CHAPTER 5
The next morning, Rae stirred from sleep with the sun beaming on her face. Though it was Harry who purred loudly in her ear that got her moving. “Yes, I’ll feed you,” she told the cat, glancing at him as he began kneading the top of her head while he shared her pillow.
His responding sharp meow told her she wasn’t moving fast enough.
Even her stomach rumbled, making her aware of all the energy she’d used up last night that obviously needed replenishing. She noted that the clock on the antique nightstand read eight o’clock in the morning, and she debated shutting her eyes and going back to sleep. It was Sunday, after all. But then she remembered that she wasn’t alone in her bed, and a different kind hunger consumed her.
She turned, expecting to find Travis sleeping soundly next to her. Instead, she discovered a note written in his handwriting.
Gone to Main Street for donuts and coffee.
Be back soon.
–T
She grabbed the note and smiled, running her fingers across the black ink. Just the idea of fresh donuts made her stomach rumble loudly, and the thought of hot coffee didn’t hurt either. She sat up in bed, wearing her T-shirt and nothing else from the night before, noticing she was sore in all the right places. Either Travis’s sexual appetite had grown over the years, or he had missed her as much as she missed him because it had taken all night before their passion cooled and sleep won out.
Harry meowed again, and Rae reached out and stroked his soft fur, hearing the rumble of his purring from where she sat. He climbed onto her lap, not caring one bit when she cringed as his claws dug into her leg. But the longer she sat there petting Harry, the more she questioned what in the hell she was doing.
Last night at the restaurant, she had had her head on straight and knew indulging in this thing with Travis wouldn’t end well. Wasn’t going back into the past always a bad idea?
Though one look into those bedroom eyes of his, with all that emotion and the memories between them, and it was like her head couldn’t possibly shut out her heart. Travis was hurting, and he needed her to find a part of himself again. How could she refuse him and turn him away?
She sighed, petting Harry’s tail. “So, now what do I do, Harry?”
He meowed back.
Knowing there was only one thing to do in this situation, she reached for her phone on the end table and dialed Kate. When the call went straight to voicemail, she dialed Tessa. The three of them had been the inseparable trio in high school, even sometimes dressing the same, and right now, she needed a big dose of girl talk.
Tessa answered on the third ring. “Seriously, Rae. It’s Sunday. Do you never sleep in?”
“I’m sorry for calling so early,” Rae said, quickly apologizing for the early wake-up, “but it’s an emergency.”
“That doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong?”
“I slept with Travis.”
“You did what?” Tessa apparently dropped the phone, and Rae leaned away to avoid the rustling but placed the cell back to her ear when she heard Tessa say, “Okay, wait… Jesus, I wasn’t expecting you to say that. I’m wide-awake now. When did this happen?”
“Last night, but we also…” She dropped her head into her hand and muttered, “Something happened at the reunion, too.”
Tessa paused, and soon, her soft chuckle filled the phone line. “I wondered where you’d run off to.”
Rae’s head hurt just thinking about all this. She’d opened a door she had no intention of walking through, and now there was no going back. “Have I made a horrible mistake?”
“You slept with a totally hot guy who you were madly in love with, and let’s not forget he’s now a famous rock star,” Tessa quipped. “Honestly, why do you sound like someone died? Isn’t this a good thing?”
“That’s the question, isn’t it?”
“Okay, good or not, I’m actually surprised he’s still in town. Did he say when he was leaving?”
“No, he never said.” Harry meowed again and rubbed his head against Rae’s arm, demanding to be petted. She sighed and scratched him behind his ears, adding, “And to be honest, I’m not even sure if he knows the answer to that question.”
Tessa paused. “Well, if you ask me, it doesn’t sound overly complicated. Enjoy him while you can, and then send him on his way.”
