Booker
Loading Karsen into an unassuming Prius next to Noe was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. It was time to split up so I could ditch the guns and so she could make it home without getting caught in the crossfire between me and her soon to be brother-in-law. I’d only had her back for a few days, and I kept telling myself letting her go was the right thing to do but watching her leave me for the second time felt like I was giving up whatever pieces of my heart were left. I didn’t ask Stark where the Prius came from. I also didn’t ask if Karsen would be safe with Noe. The computer hacker’s street-smart girlfriend was almost as dangerous as I was when she was threatened. People in the city still talked about the time she jumped from the second floor of Nassir’s night club in order to avoid a confrontation with a very bad man from her past. She was as much of a fighter as Karsen. The two of them would be unstoppable and capable of taking over the world if they spent enough time together.
I pretended not to hear when Karsen asked Noe for a phone so she could check on Ari and call her sister to let her know she was close to home. If I had my way, the real world would stay on the outskirts for a few more hours, but that wasn’t an option anymore.
I also didn’t ask Stark why we were unloading all the guns from the sedan and taking them into the basement of the church. There were several impressive gun safes lining the walls of the basement, which seemed odd in a place of worship, but totally in line with Stark’s way of doing things. The man was able to hide his genius IQ and deadly military training in plain sight, behind a solemn, heavily tattooed exterior. Of course he would have a safe house right outside the city, and of course it would be disguised as a church. It was brilliant.
He tossed me a key and knocked on the side of one of the safes. “You can come back for these whenever. I’ll have the guy who handles all the church services for me ditch the sedan in the morning.”
I looked at the key and then up at him. “This place actually operates as a church?” My confusion was evident in both my tone and puzzled expression.
“Yeah. This is where Noe ended up when she took off after all the stuff went down with her family. They were nice to her. Took her in off the street with no questions. I’ve been funneling money into the parish and maintaining the building ever since. It comes in handy when I need a place to work off the grid, and it’s the last place anyone would look for things I don’t want found. It’s a beneficial relationship, so the parish gave me a guy who acts as a liaison. The church can keep its hands clean, technically. They’ll just throw my contact under the bus if anyone finds out they’re a front for shady activities.” He waggled his eyebrows up and down behind the rims of his glasses. “An added bonus is I’m pretty sure Nassir would burst into flames if he walked through the doors, so I have a place to dodge him when he wants me to do something I’m not interested in doing.”
Barking out a laugh, I ran my hands over my head and silently followed him up a set of rickety stairs and out of the church. Bringing up Nassir had something Karsen said to me churning in my guts and spinning my head all around. “Speak of the Devil,” Stark snorted and used the fob in his hand to auto-start his huge truck. He always pressed the button from a few hundred feet away in case the big vehicle went up in flames. For anyone else it would be seen as a slightly paranoid act, for Stark it was a necessity. The man had taken on the US government and won. Everyone knew Uncle Sam was a sore loser, so Stark watched his back as closely as I watched mine. We had the same target on our backs, we’d just crossed different enemy lines. It was one more reason we were so in sync with one another. “I think I need you to take me to see Nassir.”
Stark’s dark eyebrows lifted and he dipped his chin in acknowledgement. “I thought you were moving on to greener pastures. Get the girl home, then go. Wasn’t that the plan?”
I groaned and followed him to the truck. “I didn’t have a plan. I couldn't stay away anymore. I needed to see her. I had to show her I wouldn’t have hurt her if I had had a choice. I know she’s better off without me, but I’m not sure I’m strong enough to let her go. Which means I need to talk to Nassir, because Race is going to put a kill-on-sight order out for me as soon as he knows I’m back in the Point. Or worse, he’s going to have my ass tossed back in the slammer.”
