Karsen
“You are the only person I have ever trusted without question.” I faced off against Brysen, very aware that Noe was hovering between the two of us, dark eyes darting nervously between me and my sister. I did my best to harness the betrayal and rage coursing through my blood, but the struggle was very real.
Brysen crossed her arms over her chest defiantly, her bright blue eyes blazing with a combination of guilt and fear. Race left the loft in a hurry after Nassir called and they both knew Booker was back in town. I was glad she was afraid for her man. She deserved to know what kind of hell Race had pushed Booker into over the last few years. I couldn’t drum up an ounce of sympathy for her at the moment.
“I practically raised you, Karsen. I gave up everything to make sure you had as much of a normal life as you could. I protected you from everything Mom and Dad were doing to our family. I’m never going to apologize for having your best interests in mind. Putting you first has always been like breathing for me.” She lifted her chin and looked down her nose at me. It was her ice princess look, one I’d seen frequently when she was trying to put someone in their place. This was the first time she’d ever directed it at me.
I took a step forward, and Noe immediately shifted. She was watching me like a hawk. I wasn’t exactly sure if she was there to watch my back or to keep me from going after Brysen. Either way, she was taking her job as my guardian very seriously.
“I know how much you sacrificed trying to hold our family together. I know how much you lost by taking on the responsibility of raising me. However, none of it gives you the right to decide who’s allowed in my life. And it certainly doesn’t give you a vote when it comes to whom I give my heart to. Those choices are mine, and you took them away from me.” I pointed at her and narrowed my eyes as she started to chew on her lower lip in a familiar manner. She was the one I’d picked the habit up from when I was younger. “Dad gambled our home and belongings away. Mom stole our childhood and innocence from us. But you robbing me of what I could have had with Booker years ago, that's unforgivable. You took the one thing away from me I actually cared about holding onto.”
Brysen shook her head, which sent her short hair whipping around her face. “It wasn’t love, Karsen. You were blinded by hero worship. It was a crush. If I didn’t interfere, you would have ended up stuck in this town, tied to a man who would do nothing but drag you down. I refused to let that happen. There is still hope for you to move beyond this terrible city and have a normal life. You deserve it after surviving everything our parents did.”
I threw my hands up in frustration and practically growled, “I didn’t want to leave. I liked it here. I love the people who stepped up and became our family when the one we were born into failed. What I deserved was a shot at being happy and figuring out my place in the Point. I think you’re the one who wants out, Brysen. I think you are the one looking for a life beyond the Point, and you used me to have a taste of what you know you’ll never have as long as you love Race.”
She gasped and rocked back a step. I saw Noe cringe but she also fell back a step so my sister and I were eye to eye.
“I . . . you’re wrong.” But her voice wavered and she didn’t sound as certain as she had at the start of our conversation. “I wanted you to have the full college experience. I wanted you to meet people your own age, have fun. I wanted you to go to bed at night not having to worry about bullets and bloodshed.” Her voice rose and I watched as she started to shake. “I was desperate for you to have the experience that was taken away from me.”
I sighed and lowered my hands until they rested on my hips. “But I never asked for any of that. The only thing I asked for was Booker.”
She dropped her head and I heard her sniffle. “I know.”
“Besides, that cookie cutter experience wasn’t for me. Aside from my friendship with Ari, I've been bored as hell the last four years. College was fine and I appreciate the opportunity you and Race worked so hard to provide, but I’m not meant for the easy road.” I snorted, which pulled her head up and I felt a twinge of guilt at the sight of tears rolling down her pale face. “And it wasn’t exactly the ideal picture you have in your head, Brysen. Race lied to me. He sent a watchdog after me. One who connived, manipulated, and lied in order to seduce my roommate so he could get close to me, and he’s been stalking me since the day I left. I was in just as much danger in Boulder as I was when I was living here. More so, since I didn't have Booker making sure everyone kept their distance.”
