Chapter 23
Brandon
I woke up the next morning to Max yelling at the nanny. I pulled myself out of bed and traipsed downstairs, wrapping a robe around my body. My mind was dwelling over the dinner I’d had last night with Melissa, but I felt content about it. I’d said everything I needed to say and did what I needed to do before I left for this book tour on Monday. My soul felt settled as I approached the one-way screaming match Max was having, and I grabbed his pants and picked him up off the floor.
Without a word spoken, I took him to his room and put him down in his bed. He was screaming about some type of cereal we didn’t have or something, and I simply walked out of his room and shut the door behind me. The nanny was sitting at the table with tears threatening to stream down her face, and for the first time in a long time, I saw the detriment I was wreaking on my son. I’d expected this nanny to replace his mother. To give him a woman to lean on. Instead, all it did was create tension every time I left. This time would be no different.
“Take the day off. Go get some rest. Don’t come back until Monday,” I said.
“I’m all right. Just give me some time to collect myself,” she said.
Max shrieked from his room, and she physically jolted. I sat down beside her and took her hand, prompting her to look at me with her tired, reddened stare.
“I’ll see you Monday,” I said.
I needed to spend the day with Max anyway. I was about to be gone for two weeks, and she would have to deal with the meltdowns. I could hear him already calming down, no doubt realizing how hungry he was in the first place. We were slowly changing Max’s diet over, trying to alleviate some of the sugar from his eating habits.
I knew it was going to be a rough road, but I’d had no idea it would elicit these types of reactions from him.
“Daddy?” I heard him call out.
“Come on down here, son.”
I heard his door open as he came walking into the kitchen. His nose was snotty, and his hair was a mess. Tears were still dripping down his face as he climbed up into his seat.
“Do you know what you did wrong?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“What did you do wrong?”
“I wasn’t thankful for food,” he said.
“Do we throw tantrums when we don’t like what’s put in front of us?” I asked.
“No.”
“What do we do?”
“Ask nicely if there’s another thing we want,” he said.
“And if there’s not?” I asked.
He fell silent and took a bite of his cereal before he answered.
“We eat what’s in front of us,” he said.
“Or we wait until it’s snack time,” I said.
He ate his bowl of cereal in silence as I sat back into the kitchen chair. I wasn’t sure what Max and I would get into, but I had a feeling we would stick around the house. One tantrum to start off the morning meant it would be a rough day in toddler land, and I wasn’t sure I could handle battling those tantrums in public just to try and get him out to enjoy a park or something.
“How do you feel about a movie day?” I asked.
“Could we watch Aladdin?” he asked.
“Yep. And we could watch Lion King, too,” I said.
“And Mickey Mouse?”
“And anything else you’d like to watch,” I said, grinning.
“Yeah! That’s awesome. Popcorn?”
“Sure, we can pop some popcorn for a snack later,” I said. “I’m gonna go in here and start the first movie and then get a shower. After that, I’m all yours.”
“Thanks, Daddy,” Max said, smiling.
“You’re welcome, buddy. I’ll be right back.”
I went into the living room and struck up Aladdin. I heard Max take his bowl of cereal in the room to sit down, and I simply let him have that one. Food was supposed to stay at the kitchen table, but I needed a shower, and I knew that would keep him occupied and out of trouble.
As I stepped into the hot shower water, my mind was swirling with thoughts of Melissa. She did need to take the time apart to think things over. I knew I loved her, and I knew I wanted to be with her, but she was in a fragile state. The last thing I wanted to be was yet another stepping stone for her. The feelings I had for her were genuine, and even if she came back and told me she needed time, I would give it to her. I wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t going to start jamming my cock back into pointless women.
I only wanted her to know I was in this for the long haul while protecting myself in case she didn’t feel the same way, in case the emotion I was interpreting from her was nothing but a smokescreen.
I felt my cock throbbing at the mere thought of her. The jeans she’d had on last night rounded out her ass perfectly. It was the reason I had to keep my eyes off her. If I looked at her, even for one second, I would’ve taken her on that kitchen table while the kids were upstairs playing. Her body was magnetic, drawing blood to my cock as my hand wrapped around it. As I stroked my thick dick, I remembered the feeling of her lips on my neck, and as my back hit the shower wall, I could suddenly smell her juices.
The way her legs clenched around my head when I ate her out drove me wild. Her thighs molded to me while I marked her skin with my teeth. I slid my ass down to the floor of the shower as I imagined her breathing pulsed near my ear, and had I not known any better, I could’ve sworn I could feel her fingernails scratching down my skin now.