Stark paused mid-step, turning his bulky body slightly so he could look at me. “First, I’m going to tell you it takes far more strength to hold onto someone than it does to let them go. Your grip will get weak. Your hands will shake. Everything about loving someone will get so heavy you’re sure the right thing to do is let go, because it’s so much easier. But when you let go, all you’re left with is empty hands. Second, if you think for a second I would let Race maneuver you back into prison, you're out of your goddamn mind.” He poked me in the chest, hard. I rubbed the spot begrudgingly as he snapped, “You went in and got Noe away from her kidnappers with zero hesitation, Booker. You took care of both of us when we couldn’t get our heads on right. I owe you for that, but I’d interfere even if I didn’t. You’re my friend, asshole. You show up for me, I show up for you. That’s how this shit works.”
I stumbled and balked at his words. I mean, I considered him a friend, but I’d never had anyone I could lean on like that in the past. It never even occurred to me to drag anyone else into the mess with Race, not even when Benny mentioned he was there to keep an eye on me. I was prepared to fall on my sword all alone. I was finding out now that there were people in my life unwilling to let it happen.
“Race is a big deal in the Point. I didn't want to rock the boat for anyone else. I know how quickly a person can drown when they get in over their heads with guys like him.”
Stark snorted as we both hefted ourselves up into the truck. He pushed some buttons on the dashboard, ones that definitely didn't come standard, and suddenly the truck came to life with a sexy rumble. “You’re a big deal, too, Booker. I don’t know how you can’t see it. You’re the glue that holds Nassir and Race’s operations together. You are the guy who guards the gates of the castle. No one gets into the kingdom unless you deem them worthy. You’ve always had more power than you gave yourself credit for. Race’s threats were always empty. He knows I would seriously fuck up his life if he tried to mess with you. I control all his surveillance and I have access to all his secure accounts. Not to mention I set up his offshore gambling sites. I could shut him down with one click of a button. He wouldn’t risk it.” Stark glared at me, gray eyes sharp behind his glasses. “He preys on peoples’ weaknesses, exploits them. He knew you would never believe there were people in your corner willing to fight for you. He knew you would suffer in silence before asking for help. You played right into his hands.”
Fuck.
I had.
I rolled over without a second thought because I was convinced my back was against the wall and there was nowhere to turn. I’d been so busy building myself up, and battling for respect, dignity, and honor, I’d missed the fact I’d already earned it from the men I so desperately wanted to emulate. In all my work for the underbelly of the lowest souls in the Point, I never realized I had control over this situation—or anyone to back me—until now.
“If you hadn’t folded and let Race get in your head, you could have just asked Karsen what she wanted, and I think you’re smart enough to know her answer. She would have been the first person to fight for you. All you had to do was ask.” He sounded disappointed in me, and I couldn't blame him. I screwed up, royally. I’d once again let my past steal away the best parts of my future. “I’m still not keyed into the way most people react to things, and I’ve never been one to point out what I figured was obvious. Maybe I should have said something sooner instead of assuming you knew I had your back.”
Neither one of us were exactly brilliant when it came to dealing with other people and social norms. It was entirely plausible that we both knew what needed to be said and done but didn't know how to go about being there for one another. Friendship was still pretty foreign to both of us.
“Stark, is Booker with you?”
We both jumped as Nassir’s deep, slightly accented voice suddenly filled the cab of the truck. Stark reached out and tapped the big display screen in the center of the truck’s dash, and like magic, Nassir’s image appeared on the screen. His dark hair was brushed back from his face. His hands were folded together in front of him, the tattoos and wedding ring prominent on the left one. His clear, amber eyes burned so bright it was almost as if he was looking right through me, even though he was miles away in his office at his opulent sex club. This was some futuristic shit right here, and I couldn’t help but be impressed by what the boy genius had wired up.
“Yeah. I got him. The girl is with Noe. They should be hitting the city limit any minute now. She’s taking her home to her sister, but I don’t think anyone is in store for a happy reunion. Noe texted a while ago that the blonde has figured out Race’s game while she was on the drive down the coast with our boy here. She is not a happy camper.” Stark said the last part with a little laugh. It was almost as if he was rooting for Race to get what's coming to him.
