Jake

Since I offered to give Ava a baby, I’ve been keeping my distance. I need her to make this decision on her own and to have a chance to think it through. I hung out with Carter at his place until I was sure Ava would be gone, but the moment I walk into my bar, I know she’s there. I feel it.

I immediately scan the room for her. Before I can spot her, I hear her laugh. I’d know that laugh anywhere—it’s clear and unapologetic. The laugh of a confident woman who knows who she is and what matters to her.

The sound does something to me—warms me up and grounds me all at once.

She usually cuts girls’ night short on school nights, so I’m surprised she’s still here, camped out in the back booth with her friends. It looks like everyone made it tonight, and Ava is surrounded by all her favorites—Teagan, Nic, Veronica, Ellie, and even Shay. They’re all laughing over something, but when Ava spots me, the laughter falls from her face. She watches me as I cross from the front door to behind the bar.

“How’s it going, boss?” Cindy asks when I step behind the bar. She pulls a steaming rack of pint glasses from the machine under the counter.

“Great,” I answer. But I don’t feel great. I feel like a guy who just put his friendship on the line and is waiting for the other shoe to drop. “How’s it been tonight?”

“Busy night. Went real fast. Levi was a big help, but I sent him home about thirty minutes ago.”

“Great,” I say, my eyes on Ava, who’s still watching me. I wink at her and go about my business, as if having her attention isn’t screwing with my brain, as if I don’t want to pull her into the storage room, push her against the wall, and convince her with my mouth that this can work. That there’s nothing she needs to say but yes.

I pull the receipts from the register and grab the deposit bag for tomorrow morning’s bank run. Just another day.

I threw her world off balance with my proposal, but part of me wonders why it came as such a complete surprise. I told her how I felt before she married Harrison. Does she think those feelings went away over the last five years? Then again, we both pretend that conversation never happened, so maybe that’s exactly what she thinks.

Ava whispers something to Teagan, and then Teagan turns her attention to me. Judging by her grin, she knows what I offered Ava. For my sake, I fucking pray Teagan’s got my back on this.

Teagan climbs out of the booth so Ava can slide out. Fuck me dead. She’s in red heels, jeans that hug her hips, and a sleeveless black tank that slides over her hips as she walks. I should get some sort of Oscar for keeping my poker face when she comes toward me dressed like that.

I watch her carefully, almost expecting her to stumble or at least sway in those killer red heels. Her stride is even and steady, and when she props her elbows on the bar and looks at me, her eyes are clear.

“Can we talk tonight instead of Friday?” she asks.

I arch a brow. Not drunk but still willing to talk to me. I’ll take it. “Sure. Upstairs?”

Her cheeks flush bright pink. “Just to talk.”

I lean on the bar across from her and lower myself so I’m level with her. “Don’t worry,” I say softly so only she can hear. “I’m not planning to fuck you right now.” I look at my watch. “You’ll be headed to work in eight hours, and the first time I get you naked, I’ll require far more time than that.”

Her pink cheeks flame brighter. “First of all, be quiet or someone will hear. Second of all . . .” She straightens and folds her arms, giving me a once-over before she lifts her chin. “You wouldn’t know what to do with me for that long.”

“Challenge accepted.” I scan her face. Those soft brown eyes, flushed cheeks, gently parted lips . . . “Come on.” I head to the back hall and the stairs to my apartment. I don’t let myself turn back, but I can hear her behind me.

At the top of the stairs, I unlock the door to my apartment and hold it open for her. She walks in right past me, hitting the lights for us on her way. I close the door behind me and lean against it, waiting for her to start talking.

She wanders around my living room, her arms crossed, her gaze roaming around the space as if she’s looking for answers. I wait, not wanting to rush her or what might be the most important conversation of our entire relationship. I expect her to have reservations. Hell, I like the idea of us having a baby together, and I have reservations. Most of them fall under the heading of What if She Never Feels This Thing I Feel for Her?

Suddenly, she spins to face me. “Are you serious about what you’re offering? Because if this is your idea of a big joke, Jake . . .” There’s so much vulnerability in her eyes that my chest aches.

“Shit. Of course I’m serious. Do you think I’d joke about something like that?” I want to cross the room and pull her into my arms. Instead, I press my palms against the door and force myself to stay put.

She swallows. “I don’t know. I just can’t figure it out. What’s in it for you?”

I drag a hand through my hair and grimace. That’s a loaded question, and she’s not ready for the answer.

She rolls her eyes. “Sex, yeah, I get that, but you’re not that hard up. This could change things between us. That terrifies me. You’re my . . .” She chews on the inside of her bottom lip. “You’re my rock.”