We lapsed into a heavy silence that lasted a long time. Noe started to get antsy and eventually she threw her hands up in the air and declared, “Since it looks like you’re both going to be civil and no one is going for the jugular, I’m gonna bounce. I want to see what I can do to help Snowden track down the stalker. That’s a better use of my time than babysitting two grown ass women who are smart enough to figure their own shit out.” She started for the door but paused before pulling it open. “I think you all need to remember that love can make us do some really dumb things. It pushes us to extremes. Love amplifies all our feelings and reactions. It screams so loudly that it’s easy to miss the tiny whisper warning us we’re going too far, because love convinces us there is no line we can’t cross for the people we care about. Love isn’t always right, and it can be a real asshole sometimes.”
She gave a little salute and slipped out the door. I cocked my head at my sister and quietly told her, “I missed getting to know her. I missed watching Stark fall in love and Reeve having her baby. I missed years with you and Race and helping you plan your wedding. My entire world is right here in the Point and you took all of that away from me.” I put a hand to my chest and took a calming breath. “I won’t even go into all the things I missed with Booker. But I will tell you, if you think for one second I’m going to stand idly by while Race threatens and terrorizes him, you have another thing coming. I learned how to be a threat from the best of the best. You don’t want me as an enemy.” I would be a formidable one.
Finally, I had some idea of what I was going to be when I grew up. I doubted it was what Brysen had in mind when she pushed me in the direction of the life she’d been forced to abandon.
Brysen’s head snapped back and I heard her gasp all the way across the room. I kept my eyes steady on hers and watched as she weighed the truth in my words. I owed her everything, but I was done giving up the one thing I wanted for myself in order to appease her or anyone else.
“The only thing I ever wanted for you was an easy life.” We both had it once, before the gambling and the booze. But that was so long ago, I hardly remember a moment of it.
“If I wanted an easy life, I would have found one on my own. I don’t need you to hold my hand anymore. I can cross the street, even the ones in the Point, all on my own.” I walked across the room so I was standing directly in front of her. She had to tilt her head back to meet my gaze. Her bottom lip was quivering and I could see she was barely hanging on. “I don’t want to hate you or Race. I don’t want to resent you and second guess every little thing the two of you say and do.” I arched my eyebrows at her. “That’s the way I've felt toward Booker for the last four years and it’s awful. The anger and mistrust eat away at your insides and it makes you a lonely, bitter person. Be my sister, Brysen. Not my keeper. Not my mother. Not my guardian angel. Same goes for Race. He can be my brother-in-law and my friend, but I don’t need him playing God with my life or my safety. I can take care of myself. He taught me how. And if I need backup, I have it. You both should have realized the best security blanket in the entire world is being loved by a guy like Booker.”
She let out a raspy sigh and slowly nodded. “I know I need to step back or I’m going to lose you. I don’t think I could handle that. I don’t have anything to do with Dad, and Mom is still so fragile . . . it feels like our whole family is on the verge of shattering. For four years, I’ve tried to convince myself it was the right thing to do, even though it caused you so much pain and took you away from everyone who loved you.” She cleared her throat and ran her hand over her mouth. “You need to know this is on me. Race wouldn’t have had a hand in hurting you in any way, shape, or form if I hadn’t pushed and pushed.” She looked away and her shoulders slumped. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I was living vicariously through you, because even when he told me this was eventually going to blow up in our faces in a big way, I refused to listen. I was convinced you would forget about Booker, and I honestly believed he would leave once you were gone. In my head, it all made so much sense.” She reached out and pulled me into a hug. She squeezed so tightly that I squeaked in protest. “Please, don’t back out of the wedding. I need you there. I can’t go through with this if you aren’t standing by my side. I have to have my family there.” Our dad wasn't invited, and it depended on the day if Mom was going to be stable enough to leave the facility for the ceremony. If I bailed, I honestly believed it would break Brysen.
I hugged her back and carefully removed myself from her near chokehold. “I’ll be there. But if either you or Race gives me shit about my date . . .” I shook my head and gave her a pointed look. “I’m gone and I won’t ever be back. I love Noah. I always have. He came for me despite being scared out of his mind he was going to survive or end up back in hell. He always comes for me, and now it’s my turn to go after him.”
