If a woman can ruin you, what does that say about you as a person? Tori came close to killing any self-respect I possessed. I wanted her so badly, I considered sharing her with another man. Not that I knew about the other man until I was already in dick deep. I was a man drowning in desire and desperation. Ready to believe everything she told me.

So, I’m irritated when Josie drops in for the sole purpose of bringing up the subject of Tori. I’ve told her that it’s taboo. I’ve buried that past and don’t speak her name. Now, Josie wants to bring her up like resurrecting some horrible voodoo talisman that keeps popping back up.

Josie sits at my bar, peeling the label from a beer bottle and leaving curls of paper in a mess. “Tori did something to Harper.”

I rub two fingers over the knot forming at the base of my neck. “What did she do?”

I prepare myself for whatever trash talk Tori has thrown Harper’s way. Tori and Josie have gotten into several yelling matches outside of Dastardly’s. I’m lucky Josie hasn’t decked her yet.

“She got Harper fired.”

The words echo in my brain because I need time to process. I stare at Josie. She’d never make this up. I know it’s the truth, but I cannot comprehend how this has happened. “Details, Josie. Details.”

Josie repeats her conversation with Harper. Each word drops a stone into my stomach, sitting heavy and insoluble. I’m going to need a vat of Tums to combat the indigestion. I massage my forehead, wishing I could erase this awful feeling that I’ve let Harper down. “Why am I finding this out now? Why didn’t Harper tell me?”

She glances at me with her patented you’re-a-dumbass look. “Have you set foot across the hall since the accident?”

I hate that Josie’s even mentioned the wreck. Every time I picture that semi hitting Harper in her truck, I want to vomit.

“No,” I say. “We both need some space.”

“You mean you did.”

“Josie…”

“Don’t Josie me.” She lowers her voice and shakes her head. “Can you not be such a guy for a minute?”

“I am a guy.”

“Whatever. Are you trying to lose her? Because you’re doing a fine job. She’s lost her husband in the past year. Lost her job. Maybe you decided that you guys couldn’t get along or whatever, but at least you could act like a man and not hide over here.”

“These doors open both ways. If she wanted to be friends, she’d come over. I told her I wanted us to be friends. She hasn’t been knocking.”

“What a cop out.” Josie gets off the barstool and throws her bottle in the trash. I figure she’s about to leave since I’m not agreeing with everything she says.

She turns to me and grabs her phone. “If you really want to be her friend, you’ll help me with something.”

I hesitate. “Maybe.”

“It’s Harper’s birthday on Friday. She won’t leave her apartment and I want to get her to Dastardly’s. Food and cake. That sort of thing.”

“What do you want me to do? Take her there?”

“No. I’ll bring her. She won’t come with you.” Josie’s tone is light and she’s not trying to be shitty.

Still, I’m hurt that my sister is right. I don’t know that Harper would go anywhere with me. The trip home from the hospital had been painfully cold and impersonal. “OK, give me an assignment.”

“I’ll email you. There’s a list of stuff I need done. I can’t leave the store to run all my errands and you have time.”

“What? You have as much time as I do. I’m not your honey-do. You need to find one of those.”

“You don’t want to make Harper’s birthday nice?”

“Hold on. I said I would. Text or email the list to me.”

“Dane said we can have the back room at Dastardly’s. You’ll be able to store decorations in the closet there. OK?” She sticks her bottom lip out at my expression. “Pleeeeasse.”

“Why couldn’t I have a brother? Remind me why I let you come in and boss me around?”

“’Cause you love me.” Josie smirks and heads for the door.

“Yeah. Guess so.”

She ignores my grumbling and pauses with her hand on the knob. “I think you should tell Tori I’m going to find myself a nice Mafia boyfriend to take her out if she even thinks about pulling any shit again. Capiche?”

“I’ll tell her today.”

“You do that. I’ll send her a copy of The Godfather if that’ll make it clear.”

“Out. Go.”

Josie beams at me over her shoulder as she leaves.

I grab my phone and open the messaging app. My phone is filled with missed calls, voicemails, and unanswered texts from Tori. I’d come close to blocking her number.

