Chapter Nine
Izzy’s eyelids fluttered as a wet tongue dragged across her face. She smiled at Atticus, whose nose was less than an inch from hers. Her back was warm from the steadfast fire that had burned slowly overnight. If she turned, she was sure it would be reduced to glowing embers by now. The dog nudged her with his nose, and she rubbed her hand over his face.
Thank goodness, he was all right. A terrible weight had lifted from her chest when they were able to bring him home, but her stomach was still in choppy waves at being the root of his pain. At least, Derek had made it quite clear that’s what he thought. His sharp words and accusing eyes had burned her.
Did she even want to go through the next few days with his family? How could she pretend to be head over heels for him if they shared a cold silence the entire holiday, like yesterday at the vet’s office and in the car? She’d tried to open her mouth to speak several times, to apologize to him for the mess they were in. Each time, there was a sharp pain in the back of her throat and tears on the verge of spilling. So, she’d remained quiet, and so had he, which told her he’d meant every word he said about her being at fault for the dog’s injuries.
She glanced at the antique grandfather clock and bolted upright. It was nearly noon. How had she slept that long? She dragged a hand through her hair and started to stand.
“I thought I heard you stirring. Come have some breakfast.” Derek appeared in the doorway, wearing fitted dark jeans and a cable-knit sweater. He looked as good as a plate of frosted Christmas cookies, while she was in sweatpants and an oversize T-shirt.
“I think I missed the chance for breakfast hours ago.” Izzy searched his face and didn’t see any of the anger it had held the day before.
“We’ll call it brunch, then.” Derek disappeared into the hallway.
She followed him, self-conscious at being in pajamas this late in the day. The scent of frying bacon peppered the hallway and made her stomach growl. In the kitchen, he had the breakfast nook set with plates, forks, coffee, and orange juice. What was going on? One moment she was walking on eggshells with him, and now he’d fixed breakfast? She couldn’t keep up.
“You’ll need some fuel. We have a lot of work today.” He shot her a smile, and little snowflakes danced in her belly.
“Oh?” She reached for the glass of juice and studied him curiously. He’d made it clear he didn’t want to decorate for the holidays, and there was no way she’d be pushing a tree on him again. Tomorrow would be the day for cooking, so what could they possibly have to do today?
“You’ll see.” He put a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her. It was a pleasant surprise not to do the cooking, but it made her second-guess his intentions. Was this really just a temp/boss relationship, or did he feel something deeper, too? She tried the eggs, and the burned crust on the bottom made her smile. He’d gone out of his comfort zone for her, just like with the grilled cheese sandwich left at her door.
“I’m the temp. I should be the one making breakfast, but this is nice. Thanks.” Izzy bit into a piece of buttery toast.
“You’re more than that.” He had put down his fork and was staring at her. The toast suddenly seemed very dry as she tried to swallow it down.
“You’re different, Izzy. Genuine. People have so many angles, so many secrets. You’re the first person I’ve trusted since my mother left.”
There was a pang in her chest, one that pleaded for his words to be sincere. Her appetite had vanished, but she forced herself to scoop up more eggs. If only she could tell him she felt the same, but as the words formed on her lips, something stopped her. It wasn’t like half of Phi Beta Sigma was going to hop out of the pantry and ridicule her, but the experience had made her guarded.
Derek picked up his coffee mug, took a long drink, and looked at her over the rim. She wasn’t sure if he was admitting that he cared for her, or just tallying the differences between her and his mother. If they were really in a relationship, like his family thought, she’d have one heck of a ghost to contend with every step of the way. Maybe Derek needed to come to the conclusion that not everyone would leave him like his mother had. Who was she to judge him, though, when she couldn’t even reciprocate his feelings like an adult? Maybe she needed to come to the conclusion that not everyone would hurt her like Bret had. And perhaps it was high time she considered herself worthy of someone’s affection. But how could she shake the lifelong perception that no one could develop deep feelings for her?
She got up and cleared the dishes to keep herself busy. Derek stood, too, and started collecting the empty coffee mugs and juice glasses. He’d been shouldering some of her duties lately. She really didn’t deserve the check she’d get from the agency.
“Thank you for breakfast. It was a nice surprise.” Her words sounded lame when compared to his a few moments ago, but it was the best she could do right now. She had to figure out the feelings she had for him first, then decide if the risk of telling him outweighed the benefits. She didn’t want to leave here with a broken heart, but what if she walked away from something special?
Derek came up behind her and took her hand. The contact heightened all her senses. Her palm fit neatly into his, and she loved how securely it was tucked inside his masculine fingers.
“Come on. I have something to show you.” He gently led her away from the sink and pile of dishes, and they walked up the stairs and down the west wing, farther than she’d ever ventured herself.
“If it’s another library, you might have to remove me from your house with the Jaws of Life in a few days.” The only sound in the hall was the click of their shoes against the tiled floors.
He smirked, and her heartbeat quickened. “I don’t mind having you around,” Derek said. Her heart lifted with happiness over his simple words.