Brysen blinked in confusion until I hooked a thumb over my shoulder toward the door. “I’m not staying here. I want to forgive you, but it’s going to take some time. And I need some space. I’m going down to Booker’s place. He’s waited for me long enough.”
My sister looked like she wanted to argue, but she thought better of it. We had a lot of lost time to make up for, but the canyon between us wouldn’t be so deep and wide if she hadn’t pulled the strings of fate the way she had.
“Okay. Uh . . . if he hurt Race, can you let me know? I think the news might be easier to hear from you.”
I huffed in aggravation and rolled my eyes. “He’s not going to hurt, Race. You don’t know my man at all.” He wouldn’t hurt Race, because ultimately it would hurt me, and Booker promised to never do that. I trusted him to never break a promise again.
I walked down the hallway and climbed into the elevator. Instead of waving at the camera and offering a flirty grin, I glared at the glossy lens and suspiciously wondered who was watching me on the other side.
I hurried out of the enclosure as soon as the doors slid open and made my way to Booker’s door. I wasn’t even sure he was coming back here. I had no idea what his plans were after he handed me off to Noe, but even if his apartment was empty, I needed to be surrounded by his things. I was drained after the conversation with Brysen, and I’d reached my emotional threshold for the year with the cross-country trip we weren’t sure we’d actually survive. I needed something solid. Something I had complete faith in. And that had always been knowing Booker would be there for me no matter what.
The door wasn’t locked so it swung open easily under my hand. For a split second I had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. It made my steps falter and panic rise in my chest. I struggled to breathe and tried to scold myself for being ridiculous. The man hadn’t smuggled me halfway across the country with a target on his back to immediately turn into the arms of another woman. I was being ridiculous, but I suddenly had a very clear view of just how powerful old fears could be and understood exactly how determined Booker had been when he came after me. Knew exactly the fear that engulfed Booker when he thought he was going back to prison.
Before I could dive too deeply into the darkness and doubt, the door was yanked out of my hold and I was pulled into the room by impatient hands.
I let out an ‘oomph’ of surprise as Booker kicked the door closed behind me and pushed me up against the flat surface. He collected my hands in one of his, pulling them above my head and pinning them to the door as he pressed the length of his hard body into the front of mine. I let my eyes eagerly crawl all over him. There were no cuts or bruises. No blood or discomfort from what I could see. He appeared perfectly fine, and the look in his eyes immediately sped up my heartrate and trapped my breath in my lungs.
His lips landed on mine, followed by a hungry growl. One of his knees forced its way between my thighs, and I lifted up onto my toes as he slowly rubbed it against the notch at the apex of my thighs. I gasped into the kiss and let my head fall back with a thunk on the door. Booker pulled back, those dangerous eyes burning all the way through me.
“This is what I wanted to do when you walked through the door that night.” He kissed me again as I wiggled impatiently against his unyielding strength. Having all his power directed at me, focused on making me feel good, was a very heady combination. It would be incredibly easy to get addicted to the sensation of being the sole target of Booker’s intensity and passion. He went to my head so fast, it made my brain fuzzy and my muscles turn liquid and pliant. “I wanted to make you mine. I wanted to make you a million promises and give you a hundred reasons to stay.”
I couldn’t move my hands since he had them trapped, so I kissed him back with just as much fervor and adoration as he kissed me and told him, “I’m all for a redo. If there was ever a situation I wanted a chance to erase and replace with something better, it was that night.”
He made a noise of agreement and nuzzled his bristly cheek against mine. With his free hand, he dragged the backs of his fingers along the line of my jaw and down the curve of my neck. It was a deliberately sensual caress. One meant to seduce and entice. I was going to tell him he didn’t need to lure me into his lair. I was already there, ready and willing to burn with every ounce of passion he gave me, with no intention of leaving . . . ever. But, if he wanted to take his time and explore all the things we’d rushed through and missed in our haste the last time we were together, who was I to dissuade him?