I pumped my cock as I thought of all the ways I still wanted to take her. I wanted to flip her over and pound into her from behind. I wanted to crack my hand against her ass and watch it jiggle as her pussy sucked me dry. I wanted to pin her hands above her head as I thrust into her against the wall, making pictures drop down and bust as she cried out my name.
I wanted to bury my tongue into her warm depths. I could feel her juices pooling on my tongue as I stroked my cock faster. I could taste her salted, silken fluids drenching my cheeks as I swallowed them down my throat. I could feel her pussy folds coating my cock as she chased her own pleasure.
I saw her face screwed tightly, her body being selfish and taking what it wanted from me while my hands dug into her thighs. I imagined holding her against my body, denying her orgasm after orgasm until she was crying with frustration. I imagined how she would pant and heave, begging me to come while her fists pounded my back in anger. I thought about how torturously I would thrust, slowly and desperately as I wrapped my lips around hers.
And then, when she least expected it, I’d rush down between her legs and lick her perfect little clit until she passed out from the sheer pleasure my mouth could deliver.
“Melissa. Holy fuck. You’re perfect. Yes.”
I thought about how warm her lips were wrapped around my cock. How my dick thrust down her throat while she took me like the wonderful woman she was. I thought about how her spit dripped onto my skin, sliding down my skin as her throat closed around me. I squeezed my hand, trying to simulate her tongue wrapping around the head of my dripping cock as the hot shower water beat down upon my body.
“Melissa. Yes. I’m so fucking close.”
My hips began lifting up, pumping into my hand as my mind spun with visions of her. The way her perfume smelled and the way her tits fit perfectly in the palms of my hands. The way her back arched into me as I ran my tongue around her pert nipples and how her thighs were pliable underneath my fingertips.
I felt my balls curling into my body as my back pressed against the shower wall, and the words I uttered tumbled from my lips wantonly. Desperately. With full conviction.
And naturally.
“I love you, Melissa. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Thick streams of come shot up into the air before diving back down to my stomach. I heaved for air, the steam swirling around me as my legs began to tremble. My entire body was red from the heat, my brow sweating as I closed my eyes and imagined her. I saw Melissa, sprawled out on my bed and covered with my sheets as she smiled up at me. I could feel her in the crook of my arm as the morning sunlight cascaded over her skin. I could feel her nuzzling into me, her chapped lips pressing small kisses into my skin as I rolled her over and kissed her deeply.
I wanted every part of her life, and I could only hope the time apart would convince her of the same thing.
I watched the shower water wash away my wasted come as I sat there and sighed. The faint droning of the movie rose from the background, and I realized I had to piece myself together. I had a son who was expecting me to be finished soon so we could spend the day together cuddling and watching movies. The last thing I needed to be doing was sitting in the shower fantasizing about a woman who might not love me.
A woman I wanted, but could not have.
“Daddy? You coming?” Max called out.
“About to step out of the shower now, buddy. I’m almost done.”
“Okay.”
I turned the shower off and dried myself with a towel. I pulled my pajama bottoms back on before I wrapped my robe back around my body. There was no need to get dressed today and no need to look presentable. The only requirement I was making of myself today was to go out there, hold my son close, and revel in his laughter as he watched his favorite movies and indulged in his favorite characters.
So, that’s what I did. I walked out of the bathroom with the steam pouring out behind me. I went downstairs and wrapped my arms around my son, and then we sat back onto the couch watching movie after movie until he finally fell asleep in my arms.
“We’re gonna be all right, buddy,” I whispered as he snored on my chest. “We’re gonna be all right.”
Chapter 24
Melissa
I sat at my desk during my lunch break in the dark. I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t focused, and I sure as hell wasn’t up for an appointment today. I was supposed to see Dr. Michael Smith, but all I wanted to do was go home. I couldn’t get Brandon off my mind, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to someone about it, especially someone who wasn’t him.
I picked up my phone to see if Brandon had sent me any messages. I’d woken up this morning around the time I knew his plane was taking off, and it ached my heart. Knowing he was so far away made me feel empty inside. I tossed and turned in my sleep, and my knees were starting to ache again. Suddenly, I no longer felt some of the passion I’d gotten back in my life.
I missed him. I missed him more than I was willing to admit. I wanted to call him and talk to him. I wanted to tell him that I felt alone without him here. I couldn’t shake this feeling that we were supposed to be together, like when we had lunch with the kids. I’d never seen Sarah take to anyone the way she took to Brandon, and I could tell by the look he was giving me that Max didn’t take to people either. The way the kids played together a couple of nights ago warmed my heart in ways I couldn’t describe. Sarah had another friend in Max, something I never thought she would find aside from Logan. It was like our weird little circumstances simply meshed, and I couldn’t ignore that.
It’s like our families belonged together.
