Chapter 19

Abigail

The night after I got the job, Ian and I headed out to meet up with Brittany, Zach, and Mikayla. I felt strange on the walk there, like I wanted to grab Ian’s hand or something, but I forced myself to hold back. Just because I’d realized that I might sort of have feelings for him didn’t mean we were actually in a relationship. He was acting distant, too, almost like he had secrets of his own.

I let myself entertain thoughts that he had the same secrets I did, that he had realized he had feelings for me as well. But I doubted that was it. More likely, he had realized I had feelings for him and was trying to think of a way to let me down gently, to tell me he wasn’t interested in me.

I tried not to think about that now, though. This was my night to celebrate. I had finally gotten a job, a really good one in the field I wanted. No more retail for me; I was now going to practice therapy just like I’d wanted since college.

Brittany, Zach, and Mikayla were already there when we arrived, and they started cheering and clapping when they saw me. “Atta girl!” Brittany said, giving me a big hug. “I knew things were going to turn around for you!”

I hugged her back and then slid into the booth next to her, grinning hugely. “I can’t even tell you how excited I am,” I said, shaking my head.

“I can,” Ian said teasingly. “The minute she hung up the phone, she started squealing.” Everyone laughed.

“All right, shots,” Brittany said.

Zach groaned. “Seriously?”

“Come on, we’re celebrating!” Brittany reminded him.

That seemed to be the mantra for the night. We were celebrating, so even though everyone else had to go back to work the next morning, we did round after round of drinks.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Brittany said finally.

“Me too,” Mikayla said.

I rolled my eyes. “Girls,” I said. “Always have to go to the bathroom together.” There was a chorus of laughter.

“Are you two all right if I leave you alone together?” Ian asked Zach and me. “I’m headed to the bar.”

“He’s my brother,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I’m not going to kill him or anything.”

“If you’re not headed to the bar to chat with that cute redhead, you’re not my best friend,” Zach teased.

Ian gave me an unreadable look, and I wondered whether that was what he had in mind, but he made his way to the other end of the bar.

“So, how’s that fake engagement going for the two of you?” Zach asked. “Still on?” He didn’t sound pleased about it, and I wondered how Ian and I had been acting that night. I thought we were doing a good job of maintaining our distance, at least as well as we could in the small booth. I was definitely sitting closer to Brittany than I was to Ian.

I had tried to keep my eyes off Ian, too, for the most part. Obviously, I looked at him while he was talking, but I didn’t let my eyes stray to his lips while he sipped his beer, or to his fingers while he shredded a paper napkin. Or at least I hadn’t let my eyes stray too much.

It was hard not to think about him, and the more I had to drink, the more I wanted to just head home with him. But there was a reason I had wanted to invite Brittany and Zach and Mikayla out with us tonight: I was afraid that if it was just Ian and I, the two of us, drinking alone in celebration of my new job, I would say something I might regret.

Not something I would regret because I didn’t mean it—I knew what I wanted now—but I was afraid that Ian wouldn’t reciprocate and then our living situation would be awkward and our roomies-with-benefits deal would be over. Better to take what I could have, even if it wasn’t everything I wanted.

I laughed at Zach’s disgusted look, trying to be nonchalant. “The fake engagement is seriously just to get Jason off my back,” I said, shaking my head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not like we’re doing anything else.” It was harder to say the lie now that I had acknowledged my feelings for Ian, but I didn’t think Zach could hear the slight hesitation there. As well as he knew me, I didn’t think he could tell when I was lying.

But Zach looked like he didn’t believe me. I rolled my eyes. “You can’t be upset with me,” I told him. “I’m an adult, and I could even date him if I wanted to.”

“Absolutely not,” Zach said flatly.

“Why not?” I asked.

“You know why,” Zach said, frowning at me.

I shook my head and got up out of the booth. “I’m going to go help Ian get the drinks,” I said shortly. I just couldn’t believe him. Was that five-year age gap really such a big deal? I didn’t understand what Zach’s problem was. I had a feeling what he was really saying was that he didn’t want me to date his best friend. But then he needed to just come out and say that rather than making up stupid excuses.

On my way up to the bar, I ran into the last person I wanted to see. “Jason,” I said, scowling at him.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Jason said, draping an arm around my shoulders. “Where’s your fiancé anyway?”

“None of your business,” I said, shaking off Jason’s arm.

He leaned in conspiratorially. “You know, he’s not a very good fiancé if he’s not here with you.”

“Oh, fuck off, Jason!” I said.

“Come on, sweetheart, you know you don’t mean that,” Jason said, trying to pull me back into his arms. “I know you’re still mad at me, but can’t you see that I’ve changed? I’m ready to be there for you, just like you need.”

I pushed him away from me. “I don’t care if you’ve changed,” I told him. God, between Zach and Jason, it seemed like the universe was out to ruin my whole night. This was supposed to be a celebration, and instead I felt like crying.

“Let me take you out on just one date,” Jason insisted. “We’ll go to that seafood restaurant that you love.”

“I have a fiancé,” I reminded him even though it was a lie. I scanned the bar, looking for Ian, but I couldn’t seem to find him.

“You don’t need him,” Jason said coaxingly, catching my wrist. “Come on, let me show you a good time.”

Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was Ian. He swung around and his fist connected hard with Jason’s jaw. Jason collapsed to the sticky floor, blinking dazedly up at us. Then he pushed himself to his feet and lunged at Ian.

The bouncers were there before he made contact, grabbing both Ian and Jason and hauling them toward the exit.

“Wait,” I said, rushing after them on legs that felt like they were made of lead. “Wait, not him.” I caught Ian’s arm, and the bouncer holding him drew to a stop.

“We don’t allow fighting in here,” he said.

“I know,” I said. “But Jason—that’s the other guy—he’s been stalking me. Ian was just protecting me.”

The bouncers exchanged looks, and finally, the one holding Ian let him go. “All right,” he said. “But if I see you making any more trouble, I’m going to have you all out of here.”

“Okay,” I said. “Thank you so much.”

Ian was rubbing at his hand, and I took it in mine, rubbing my thumb gently over his knuckles. “Are you okay?” I asked worriedly. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I didn’t?” Ian asked mildly, raising an eyebrow at me.

I thought of what might have happened if Ian hadn’t been there, if he hadn’t swooped in to save me from Jason. I swallowed hard. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him, my hand still holding his.

I tried to put everything I was feeling into the kiss: the confusion, the nervousness, the gratefulness, the passion, the desire. Our lips slotted together, and we made out sloppily for a couple seconds. Then I recalled where we were and pulled away.

“Sorry. I probably shouldn’t have done that here,” I said, glancing nervously around the bar. From the angle we were at, I couldn’t see over to our booth, and I breathed out a sigh of relief, hoping that meant none of them had seen the kiss.

But then I saw Zach standing just a couple feet away from us. He had clearly seen the whole commotion with Jason and had come to help me out, only Ian had gotten there first. And now, he had seen me kiss Ian.

It clearly hadn’t been a first kiss either. Zach shook his head, looking disgusted with both of us. Then he turned and stalked toward the front door.

I looked up at Ian’s stricken face, wanting to say something, but he wasn’t paying any attention to me. He was already pulling away from me and following Zach. “Zach, wait!” he called. He ran out the door, chasing after my brother, leaving me standing alone in the middle of the bar, fighting back tears.