* * *

Tori pulls her car in beside mine in the lot. I’ve had time to let my anger simmer to a low boil. She waits for me to get out before she exits.

“What a nice surprise.” Tori leans in and hugs me.

I don’t have time to react before the contact is over. Once, I’d have given both nuts and a pinkie finger for this woman. The hug is meaningless now. No thrill, no need, nothing.

“Let’s walk.” I don’t trust my anger unless I can rid myself of the pent-up frustration about what she’s done. I probably won’t resort to yelling if we are around other people.

She looks down at her high heels. Tori always dresses, even for work at the salon, as if she’s going clubbing. When we dated, it was a fact that amused me and made me hard for her at the same time. But I see now that she works hard to advertise herself.

I’m tempted to choose a walking trail as punishment.

“I guess I can. If I trip, you’ll have to catch me,” she says.

I respond by pointing to some kids’ playground equipment. “OK, then. We’ll sit.”

Tori’s frowning. I’m not exactly falling into her plan for a nice, afternoon rendezvous. I sit on a bench and she takes the spot next to me.

“You and I need to talk about some things that have happened.”

“I agree. I want you to know I’ve made a decision.” Tori smiles at me. It’s a little scary because she looks away and seems shy. It’s not her usual confident fall-under-my-spell smile she usually flashes.

“What about?”

“Us.” Her gaze flicks to mine. “I’m leaving him.”

She says ‘him’ as if he doesn’t have a name. Or maybe she is foolish enough to think I’ve forgotten about her husband.

“Tori—”

She grabs my hand with both hers. “I know you didn’t get the open marriage agreement. It worked for me and James until I met you. That’s why I couldn’t tell you in the first place. I knew you wanted all of me. But I’m leaving James. We can get married. Or live together for a while if that’s what you—”

I pull back in surprise. Her long nails press into my skin. She reminds me of some eagle trying to hold onto its prey. I snatch my hand away. “It’s not going to happen. Ever. If you need to leave him, then do. But don’t do it for me because I keep telling you we’re over.”

“I know I hurt you. I know and I promise I’ll never do it again. But you can’t give up on us. I know you loved me.”

I shake my head. “It’s all in the past. I don’t know how many ways I can tell you. You have to put the notion out of your head that we’ll get back together. We can’t go back. You told too many lies. And that hurt, Tori. It did. But I don’t want us anymore.”

“I know you don’t believe me this time. But I swear I can prove myself to you.”

“Tori. Stop it. I’m not in love with you.” I hold my knuckles against my forehead to stop myself from slamming them into the park bench. Anything to make her shut up. “I didn’t come here for this. I came to tell you to leave Harper alone.”

“What?”

“Don’t talk to her. Don’t ask about her. Don’t breathe the same air she does.”

“Or what? You’ll do what? I know you turned to that little whore because you were lonely. But you can’t just replace me. We have something together.”

I stand and point at Tori. “Be careful. You don’t have the right to breathe her name. Don’t make me do something drastic.”

“What does that mean? Drastic?” Tori grabs her keys and gets to her feet. “You can’t threaten me.”

A man jogs by and slows down as if he needs to protect Tori. He stops in front of us and I glare at him.

“Is there a problem here?” he asks, putting his hands on his sides and catching his breath.

Tori gives him her sweetest smile. “No. Just a lovers’ quarrel.” Then she turns and walks away.

After returning to my apartment, I consider drinking my way through the afternoon. It’s not really my style, but I’m so pissed that working isn’t in the cards for me. I spend an hour tossing a handball against the wall of my bedroom.

My hand is sore and I don’t feel any better for engaging in the mindless activity. That’s when I remember I’m supposed to be doing some errands for Josie. I check my email to find a very short list: 1. Order a birthday cake, 2. Pick up a birthday card, 3. Buy an eReader. Hell. Harper doesn’t need an eReader. She can borrow books from me.

I pause and feel a little sick. Maybe she’s mentioned getting one and that’s the reason Josie has it on the list.

It’s late in the day, but Erik is manning the phone at the bakery and takes my last minute order for Harper’s birthday cake. Even though Josie wasn’t specific, I order a chocolate cake because I know Harper will like it.