“Oh, I am aware. Someone forgot to tell Noe to keep the girl off the phone. She’s already contacted her sister, who immediately informed Race of the fact they have a furious Karsen barreling their way. It’s a shitshow. All of the careful threads Race weaved together are unraveling. Serves him right. He never should have interfered in that girl’s life the way he did. She’s smarter than him. She always knew exactly what it was she wanted. Or rather who she wanted.” His accent thickened with his growing irritation, and his heavy eyebrows lifted as he watched me knowingly. “Now I want to know what you’re going to do about all of this, Booker?”
I blinked in surprise and shifted uncomfortably under his unwavering gold gaze. “Me?”
The way I typically handled problems was to put a bullet in them and bury the bodies where they would never be found. I didn’t exactly have the best negotiation skills. Fixing things would mean meeting Race halfway, and all I really wanted to do was run the cocky son of a bitch over.
“I’m not sure I’m right for that particular job.”
Nassir sighed and leaned forward, resting his arms on his desk. His expression was serious but his tone was surprisingly understanding as he explained, “You need to fix it because you care about the girl and she’s about to go off the rails. She’s a formidable enemy, and I don’t doubt she has it in her to tear both Brysen and Race apart. No one is questioning if Race fucked up. He did, and now he knows just how badly. The consequences are going to be long lasting, and he will be forced to fight for forgiveness the same way you did. But, I think you know the girl needs her family. Going at it alone in this world is hard and endlessly trying. You want better for Karsen, and I want better for you. You have the opportunity to do the right thing here. Don’t let it pass you by.”
I bounced my knee up and down and tightened my hands into fists. I could feel the vein on my forehead throbbing as I struggled to put the opportunity Nassir was offering together in my head.
“He lied to her over and over again. He sent someone to watch her, Nassir. The guy weaseled his way into her life, into her house. He could’ve hurt her, or worse, at any time. That’s on Race.” It made me so angry when I thought about it. He isolated her, took her away from me, knowing I would give my life for her, and put her directly in the crosshairs of a lunatic.
“He did, and he has to live with it. He also has to live with the fact she will never look at him like he hung the moon again. He’s never going to be the guy she turns to in order to fix things ever again. That man is going to be you from here on out, so start now. Fix this.”
Goddamnit. I was getting sick and tired of the ‘right thing’ being the absolutely last thing I wanted to do. I would suck it up and make it happen because people were counting on me. I would meet Race in the middle for the same reasons I’d never explained the whole story to Karsen back when she first left. I didn’t want her to lose faith in the people who loved her. I didn’t want her to feel alone and abandoned, the way I always felt. Nassir was right, as usual. Karsen needed to keep her family close and I didn’t want her lighting any bridges on fire because of me.
“I’ll finish Race’s game, but not without making a point. This ends today. He’s not the one in control anymore.” It was said begrudgingly as hell and I saw Nassir try and hide a grin.
I could already see the wheels turning in Stark’s head as he tried to formulate a plan. “You take care of Race; I’ll work on tracking down the stalker. We don’t think he’s coming back to the Point, and if he lost track of you in Utah when you found the tracking device, chances are he’s holed up somewhere, plotting his next move. He knows how we operate, though, so that puts us at a distinct disadvantage.”
I swore under my breath and dragged my hands over my face. “Fine. Get Race to the Pit.”
The Pit was an abandoned warehouse in the center of the Point. Nassir transformed the space into an underground club. It was members only, and you had to be bloodthirsty and have a strong stomach when you walked through the door. There was a spray-painted circle on the cement floor where more than one man had lost his life in a bare-knuckle brawl. It was only fitting I got to face off against the man who had been pulling my strings for the last four years. I was terrified of prison, but Race was always scared of a good fight. The man was quick with a weapon and fast on his feet, but when it came down to fists on flesh, he was always the one who came up short. The reason he’d hired me in the first place, all those years ago, was to keep his pretty face from being rearranged by guys just like me.
