CHAPTER 8
Minutes later, the place that had always been home to Rae didn’t even look the same anymore as she passed store after store on Main Street. It was like the world had been turned upside down, redesigned, and then reassembled again after this weekend with Travis.
Despite the hot and dry air, a chill ran through her when she strode beneath the street light, passing over the lines in the cement sidewalk. Before the reunion, she had felt restless. Now, she felt utterly and hopelessly lost.
The rules had been clear. Hell, she’d set them. They got each other for a little while, and then he’d go home. Life would go on as it had for the last ten years. Though, she hadn’t taken into account how much these past days with him would change her. It kind of snuck up on her.
She wasn’t the same woman who’d walked through the reunion doors; she knew that for a fact. Something had changed. Something drastic in those tender spaces of her soul. No matter what she did, or how long she walked, she couldn’t quite get her mind to settle back into that comfortable peace she’d become accustomed to.
The sidewalk came to an end, forcing her to look up. She waited for the light to turn green before she continued, walking toward her home instead of catching a cab. Air and exercise had to clear her head, right?
Lights glowed up ahead on the right side of the street, and in just a few steps, she passed the Hamburger Shack. In the corner of the restaurant, she spotted the booth that she and Travis used to sit in, now occupied by another teenage couple. With a small step forward, the past enveloped her.
Meat stacked upon meat stacked upon meat. Rae held back her chuckle, watching Travis bite into his giant-sized burger. “You know,” she said from her side of the booth, “people have died from choking. It’s a real threat that you should be worried about.”
He swallowed his bite. “I sincerely doubt I’m going to die eating…”
“Inhaling,” she corrected.
“Fine, inhaling a cheeseburger.” He winked, took an even bigger bite, and said with a full mouth, “Besides, it’s a damn good way to go.”
She laughed loudly, and it felt good. The past days had been stressful and tense, and this break, doing something that they used to do all the time, was exactly what they needed. She glanced down, staring at her chicken wings, feeling her throat growing tighter and tighter. The clock was ticking, and the weakness inside her was growing bigger than her strength.
When she looked at him again, she found Travis focused on his burger. She couldn’t stop the hurt from sounding in her voice. “Three days to go, huh?”
He glanced up through his lashes and studied her, and then darkness filled his warm eyes. He placed his burger down and wiped his hands on his napkin, then took one of hers in both of his. “Don’t go there yet. Let’s not think about it until we have to.”
How could she not think about it? He was leaving her, and there was nothing she could to do stop him. Sure, she wanted him to chase his dreams. She just didn’t want him moving to New York City to do it. She wanted him here. With her. Forever.
“Rae,” he said firmly in response to what obviously showed in her expression. “Not yet, okay.”
That’s when she saw what he kept hidden very well. He was struggling to hang on, too. She forced a smile, knowing he needed that from her. “Okay, not yet. Promise.”
Reality hit her as a body slammed into her side. “Sorry,” she gasped. “I’m sorry.”
“Watch where you’re going,” the man sneered.
Ice-cold now, she wrapped her arms around herself and kept walking toward home. Each step forward felt like she was going somewhere, but not moving at all. The world was all but still around her. This pain cutting through her was all too familiar, and as she passed the dress store, the last time she’d felt like this became vividly real again.
Rae stepped into the navy-blue lace dress that she didn’t want. Hell, she hadn’t even wanted to leave the house, but Mom had forced her. She pulled the straps onto her arms and then opened the curtain. Mom’s bright smile should’ve warmed her, but it did nothing to stop the coldness that seemed to enter her the day Travis left—a feeling that had only gotten worse as the weeks went on.
“It won’t always hurt like this, honey,” Mom said, obviously sensing what was on Rae’s mind. She entered the changing room, and in the mirror behind Rae, her gentle, green eyes warmed. “I promise. Each day, it will get better.”
“But it’s been a month now,” Rae said, tears welling and spilling out. Dammit, this was why she didn’t like to go out. She’d break into tears when she least expected it.
Mom settled the dress perfectly into place on Rae’s shoulders. “The heart doesn’t care how long it’s been. It just takes time, my darling.” She grabbed the zipper and began pulling it up. “I think this is the one.”
Rae looked as the dress tightened around her, forming to her body and giving her good shape. But when she glanced up, all she saw were her eyes. Eyes that she didn’t even recognize anymore. She’d always been happy, confident, and content.
