Chapter 24

Kurt had an itch to keep heading west on Interstate 70 and not stop till he reached the Oregon coast. Ever since he’d opened that damn box, the desire had swelled into a primal need. It was ridiculous to think a sandy beach and some rocks would somehow quiet his racing mind. But there was Nana in his dreams every night, a purple-and-gold shawl draped over her thin shoulders, strolling on some beach he’d never been to, beckoning him to join her. He suspected the old rosary he’d kept in his pants pocket for several days was the culprit, bringing her more acutely to mind.

It was ridiculous to think of going. Of driving all the way there. Or to believe that his rebuilt ’69 Mustang could handle the two-thousand-mile trip. Just as importantly, there was a house full of dogs needing his attention. Besides, going there wouldn’t solve anything. Nana was gone. And the money he’d come into unexpectedly shouldn’t unnerve him. Nana wanted him to have it. If he wasn’t afraid, he’d know exactly what to do with it. And if it wasn’t for the last bit of news his mother had delivered, he’d probably now have a tune on his lips.

Kurt had been resigned to believing that half of who he was would forever be a mystery. He was a Crawford, a blend of nothing more than the three impossibly different people who’d raised him.

But they didn’t have to account for his only known universe. Not any longer.

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end thinking about it. Of sitting down to coffee with some stranger and searching that stranger’s features for physical similarities before delving deeper in search of more intrinsic ones. But the man whose name was inside that envelope probably couldn’t give Kurt any of the answers he was looking for. Like why he felt more at home around dogs than he did people. Or why he’d never been able to sit still to save himself. And why, no matter how used to a place he got, he’d always felt like an interloper, at least before he came to Sabrina’s.

He was on the verge of doing it, of heading west to see if it helped ease his racing thoughts. The suit he was wearing gleamed starkly in his peripheral vision, reminding him of his commitment tonight to the one person he was starting to care about above all others. She’d forgive him, but he’d have to find the words to explain, and he’d been a total failure at that of late.

His phone rang a mile before his turnoff for the two-lane highway that would take him to the winery where Kelsey was waiting.

He pulled it out and looked at the number. His mother.

He hadn’t called her in a couple of days, and he’d ignored several calls from her. He canceled this one and dropped the phone onto the passenger seat. It rang again immediately. Gritting his teeth, he answered on the second ring. “Hey, I’m busy. Can it wait?”

“It could if you were answering my calls. But you’re not, so not really.”

“I answered now, didn’t I?”

“Yes, and I don’t want to waste my good luck. Guess what? I went on a date, Kurtis. Wait… Sorry… I’m trying, I really am. I called to ask how you’re doing. I’ve been worried about you, and the Colonel’s as tight-lipped as ever. The date thing just popped into my mind when I heard your voice because I think it’s something you’ll want to hear.”

“Well, congratulations on the date, I guess.”

“Are we talking about you first, or no?”

“There’s nothing to talk about, so no.” He’d taken the exit for Augusta and was headed southwest and away from Interstate 70 before he even realized it. Thank you, Sara, for helping with my quandary.

“Fine, I’ll start then. Guess who I went on a date with?”

“All right. Bruce Wayne.”

Sara refused to be baited. “He’s a nurse. And about as nonmilitary as you can get. I met him at the hospital. He took my vitals when I was all padded up in bandages and didn’t have makeup on and my hair was a mess and everything. Honestly, he’s cute, but not in the way I usually seek out. And he’s so damn sweet, sweet like you and Dad.”

Kurt lost track of the conversation a second or two as he tried to picture William as sweet. It was like trying to picture Mickey Mouse in full military attire.

“And it was a day date. We met for coffee and he didn’t even try to kiss me, but he did ask me on a second date.”

“Yeah, where to?”

“The art museum of all places. Kurt, I think he’s a keeper. We were talking and he put his hand over mine and the world kind of fell away. Do you even know what I mean?”

Kurt swallowed hard. His thoughts went to Kelsey standing in the kitchen canning those pears, the sunlight glowing in her hair. Yes, he did.

“That’s nice, Sara. Really nice.”

“I didn’t tell him about the money, in case you’re wondering. I won’t. Not for a while. I want to be sure, you know?”

“That makes sense.”

“So, what about you? For real.”

His throat locked up like a hand had closed around it.