“It doesn’t have to change anything.” But hell, I’m hoping it’ll change everything, and for the better.

“I need to make sure you understand my situation. It’s not as if we’re going to be able to get drunk one night, sleep together, and get the job done. I mean, maybe? But . . .” She drops her gaze to her shoes. “The whole time Harrison and I were married, we were trying for a baby. We had no success. Obviously.” She lifts her gaze to meet mine. “This might not be any different.”

The look on her face makes something unravel inside me. It’s as if even admitting there’s a chance that her body won’t cooperate causes her physical pain. And the idea that she needs to prepare me for this? As if her struggle to get pregnant might change how I feel about her, or that I won’t want to get on board if I have to touch her more than once? That is insane. “Ava . . .”

She holds up a hand. “Harrison would get so frustrated with me. It got to the point that he didn’t want to have sex with me at all unless he knew I was ovulating, which was tough to know, since I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken.”

“You know what I mean.” She tries to smile, but the effort does little but highlight the worry around her eyes.

I take a step closer, but she’s still not close enough. She won’t be until she’s in my arms and wants to be there. She won’t be close enough until she’s come there on her own. “Let me get this straight,” I say softly. “You were trying to have a baby, but you weren’t really having much sex.”

She draws in a breath, then nods slowly.

“And he wouldn’t have sex with you, but then when you didn’t get pregnant, he blamed it on you.”

“In a nutshell.”

Jesus. Leave it to fucking Harrison to screw her up like that.

My loathing for her ex-husband just reached a whole new level, but I keep my poker face in place and nod. “You’re telling me that if this is going to have any chance of being successful, we’ll need to have regular sex.”

“And even then, there’s no guarantee,” she says.

“Right. So I need to understand now that we might need to have regular sex for months, and months, and months.”

Red creeps up her neck and into her cheeks. “That’s what I’m saying.”

“That sounds terrible,” I say, taking a final step forward, getting as close to her as I can without scaring her. She smiles for real this time and smacks my chest. I grab her hand and hold it there, and the contact is better than I imagined. “Your husband was an idiot, and I’m nothing like him.”

“Okay.” She swallows and nods, and the hand on my chest curls into my shirt. Her pulse flutters in her neck, telling me her heart’s beating as fast as mine. “We’re really going to do this?”

“We’re really going to do this.” My voice sounds too thick, and if she could cut just beneath the surface of my words, she’d see I’m planning for us to make so much more than a baby.

Dear God, let this work.

She clears her throat. “Do you think . . . I mean, should we get screened or anything? For infections or whatever?”

I step back and force myself to take a breath and remember I’m not going to rush into this. Slow the fuck down, Jackson. This is a marathon, not a sprint. “I’m okay with that if it would make you feel better.”

She nods sharply. “It seems like the responsible thing, right? I mean, I haven’t been with anybody since Harrison, so they’re not likely to find anything but dust up there, but—”

I cough to cover my laugh—not at the dust joke so much as my shock that she hasn’t been with anyone since Harrison. And she’s planning to sleep with me. I won’t let myself think that means more than it does. “I don’t think vaginal dust mites are a thing, so you should be good. And I . . .” I drag a hand over my face, feeling a little awkward admitting the next part. “A girl I used to see called with a scare a couple months ago, so I’ve had a panel done. It was clean and I haven’t . . . been with anyone since.”

She cuts her gaze away. Not for the first time, I feel like an ass bringing up other women. Ava always acts sort of slighted when she knows about me seeing someone. Another reason I haven’t given up on her, I suppose.

“One more thing,” she says, bringing her eyes back to meet mine. “If at any point one of us wants to be done with this . . .” She searches my face. “If the sex feels wrong, or you change your mind about this crazy plan or anything, we can call it off. But we have to promise each other we’ll talk about it so we can go back to being friends.”

“I promise, Ava, but that goes both ways, right?”

She nods tentatively. “Are you sure, Jake?”

I arch a brow. “Did you miss the part of this conversation about the months and months of hot sex?”

Laughing, she releases my shirt and backs away. “We both know you could have hot sex with whomever you wanted whenever you wanted.”

“You say that with such conviction, and yet you’ve never been in my bed.”

She rolls her eyes. “That’s right. Turn on the charm now. Maybe I’ll eventually buy your lines.” She eyes the door before swinging her gaze back to meet mine. “I bet the girls are jumping to all kinds of conclusions about what we’re doing up here, so I should probably get down there. Talk to you tomorrow?”

I nod. “Night, Av.”

I stare at the door long after she goes, willing my racing heart to calm.