My phone ringing drew me out of my silent reverie. I sighed when I looked down, not recognizing the number on my screen. I picked up the phone and held it to my ear, but the moment I did, I regretted the decision I’d made.
Because a very perky voice was on the other end.
“Hello! Is this Miss Melissa Conway?”
“It is,” I said.
“Hello there, Miss Conway. I’m calling on behalf of Dr. Smith. I wanted to confirm your three o’clock appointment for today.”
“Ah,” I said.
“Will we be expecting your beautiful self today?”
Wow, this woman needed to back off the coffee.
“Um, no, actually. I’m not feeling well. Don’t want to chance anyone getting sick,” I said.
“Oh, no! I’m so sorry to hear that. Well, do you want to reschedule? Dr. Smith does weekend appointments.”
“No, no. That’s fine. I’ll just see him next week,” I said.
“All right. We look forward to seeing you, and we hope you feel better!”
The phone hung up, and I lobbed my head back into my chair. My thoughts drifted back to Brandon and how he might be doing. Had his plane landed? Was he all right? Did he even make it onto his plane? What type of hotel was he staying in? Did he have someone he was meeting over there? What was a book signing like?
I pulled up my text messages to see if he’d responded, but there was nothing to be found. I typed him out another one to let him know I was thinking of him, and then I sent it on its way. I knew I was supposed to be taking this time to myself to think, but the only thing I could think about was him.
He’d come into my life trying to help me, and now I didn’t want him to leave. It was like all of this happened for a reason. He had to have Max, and I had to have Sarah in order for us to change in the ways we needed to for us to work. Max toned down his bright nature, and Sarah opened my eyes to a world I hadn’t even known existed. The more I thought about that lunch, the more I couldn’t shake the idea that this was how it was supposed to be.
High school hadn’t been our time, but now was our time.
Except, he was gone for two weeks, and I had no idea how to convey to him that I felt the same way. I had no clue how to reach him to tell him all the thoughts milling around in my head.
I already missed him, and I wanted him back in my arms.
I worked through the rest of the day before I picked up Sarah. Every time my phone rang, I jumped for it and was always disappointed when I saw it wasn’t Brandon. I got the two of us home and cooked a quick dinner. Then Sarah fell asleep earlier than usual. Ava kept calling to see how I was, but I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, honestly. I just wanted to lay in bed until Brandon messaged. Until Brandon called. Until Brandon did something.
I sent him one more text message before I hopped in the shower. I wanted him to know I was thinking about him and that I hoped he was all right. I apologized again for what I put him through, and then I told him whenever he wanted to talk, I was ready. I hopped into the shower and cleaned myself off, thinking of Brandon and what it would feel like if he were in the shower with me. I closed my eyes and dreamed of his hands drifting over my wet skin, and for a moment, I simply basked in my memories.
His lips on my skin and his cock between my legs. I thought of his teeth sunk deep into my skin and his lips around my clit. I remembered my body giving way to his tongue and his hips snapping against mine.
I hoped to the skies above I would have more than just my memories by the time this book tour was over.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned off the water. I felt myself falling again. Like the ledge I had been clinging to had just crumbled from the side of the mountain. With every hit my body took tumbling, a new ache or pain arose. By the time I got dried off and laid myself in bed, my body was on fire.
I hadn’t felt this kind of bodily pain in days.
Suddenly, my phone rang. I sighed, closing my eyes as it rang out into the room. I debated not picking it up. I debated letting it go to voice message. Ava had been bothering me, sending me text messages and shit, and I wondered if that’s what I was doing to Brandon.
If I was bothering him like she was bothering me.
My hand flopped down onto my phone and I picked it up. I put the receiver to my ear and sighed heavily, wanting to let Ava know that I simply wasn’t in the mood to talk.
“Ava, I love you. I really do, but you gotta stop.”
“Hello, Melissa.”
My heart dropped when I heard his voice. Tears sprang to my eyes as I gripped the comforter, and I held my breath as I tried to hang on to the moment. Brandon had called. He was there. In my ear. At that very moment.
“I heard you canceled your appointment today because you were sick. Are you feeling all right?”
Oh. Shit. He wasn’t calling to talk. He was calling to check up on his patient.
I should’ve fucking known.
“I’ll be fine in a few days. No need to worry,” I said.
“Did you remember to take your vitamin D?” he asked.
“No,” I said.
“Did you at least do your morning yoga?” he asked.
“No.”
“What about indulging in your hobby?”
“You’re my hobby,” I said, whispering.
“What?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“You said something.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. You whispered something. What did you whisper?”
“I asked you how you were doing,” I said.
“I’m fine. Plane ride was boring, and now I’m in my hotel. What did you say, Melissa?”
“Nothing, Dr. Black.”
