Barrett

 

I knock on my guidance counselor’s door and wait for my interpreter Jermain’s nod to enter. I open the door and allow my interpreter to go first, and follow behind him.

“Good morning, Barrett, and how are you doing today?”

“Fine, thank you. How you?” I sign as Jermain voices for me.

“I’m great, thank you for asking. I’m going to hate to see you leave, you are always so polite.” I just smile back, feeling uncomfortable. I knew this meeting was going to happen sooner or later, I was just hoping for later.

“The reason I called you in, as you probably guessed, is it’s about that time when you really need to decide where you want to go to college. I know Gallaudet accepted you,” she adds with a wide smile, and I shoot a sharp look at Jermain, but he shakes his head no. Picking up on this, Mrs. K smiles.

“No, your interpreter didn’t rat you out. I called the school personally, Barrett. My goal is to make sure each of my students are put on the best path for success. For you, I think that path leads directly to Gallaudet.”

“Insist you apply me. Finish. But told you can’t Gallaudet me.”

“I applied because you insisted, but I told you I couldn’t go to Gallaudet,” Jermain voices for me.

“I know you think it’s too far to go, but—” I don’t let her finish when I hold up a hand and start furiously signing to Jermain, and then wait while he voices for me.

“We’ve been over this. I’m not going across country when my brother needs me here. Leaving him is not an option. As good as a school as Gallaudet is, it isn’t happening. I told you this when I applied. You said you just wanted me to get application experience. I’m going to San Joaquin Delta.” I look her directly in the eyes, daring her to challenge me. I’m firm on this.

“You would be giving up your future for him.”

“Mine for his. Willing me.”

“Barrett, I think it’s very commendable that you are willing, but it’s not what’s best for you. Gallaudet is affordable with scholarships, and is the best place for you to succeed. With your struggle with English, you are hardly passing now. You barely squeak by in everything but math and your electives. At Gallaudet, it will all be in ASL and they can help you greatly with your English. You won’t have that anywhere else.”

“Understand.”

“You have so much potential, Barrett. I want more from you than to be a mechanic for the rest of your life.” I bristle and I know she can tell she’s stepped over the line.

“Being a mechanic has kept food on my table and a roof over our heads. It is an honorable profession. I’m a hard worker and I don’t need a fancy degree to provide for my family,” Jermain voices for me.

“Yes, you are a very hard worker, but Barrett, that isn’t your job.” The look on her face tells me she pities me, and that’s the last thing I want from anyone, so I shrug.

“Finished?” I ask, getting ready to stand.

“I’d really like you to think it over very hard. Your brother only has a few more years, surely he can make it on his own. This is the rest of your life we are talking about.” I scoff at her words because she has no clue what could happen in just a few years.

“Have good day.” I don’t wait for her to respond as I stand and leave her office. Jermain follows and raises an eyebrow at me as we leave.

“Delta?”

“No college me, upset her.”

“Yeah, but lie? Not you.”

“Might go me. Thinking still.”

“Right her about English you. Good for you Gallaudet. People same you. Struggle same. Understand.” He signs with compassion and I know he means well.

“Deaf not you. Understand me not.”

“CODA me, understand. Need you people who live your life. Walk shoes same.” CODA stands for Child Of Deaf Adult. Since both of his parents are deaf, he was pretty much raised deaf himself. ASL was his first language, and he was raised in the deaf community, so he gets it. He’s right, not everyone does, and being surrounded by people who do would be a huge relief, but I can’t do it.

“Leave Codi won’t. Won’t!”

“Good man you. Lunch me. See you one hour.”

“Later J.”

I see my brother standing nearby watching us and I curse how visual my language is for a moment. It makes secret keeping somewhat impossible if there’s anyone who knows ASL within sight.

“What’s up?” I sign as casually as I can.

“See you talk about Gallaudet?” So, he saw that much, but if he would have caught it all, he’d be upset.

“Yeah.” I shrug. “See Mrs. K finish. Gallaudet accept me not.”

The look of absolute disbelief crosses Codi’s face and I almost laugh, but I’m too choked up by his faith in me. My brother has always been my number one fan and has always had faith in me even when there isn’t much to have faith in all the time. There’s absolutely no way I could leave him to fend for himself, and his reaction just cements that fact for me.

“Wrong them. Check again.” I laugh and nudge his shoulder.

“Right them. Want not anyway. More time race me.” Just mentioning racing lights up Codi’s face.

“Friday. Big race. Ready you?” There’s that knot again. I’m not proud of it, but sometimes I street race when we need the money. I usually get away with doing it every few months, but I want to buy Codi a car for his sixteenth birthday and rent and food takes every dime I make at the shop. I told Codi the money from racing is for college. A few more street races and I can buy him the good dependable car he’s going to need once I’m not going to the same school to provide rides every day. He isn’t into racing like I am; he prefers sports, so he doesn’t need anything fancy, just something reliable.

“Always ready me.” I just pray to God I am. Street racing can be dangerous. The rules aren’t always followed, and even if they are, I’m risking a lot if I get caught. Some risks just have to be worth it, and I’d do anything to keep that smile on this kid’s face.