Even over the purr of his engine, her sigh was audible. “I shouldn’t have told you, should I? I-I thought…”

“Mom, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just a lot to take in.”

“I’ll take that compliment, if you’ll let me earn it.”

“Earn what?”

“I can’t remember you ever calling me Mom. At least not when you weren’t being a bit facetious. And I know it’s because I didn’t deserve it, but it was easier to step aside when the most remarkable woman on earth was raising you.”

Kurt released a long, slow breath. “Look, I don’t know if William told you, but tonight’s that reception Kelsey invited me to. I’m headed there now. I’ll call you tomorrow. We’ll talk. I promise.”

“William did say he caught sight of you in a suit and that you cleaned up nice. I want pictures, and if I have to call Kelsey to get them, I will. And Kurt? She seems sweet enough, but as your mother, I have to say it.”

“Say what?”

“That I hope she knows what a great guy she’s getting. I hope she appreciates all the many things you are.”

A dozen different images of Kelsey—grinning at him, laughing with him, running her fingers through his hair, pointing at him, letting him know he could do better, be better—flashed across his mind. “The thing is, Mom, she does. She absolutely does.”

“Then I’ll cross my fingers it’s like a fairy tale for you from here on out. Lord knows, you’ve had enough of everything else.”

Kurt said goodbye and dropped the phone back onto the passenger seat, wondering how the tide had turned so much that he was agreeing with his mother more and more.

* * *

Kelsey felt a buzz kicking in. A part of her wanted to feed it, to get lost in cuddly oblivion, but she suspected that if she did, all the many words she was holding back would stumble out in a torrent the first moment she had Kurt alone. There was so much she wanted to say—to ask, to clarify—that she knew if a single important thing came out, she’d never hold any of them back.

And tonight wasn’t for clarification. It was for fun. The type of fun that didn’t involve dogs or responsibility or clarifying relationship status. It did, however, appear to involve her parents. Kelsey wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, hoping for a romantic getaway night with Kurt that her parents were invited to. She couldn’t figure out who was being clingier, her mom or her dad.

Kurt was taking it all in stride, answering her dad’s questions about his military service and his upbringing on an army post, and both their parents’ questions about his work with the dogs.

Kelsey was thankful when Patrick joined their small group twenty minutes into the conversation. Her parents loved Patrick. Last year, when his parents had gone on a cruise, he’d even accepted her parents’ Thanksgiving invitation. However, after catching up with him, Kurt became the focus of their attention once more. Kelsey accepted it as payback for all the times over the last month when she’d been too busy to join them for anything more than a quick dinner. And having been so evasive about Kurt had made them more curious than ever. Add this to the fact she’d hardly had anything beyond a sporadic first date for the better part of a decade, and this was what she got. At least her brothers weren’t here. They’d probably want to challenge him to an American Ninja Warrior competition on the frames of the grape trellises out back.

When it was clear she wouldn’t be overheard, her mom leaned close and whispered in Kelsey’s ear. “He seems like a sweet one, Kels.”

Kelsey smiled and sipped her appletini, savoring the blend of sugary sweet mixed with tart apple.

Her mom reached up to fidget with the back of Kelsey’s dress. “And since you say I never like your clothes, I’ll admit I don’t think I could have found a nicer dress for you myself.”

“Thanks.” Kelsey couldn’t remember her mom complimenting her attire in forever. Certainly not since before she’d gone off to college.

“And I saw the way he looked at you when he came in. It’s safe to say he approves as well. Those eyes. Oh my is all I can say.”

“Mom, shh. Please.” Thankfully, Patrick jumped in with a list of questions about the menu, while Kelsey’s dad switched out his empty glass of wine for a full one.

Kelsey glanced Kurt’s way, and her neck grew warm. He looked so perfect in jeans and a T-shirt that she was surprised how natural he looked in a tailored suit. He reminded her of a suave movie star on a red-carpet night. Calm, confident, and just reserved enough to look like a pro. The dark-gray suit fit perfectly, only bunching a bit at the biceps as he held his drink. The thought of how all those extra clothes would make undressing even more fun tonight made her palms sweat.

Even though he looked content with a bottle of Guinness, she lifted the slice of Granny Smith apple off the edge of her glass and, after a nibble, offered him a bite. A hint of a smile tugged up one corner of his mouth. He gave a light shake of his head, though his gaze lingered on her mouth, not for the first time. “Later. But thanks.”

