Chapter Twenty-Three
Taylor
Life had been hell. Pure and utter hell.
Ever since Chase overheard me on the phone and let me know that I had meant nothing to him at all, I had been wrapped in a cocoon of pain and loss, while he’d been making friends, laughing, and overall winning at life. I was happy for him. Honestly, I was. Seeing him happy almost made the pain I was in worth it.
Almost.
But I missed him. I missed his laugh. His touch. His smile. I missed the way he always tried to make me crack while I was studying or focusing on class.
I missed him.
He didn’t miss me at all.
Across the room, he sat next to Amanda, a cheerleader I didn’t know, and some football guys who used to be assholes to him. Guess he didn’t care about that anymore.
Just like he didn’t care about me.
It was easier this way. That’s what I kept telling myself, anyway. After I broke up with him, his father had thanked me, paid my tuition off completely, and assured me that my parents were safe from any repercussions from my straying from the agreement.
I’d done what needed to be done.
Protected my parents. Lost the guy.
But who was going to protect me?
Chase laughed, and I stiffened, staring straight ahead. We were having a light day today in Statistics since we had taken our midterms early, and we’d broken off into groups. He was in his, and I was in mine. He hadn’t even looked my way when Professor Franklin told us to pair off. He’d just gone over to Amanda like they’d never broken up.
What would Chase say if he knew she was in league with his father but hadn’t told him? At least I’d been honest…even if it hadn’t mattered in the end.
I would bet Amanda hadn’t been.
“Don’t pay attention to them,” Anna said, frowning their way. “He’s just trying to make you jealous.”
I didn’t look at him, even though I really, really wanted to. “He’d have to care to want to make me jealous, and he doesn’t.”
“Please.” Anna rolled her eyes. “Don’t be as stupid as him.”
“I’m not,” I said defensively. I knew they still hung out with him, her and Bryce, just like they still hung out with me. We just did it in threesomes now, instead of a quartet. We shared custody of our new friends. “I’m just being real. He told me he didn’t care.”
“Just like you told him you didn’t,” she retorted, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “And here you are. Not caring. Right?”
“Right,” I lied, still staring ahead.
“He doesn’t like her.”
Slowly, hesitantly, I looked at them. She kept touching him, her fingers lingering, but he was mostly keeping his hands to himself. With me, he’d always been in contact, whether it was an arm around my shoulder or a hand on my thigh. “They have history.”
“So do you,” she retorted. “Why did you tell him you didn’t love him?”
“I had to. It…” I pressed my lips together. “There was no other way.”
“Sure there was,” she argued, snapping her fingers in my face. “Hello.”
I jerked. “What?”
“Why not tell him you’re miserable without him?” she asked, frowning. “Because as someone who hangs out with both of you, I can say that he’s just as miserable without you. You two just need to make up, and then we can go back to hanging out together, and I can stop reliving my childhood and suffering the whole divorced child syndrome again.”
I shook my head, not meeting her eyes. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” I hadn’t told anyone the truth, and it was killing me.
Even when Chase had heard me and gotten angry, I’d been prepared to risk it all, to tell him the truth about his father’s threats…right up until he told me he didn’t give a damn about me. I’d been so scared of hurting him, of breaking his heart, but he told me he didn’t love me, and then, I’d known. That fight had been the best way to end it.
I saved my parents, got the tuition paid off.
Done what needed to be done.
But I wanted someone to know the truth. Someone who understood why I’d let him walk away, and didn’t judge me for it. If he had actually loved me, if those three little words he’d spoken to me had been true, I would have risked everything for him. I would have lost anything for him.
But he didn’t care.
He never had.
That’s what hurt the most.
“Taylor?” she said.
“You can’t tell anyone.”
“Of course not.” She crossed herself. She wasn’t even Catholic, and did it backward, but it made me smile anyway. “I swear.”
“My parents work for his parents.” I swallowed. “Like, they’re his servants.”
She nodded, showing no signs of shock or anything else. “Okay. And?”
“And…”
I started talking. Everything came pouring out of me, from the time Chase and I met, and how his father warned me off back then. I fast-forwarded to now, and how I came here to get him back in the game, and finally ended with what happened last week.
“What did his dad say on the phone?” she asked, completely enthralled.
“That I needed to break off my fake relationship with his son by the end of the night, or he would fire my parents for real.” I swallowed. “He threatened before, but he put a timeline on it.”
“So, you broke up with him,” she said slowly. “To save your parents.”
“I didn’t really need to.” I glanced at him. He’d been looking at me, but as soon as I met his eyes, he looked away, turning his body toward Amanda. “Chase heard me on the phone, assumed I was telling his father the truth, and told me he didn’t give a damn about me. So…I let him think what he wanted. I let him think I didn’t care.”
