CHAPTER 7
Long before the movie finished, but done with being anywhere except in a bed enjoying Rae outside the confines of the small space of the truck, Travis held the door open for her at the hotel on Main Street he’d been staying at since he arrived in Catfish Creek.
The historic hotel had a reputation for being haunted and was the oldest, continuously operating lodging establishment west of the Mississippi. It really came as no surprise that it hosted the guests from the reunion, as it was one of the hot spots in Catfish Creek.
As Rae passed by him and entered the building, she gave him a warm smile, and the flowery hints of her perfume teased his senses. He groaned, surprised how a scent could tempt him so much and began wondering if his bed at the hotel was a better idea for tonight than going back to her place after he picked up a few things.
He waited for a couple he remembered from math class to exit, then he let the doors shut behind him and joined Rae inside the three-story Victorian. Even now, he noted some other classmates in the oval lobby, some checking out at the registration desk surrounded by the Renaissance Corinthian columns, and others heading to the grand ballroom for a late dinner. It was amazing how many people had remained after the reunion. He guessed he wasn’t the only one with unfinished business in Catfish Creek.
As he caught up with Rae, she glanced at him with that sweet smile and said, “You know, I was thinking, instead of just picking up some of your clothes, doesn’t it make sense to cancel your reservation and come stay with me? I mean, it’s kinda silly that you’re paying for this room when you’re not even staying here.”
“If you want me to stay with you, I’m game,” he said, smiling back at her, “but I don’t need to worry about money, Rae.”
“Right.” She rolled her eyes. “I guess staying here won’t break your bank.”
No, it certainly wouldn’t, but he knew he wasn’t alone in becoming successful since high school. “I’m sure it wouldn’t break yours either.”
She barked a loud laugh. “Why do you say that?”
“You’ve done well for yourself, have you not?” he asked with an arched brow.
“It depends on your definition of ‘well,’” she said, her hand brushing against his as they strode past the ballroom’s entrance toward the elevators. “In terms of a vet clinic, I guess I’ve done okay. Compared to a rock star, I make pocket change.”
He chuckled, reaching for her hand, and she stopped dead and stared at him with wide eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
She slowly glanced down to their linked hands and then looked back at him again, giving his hand a squeeze. “Is this okay?”
He frowned. “Why wouldn’t it be okay?”
“We’re in public.”
“So?”
She looked around them before her concerned gaze met his again. “You’re not worried someone will take a picture and sell the photograph to the media?”
Ah, now he saw what her anxiety was all about, but it was irrelevant. “Would I be upset if the media captured us together?” He slid his free hand across her back, bringing her nice and close against him. “Is that what you’re asking?”
Cheeks flushed, she nodded.
“No, Rae, that’s not something I’m worried about. I just hope if they do capture us, we give them something good to print.” Her eyes grew wider in the seconds before he sealed his mouth over hers, and he hoped someone did catch them and that this would be all over the media tomorrow. It’d be the first time he felt as if the world got a real look into his life.
Rae kept up with his kiss, but when she stepped closer and cradled his body intimately, he broke the kiss, chuckling. “We might not want to give the media that kind of show.”
She laughed with him. “True enough.”
He released her and brought them back to the original conversation. “As I was saying, you must be doing well for yourself, considering you’re thinking about opening another clinic.”
She stopped again, and when he glanced over his shoulder, he found her brows furrowed, obviously confused. “How did you know I’m thinking about opening another clinic?” she asked.
He’d never been good at backpedaling, especially with her. Somehow, she always got the truth out of him. He parted his lips to stop his mouth from running away from him—because he wasn’t sure he was ready to lay his truth bare for her—when a blistering voice said behind him, “Jesus Christ, Travis, there you are.”
Travis glanced over his shoulder to find Scott, his manager, bursting into the hotel, icy blue eyes narrowed on him. Scott’s cheeks were beet-red, and the vein in the center of his forehead was throbbing, looking a moment away from exploding. “Have you lost your fucking mind?” Scott howled, throwing up his hands.
His manager could intimidate. He was tall, brooding, and he didn’t have a problem with the ladies. But Travis was a second away from laying his good friend out. “Come again?” he bit off.