Nassir sighed and tilted his dark head slightly to the side. “You can’t kill him. And you can’t smash his face in. He is getting married in a few days.”
I wanted to flip the other man off, but refrained. “Just get him there.”
Nassir went quiet, but before his image blinked out he gave a barely noticeable nod of agreement. He would make it happen, even if he had to hogtie Race and drag him to the circle himself. It proved Karsen was right. The Devil himself was willing to step up for me, all I had to do was ask. I was so used to believing that I was operating and functioning in the world all alone, I totally overlooked all the people standing shoulder to shoulder with me.
I sank deeper into the seat and cracked my knuckles.
Stark shot me a look and pointed out, “You really can’t kill the guy. Karsen is mad at him now, but she loves him like a brother. You’re the one she’s going to lean on when all the dust settles. She can’t do that if you’re covered in Race’s blood.”
I lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “I’m not going to kill him.” I wanted to. I really wanted to. But I wanted a shot at keeping Karsen even more. I looked at the big, heavily tattooed man out of the corner of my eye. “How much do you know about my past?” Stark kept tabs on everyone in the Point, so I was sure I was no exception.
“Enough.” The single word answer spoke volumes.
“Then you know why the thought of going back to prison literally drops me to the ground. Race used my fear against me. He played my own shame and weakness against me like it was nothing. And he put Karsen in incredible danger. He should answer for it.”
“No one will argue against that, but the guy is connected. You go too far and you will be igniting a war we just put to rest. We do not need the lions and the tigers fighting each other for control of this concrete jungle. All I’m saying is use your head.” Of course, that was his advice. He was a goddamn genius after all.
We lapsed into silence after that, each lost in thought.
When the outskirts of the Point came into view, I was surprised at how much it felt like coming home. When I initially set out for the city, it was with grandiose ideas and big plans about becoming the kind of man who was untouchable and feared. It didn't take long for my fear of the past, and my feelings for a girl who was too young and too good for me to show me I was always going to have weaknesses. But those vulnerabilities didn’t necessarily make me weak. There had to be soft spots in all the hardness encasing my heart. If there weren’t, there wouldn’t be room for the stupid, mistreated thing to beat. No room for it to grow and expand. There would be no way for Karsen to fit herself inside the iron cage surrounding it if there wasn’t a way in. Those exposed parts of my heart were the only thing that kept me human after having my sense of self systematically stripped away.
Eventually, we were in the midst of the crumbling buildings and abandoned businesses that littered the area. Neon signs screaming Girls Girls Girls flashed on every corner. It was weird to feel good being back in this place now that I no longer felt like I had to fight to prove I belonged here. My conversation with Stark had been eye opening, and so had the time I’d spent with Karsen, now that she was all grown up and a force to be reckoned with. A slice of the Point would always be mine.
I’d earned it.
Nassir, Stark, Bax, Titus, even Race, wouldn’t be willing to share their city with me if they didn't believe I was the type of man determined to protect what was mine. That was how I knew I’d also earned the respect I so desperately craved.
When we got to the building that looked dilapidated on the outside, Stark parked his truck in an alleyway behind a new Stingray and next to a Rolls-Royce Phantom. The cars belonged to Race and Nassir, and I was surprised Bax’s new badass Road Runner, the one he restored to replace the muscle car he handed off to Dovie, was nowhere in sight. I wasn’t expecting a fair fight, but it looked like Nassir had other ideas.
Stark moved like he was going to get out of the truck and follow me inside, but I shook my head and put a hand on his arm to keep him seated. I needed to handle Race on my own. I needed to fix this, like Nassir said, and if he came inside, Stark would interfere if he thought I was going too far. I was learning there were people in my life interested in saving me from myself, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that knowledge just yet.