But was it that easy? Rae didn’t know. Last night, for a split moment when he talked to her, she’d thought she had this all under control. He was different now. She was different. There was no way this could get complicated, but then there’d been the hours spent holding each other, talking, and laughing. It felt like nothing had changed between them at all. “It just doesn’t feel like a one-night stand, you know.” She’d had one of those before, and Travis could never be something that meaningless.
“You do have a lot of history together,” Tessa agreed. “But have things changed for him or something? I mean, he lives in New York now.”
“He’s not planning to move back to Catfish Creek if that’s what you mean.”
“Well, then, there is your answer, right?” Tessa asked, like all this suddenly made total sense. “You are both in the same position you were after high school. He doesn’t want to live in Catfish Creek, and you do. So, you really only have two choices here.”
“Which are?”
“Get on board with having sex for this weekend and enjoying the hell out of it, or put a stop to this. You know yourself best, Rae. What does your heart tell you to do?”
“That’s just it,” Rae explained. “My heart doesn’t know what in the hell it wants. One second, I walked away. The next, I’m having sex with him in my foyer.”
Tessa laughed. “How does that even happen?”
“If I knew, then I wouldn’t be in this situation.” And that’s where things got confusing. Rae could have just sex with Travis. But this, the way he was acting with her, didn’t feel like just sex. It felt like more. It felt like there were emotional strings tying her to him. Hell, it even felt like he had no intention of leaving. But maybe that was her past hope creeping up, that somehow they could make it work.
God, what a mess. “I had it all figured out, Tessa. I told myself that I couldn’t dip back into the past because of the danger it put me in. Then he showed up at my house, and I don’t know, I broke, standing there in front of him. It was like I…needed him in ways I haven’t needed anybody, all because he bared himself to me. Emotionally. Does that make any sense?”
“Actually, it makes total sense,” Tessa said softly as if she totally understood. “Listen, I’m no expert here when it comes to love, but you guys had a good thing back in the day. Maybe it’s time to have another good thing, even if it’s only for a little while. Who knows, perhaps you can finally get closure for the past?”
“There is that,” Rae said, beginning to swipe her hand over Harry’s back, as he purred louder now. “This could just be another blip in time that I’ll look back on and say…’oh, that’s why that happened,’ and then it will all make sense to me.”
“Totally,” Tessa agreed, and Rae could hear the smile in Tessa’s voice. “And if it doesn’t make sense and you become a total wreck, you’ll call me, right?”
“Yeah, I will.”
“Good. I’m glad.” There was rustling again, and Rae could swear she heard another voice through the phone line right before Tessa asked, “By the way, and sorry for changing subjects, but have you heard from Kate at all? I keep calling her, but she’s not answering.”
“No.” Rae slid her hand over Harry’s back until she cupped his tail. “I called her before you so we could do a three-way call but she’s not answering.”
“Weird,” Tessa said.
“Very weird,” Rae agreed, watching as Harry flopped onto his back. She began scratching his belly and said, “Listen, before I go and figure out what in the hell I’m doing, how are things with you?”
“Well, it’s been…” Tessa heaved a long sigh. “I think Bennett”—Tessa’s ex-boyfriend—“is the one who’s been harassing me for the last two weeks.”
“Seriously? You’re still having trouble?” Rae hadn’t known, and suddenly, she felt awful for being so wrapped up in herself that she hadn’t asked about Tessa’s life right away. Because her situation with Travis wasn’t dangerous like Tessa’s was. Recently, her house had been broken into, but nothing had been taken. Her wallet had been stolen from her purse out of her grocery cart. Thinking on all of that, Rae ignored her pesky cat, worried for her friend. “What makes you think it’s Bennett?”
“He’s the only one who has a grudge against me,” Tessa explained and then gave a long sigh. “See, the thing is, and I didn’t mention it before, but I also had a small scare in the restroom at the masquerade ball. Guess who was there? That’s right, Bennett.”
Rae couldn’t even imagine. “God, Tessa, be careful, this sounds really scary. What can I do to help?”
“Nothing right now.” Tessa hesitated, and then laughed softly. “I think I’ve got this covered, but if I need help, I’ll call. Promise.”
