Chapter Twenty-two

I had always seen the world as two-sided, white and black if you must. There was good, and there was bad. I never really saw a middle ground, so it was hard for me to admit what happened last night with Zane was good when really it was so wrong at the same time.

“So, you going to tell me how your night was?” Ryder smirked across at me. “Or are you just going to keep staring at me.”

“I’m not staring!”

“Sure, you’re not,” he scoffed and handed me an empty plate. “You better start serving up your plate before it is all gone.”

“I can’t.” I sighed and jumped off the counter I was sitting on. “I have an appointment with the pack doctor this morning, so I guess I’ll have to miss out.”

Ryder gave me an exaggerated look of disappointment. “Bugger, the breakfast feast is always the best of the week.”

“I know.” I gave the row of freshly made food a deflated look.

Ryder wasn’t joking either, the pack house always went all out for Sunday breakfast.

“I’ve got to go.” I waved over my shoulder.

“Ok, I’ll see you when I see you.”

I left the man with his bacon and pushed open the swinging doors. Why did I have to get an appointment first thing Sunday morning? I know now why that appointment was still free.

I was walking up the hall deep in thought when I accidentally walked straight into someone.

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.” I looked up apologizing, and when my eyes met his, I lost all thought.

Zane rubbed the back of his neck, looking and acting as awkward as me. “It’s ok, I um, wasn’t watching either so, um, yeah.”

Hearing Zane stumble over his words caused me to smile. “So, this is, um…” I rocked on the balls of my feet.

“Awkward?”

“Yeah.” I nodded my head. “It shouldn’t be, as we had a good night.” I was saying the words, but even I was struggling to believe them.

He raised both eyebrows at me, looking at me curiously. “Good night? Here I was thinking you would be regretting it by now.”

“Well, it’s only nine in the morning, so I guess we will have to wait and see.” Remembering the time, I really had to speed this up. “Um, look I’m not doing this to run away from you, but I have an appointment on the upper level with the doc, so I have to get a move on.”

“You’re going to miss the feast.”

“Yep.” My luck sucked like that. “So, I’ll see you, um, next time.” I gave him another awkward grin, and before I said another word to embarrass myself, I walked past him.

My eyes widened, and I really wanted to just go invisible. Could that have been any more awkward? What was worse was I felt like I was the one making it awkward. Of course, I would choose that moment to act like a girl.

“Allie?”

I froze and looked back at Zane. “Yeah?”

“Good luck at the doctor.” He gave me a quick nod and turned to walk towards the kitchen.

I swallowed sharply. It was only a brief moment, it hadn’t lasted long before he masked it, but it was there, clear on his face - concern.

He was concerned about me and why did that cause something in my stomach to twist?

 

***

“So, Alison, how long has it been since you were able to shift?” The doctor twisted in his chair to face me.

I hated being called Alison, but I also hated coming to the pack clinic, so I guess today was just the day for it.

“A few months.” I chewed my bottom lip; I felt so…so useless coming to a doctor about this. “Every time I try to bring on a change, it is like I can’t…” I stopped, exhaling slowly. “I can’t connect with that side of me.”

I knew something was off when I couldn’t shift the other day. There were also other small things that told me something was wrong with me. Like my strength was weaker and my energy levels lower, not to mention I was always cold lately.

I explained all of this to him and watched as he nodded his head understanding.

“Alison…

“I prefer Allie.”

He smiled faintly. “Allie, what I believe you are experiencing today is a classic case of disconnect.”

It was official, I was broken. My face must have shown my disappointment and concern because he was quick to continue.

“It is common these days for young wolves to spend more time in their normal state, which is human, than shifting and connecting with the other side of them.”

“So, it’s fixable? I mean, I can regain what I have lost.”

He was quick to nod his head. “Yes, of course, all it will take is for you to spend more time shifting and connecting with your inner beast.”

Realization hit me harder than a brick wall falling on me. “I can’t do that! I have school, not to mention I can’t even shift to begin with! I don’t know how to be a wolf either, and I’m pretty sure if I wandered around in that form, I could be taken down by a wild deer!”

“Allie, calm down.” He patted my knee. “First, all you need to do is find someone you trust to be with you while you shift, and they can help you regain the connection.”

“I don’t have anyone I trust.”

“I can talk to the Alpha…

“NO. NO!” I quickly said, shaking my head. “No, um, I’ll sort it out myself.” I gave him a forced but not very confident grin. “Thanks.”

“I’d like to see you in a month to see how you’re doing.” He opened the door for me. “Good luck, Allie, I know you can do it.”

I wasn’t sure if I could. Who could I find that I trusted? I can’t shift, and how the hell can I go walking around as a wolf more? It wasn’t possible, and I felt my stress levels rising quickly.

 

***

ZANE

Pack meetings weren’t my favorite event of the week, but I would take a whole week full of them over a family meeting.

Dad was rambling on about the current power usages of the pack house, while Ryder looked as bored shitless as me, and mom looked down at the bill dad was reading off.

“Why do I need to know how much power this place uses?” Ryder groaned, “Seriously, why am I here?”

“Because it’s expected of you.” I smirked across at him, enjoying the fact he hated it here.

“Zane is correct, Ryder.” Dad’s tone was official, cold like normal. “Now, as I was saying, I believe we need to be setting more of an example…”

I’m sure dad’s speech was nowhere near over, but I tuned out and focused on something more important.

Allie.

My protection and concern for her were on maximum at the moment. It didn’t help seeing her all vulnerable this morning.

My jaw clenched as I searched for her. Her mind, as usual, was busy, and I was quickly attracted to it.

‘What the hell am I going to do? Why is this happening to me?’

Bingo, I found her. Her emotions were strong, so strong I could nearly taste the stress attack she was currently having.

‘I have no-one who is going to help me. I would rather die than share this with someone.’ I felt her collapse on her bed. ‘I’m doomed.’

I didn’t take Allie for a drama queen, so I waited as her mind fluttered back to her doctor’s visit. Something about her not being able to shift. Something about her having to spend more time as a wolf.

I sat up straighter in my seat as I listened in on her thoughts. She couldn’t shift, she was weaker, and I automatically felt sicker knowing she wasn’t well.

She was losing herself, and it made sense, considering I could reach into her mind without her even noticing or fighting me out.

I could feel tears sliding down her face as a strong feeling of worthlessness consumed her.

I needed to help her but without her knowing. She needed to spend more time as a wolf, she needed to reconnect with herself. I could help with this, couldn’t I?

She wouldn’t take my help if I offered her.

“Group exercise,” I said out loud.

“Excuse me?” Dad looked at me oddly. It may have not helped that I had stayed silent this whole time, and I didn’t even know what we were currently discussing.

Ryder gave me a look that said I had lost my mind.

“You are always on about team-building exercises. How about a group shift?”

Ryder rose an eyebrow. “Why would you recommend that?”

“We are a pack, right? But when have we all ran together? You always say there is safety in numbers. I say we do a team-building exercise, a group run. We can see how many people are interested.”

Dad and mom were staring at me blankly, and I honestly thought I had overstepped a mark when the silence ended.

“Now that, son,” dad smiled at me, “Is how a future Alpha of this pack would think.” He looked at me like it was the first time. “Start getting the word out, son, and see how many people are interested. With that, we will call this family meeting closed.”

Yes. This would work out perfectly as Allie would connect with her wolf, and she would be safe while doing it.

“What’s got you all Alpha-like?” Ryder asked when mom and dad had cleared out of the room.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Just thought it would be fun, brother, nothing else to it.”

He didn’t buy it, and I didn’t care. Right now, there was only one thing, or really one person, I cared about.

Allie.