Chapter 4
Melissa
“Melissa Conway speaking. How may I help you?”
“Miss Conway, it’s Doctor Hamilton.”
“Hello, doctor. Is everything all right? Has something happened to Sarah at the daycare?” I asked.
“No, no, no. Everything’s all right. But it’s been a couple of days since I’ve seen you. Have you given any thought to the doctor I recommended for you?”
“A bit, yes,” I said.
“Look, I know sometimes it can be hard. Psychiatrists aren’t viewed like regular doctors. They’re given this persona in the public eye like the somehow mess with your brain or something.”
“Isn’t that kind of their specialty?” I asked.
“They’re there to help you just like I am. My specialty is the body. Their specialty is the brain and how it’s chemically wired. It’s no different than coming to see me. They ask questions, you talk, they diagnose, and you see them regularly the same way you see me,” he said.
“Look, I know I need to talk with someone.”
Could I tell him? How I knew Brandon? My history with him? That would be a conflict of interest thing for him, right? He wouldn’t be able to take me on as a client with our past, with those broken promises, and with the part he’d played in how I ended up here in the first place.
“I didn’t know maybe if you would call them of your own volition, so I’ve got the referral right here. All I have to do is press a button, and you’ll have someone call you within the hour,” he said.
“What am I going to do with Sarah during this time?” I asked.
“If I need to write you a note for your boss, I’ll do that. You’re allowed to eat in these offices, so you could do it on your lunch break.”
“Wouldn’t that be his lunch break, too?” I asked.
“Miss Conway…”
“I know, I know. All right. Put in the referral. You said they’d call me?” I asked.
“Within the hour. Referral sent. I’m telling you, Miss Conway, this is going to do you a great deal of good. More good than I could ever do. When you schedule your appointment, call me back and leave a notice with my nurse. I want to make sure I keep in contact with your doctor about what he’s prescribing you, if anything.”
“I can do that, doctor. Thank you for calling,” I said.
“If you don’t hear from them within the hour. Call them. I’m serious. You need this.”
“I will, I will. Now, I’ve got to get back to my calculations.”
“I don’t know how you do all that math stuff,” he said.
“And I don’t know how you do all that blood stuff. Have a good day, doctor.”
“You, too, Miss Conway.”
Sure enough, before I went on my lunch break, I got a phone call on my cell from a number I didn’t recognize. I took a deep breath before picking it up, and the cheery voice on the other end already started grating on my nerves.
“Hello! Is this Miss Melissa Conway?” she asked.
“It is, yes.”
“Oh, wonderful. I was calling because of a referral your doctor sent to our office. How are you doing today?” she asked.
“You’re calling me from a psychiatrist’s office. You tell me,” I said.
“Well, we’ll get you scheduled for as soon as possible, so we can get you going on a better path. I just need a bit of information. First, are you more comfortable with someone of the same gender, or is the doctor you were specifically referred to going to be all right?”
“You mean Brandon?” I asked.
“Yes, ma’am. The referral’s for Dr. Black, but I can amend the referral to put you with anyone on that floor,” she said.
I sat there for a second and considered it. Was it going to be smart of me to make an appointment with him? On the one hand, it might trigger emotions I was not ready to show him, much less deal with. On the other hand, facing him and talking him through what he did to me might help me cope and move on. Become a better person. Not be so spiteful and angry whenever I saw happy couples walking down the road.
“Miss Conway?”
“Yes. Sorry. I’m here. You caught me in the middle of some calculations,” I said.
“What do you do for work?”
“I’m an accountant for a tech company,” I said. “And Bra—Dr. Black will be just fine.”
“Wonderful. The earliest appointment he has is Monday at four in the afternoon.”
“That works perfectly. I’d be out by five?” I asked.
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll put you down for that time. Now, I just need a bit of your insurance information, and we will be good to go!”
I gave her the information she was looking for before I downloaded some forms from the office’s website. I needed to fill them out and arrive fifteen minutes before my appointment to make sure everything was solid and ready to go. All through lunch, my mind was swirling. This would be the first time I’d seen my ex-boyfriend since he came home with that tall, long-legged Russian he married while I was pining for him at college. I felt anger bubble up within me as I stabbed my salad. I never could trust anyone’s promises after that one encounter. I questioned everything anyone told me. It took years for Carl to break down my defenses long enough to get me to trust him.
Then he died. In that fucking accident.
I threw my fork down onto my desk and sighed. Raking my hands through my hair, I started breathing deep through my nose. The last thing I needed was a breakdown at work, but no sooner had I collected myself than my boss came knocking on my door.
“Miss Conway.”
“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir,” I said as I sat up.
“At ease, soldier,” he said, chuckling. “Just coming to check in on you.”
“Oh, I’m doing fine. Have I gone over on my lunch?”
“No, but you never did let me know how that doctor’s appointment went,” he said.
“Oh. I’m sorry. It, uh, went fine. He recommended I see Dr. Brandon Black.”
“Have you made an appointment?” he asked.
“I did before I took my lunch break, yes,” I said.
“For what time?” he asked.
“Four o’clock on Monday.”