“I’ve got this.” I met his stare directly. “This is something I really do need to do on my own. Race and I have been headed here for a long time. I’ve got this. I promise.”
He studied me for a long moment before acquiescing with a slight nod. “Do what you gotta do, but remember, he doesn’t fight fair, and he’s got a whole lot on the line right now.”
I nodded back and slipped out of the truck. It only took a few seconds to punch in the code to the metal door and wind my way through the dark tunnels that snaked into the belly of the warehouse. The only light on was one industrial flood light illuminating the concrete floor. Nassir was leaning against a wrought iron stairway which led up to a loft area, and Race was standing dead center in the circle painted on the floor. Nassir had rebuilt this club after his last one burned down. It was one of many he owned, and I was pretty sure it was his favorite. Nassir was the Devil and he was more bloodthirsty than any of us, no stranger to stripping down and going head to head with a brawler. Race was several inches shorter than me, and while he was in shape, he didn’t have the kind of build that came from fighting for your life every day against men who were bigger and stronger than you. I watched as he shifted nervously from one foot to another, green eyes locked on mine.
I dipped my chin in greeting at Nassir and took the hand he offered. “You know the rules. No weapons. Don’t touch his face. First one to tap out wins.”
I nodded again and quickly stripped off my shirt. I saw Race’s eyes widen at the move and he briefly glanced down at his own designer shirt before shaking his head and taking a step back. He had on Air Jordans. Nassir should have warned him to wear something he didn’t mind throwing away. Blood was a bitch to get out of anything it landed on.
I stalked toward the other man, eyes narrowed and jaw set. This was a setting I was familiar with. This was the kind of fight I knew I could win. This was my domain, my arena. Race was the one out of his depth. He might know how to calculate odds, weigh risks and rewards, but he had no idea how to fight for his life.
“Why are we here, Hartman?” I stopped right in front of him, leaning into his space. He was doing his best to appear unaffected, but I could see sweat beading at his hairline, and the flashy confidence he wore so easily was thin enough to crack.
“I’m not sure. Nassir told me I had some unfinished business to attend to and ordered me to get my ass over here. I assume it has to do with Karsen.”
I didn’t hesitate to throw the first punch.
My fist landed hard and quick against his unprotected rib cage and a satisfying crack followed. His eyes widened and he let out a gasp, falling back a step.
“What the fuck! I’ll kill you, asshole.” His breathing turned choppy and his eyes narrowed at me.
“I was dead for four years after you forced me to hurt the only person I ever cared about. She brought me back to life, and now I’m going to fuck you up for all the danger you put her in. You sent a psychopath to keep an eye on her, after promising you would butt out of her life. She could have died, Race. Do you understand that?”
He opened his mouth to respond but before he could speak I swept a leg out, catching him at the knees, and brought him to the ground. He landed with an ‘oomph’ on his back. His head made a satisfying thud as it hit the cement floor. While he was down, I delivered a kick to the uninjured side of his rib cage. I could have done some real damage, but I pulled it at the last second and tapped him just hard enough he would remember this chat for the next few months whenever he moved.
“You took her away from me because I was too dangerous, because I had nothing to offer her, and you put her in the hands of a lunatic. Good call, Hartman. Maybe you should have actually considered what she wanted.”
He groaned, but quick as a striking snake, reached out and grabbed my ankle. I wasn't ready for the move, too caught up in finally being free to say all the things I had kept bottled up. I lost my balance when he jerked and toppled over onto my ass in an ungainly heap. Race climbed to his knees and I wasn’t surprised to see the glint of a knife in his hand. Obviously, he didn't think Nassir’s rules applied to him.
“She’s my family. It’s my job to keep her safe. I failed with Dovie. I nearly lost Brysen. I wasn’t going to risk anything happening to Karsen. She was a kid, Booker. There was no way she knew what she wanted. I fucked up, but I will make sure that lunatic pays for lying to me and deceiving her.” He painstakingly climbed to his knees, keeping the knife out in front of him.