“You can’t turn off your goddamn phone,” Scott practically sneered. “I’ve been calling and calling, and now”—he glanced around the hotel’s lobby like he’d entered a sewer—“I’m here in this place, and I’ve been waiting for you all fucking day.”
The anger coming from Scott was palpable; the man was not to be trifled with. That was one of the reasons Travis respected him. Scott got shit done. Not appreciating that side of Scott now, however, Travis heaved a long sigh and glanced at Rae next to him. Her arms were crossed, eyes on Scott. “I’m sorry. This is, Scott, my manager,” he told her, uncrossing her arms and taking her hand. “Apparently, he’s lost all his manners. Do you mind if I have a minute?”
“Oh…your manager.” She gave Scott another quick look before she looked at Travis again and gave a tight smile. “Of course, no worries. I’ll just be outside.”
But that smile wasn’t the real and warm expression he loved. This one hinted at sadness, and the darkness reached her eyes, Goddamn it, he felt it, too. Things had changed between them at the drive-in. Before, when he’d touched her, she felt like the old Rae. But tonight, she’d felt like a woman with life experience. She felt as if she wanted to fight for something they’d never experienced before. Like she wanted to fight for the future, not stay in the past.
With emotion beginning to claw at his chest, he watched her turn and walk away, and with every step she took, he got colder and colder. He waited until she was outside before he turned back to Scott. “If you ever talk to me like that again, or make Rae feel uncomfortable, this partnership is done.”
Scott folded his arms, standing firm and strong. “For fuck’s sake, Travis, you pay me to ensure your life is managed. If I let you run away from your obligations, then what kind of manager would I be? Tell me that.”
He waited for the people that were staring at them to walk by, clearly hearing Scott’s rage before he asked, “What obligations?”
“The show tomorrow for the charity for the children’s hospital,” Scott snapped, shoving his hands into his pockets. His cheeks flamed red, and his voice was low with controlled fury. “The one that I promised you would be at.” The vein still protruded from the middle of his forehead, looking even bigger now. “The one where if you don’t show up, I will be responsible for letting down a charity that supports sick and dying children.”
Dread began to spill into Travis. Fuck, how could he have forgotten? Again and again, he wasn’t himself. He’d thought coming back to the reunion would set his mind straight. He thought it was working. “Shit, fuck, I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair, feeling the culpability drown him.
“It’s fine that you forgot,” Scott added, softer now. “It’s why you have me. Your schedule is full, and you need someone to help you manage it all.” He gave Travis a measured look before glancing at his watch. “But you cannot shut me out like that. You do that again, and I walk, Travis.”
Travis nodded in agreement. “It won’t happen again.” Because he knew this was his only shot. He’d come back to Catfish Creek in hopes that something would change…and he wasn’t sure he’d had enough time to make that happen.
Scott took his phone from his pocket and glanced at the screen, a frown marring his face. “We have two hours before the next flight to New York.” The redness in his cheeks began to lessen, and his voice lost its tight edge. “Which means, we’ve got time to get up to the room here and do a couple of interviews promoting the event.”
“All right,” Travis said, looking at the scuffed ceramic floor beneath his shoes.
Scott’s long and heavy sigh filled the space around Travis before he said, “I take it all this was about that chick.”
Travis nodded, words failing him.
“Why don’t you bring her with you?” Scott offered, his voice back to its usual tone, even sympathy showed in his eyes. “Or, if you want to come back here after the show, your schedule is clear for the next couple days.”
Again, Travis nodded; dread further filling him at the fact that he controlled nothing. A weight settled on his chest, and he felt the happiness he’d experienced the past couple of days crumble around him. Just as he’d felt time and time again, he was a thing, a pawn used to suit everyone else. His happiness wasn’t real. It was something written on a calendar. How fucking depressing was that?
“All right, this is good. We can make this happen,” Scott said as his phone began to ring. “While you deal with her, I’ll pack up your stuff.” He held out his hand, and with the other, pressed his phone to his ear. “Price here. Yes. Yes. We’ll be ready for that interview soon. No, not that reporter, she’s an uptight bitch. Get the other one. Yeah, that one.”
Numb and cold, Travis grabbed his wallet and took out his key card, then handed it to Scott, who spun on his heels and headed to the elevator, saying nothing more to Travis.