Later. Her heart fluttered. Yes, please.

A new server passed by their small group, carrying a tray of crispy puff pastries filled with something that looked mouthwatering. “Artichokes and Alouette?” the woman asked.

Patrick shook his head, declaring that Alouette was too soft a cheese for his liking. Aside from Kelsey’s dad, everyone else took one. Unlike her mom, whose biggest form of exercise was passing from store to store at the mall, her dad had recently gotten into biathlons—biking and swimming—after determining that running was too hard on his fifty-five-year-old joints. He was sticking to the passed trays that were primarily protein.

Kelsey’s mouth watered at the savory blend of cheese, pastry, and delicate artichoke. “I could eat an entire plate of these.”

Patrick wrinkled his face in displeasure. He was the pickiest eater Kelsey knew. Megan had once chided him for having the palate of a six-year-old, and he didn’t argue. Tonight, he looked cute but a bit uncomfortable in a dark suit that was just loose enough to make Kelsey suspect it belonged to his father. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Patrick out of his traditional pair of cargo pants and a single-pocket polo.

“Oh, hey, did Tina call back today?” Kelsey had called once more last night but with no luck.

His face darkened. “Yes.”

Kelsey’s heart sank. It didn’t appear to be good news. “What did she say?”

“She didn’t say very much.”

Kelsey perked her eyebrows, waiting for more.

“She cried a lot. I think it upset her to know he’d been in a fighting ring. She’s calling back tomorrow.”

“That’s a good sign, right? A great sign.”

“I don’t know what to think of it. She cried, but she gave him up a year ago last summer. The man who took him promised to stay in contact but didn’t.” Patrick frowned and sipped his root beer, clearly working through something. “If she didn’t want him then, it doesn’t seem probable she’s going to want him now.”

“You never know, Patrick. Let’s wait and see.”

Kurt nodded in agreement. “He won’t be allowed to leave for a good while anyway. She’s got time to get used to the idea of what it would take to fit him back into her life.”

“I just thought seeing her might help him.”

If the woman didn’t intend to take him home, Kelsey hoped she’d stay away. Once Devil had time to adjust to living in a place that wasn’t Tina’s and wasn’t a horrific experience, he might settle down on his own.

At the drop in the conversation, her dad eyed the tray of a server who was passing by with a second round of chicken satay with peanut dipping sauce. This time, her dad and Patrick were the first to accept because the chicken skewers neither lacked protein nor were on Patrick’s list of unusual foods that should not be eaten.

The room was getting more and more crowded, and guests were starting to take their seats. Kurt motioned around the reception hall. “This is definitely the nicest room I’ve ever been in.”

“Me too. Most of the decorating decisions were Megan’s. I’m proud of her.” The arched ceilings were hung with ribbons of delicate, soft-white lights, and a floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace flanked the far wall. Dressed in fresh, white linen, the tables each held beautiful displays of flowers and candles, and the chairs were covered to match. The flower arrangements were dove gray, silver, and blush, and the votive holders were a mercury glass that created a stunning, muted glow across the tables.

Kelsey was debating about finishing her appletini and wondering how her buzz could be setting in so heavily when she remembered that aside from a few bites of appetizers, she’d not eaten since breakfast. She knew it was a good thing when the rest of the crowd began meandering to their seats. Unless she wanted to slip from an easy buzz into a wild one, she needed food.

And better yet, Kelsey, Kurt, Patrick, and her parents had been placed at a table with two longtime shelter volunteers, Jan and Linda, and their teenage daughter. Jan and Linda had recently returned from a month-long excursion in Zambia, where they’d participated in a walking safari. Kelsey was hopeful their fabulous storytelling skills would take some of her parents’ attention off Kurt so he could relax and enjoy the night.

Soon everyone at their table was seated and introductions had been made. When her parents weren’t so overly interested in finding out more about a secretive possible boyfriend, they were great in a social setting. Her mom always knew how to keep the conversation flowing, something Kelsey was able to emulate when needed.