I rolled my eyes and shifted so I was also on my knees. Even though he was watching me closely, he wasn't fast enough to dodge me as I threw myself at his waist, taking him back to the ground. I rolled us over so I was covering his back, and used my body weight to pin him while wrenching the knife out of his hand. I put my knee in his spine and grabbed a handful of his golden hair. He didn’t look like a king right now.
No, he looked like a scared young man . . . one who knew someone else had the upper hand.
I pushed Race’s face closer and closer to the ground until his nose was pressed against the concrete. “You broke the ‘no weapons’ rule. Maybe I should break the ‘no damage to your pretty face’ rule. How do you think Brysen would feel walking down the aisle toward a man whose face looked like raw hamburger? You think she’d still say ‘I do’ with a clear reminder standing in front of her of the only kind of life you can offer her? I can slam your nose so hard into this cement it shatters and shoves up into your brain. I didn't go to college like you, pretty boy, but I survived every single fight that came my way in the yard.”
I used my hold on his hair to shove his face even harder into the ground. He wiggled furiously underneath me and I could hear him start to pant.
“Are you afraid, Race? Are you scared?” I dug my knee deeper into his spine and flicked the tip of the knife in front of his huge eyes. “Do you feel helpless because someone more powerful than you has all the control?” I dragged the blade over his cheek and heard both he and Nassir scream my name.
Race was fighting back furiously, but I was too big, and had too much anger fueling me for his efforts to gain any traction.
“I want you to remember this moment. I want the terror and humiliation of being completely at someone else's mercy to sink in, golden boy. This is how you made me feel when you used my past against me. And this is how you made Karsen feel when you took her choices away from her. Right now, you are the king of the castle, but if you aren’t careful, I’m coming for your fucking throne. Stay out of my way and stop interfering with Karsen’s life. You leave the creep you infected her life with to me. She only shares her problems with me now.”
I tossed the knife away and gave Race’s face one last kick against the floor to prove my point. He was going to have a goose egg the size of a golf ball on his forehead. Served him right if he looked ridiculous in all his wedding pictures.
When I climbed off his back, he immediately scrambled to his feet and squared off against me. He put his hands on his hips and shifted his gaze between me and Nassir as if appraising which of us was a bigger threat.
“I love Karsen. Everything I did was because I wanted to protect her. You have to see that.” He shook his head and rubbed his fingers over his forehead.
“I protected her from the first day you hired me to keep an eye on her. You wanted to control her. There’s a difference. We’re done. She figured out your plans without any help from me. She’ll decide if she wants to forgive and forget on her own. I won’t stand in her way, but I’m not walking away again. I’ll fight you for her, Race. I’ll fight anyone who wants to get in my way. And I’ll win, because I’m the one with the most to lose.”
I turned my back on him, because I wasn’t scared of him anymore. He didn’t have any power over me. We were equals.
Nassir gave my shoulder a pat as I walked back to where he was standing. He handed over my shirt and gave me a little smirk.
“I always wondered what it would be like when you fought for something that actually mattered to you. Your conviction has been a long time coming, my friend. I can’t wait to see what you do with it. You’ve always been reckless and lacked focus. Now that you have clarity and purpose, you may be the only person I could come to fear.” His honesty was humbling. The man had survived a childhood that was as bad as mine. He feared nothing and no one. Except for me. He gave me another pat and moved to head toward Race. “Go get your girl. I’m sure she needs you more than the rest of us do.”
And I needed her.
The thought of Karsen finally being mine did more to quicken my steps and lighten the weight I’d been lugging around for so long, more so than hearing Nassir tell me he could come to fear me. Knowing I might make the Devil nervous was something I used to long for. Now the only thing that even slightly mattered was making sure Karsen was okay.
She was the beginning and the end of everything.