“Okay, I’m glad,” Rae said. “And, seriously, next time you have news like this, you should start our conversation with that. Then I would’ve realized how stupid I’m being hesitating over the best sex of my life.”
Tessa laughed. “He’s that good?”
“Dear Lord, Tessa, he’s a fucking fantasy come true.”
“Is that so?”
Rae snapped her head up, and then it was her turn to drop her phone, her face burning hot. “I… You…” She grabbed her cell off her bed and gasped, “Tessa, thanks for the chat, but I gotta go.” She ended the call, hearing Tessa laughing in the background.
“So,” Travis drawled, stepping into the bedroom holding the tray of paper coffee cups and the bag of donuts. “I’m a fucking fantasy come true, huh?”
She stared into his playful eyes and became lost…that easily. For all the panic, all the worries and concerns a second ago, suddenly, she had none. Because the truth was, she was tired of always being someone who had to be strong and figure everything out. For once, she wanted to shut her mind down and let her heart lead the way.
And her heart and body wanted more of him. “When you look like that and come bearing donuts, yes,” she said.
Travis barked a laugh, and she loved the way his eyes warmed. “Passed over for donuts. There goes the fantasy.”
She grinned. “But they are warm and sugary.”
“I’m warm, and hell, am I not a little sweet, too?” He smiled back, entering the bedroom and placing the donuts on the nightstand.
She rose onto her knees as he reached her, and just as his lips nearly touched hers, she whispered, “Give me a little sugar then and let me find out.”
One hand in her hair, the other on her cheek, his tongue slid oh-so-perfectly across hers. The power of his touch branded her, raising a flurry of heat within.
When he backed away, one brow was arched. “Well?”
“You’re right,” she all but purred. “You’re better.”
* * *
Later that night, after spending the day in and out of bed with Rae, Travis pulled his rented 1970s Ford truck—the same type of vehicle he’d had back in high school—up to the main gates of the Mustang Drive-In, or the Must-Bang Drive-In as it’d been called back in the day. He couldn’t remember a day like he had today. Doing nothing with someone, and yet it felt like everything. The coldness that had invaded him lately slowly began to thaw. She did that to him. It was all Rae. Her warmth.
At the fork in the road, either heading down to the rows of vehicles waiting for the movie to start or going right toward the concession stand, he took a left, traveling up the thin road toward what used to be their spot every Friday night.
Up on a small hill were two big shade trees, and in between those trees, was the perfect place to not only watch the movie on the big screen in the middle of the field, but also a clearing private enough to handle their teenage hormones.
Sitting next to him on the bench seat, Rae leaned forward and glanced out the window and smiled. “I can’t believe our spot is still here.”
“I can’t believe the Must-Bang Drive-In is still here,” he said, pulling in between the trees and putting the truck into park.
“It’s crazy, right?” Rae laughed and exited the truck.
As he’d done so many times when they were younger, he grabbed the blanket next to him and joined her outside. At the back of the truck, he found her looking as sexy as ever in a short, lacy, soft pink dress and ballet shoes that had ribbons that tied up her legs. He doubted he’d be able to keep from looking at those legs all night. He dropped the tailgate and asked her, “Does Rhonda Little still own the place?”
“I think so, yeah,” Rae said, helping him settle the blanket into place on the tailgate.
“It’s so strange, you know?” He held her by the waist and hoisted her onto the back of the truck, her legs dangling.
“What’s strange?” she asked.
The truck bounced under his weight when he sat next to her. “How so many things have changed, and yet…how things are still the same. I gotta say, it makes it easier to come back and remember who you were and where you came from when everything you left behind is all still here.”
“That’s so very true.” She gave him a sweet smile, and likely unaware of how damn sexy he found her lacy shoes, swung her legs back and forth, tempting him to wrap those legs around his shoulders. “So, can I ask you a question you might not want to answer?”