Standing in the lobby, watching the world whiz by as it seemed to do now, Travis had all the answers to his questions. He’d come to the reunion to see if what he’d had with Rae was real. If he’d truly been happier then or if he’d created it all in his mind. But he knew, standing there, watching his life pass, this thing with Rae was more than happiness, it was his home.
She’s home.
If only she felt the same way about him.
* * *
A hard lump had formed in Rae’s throat the second before she turned away from Travis. Even once she made it outside, and after she’d sat on the bench, staring out at the quiet street, the lump only thickened. Everything suddenly felt very wrong.
Main Street was quiet with only a few pedestrians walking down the road, and a couple of cars going by, and even though the night couldn’t have been prettier with its clear sky and sparkling stars above her, the world seemed to fly by. She’d known this was coming—of course, she did—but now that Travis was leaving, she felt totally and completely unprepared.
Before the reunion, life had been simple and uncomplicated. Sure, maybe she’d been a little restless trying to find that spark that once drove her. But these past days, she’d been reminded that something important was missing from her life, and she couldn’t help but think now that that something had everything to do with Travis.
His kiss, his touch, his company—she’d forgotten the magnificence of being loved. Hell, thinking about it now, she wondered if she’d forced herself to forget so she could get over him. Because these past days, especially after tonight, perfect warmth had filled her, making the world seem a bit fuller and brighter. But now, a cloud seemed to hang overhead, the cold darkness threatening to overtake her.
“Rae.”
She glanced sideways, finding Travis only a foot away. The softness in his eyes stole her breath. She’d seen those eyes before. It’s how he looked when he said goodbye. There were a hundred things to say, but, “We’re right back where we were ten years ago, huh?” was what eventually came out.
Travis nodded and then took a seat next to her, hanging his head and resting his arms on his legs. “But it’s different. We’re different.”
“How are we so different?” she asked, wrapping her arms around herself, fighting off the chill.
“We’re older. Wiser.” He turned his head, revealing emotion-packed eyes. “More settled, maybe. Less driven…I don’t know.”
She gave him a soft smile in agreement. They’d both changed and gained life experience, that couldn’t be questioned. They’d both chased down their dreams and caught them. Yet, right now, it seemed as if that was the wrong thing to do. At least, her heart saw it that way. “It’s funny, isn’t it?”
He glanced sideways at her. “What’s funny?”
“Life,” she explained with a little shrug. “How so much time can pass, and yet, sometimes, it feels like none has passed at all.” She paused, trying to collect her thoughts. “I can’t help but wonder why this is happening to us again.” His brows furrowed, eyes intent on hers, but he stayed silent as she added, “You know that I’m not a huge believer in fate.”
“You believe you create your own destiny.”
She gave a soft smile. “Exactly. That’s what I’ve always believed.”
“But you don’t believe that now?”
She heaved a long sigh and glanced out at the road as a car went by. “I just don’t know anymore. It’s like, why are you here…” His lips parted, and she waved him off. “I know. I know. For the reunion. But it just seems too perfect.” She saw his eyes warm when she said, “Too planned, almost.”
“Like maybe fate had a hand in bringing us back together?”
She smiled. “Maybe, but my logical brain has a hard time believing that.”
His soft chuckle slid across her as she looked out at the road again and watched the bustle of the city she knew and loved. Everything had made sense ten years ago. When she’d said goodbye to Travis, she reconciled his leaving in her mind. He needed to go to make something of himself, and she needed to stay to do the same.
“I don’t want you to go,” she said, finally looking at him.
His eyes were locked onto hers. “I can come back,” he said gently. “I’ll come back if you want me to.”
How easy would it be for her to open her mouth and say, yes, please come back, but then how fair would that be? His band was in New York. She couldn’t do a long-distance relationship. She needed her man with her, all the time, not only a handful of days out of the month.
She’d known the complications of this going into the weekend. She’d made a deal with herself. This weekend…just sex, then he would go. “We both know that making a promise to each other to make this work would complicate everything, and we also know that we won’t do complicated.”
“It would complicate things,” he eventually said, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not the life either of us wants.”
“We don’t do drama. We don’t do difficult.”
He chuckled. “We like life easy.”
It was something they’d always said to each other. She searched his eyes, and it didn’t take long for her to see what he was thinking—and feeling. Regret. “You don’t have to feel bad, you know.” His brows furrowed, and she hastily glanced away from all the emotion in his eyes, unable to stand it. “We both knew what this was,” she added. “We also knew you’d eventually leave.”