The card’s easy but the eReader isn’t. This late, I’d have to pay overnight shipping to get it in time. Or go to a mall.

I call Josie. “Hey. Why can’t you just get her some books from the store?”

“Because I want to get her an ereader. Then she can download whatever she wants.”

“You don’t have those in stock?”

“No, doofus. I run a bookstore. Electronic devices are the competition. I mean, I have cases, but I don’t carry the electronics. Never mind. I’ll go buy one after I close the store.”

“I’m getting it.” I grab my keys and grimace. Shopping.

An hour later, I’m stuck in rush hour traffic, trying to find a bookstore not as antiquated as Dog Ears or an electronics store. It gives me too much time to think—about how Harper still hasn’t explained the whole husband drama on the postcard.

It actually has kick-ass potential as a blog post. Harper’s postcard. Monogamy. The human dilemma. What makes some accept this tradition while others embrace multiple partners. It’s what my advertisers pay for—sensationalism.

But I’d never post it. She put too many names in for it to be anonymous. I don’t know what she was thinking or wasn’t thinking.

The irony of our common experiences, our distrust of each other, isn’t lost on me. She had husband who conned her. Married her. Or maybe didn’t actually marry her. I don’t even know if her marriage was legal.

I had a woman who told me she loved me with an intensity that left me a believer, but failed to tell me about her husband.

Finally, I arrive at the store and grab an iPad with wifi. It’s more than Josie sent me to buy, but I pay the difference. It’ll give Harper a way to watch movies if she doesn’t feel like reading.

In the parking lot, my cell rings and it’s Gunner. I answer with one hand and open my car door. “Hey man. What’s up?”

“How are you?”

“Good. Out running errands. Can I give you a call back?”

“Dane thought I should call you. He can’t get away. He’s tending bar. Your ex, Tori, is here at his place.”

“Yeah? I don’t care.” I start the engine.

“She says she’s going to see Harper and teach her a lesson. I guess she doesn’t realize that Dane will tell you everything she says.”

“Is she still there?”

“I’m at the end of the bar and I can still hear her talking. Anyway, Dane thought you should know and maybe warn Harper not to open her door to any…”

“Any what?” I can’t think straight I’m so angry.

“I quote here, lethal bitch like Tori.”

“Will do. Thanks.” I grimace and wonder if Dane’s opinion of Tori is a brotherhood thing or if he felt this way the entire time I dated her. It doesn’t matter.

I should’ve made it clear to Tori that Harper and I aren’t dating. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about Harper. Tori would back off.

It seems like an eternity before I pull into the lot behind our building. Harper’s lights are dim. The wreck totaled her truck, leaving her without a vehicle, so I knew she’d be at home. There’s the glow of a lamp that shows through her windows and I wonder what she’s doing. Reading? I wrack my brain trying to remember if she still has any of my books.

When I make it to my door, I pause and listen as if I can hear through walls. The silence is eerie. Be a man. We can be friends and I can take the first step. One step for all dudes everywhere who want to be friends after it’s over.

I peck softly on her door. “Harper? It’s me.”

Silence weighs heavy as lead in the air between me and the door. She’s on the other side of it, ignoring me or cursing me. I know it.

“Harper. I know you’re in there. I thought you might want to…Hey, you want to borrow a book?”

Lame, lame, lame. What I really want is to see her face. See her curl up on my sofa with her feet tucked underneath her while she watches television. Talk with her about nothing in particular.

I lean against the wall of the hallway, checking my phone for email and browsing the internet so she can have the chance to change her mind and open the door.

Tori’s pissed and could show up. She’s not quite right in the head at the moment.

The outside door to the building doesn’t have a lock. I haven’t worried about this fact in the past, but it looks like an open invitation to every psycho who might want to harm Harper. Inside my apartment, I find a bungee cord that will work to rig the door closed from the inside.

I use the cord to secure the door to a barbell from my place. It looks like a seventh grade booby trap, but I’ll have the landlords do something about installing a real lock. I keep thinking she’ll be curious with all the banging around and investigate and I’m disappointed when she doesn’t.

If anything happened to Harper because of me, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Tomorrow, I’ll convince her that we can be friends.

Tonight, I’ll try to convince myself that it’s all I want from her.