Feeling a wave of sympathy for how well Kurt had endured the attention so far, she placed a hand on his thigh beneath the layers of linen. He covered her hand with his, stroking it with his thumb. She’d experienced his touch enough to have committed the feel of his hand to memory. And not just the feel of it either. Even underneath the table she could envision the faded check-mark scar over the two center knuckles of his left hand, the swell of the muscle between his thumb and forefinger, and the smooth skin of his palm with a few calluses interspersed.

She’d never stop enjoying the feel of them against her skin. She leaned close and dropped her voice to a whisper. “Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for inviting me.”

“I was kind of worried you might change your mind and not come.”

He dropped his gaze a little too quickly, reminding her of how quiet he’d been lately. She bit down on her lip to keep from spouting a dozen questions.

“How was everything when you left?” she asked when she was sufficiently composed. “Did both Rob and Tess come to the house?”

“It was quiet, and yeah, both of them. Rob’s going to head back to the warehouse when they’re finished for the night. Tess is sleeping over.”

“Good,” Kelsey said, even though she was suddenly a little jealous that another girl Kurt knew would end up sleeping over at Sabrina’s house before she did. It took reminding herself why this was the case to be able to let the jealousy go.

Kurt shifted in his chair and leaned in close enough to whisper in her ear. “When I came in, if you hadn’t been standing beside your parents, I’d have spent a bit more time telling you how amazing you look.” He started to sit fully upright again, then changed his mind. “Not that you don’t look perfect every day, cuz you do.”

Kelsey’s neck warmed ten degrees. His breath smelled like the rich stout he’d been drinking, and she wanted desperately to brush her lips over his. “Are you… Do you think you’ll be able to stay? All night?” In her peripheral vision, she saw her mom begin to fidget with her napkin, and Kelsey wondered if, considering her buzz, she was really being as quiet as she thought. Kurt’s answering soft chuckle suggested she wasn’t. She hurriedly spat out a bit of clarification. “Or will you still have to go back early to check on the dogs?”

The romantic room waiting for them back at the inn was something her parents never needed to know about. Neither was Kurt’s fear of how he could accidentally hurt her if he allowed himself to fall asleep beside her.

“I’m committed to staying for the entire thing.” He entwined his fingers with hers, and Kelsey was fairly certain the only way she could feel any better would be if every animal at the shelter had just been adopted.

Dinner was enjoyed with highlights of Jan and Linda’s safari. Their pictures and stories were captivating, and Kelsey became determined to include a few in the next edition of the shelter’s newsletter. Volunteer spotlights were usually related to their service at the shelter, but that wasn’t a steadfast rule.

Determined to make it through the night without slurring, Kelsey switched to a semisweet Vignoles when the server came by, while Kurt stuck with Guinness. The dinner choices were grilled filet of beef tenderloin or chicken stuffed with Boursin and wild rice with bordelaise sauce. Kurt chose the tenderloin and Kelsey opted for the chicken, which ended up being the single best piece of chicken she’d ever had.

After dinner was over, the dancing began. Megan and Craig kicked off the traditional first dance. The talented band, a trio, played a rendition of “Lucky” by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Kelsey didn’t think there could be a more perfect song for them to dance to. They fit together better than a ceramic cake-topper couple. Their happiness seemed to wash over the room, and the dance ended in a hearty round of applause.

When the band began the next song and the lead singer, a woman, invited guests onto the floor, Kurt let out a soft humph. It took Kelsey a few beats before she recognized the song as Rascal Flatts’s “Bless the Broken Road.”

Kurt leaned toward her. “I’m not one for dancing, but I can’t not dance this one with you, Kels. That is, if you’d like to.”

He extended his hand, palm up and open, toward her. He could do anything with those hands, and all his attention was on her. It was enough to make her breathless. It took her a second, but she managed to collect herself. “I wouldn’t say no for anything in the world.”

He led her to the dance floor and pulled her close. She suspected her parents would be watching but didn’t care. As his arms locked around her, somehow, even though the rest of the world was falling away, she made eye contact with Megan. Her friend wiggled her eyebrows at her from over Craig’s shoulder. Kelsey smiled before burrowing her head against Kurt’s smooth neck and breathing in his scent. He didn’t smell like working Kurt tonight, his now-familiar blend of clean skin brushed with a touch of sweat and his delectable deodorant. Tonight, he was wearing a sultry cologne, underneath which she was still able to catch the familiar scent of his skin.