Booker didn’t do sensitivity and tenderness, but he was making an effort for me. It was enough to make me fall for him all over again.
He opened his hand wide over the top of my chest, fingers spanning my collarbone and his thumb stroking my raving pulse. He pressed his leg harder against my aching center and bent forward so he could touch his forehead to mine. I tugged on my hands because I wanted to hold him, and I wanted to pull off his clothes. I was irritated that all those muscles and the warm, inked, and scarred skin covering them were hidden behind layers of cotton and denim. I gave a whimper of frustration, but Booker swallowed it with another tongue-tangling kiss.
After kissing me senseless and devouring my mouth for a solid five minutes, he finally pulled back and dropped my hands. I instantly reached for the hem of his thermal shirt as he took hold of the hem of my t-shirt. We took turns stripping each other down. All of our clothes landing in a tangled pile a few feet away. I made sure to look for any injuries that may have been hidden by his clothes, but all I got was an eyeful of naked Booker. And what a sight every inch of him was. Miles and miles of rippling muscle, cut and carved like he was sculpted by a great artist. He had the body of a warrior. Each battle fought and won engraved on his skin. All those imperfections made him even more beautiful. Nothing was easy about Noah Booker. Not even looking at his perfect body.
I released a tiny sigh of appreciation and ran my hands over his chest. The heavy muscles in his pecs jumped at the touch and his abs visibly tightened. My body reacted instantly to his responsiveness. My nipples pulled tight, and I could feel the wet place between my legs start to throb in a slow, steady pulse. Not to be left out, Booker reached for me, hands skating around my waist and sliding down until he had his hands full of my ass. I laughed when he lifted me like I weighed nothing and I wrapped my legs around his trim waist as he once again backed me into the front door. I could have asked for a bed, but I loved the idea that he couldn’t wait. We’d been apart for so long, any extra steps to get him inside of me seemed like a waste of time. Knowing he didn’t want to wait for me for a single second longer went straight to my head. I was shocked to learn it was entirely possible to feel drunk on love and that I was in the throes of every ounce of it right now.
With my back against the door and my arms around his neck, there was no place my skin wasn’t touching the heat of his. He kissed me again, and my eyes rolled back in my head when I felt his hand settle low at the base of my throat. I dug my heels into the small of his back and arched my hips so I could feel his hardness against my softness. There was an emptiness gnawing at my insides, and he was the only person capable of filling the void. I felt the flared tip of his cock drag through my wet folds and hummed in appreciation. I rocked against the rigid length, urging him to come inside of me. The hand holding my ass shifted, and I felt the very tips of his fingers ghost through my wet folds.
He made a noise of appreciation as his mouth nibbled across mine. The scrape of his beard against my chin was surprisingly erotic, so I rubbed my face against the bristles and dragged my nose along the rough line of his stubborn jaw.
His broad head nudged my clit and I felt the contact like an electric jolt shooting up my spine. He chuckled at the noise I made and for the first time ever, a full, bright smile crossed his hard face. It was the most breathtaking thing I'd ever witnessed in my life, and it was enough to completely erase the memory of the night I’d walked away from him.
He repeated the move, rocking his hips forward so his cock nailed my clit with each bump and thrust. I could feel my pussy quivering in anticipation, and I knew I was already soaked and aching, just waiting for him to fill me up.
The hand that had been playing between my legs left a wet trail across my skin as it returned to my backside. My eyes widened to double their normal size when I felt his fingers not only firmly clasp one taut cheek, but also slip into the valley between them. It was a bold touch, and I could see him watching for my reaction. If he wanted me to protest, he was out of luck. I’d gone without him for so long, I was willing to take everything he wanted to throw at me, but only because I knew he would immediately stop if I asked.
