“I HOPE YOUR DOG IS okay.” Her parting words.
I can’t believe what just happened and I’m embarrassed by how I acted but I couldn’t help it. I also couldn’t stop it. It was like I was taken back to the day of the accident. Granted, I never saw Alyssa and Alex, which is still a mixed blessing of “thank God I didn’t see them because I would never unsee it” to “why couldn’t I have seen them one last time, just to say goodbye,” though that could have been far worse.
My eyes haven’t left the door. I can’t stop thinking about Dani Adams and how I treated her. She’s so beautiful, with thick, wavy dark brown hair that falls to the middle of her back and magical eyes. That’s the only way I can describe them. An ethereal mix of brown and green with flecks of gold mixed in. Long black lashes and high cheekbones that flushed red every time she became angry. She’s tall, probably about five foot eight, and curved in all the right places. She also seems kind and genuinely concerned about Po.
I close my eyes and can almost imagine what she must look like when she smiles because as beautiful as she is, she must be stunning with a smile. I find myself feeling sad because instead of making her smile, I made her frown.
The memory of Po’s accident keeps playing on a loop in my mind. I was heading back home after my run and he yanked the leash out of my hand when he bolted, chasing after something I couldn’t see.
SCREECH! BUMP! I can’t get that horrible sound out of my head.
When I ran to the noise and saw Po lying unconscious on the ground in front of an old SUV, I stopped breathing. His head was being cradled by a woman who was sobbing uncontrollably. She was torn apart actually. When she looked up at me, her eyes were haunted. It was like she was reliving something really horrific. I know that look. I live it every fucking minute of my life and I’m sure my face reflected that.
I couldn’t stop repeating the word “no.” because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I remember shouting that exact word, over and over again the day I found out that Alex and Alyssa had been killed and my addled mind takes me back to that horrible day.
“EAN! EAN, WAKE UP!”
I’m being shaken? Why? What’s happening?
“Ean, baby! Wake up!” I felt wetness on my face and heard my mom’s voice; she was sobbing.
Where am I? What’s going on? Why is my mom crying?
I slowly opened my heavy eyes and saw my mom hovering over me, tears surging out of her eyes, wetting both my face and shirt.
What’s wrong? Why is she crying so hard?
“Mom? What’s going on?” I looked around and then back at her.
I’m in my store but on the floor. How’d I get here?
“Oh, honey…” Her voice trailed off as she fell apart, her body collapsing on top of mine as she continued to cry, hard.
“He’s over there!” I heard my dad shouting, his voice frantic.
Dad? Something’s wrong. Really, really wrong.
“Ean!” he sobbed.
Another strangled cry. Riley? What’s my family doing here?
“What happened?” I asked, not recognizing my own voice.
I looked at my mom and sister for answers but they were both crying too hard to speak. “Dad?”
He crouched down onto the floor next to me and took my hand in a tight grip. His eyes were bloodshot, his face red. He looked…wrecked.
“Ean…”
He hesitated and looked down to the floor. When he looked back up at me, tears were also streaming, unbidden, down his distraught face. I could tell by his composure and the look in his eyes that something really horrendous happened and my world ended when I learned I was right.
“There’s been an accident. Alyssa and Alex are…dead.”
I shot up off the floor, furious he would ever say such a hideous thing. “BULLSHIT!” I shouted. “HOW DARE YOU EVER SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!”
I lunged at my father and was just about to hit him when I was knocked over by my sister. I jumped back on my feet again and looked at them. They were all frozen. Rooted to the floor, paralyzed. Consumed by grief and inconsolable.
“No, no, no, no, no, no!” I screamed, repeating the words over and over again.
They’re wrong! They have to be wrong!
I looked at them again and in that moment, I knew what they were saying was true. NOOOOO!
I turned and ran out the door. I had to get home.
They have to be there!
I kept running; knocking over anyone and everyone in my path. I dodged cars, sprinting the miles back to my house and barged through the door yelling their names.
“ALEX! ALYSSA!”
I ripped open my bedroom door. “ALYSSA!” I tore open Alex’s bedroom door. “ALEX!”
I ran around all over my small cottage crying their names. I yanked open the door to the backyard shouting for them. Empty. I opened the door leading to the garage. No car. I turned and raced back through the house to the front door. The Walk Street, Alex loves the Walk Streets! They have to be there. I grabbed the doorknob and bolted out of the house, slamming it in my wake. “ALYSSA! ALEX!” I ran from street to street knocking on the doors of everyone who knew them. I was frantic and desperate.
Everyone was out of their homes now watching me. I didn’t care. I needed to find them. I turned back in the other direction in a frantic attempt to find them but was stopped, tackled, knocked to the ground and held there. I looked up, my vision blurred by my tears and saw Justin and Chance holding me down.
“GET OFF OF ME!” I wailed. “LET ME GO!”
“NO!” Justin shouted, grabbing one arm and lifting me off the ground while Chance grabbed my other arm. “We’re taking you home!”
I tried to yank free but they held me tighter, not letting me go. I didn’t care if I had to lay my two best friends on the ground. “I NEED TO FIND ALYSSA AND ALEX!” I screamed, trying again to break free but couldn’t. “LET ME GO!” I wailed. “Please…” Justin hauled me into his arms and held me tightly. “Please,” I begged, my voice scratchy, broken with despair. Justin didn’t release me. He just held me tighter in his embrace. “Justin, please,” I begged again, my cries muffled by his shirt. “Please let me get to them. They need me. I need to find them.”
“Let’s get you home, buddy,” he said quietly, putting his arm around my waist as he led me back to my house. Chance came to my other side, also wrapping his arm around my waist and repeated Justin’s words. “Let’s just get you home.” Together, Justin and Chance held me upright and walked me home.
When I got to the house my body collapsed, I broke down, completely losing it.
They can’t be dead.
I had no idea how I got inside but I found myself sitting on the sofa in my living room. My mom was holding me and my doctor was sitting next to her.
“Dr. Kissel?”
What’s he doing here?
“Ean,” he said in a calm voice. “I just gave you a sedative to help you relax.”
What?
I looked around the room and saw the broken and tear-stained faces of my mom, dad, sister, and two best friends. “I don’t want to rest,” I told my doctor, my voice slurring. Weary from crying, weak from grief. “I need to find them.”
My doctor looked at me and then at my mom but said nothing.
“Alyssa, Alex…” I whispered.
My mom wrapped her arms around me and started crying again. And as I started to fade, I heard, “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so very, very sorry.”
That was the moment I stopped living and today it all came rushing back to me…again. I close my eyes, still seeing Po in Dani’s arms.
He has to be okay.