“Make it a standing appointment with him. I expect you to be out of this office by 3:30 every Monday,” he said.
“Sir, that’s not—”
“Melissa, you’re the hardest working individual I have in this accounting department. You’re well on your way to running this place once I get a mind about me to retire. We can’t afford to lose you. Take care of yourself. Make it a standing date with your doctor.”
If only he knew why those words enraged me like they did.
“I will. Promise.”
“Good. Now, about those numbers you’re calculating, I need them by two.”
“Consider it done,” I said.
After work, I went to pick up Sarah and ran into Ava again. We talked a bit about work, and she looked incredibly stressed, so I invited her over to share a bottle of wine. I told her the kids could have a sleepover, and we could have time to catch up. Logan and Sarah were all for it. I piled the kids into my car to allow Ava to go change her clothes, and I took them both back to my place to feed them a snack. They were clamoring to get out in the backyard and play, so I forewent the snack and let them run. I closed the gate and went inside, opening the blinds by the kitchen table, so we could watch them while we shared a glass of wine together.
Or maybe two.
“Knock, knock,” Ava called out.
“Already got a glass of wine poured.”
“The kids outside playing?” she asked.
“Yep. Logan’s swinging, and Sarah’s going down the slide.”
“This is much needed,” she said as she picked up her glass. “Thank you so much.”
“That rough of a week?” I asked.
“We’ll need another bottle just to get through it. Yours?”
“Oh, it’s been interesting,” I said.
“Uh-oh. Why’s that? Something happen with the doctor?”
“He referred me to a shrink. Thinks I might have Major Depressive Disorder.”
“Not gonna lie, it doesn’t shock me,” she said.
“I know, I know. I’m still functioning and holding down a job, so I never considered it an option. Aren’t depressed people supposed to not get out of bed or smile at their kids?” I asked.
“It rears its head in all forms. Just because you can function doesn’t mean you’re happy.”
“I guess so. He referred me to Dr. Brandon Black.”
“Wait. The Dr. Black? The one with that book that’s always on the news?” she asked.
“That’s the one.”
“Oh, he’s a hunk. I love them tall with dark hair. Broad shoulders. Chiseled chest. I bet his thighs are—”
“You okay over there?” I asked.
“Sorry. Just daydreaming. So, when’s your appointment with him?”
“Monday at four.”
“Well, don’t sound so down about it. What’s up your butt?” she asked.
“Besides being depressed? Dr. Black is my ex.”
I heard her choke on her wine before she set her glass down. The kids were giggling outside as I watched them, but my mind was spinning elsewhere. I still wasn’t sure how in the world I was going to do this appointment with him, but if I talked about nothing else, I needed to talk to him about what he did to me, what meeting that Russian woman did to me.
“When the hell did you two date? I thought your parents were, like, fucking Amish or something.”
“We dated behind their backs while I was in college. I gave my virginity to him.”
“Oh. Holy. Shit. You’ve seen his dick! What’s it look like?” she asked.
“Like it’s on fire with his lies,” I said.
“Ooooh, and the gossip continues. Was he a compulsive liar?”
“No.”
“Did he lie to get in your pants?”
“No.”
“Did he fake his death to get away from you?”
“Are you drinking the same wine I’m drinking?” I asked.
“Come on. Fill me in. What happened?”
“He was the first boy I ever fell in love with. He taught me so many things. About sex and … and love. At least, love for an eighteen-year-old. He promised me he’d come back for me after he graduated, especially after my parents disowned me for going to a public university instead of the community college at home.”
“Have I told you your parents are nuts?” she asked.
“Don’t I know it. Anyway, we kept in touch a bit, and I clung to that promise. I kept telling him how much I loved him and how I couldn’t wait for us to be together, and I thought he felt the same way. But, when I saw him just after graduation, he had this beautiful Russian bride on his arm.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yeah. Tall. Pale. Beautiful, straight black hair. Sexy little accent.”
“Did he mail order her?” Ava asked, grinning.
“I don’t fucking know. It shattered my world. My heart. I floundered for months before I got my feet back underneath me again.”
“Sounds like he did a number on you.”
“You think this is smart? I mean going and seeing him with the past we have? On one hand, it could trigger something, but on the other hand, I’d get to address him face to face to tell him what he did to me and get some closure. That would help, right?” I asked.
“I’m gonna be honest with you because I always am,” Ava began. “That man is a fucking rock star. He’s loaded. He’s known around the world for his revolutionary outlook on how to treat his patients. He’s probably drowning in so much pussy, he won’t even remember you.”
“You’ve got a point,” I said.
“And even if he did, he’s a professional, and he’ll keep it as such. If he can’t, he’ll refer you to someone else. That’s shit they do, right? You’ve got nothing to worry about, and by the sounds of it, you don’t have anything to lose, either.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“Now, finish that glass and catch up. I’m going to order us some pizza for dinner.”
“The kids will love that,” I said.
“Yep. And full stomachs means they fall asleep easier, which means more wine for us.”
“You’re relentless,” I said, grinning.
“Anything to see that smile once in a blue moon.”