His smile was blinding and it grew wicked when I didn’t back down from his silent challenge. He canted his hips at a different angle and I felt the tip of his erection prod my fluttering opening. He was so big the first stretch to accept him always made me catch my breath, but this time I was distracted by how much heat he was generating and how unbelievably good he felt sliding into me. The hand at the base of my throat tightened, and his teeth bit into my lower lip.
He groaned and started to pull back, when his eyes suddenly popped wide and his expression shifted from unfiltered joy to something that almost looked like agony.
“I need to put a condom on. Fuck. I can’t think straight when I get my hands on you.” He started to pull out, but I locked my legs around him and rolled my hips against the stiffness still lodged inside of me.
We both groaned at the sensation that followed. I practically whispered, “I’m protected and clean. I haven’t been with anyone in over a year. We don’t need one if you’re safe.”
He watched me for a second, and I could practically see him debating on whether or not he was going to say whatever it was that was making his eyes look stormier than usual.
Finally, he relented, sinking all the way inside of me in one long thrust while muttering, “I’m good. I get checked out every few months and after any incident where I come into contact with blood. I haven’t been with anyone in a long time, Karsen. A lot longer than a year.”
It was hard to think with his hips hammering into me and lips making love to my ear. Somehow, I kept enough of my wits to demand, “How long? How long has it been, Noah?”
He groaned and buried his face in the curve of my neck. His pace picked up and I could feel the door rattling and shaking behind me. He was panting and his breath was blazing hot on my skin. Since his cock was bare inside of me I could feel every ripple and every pulse as my body milked him and fluttered around his wide shaft.
“Four years. I haven’t touched anyone in four years.” His admission was almost silent. The words more a movement of air than an actual sound. “I didn’t want anyone who wasn’t you.”
If it was anyone besides Booker, I wouldn’t have believed him. But this man never lied to me. I wanted to cry for him and kiss him stupid all in the same breath. I hated the thought of him being alone, the idea of him denying himself something as basic as sex. But I loved that when he told me he waited for me, he really meant it. He was a very special man, and I was determined to do whatever I had to in order to make sure he, and the rest of the world, realized it.
“That’s a lot of lost time for us to make up, Noah.” It broke my heart to realize he’d missed out on just as much as I had over the last four years.
His confession was enough to push me right to the edge. I could feel my body start to spasm and quake. I felt my insides tighten and my spine stiffen. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him how much I loved him and always would, but he was sneaky and devious, and the hand I forgot was lingering behind me suddenly shifted, and I felt his wet fingers slide against another sensitive part of me, forcing my back to bow and my hips to grind relentlessly against his. There was another burn and stretch as my body adjusted to the dual invasion, but I was so full, so consumed by Booker and surrounded by pleasure, there was no holding onto reality anymore.
I shattered under his careful ministrations. Screaming his name. Chanting “Noah, Noah, Noah” over and over again. I nearly strangled him as my arms locked around his neck, looking for an anchor to tie me to him as wave upon wave of raw, unfiltered satisfaction and contentment rolled over me. It was the kind of orgasm that came with white spots in my vision and the immediate loosening of my limbs. I felt boneless and turned inside out.
A few more thrusts that felt like they were going to put me through the door had Booker following me into the oblivion. His eyes slammed shut and his cheek pulsed under his scar. He muttered something which may have been a prayer or a curse under his breath, and we both gasped at the sensation of his hot release filling me up. It was a messy, visceral fuck. One I would never forget and wanted to repeat as soon as possible. And if the blissed-out expression on his rugged features was any indication, Booker felt the same way.
“Never fucked without a condom before. Always thought it was too risky, considering my history. You feel beautiful wrapped around me, Karsen.” He sounded like he was in awe. “Thank you for giving me this.”
I sighed and dropped a kiss on the end of his nose. I could feel all kinds of slippery, sexy stuff sliding down between us, and as raw and intense as it was, we needed to clean up.
“It was always yours. It just took you a while to come and collect it. But if you feel like you owe me one,” I waited until he was looking at me and gave him a cheeky grin. He was so sexed out and compliant I knew there would never be a better time to ask. “How about going with me to Race and Brysen’s wedding?”