This past month, all she felt was shattered and broken.
“See how pretty you look,” Mom said, dragging her hands down Rae’s arms. “It’s a perfect dress for the cruise.”
Rae smiled, giving her what she knew her mom needed. But she stopped listening to all the things her mom said, unable to feel, oddly numb to it all, until she said, “Trust me, my darling, one day you’ll look back on this and realize Travis was a young love that truly mattered at the time, but a young love was all he was.”
Standing on the street, staring at one of the dresses in the window, she knew her mom had been dead wrong. She never looked back and thought of Travis as a young love. He was her one and only. Her heart began to race, her palms growing sweaty as she glanced from left to right, realizing Travis was everywhere even though, soon, he’d be back in New York. Every square inch of Catfish Creek had a memory with Travis in it. And that’s what had been the hardest part about moving on. He was etched into her soul, and without him here, the town felt…darker…lonelier…empty.
Instead of taking the long way, she turned left and entered the park. Maybe all she needed was to have a good, long cry, then she could center herself again. She strode beneath the lights guiding her way along the tree-lined path, finding the park busy as usual. The walkway was full of people, some on bikes, some taking a stroll, hand in hand with their loves. She felt like she was floating, heading somewhere but going nowhere, taking steps forward and yet somehow moving backward.
Up ahead, she spotted a tree, and her pace picked up naturally. There was a tingle in the back of her brain, a memory just on the surface, and when she reached the tree, tilting her head up to stare at the branches from underneath, she knew why.
The tree branches danced in the light wind, the moonlight casting a stunning glow over the park. She glanced back to Travis in front of her, and he smiled. “What are you up to?” she asked.
“Wooing you, as always,” he said, twirling her out and then pulling her in close.
With people walking by, and him not caring, as usual, he placed a hand low on her body, holding her close as he began to dance with her.
“You truly don’t care what people think of you, do you?” she asked, staring into the warmth of his eyes.
He leaned down close, bringing his mouth near hers. “I care what you think of me.”
“Well, you know I love you, so that doesn’t count.”
He chuckled and pressed a little tighter on her back. “Come here, baby. Be close.”
Somehow, he always made an awkward situation be okay. And right now, the world around her didn’t matter. Only Travis did. She placed her head against his chest, shutting her eyes, losing herself in him.
Round and round they went in a circle, right there under the stars, as he sang her favorite song softly in her ear. She knew some girls wanted the quarterback or the coolest guy in school, but after meeting Travis in chemistry class, she’d only had eyes for him. And she was only too happy that he saw her, too. She’d always heard that love took work, but loving him was all too easy.
Maybe that was him. His passion. His truth.
He knew how to love someone.
When he sang the last note, she looked up, and he smiled down at her. Did everyone feel this way? So madly in love, their heart might burst wide open.
They stopped dancing, and his hands slid up her arms to cup her face. “I wanna kiss you under the moonlight,” he said, bowing his head, bringing his mouth close to hers. “And love you ’til the sun comes up.”
“Always the romantic.” She smiled. “Forever the songwriter.”
“I can’t help it.” He brushed his nose against hers, weakening her knees. “You inspire me.”
She grinned, maybe stupidly by some standards, but she didn’t care. Her heart was so full, so warm. “I love you.”
He grinned and dipped her back, and just before he kissed her, he said, “I love you, too, baby.”
“Miss.”
Rae startled and gasped, trying to force herself back into the present, but she felt as if she were tumbling. She sucked in a harsh breath as her throat tightened, and she clawed at her chest, trying to get air. She remembered the pain when he left, but there had been such happiness, so much love. Yes, he was passionate, but he loved her more than she ever thought she deserved to be loved.
How had she forgotten what it felt like to be loved by him?
He’d been here. She let him leave…again.
Shadows seemed to form around her, coldness seeping in to steal all the warmth from her soul. Her legs wobbled, and the world began to summersault around her when a sudden hand grasped her shoulder.
“Daniel, help her.”
Rae whirled around, facing the concerned voice behind her. She found an elderly couple staring wide-eyed at her.
“Miss,” the man with the kind eyes said again, reaching for her arms. “Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not.” She fought to get air into her lungs, feeling the ground drop out from beneath her. “No, I’m not okay at all. I can’t breathe. Please, help me.”