minivan honked again, so I reluctantly released my prize and moved to shove my hands in my back pockets. I had to have a barrier between my hands and her body so I wasn’t tempted to snatch her back up. I could feel my own powerful heartbeat in my erection. It pounded in time with my breath as I struggled to get myself under control.
Karsen cleared her throat and pushed her tangled hair over her shoulder. She blinked at me then cleared her throat again. “I guess you aren’t very safe from me either, Noah.”
My real name.
I rarely heard it. And only from her had those two syllables ever been said in the past six years. My mom never used it. The men she handed me off to when she needed money for drugs sure as hell hadn’t cared what it was. When I killed one of them and ended up in juvie, I’d been nothing more than an inmate number, and when I’d put another juvenile offender in the hospital for getting handsy and violent, I’d ended up in big boy prison. I’d lost my identity all together. Booker was the man I’d become when I got out, but Noah was who I was when I was with her. She used it to remind me that she saw me, the man behind the gun.
I pulled in a breath and forced my feet to move because Karsen was already headed toward the entrance of the restaurant.
“You’re right. You’re dangerous. I didn’t hear the van. If that soccer mom had been a hitman, we’d both be toast. You’re distracting. You always were.” And being distracted was a surefire way to end up dead.
She cast a look at me over her shoulder and waited as I reached around her to pull the door open. “Don't you ever get tired of it?”
“Tired of what?”
“Tired of always watching your back? Of looking for the next gun pointed in your direction?” She winced as soon as she said the words, probably realizing that I’d just had a gun on me, even though I’d been minding my own business.
I put my hand between her shoulder blades and guided her to the hostess stand. The teenager behind the podium smiled politely at Karsen, but her eyes widened and the grin slipped when she looked up at me. Karsen stiffened under my hand, but before she could say anything, I put my lips next to her ear and whispered, “Last time I forgot to watch my back, I ended up with this scar on my face.”
It was a night I would never forget. It was a night that stole sleep from me. It was also a good reminder that no matter how sweet Karsen tasted, or how good she felt in my hands, she wasn’t meant for me or the kind of life I lived. She was meant for sunshine and sweetness. She didn’t thrive at night, and I had no right to ask her to hide in the dark with me and all of my warring demons.