“And he let you think he didn’t care,” she said, shaking her head. “If he found out his father had threatened you…”
“He can’t.” I rubbed the tip of my nose. “It’s over.”
“But—”
“He’s fine, like he said he would be, and he’s studying hard. He doesn’t need me, so it’s best to just end it here so my parents are safe.”
“But you two love each other,” she cried.
“No, we don’t.” I shook my head. “I love him, but he doesn’t love me. He hasn’t even tried to talk to me, or see me. All he cares about is Amanda and getting back into the in crowd.”
“That’s not fair,” Anna said, narrowing her eyes on me. “Have you tried to see him?”
“N-No.”
“But you care, right?” she pointed out.
“I do.” I lifted my chin. “I care enough not to try and drag him into the threats and the mess that our life would be if we were together.”
She shook her head. “But—”
“No buts.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “If we were together, his father would fire my parents. He would have a fight with his father about that. He would end up disowned, and then we’d be alone, and my parents would be out of a job and home.”
“But you’d have each other.”
“And that makes it okay?” I shook my head again. “If he truly loved me, the kind of love that doesn’t die and the kind of love that people fight for, I would have risked it. But he walked away, got in a car with Amanda, and didn’t look back.”
Yeah. I’d seen that.
I’d also seen him see me before he’d gotten in that car.
He wanted to hurt me, and he’d succeeded. Every night, I hugged the Mister Fluffybottom he’d thrown on my bed as a parting gift—and I still had no clue how he found another one—and I replayed everything we said to one another. The soft words and the hard ones. He’d meant what he said. He didn’t need me.
Not like I needed him.
Anna sagged against the chair, exhaling hard. “This sucks.”
“Yeah.” I leaned back, too. I could feel his eyes on me, and it took every ounce of self-control not to look back at him. Not to run across the room, throw myself at him, and beg him to love me enough to make the fight worth it. “I know.”
“And he has no idea what you’re going through,” she said.
“He never will.” I pointed at her. “You promised.”
“I know,” she said, glaring at him.
I smacked her arm. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Looking at him like that.” I turned around, giving him my back, and tugged her until she did the same. I could still feel him staring at me. “You’re glaring at him.”
“I can’t help it.”
“It’s not his fault,” I argued.
“I know, but he should know something is up. He should know you love him, and he should be fighting for you.”
I’d been thinking the same thing. That’s the reason I cried myself to sleep every night. Because he should know me better. He should know I hadn’t lied, and that there must be a reason I was letting him walk away.
Guess he didn’t really know me, though, huh?
Not like I did him.
She crossed her arms. “Instead, he’s over there laughing with that bitch while you’re hurting and being threatened—”
“Shh,” I interrupted. “You’re talking too loud.”
Anna gasped. “I—”
“Being threatened by who?” a voice I knew as well as my own said from behind us.
I stiffened, not turning around, not looking at him.
Anna turned. “Huh?”
“You said she was being threatened.” He paused. “By who?”
“No one.” I stood, facing him. It was a mistake. A huge one. I hadn’t been this close to him since we’d broken up, and I wasn’t ready to smell him. To feel him. “We were talking about a show we watch together.”
He cocked a brow. “Bullshit.”
“How would you know?” I said, crossing my arms.
“Because you guys kept looking at me, and she was glaring at me, so I came over to see why you were whispering about me like I was the bad guy when I’m not.” He looked me up and down. “I mean, you’re the one who played me, not the other way around.”
“Thanks for the reminder,” I spat back.
He shrugged, saying nothing.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Anna said, linking her arm with mine. “I like you, Chase. I really do. But you’re an idiot.”
“I’m an idiot?” he said, frowning. “How so?”
“Look at who’s with you over there, and maybe take a second to wonder why,” Anna shot back.
I elbowed her, shooting her a dirty look.
“What do you mean?” he asked, looking confused.
“Nothing,” she muttered.
She dragged me off, but Chase caught my hand.
His skin on mine was electrifying. Jolting. So frigging missed. “Taylor.”
“Yeah?” I managed to get out from my swollen throat. I was this close to crying in front of him, something I refused to do.
“Is someone threatening you?” he asked slowly, looking deep into my eyes.
“Does it matter?” I shot back, pulling my fingers from his even though it killed me to end the contact I’d so sorely craved since he walked out of my room. I still loved him. I always would. I had never really stopped. “You wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
“Try me,” he said softly.
“I already did.” I locked eyes with him.
He stared at me, saying nothing.
I walked away.
He let me go.