A tear rolled down my cheek as I sniffled away from the phone. Suddenly, I no longer wanted this phone call. I didn’t want him bombarding me with questions that made it seem like he gave a shit. He wasn’t calling as Brandon. He was calling as a doctor talking with his crazy-town patient, and all I wanted to do was fall asleep until this was all over.
“Melissa,” he said soothingly. “Talk to me.”
“Why are you calling?” I asked. “I sent you texts throughout the day and everything. Why are you calling when I canceled my appointment? To check up on me like a big, strong daddy would? Newsflash, I don’t have a father. He threw me out when I was eighteen.”
“Melissa, I want you to take a breath.”
“No, thanks.”
“Melissa, take the fucking breath.”
I drew in one through my nose as my eyes fluttered closed. I let it out from between my lips, and instantly, my heart rate began to settle. More tears flowed down the side of my face, soaking my hair and the pillow I was laying on. My body ached more than I could stand, and I reached for the pain medication I had left in my bedside table. Then, Brandon’s voice stopped me.
“Just take a second and clock yourself. I assume you’re aching today?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, whispering.
“This is what happens when you go a day without your regimen I prescribed to you. This is what happens when you miss a counseling session.”
“No,” I said. “This is what happens with I miss my regimen and then figure out I was a massive fucking idiot.”
“What?”
“I was an idiot. At dinner a couple of nights ago. I was an absolute idiot. I miss you. I hate that you’re not here. I hate that you left, and we were on these kinds of terms. I didn’t want to go see Dr. Smith because he’s not you. He can’t help me the way you can, and I’m not talking about in a romantic way. Even in a platonic way, you help. You don’t shove pills down my throat. You talk. You listen. You help. And our kids played so well, and lunch was wonderful, and I can’t shake this feeling that it was supposed to happen like this. Max settles you out, and Sarah educates me and that’s what we needed before—”
“Take a deep breath, Melissa. It’s happening again.”
I drew in another deep breath through my nose. I felt my heartbeat settling as I let it out through my lips, but by the time I was done, my tears were getting the best of me. My chest was hiccupping, and the tears were becoming bigger, and soon, I was turned over onto my side and crying into the phone.
“Talk to me,” he urged.
“I don’t know if I can say those words yet, Brandon,” I said. “The last man I ever said them to. He died a-and I don’t want you to die.”
“It’s okay. I hear you. I understand, Melissa.”
“But I feel it. In my gut. In my soul. In my house and shower and in the car. I can’t get you off my mind. I can’t not see myself with you. I can’t.”
“Deep breaths,” he said.
“It hurts to breathe,” I whispered.
“Sssh.”
His voice was so soothing in my ear. I closed my eyes and allowed my emotions to take over. My body shook, and I heaved for air. My face was wet with tears, and my throat began to burn. My body trembled and convulsed as sweat broke out on my brow.
And all the while, Brandon was right there in my ear.
“I’m right here, Melissa. You have nothing to be afraid of.”
“I can’t lose you again,” I said desperately.
“And you won’t. There is no one out there for me but you.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
“Never be sorry for how you feel. The words, they are just a verbal expression of something felt deep down. Nothing more,” he said.
“But they’re important to you.”
“And when you can say them, they’ll be important to you, too. Until then, I can help you navigate this newfound territory given your circumstances,” he said.
“Why am I so scared to say them?” I asked.
“It’s like you said, the last man you said them to passed away. You’ve linked that phrase and that feeling with the pain and grieving that comes with personal loss. You’ve convinced yourself that if you tell someone you love them, they’ll die.”
“That sounds so stupid,” I said, snickering.
“Not in the slightest. It’s very normal for those who are grieving to do just that. Know that I’m here to help you through this. But, you should see Dr. Smith, if only once. There needs to be continuity in your appointments.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” he said.
“Did you call here because you wanted to check on a patient? Or did you call because you wanted to talk with me personally?” I asked.
“Neither,” he said.
“What?”
“I called because I wanted to talk to the woman I love.”
In an instant, my body relaxed. The tears slowly stopped as a goofy smile crossed my face, and the conversation took a personal turn. We talked about work and how it was rough. We talked about the plane ride and how it was turbulent. We talked about how his book tour was going to go and how his arm would fall off giving autographs. Then he told me about a television interview he’d do while he was gone.
I told him Sarah and I would be watching from the moment he hit the stage.
We talked into the early hours of the morning before I fell asleep on the call. I woke up with the phone still pressed to my ear and the memories of our conversation on our mind. My brain felt a little lighter even though my neck was sore from crying, and I mindlessly reached for my pain pills before our conversation came flooding back to my mind.
I flipped the covers off me, padded downstairs in my robe, and took my vitamin D.