He tucked his finger under her chin, garnering her attention. “Yeah, we did, but it’s still shit, Rae. I wasn’t expecting to leave tonight. I thought we’d have more time.” He paused, dragged his fingers across her jawline, igniting that burn within that he drew out so easily. “I have a show that I forgot about, and it’s for a children’s charity.”
“You don’t need to explain, Travis,” she said, telling herself she needed to be okay with this. His life was in New York. Hers was in Catfish Creek. Her friends lived here, and her family, too. Her life was here. That wouldn’t change.
“Actually, I think I do need to explain.” He hesitated, and she noted the strain between his brows when he continued. “The music…that’s all I am, Rae. Without it, I’m nothing.”
“I know,” she reminded him, taking up his hand and holding it in both of hers. “Again, you don’t need to explain. I understand.”
“I do need to explain,” he said again, voice thick. “Because, this…you…” He pulled his hand back and cupped her face. “Believe me, it’s everything, too. It always has been. You’re the only one that I want, Rae. I never said it enough before, and I hope you truly hear me now. All I want is you.”
She gave him the smile she knew he needed to see and placed her hands around his, fighting against the sudden tears welling in her eyes. “I know that, too. I’ve always known that.” And she did, truly. Because him loving her had never been a question in her mind. Or even her loving him. Life seemed to get in the way. “But it won’t change the fact that your life isn’t here with me and it won’t ever be. You outgrew Catfish a long time ago.”
“I’m not always on the road,” he told her, and she saw the pleading in his eyes. “Sometimes, yes. But other times, I’m at home in New York.”
“I know,” she whispered.
He stared at her hard, as if he wanted her to fix all this. “Then what do we do?”
She shut her eyes, willing strength. “There’s nothing we can do,” she admitted, unable to deal with the problems they faced. “We can’t change the obstacles in our way. They’re there, plain as day. And maybe this was all we got, one more moment in time to remember how lucky we were to have had each other.”
She saw him flinch and swore she could see the coldness rip through him. He dropped his hands from her face, lowering them back onto his knees, and stared out at the street, silently lost in his thoughts. The minutes passed, the quiet becoming more and more awkward as the seconds drew on.
“Besides,” she added, attempting to ease the tension. “It’s easier this time, don’t you think?”
His eyes narrowed on her. “You think leaving you…again…is easy for me?”
“A little,” she said with a slight shrug. “We knew we had this weekend, a little taste of what we had before, and that’s what we got. I don’t regret it, do you?”
“Do I regret you being in my arms again?” He snorted, then had his hands around her face again, staring at her intently, stripping her bare. “No, Rae, that I could never regret. But I do regret that somehow, no matter how much time passes between us, we can’t seem to get this right.”
“Or maybe we do get it right,” she offered. “Maybe this is all we can be, all that we’re meant to be.”
“Still so fucking practical,” he growled, brushing his thumb across her cheek. “Is that your final conclusion?”
She nodded. “It’s what makes sense, and as you well know, I do like logic.”
He paused and then slowly shook his head. “Why does this make sense to you?”
“Because if something doesn’t ever seem to work out, it’s because it’s not meant to.”
She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth because of the way he cringed, clearly hurt by them.
He didn’t back away, though, and it’d be so easy to get lost in the way he watched her. The way he loved her. “So, that’s it?” he asked softly. “I love you like this, and yet I still leave you.”
She stopped herself from flinching. This was punishing them both, and she didn’t want him to hurt, that was the last thing she wanted. She leaned forward and kissed his mouth gently, then added, “That’s reality. That’s life. That’s what we knew would happen after this weekend ended.” When she leaned away, she stared into his eyes, showing him she was okay. “You’ll keep in touch?”
“I can’t stay away,” he said, never taking his eyes off hers.
Before she lost her nerve and allowed herself to feel what she knew he was feeling, she rose, emotion squeezing her throat. “Bye, Travis.”
He rose then, standing in front of her. She fought the emotion as he stared at her hard, then it threatened to escape her as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her in the way only he could. Strong. Warm. Like home. “Goodbye, Rae.”
Then she did what she knew he couldn’t do.
With tears in her eyes, she walked away.