He blinked, glancing back into her eyes. “Of course.”
“Okay, so…”—she watched him carefully—“you said the guys in the band are married, but why aren’t you? I can only imagine you’ve had a line of women holding out their hands, waiting for a ring.”
He chortled. “Is that what you really think?”
“You’re quite the catch.” She grinned.
“I’m glad you think so,” he replied, taking up her hand, hoping what he said next wouldn’t shock her too much. “But to be perfectly honest, I haven’t had a serious relationship since you.”
Her brows shot up. “Never. Not once?”
“Never. Not once,” he confirmed.
The music and laughter from the crowd awaiting the movie began to drift up, as her eyes searched his. She finally asked, “Care to explain why you haven’t dated seriously?”
He wondered how she’d read into his admission. But he knew the woman next to him, and he also knew she’d need all the answers before she formed any opinions. “You know at first, things were…” He stopped where his thoughts were about to take him and smiled at her, sliding his fingers across her bare thigh beneath her dress. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“Yes, I want to know,” she said with a laugh and waved him on. “Go on, just spare me the intimate details.”
That was easy to do. He drew in a deep breath to gather his thoughts. “All right,” he said, hoping he wouldn’t regret this. “When everything started happening for the band and me, things were very casual with women.”
“So, you fully lived the rock-and-roll lifestyle, drinking into the morning and banging anything that walked into the night?”
He chuckled and shook his head, sliding his thumb across the back of her hand. “I can always count on you to tell it like it is.”
Even if that bit of truth put him in a terrible light, he carefully looked for any hint of unhappiness from Rae but found none. Always the supporter, she’d likely only see the good in him at all times. Because that was Rae.
“Well, did I get it right?” she asked, swinging those sexy legs in front of her again.
“Something like that,” he agreed gently, forcing himself to look into her pretty eyes. “But the thrill of women and parties and all of it got old really fast. You know, there were times I’d go to sleep in my bed and wake up beside a woman, having no idea how she got there. I didn’t know if we’d slept together or not.”
She nibbled her lips and then shrugged. “I wouldn’t feel torn up about it; they wanted to be there.”
“They did, you’re right,” he said in full agreement, hanging his head, staring down at her fingers twined with his. “That’s when I realized there was something worse than waking up and not knowing them.”
“What’s that?”
He glanced up at her. “Waking up and realizing they didn’t care about what happened the next day anyway. All they wanted was that night. The glory and the ability to tell their friends we had fucked. I was nothing more than a popularity contest amongst the groupies.”
Classic Rae, she began smiling at him. “If you want me to feel bad for you because you got amazing sex with random women—”
“I never said it was amazing.” The louder music now drew his attention, and he glanced out, seeing the screen come to life, illuminating the dark field, showing how many vehicles were there tonight.
She let the silence stretch out between them only for a minute before she guided the conversation along again. “I take it then that one-night stands were eventually something you didn’t want anymore?”
“That’s right,” he said, turning to her again, and the light from the screen showed the soft look in her eyes. That’s what he liked about Rae. She never let him throw a pity party long, but she’d happily pull him out of the darkness with her warmth.
“Okay,” she continued, tucking her hair behind her ear, “if one-night stands didn’t work out, then why not start dating?”
“I tried, and failed.”
“Why?”
Because I should be with you, his heart roared. Though it wasn’t that simple either. Because for her to be with him, she’d have to give up a lot. But he’d seen the article that stated she had nearly reached her goals, and he wondered if maybe she was ready to move on from Catfish Creek. That’s what had brought him home.
But there were other reasons he could never forget her, not even ten years later. She gave him something no other woman had. “When I went on dates, all they saw was the rock star, not Travis Walker. They wanted the show. They wanted the party. They expected fancy dinners and extravagance. They hungered for the tabloids. But no one, not a single woman, ever went past two dates because they weren’t with me for the right reasons.”