As the talented singer sang out the first lyrics, it occurred to Kelsey that they’d been so busy this last month that she hadn’t really learned about Kurt’s taste in music. Was it a general liking of country music that made him want to dance to this song, or something else?

She wrapped her arms tighter around him and savored the feel of him pressing against her. As she appreciated the singer’s magnificent voice, the lyrics hit home. She’d heard the song dozens of times but had never imagined she could one day be what someone’s broken road led to. The thought that she might be this for Kurt caused the hair on her neck and arms to stand on end.

She pressed her lips on the skin beneath his ear and above his jaw. “I love you.” It came out so quickly she couldn’t pull it back. Her words surprised her enough to lose a split second of the rhythm and have to find it again.

He stiffened enough for her to be certain it wasn’t her imagination.

Please don’t let this ruin things. Please, please, please. Her confidence was melting like Jell-O at a warm picnic.

He pressed his lips to her temple and left them there as they circled across the floor. The hand that was against the small of her back drew her closer. “I know,” he said an eternity later, his voice low and husky. “Forgive me for not saying it back. It doesn’t mean that I don’t.”

An uncomfortable heat blossomed in Kelsey’s chest, neck, and face. What did that mean? What on earth did that mean?

Kurt stopped dancing entirely. “The moon’s out and almost full. Want to step out on that amazing veranda for a few minutes?”

Not if it means you’re going to break my heart. A numbness was washing over her. It was as if her head didn’t belong to her body when she nodded.

Clasping her hand in his, Kurt led her across the dance floor, wove through the tables to the back of the room, and headed out the closest of the glass doors that led to the veranda. Like the room inside, the pergola roof of the veranda was woven with soft-white lights, and so were the trunks of several trees.

It was dark otherwise, and in the silvery moonlight, the rolling hills of the winery seemed to stretch on forever above the farmland below.

“It’s beautiful here.” She said it mostly to prove she was strong enough to find her voice. Her hands were shaky. She crossed to the edge of the veranda and placed them flat atop the wooden railing that separated the veranda from the stone patio that stretched out across the yard to the edge of the bluffs.

Kurt followed, stopping beside her and looking out into the night. “I’ve never been good with words. I know that. And lately they’ve been more locked up than ever.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m a bit buzzed, and it kind of slipped out. I don’t even know if—”

Kurt held up a hand to stop her. “No, don’t. Don’t make it less than it was. Kelsey, I can’t even begin to explain what’s inside me. There’s so much I haven’t told you. So much you don’t know.”

His words gave her courage. “I don’t have to know everything. And the important stuff—the part that makes you you—that’s the stuff that’s learned from actions, not words. I know you, Kurt, even if I don’t know everything.”

His answering sigh was like steam escaping from a kettle. His arms locked around her as he drew her tightly against him. She could feel his trembling torso against her stomach. His face was half-buried in her hair, and his words were muffled. “Kels, I came for you. To Sabrina’s. I came for you.”

Their lips met, and the kiss was both tender and intense. Tears of relief slid down her face. Not making a mess of the makeup she’d taken a half hour perfecting slid to the bottom of her priority list. Through the glass doors, there was a second round of applause after a muffled announcement was made.

Then, where Kurt’s thigh pressed into her, she felt his phone begin to vibrate. When he didn’t pull away, she followed his lead and allowed the kiss to linger. His lips left hers to press against her temple, then her ear, and down her neck. They were on their way back upward when his phone began to vibrate for a second round.

Kelsey pulled away enough to let her head clear. They had time for this later. An entire night with no interruptions. She didn’t want to miss much of Megan’s big moment.

“Do you want to see who it is? And I’m thinking we should head back inside. At least until the big stuff is finished.”

“Yeah, sure.” He pulled out his phone and shook his head. “It’s a number I don’t know.” He pressed End and dropped his phone back into his pocket.

He’d locked his hand around hers, and they were crossing the veranda when he stopped and frowned. “Someone’s persistent. I should take this.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll meet you inside.” A glance through the glass doors and across the crowded room was all it took to spot her mother craning her neck in their direction before hurriedly looking away. Kelsey clicked her tongue as she turned back to Kurt. “Something tells me we weren’t as invisible out there as I thought we were. If you get lost in the crowd, just look for the middle-aged parents with a zillion questions.”