Emotion filled her face at the realization of everything he wasn’t saying. She inhaled deeply and looked out in front of her, staring at the movie screen. “I do know what you mean,” she eventually said. “I tried dating, too, and it didn’t go so well either.”
“I can’t see how that’s possible.” She was perfection.
She laughed softly at the compliment. Never able to receive them well, she looked at him with shy eyes. “It’s hard to explain, but the guys I met, they just weren’t…enough.”
“Enough?”
“Enough passion. Enough soul. Enough heart.” She glanced down at her legs. “I don’t know how else to explain it than to say, they just weren’t enough. I tried, especially with my last boyfriend because my mom was getting on my case about being single. But in the end, boredom set in, and that was that.” She raised her head and gave a little shrug. “We can’t be good at everything I suppose, and we nailed our professional dreams.”
“We did,” he agreed.
But his professional life hadn’t been on his mind lately. He wanted more, and he wanted to find his way back to the happiness he once had. He couldn’t help but think that more rested with the woman next to him. Christ, he didn’t have it figured out, but being back here, with Rae, everything felt…right.
“And yet,” she said, drawing him out of his thoughts, “do you ever wonder if something’s missing?”
Now it was his turn to dig a little into her life, especially considering this topic interested him greatly. “What could be missing from your life?”
“I don’t know exactly.” She sighed and leaned back, resting on both hands behind her on the blanket, then glanced up at the starry sky. “It’s like I planned my entire life, and it all unfolded exactly as I wanted it to.”
He stared at the long line of her neck, at the way her hair hung down, of the way she arched her back, pushing her breasts out. “Why do you make it sound like that’s a bad thing?”
“Because I’m starting to wonder if it is a bad thing. Here I am, just about to reach my thirty-year goals at the age of twenty-eight. I should be happy, thrilled, feel fulfilled.”
“And yet…?”
Head still tilted back, she looked at him. “Should life be so planned?”
“For Rae Evans, yes,” he replied with a smile. “Remember when you used to plan our weekends down to the hour?”
She laughed quietly, glancing back up at the stars above her. “I still have an hourly planner with sticky notes, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t live without it.” Her smile began to fade. “But here I am with everything I wanted. I have a house, a successful clinic, and no debt to speak of, but…”
“Something’s missing?”
“Something’s missing.” She looked at him and gave a tight smile. “I guess I didn’t realize just how much until the reunion.”
He let that truth settle between them as he glanced out at the movie that now played on the screen. It seemed like he was searching for a way backward, and Rae searched for a way forward. But he wondered if they would still end up in that same spot as before, somehow never able to come together the way they should.
Down below them, most people sat in their cars, but some were like him and Rae, sitting on the backs of their trucks. Memories bombarded him, good memories. Times when things were a lot less complicated but still emotionally messy.
As the movie played on, he thought Rae might stay quiet and watch in silence as she used to do, but she surprised him.
“Do you ever miss what we had?” she asked gently. When he turned to her, he lost his breath at the emotion in her eyes. “Not who you were back then. But what we had together? What that kind of love felt like?”
He reached up and touched her face, needing to get closer. When she looked at him like that with such feeling, it destroyed him. “Yeah, I miss us,” he said, taking her hand into his.
She shut her eyes and leaned into his touch. “If only we could freeze time.”
He slid his thumb across her soft cheek, then, unable to stop himself, he caressed her bottom lip. “If only…”
Her eyes opened, heat in their depths. “I want you, Travis.”
Christ, he didn’t even recognize this Rae, and it fucked with his head. She’d always been so shy, so quiet, so perfect…and yet, he preferred her like this. He’d loved her as a girl. He’d ravish her as a woman.
“What do you want from me?” He pressed harder against her bottom lip, watching intently as her mouth parted, a breathy moan escaping.
She leaned closer to him, her lips right there, and whispered exactly what he needed to hear, “Take me like you did that night.” She flicked her tongue out, connecting with his thumb.
“What night?” he growled, ready to give her whatever she wanted.
“The night before you left.”