At the end of the hallway was a set of large double doors. Derek grasped each carved handle and flung them open. Behind the doors was an endless ballroom. Hardwood floors gleamed beneath three sparkling crystal chandeliers. Decorative medallions were etched around the light fixtures, adding to the grandeur of the wide-open space. Four arched French doors lined the right side of the room and opened up to an outdoor balcony. She could see the edge of the silver forest through them. In the far corner of the room stood a naked balsam fir and a pile of shopping bags.
“Derek, this is incredible. Imagine the galas you could host, the charity fundraisers. The possibilities are endless.” She walked to the center of the room and just absorbed it all. This room was made for women in glittering gowns and men in three-piece suits and tuxedos. She could picture ladies in flowing skirts and corseted tops twirling across the floor on the arms of wealthy gentlemen.
Derek laughed. “Sweet, Izzy. Always thinking of others.”
She gulped down the lump in her throat. She didn’t belong in a room this regal. It was a far cry from her one-bedroom apartment and financial crisis.
“I screwed up yesterday.” He walked over to her and put his hands on her arms. “I was scared of losing Atticus and placed the blame on you. Of course it wasn’t your fault. I walk those woods all the time and have never stumbled on anything like that.”
The tree in the corner of the room suddenly registered. She was in sensory overload from the room and hadn’t thought twice about it.
“Tell me you didn’t go back for that tree alone.” Izzy broke away from his touch and crossed the room to take a closer look. Its fragrance hit her as she got near. The scent of fir needles and deep woods tickled her nose and filled her with memories of the holidays.
Derek stepped up to the tree and flashed her a sheepish grin that made her knees turn to Jell-O.
“I cheated. They were selling them downtown.” He tucked his hands in his pockets.
“I’ve been pushing my Christmas agenda on you from the get-go.” He had tiptoed out to buy a tree just for her. It was sweet, completely unexpected, and made the back of her eyelids burn.
“Not pushing. You’re just filled to the brim with holiday cheer, and isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? I want to give my family the Christmas they deserve.” Derek stepped closer to her, and she held her breath. Was he going to kiss her? She melted as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I want to give you the Christmas you deserve.” He said it in a low voice.
Izzy’s breath hitched as his gaze dropped to her lips. They stood there for one breath, then two. The stillness in the room was amplified by his intense eyes, and the sweet, earthy scent of the tree swirled in the air around them. Then he stepped back. A heaviness returned to her body, and she brushed a hand over the back of her neck. It was smart to avoid a physical relationship with him. Hadn’t she told herself that over and over again? If she was disappointed it didn’t happen, so be it, but at least her heart would come out of this in one piece. It was easier when it was just attraction, but she’d grown to really like him.
Derek turned away and walked over to a switch on the wall. Christmas music filled the hall. He shot her one of his rare smiles, and something loosened and slipped inside her heart. Oh, she was in serious trouble.
“I thought we could roll out one of the banquet rounds from the closet. Then we can eat tree-side on Christmas Eve.” Derek bent down and picked up one of the bags, seeming completely oblivious to the overwhelming effect he was having on her. The plastic looked as if it might rip open when he held it out to her.
“You take the ornaments, and I’ll take this beast of a tree, and we can set up in the center of the room.” He struggled to wrap his arms around the base of the tree and lifted it up to position it over his shoulder.
“There are enough ornaments in here to make the entire forest sparkle,” Izzy said. He’d gone to so much trouble, between the tree and the ornaments and whatever else was in the pile of bags lying on the floor.
The side of Derek’s cheek rose into a smile, and he shrugged one shoulder. “Big tree needs a lot of decorations,” he said before easing it down in the middle of the room. “But before we use those, let’s string our popcorn.” Derek gestured to one of the bags. The fact that he’d remembered the simple tradition meant so much to her. After positioning the tree inside the stand to stabilize it, they spent the next hour threading string through homemade popcorn kernels. Some pieces were clearly burned, which made it even more endearing. They looped the strands around the boughs before hanging red and gold ornaments of all shapes and sizes. When it was complete, they both took a step back to look. It was magnificent. Glinting lights twirled from base to tip, and bulbs dripped from every branch. Izzy smiled to herself. She’d slip back in later to hide the pickle ornament for Derek.
“Wait. I almost forgot.” He jogged back to the bags and came back carrying an angel with delicate features and chestnut hair painted onto the porcelain. The creamy dress reminded her of candlelight, and feathery wings spread out from the back. She swallowed the hard lump that had formed in her throat and tried to ignore the way her eyes filled before she quickly blinked. He’d thought of everything—for her—and it made her want to weep. No one had ever made an effort for her like this—because until now, no one had cared. Her mother, Bret… Other than Gram, they’d all pretended to care before they crushed her. Would Derek do the same if she let herself fall?
“She’s beautiful.” Izzy forced her voice to stay steady by focusing on the angel.
“It bears a striking resemblance.” His voice was merely a whisper.
She raised her head slowly and angled her face to look at Derek, who was staring at her with a half smile.
Was he teasing her? “Surely, not to me.” It was the second time he’d commented on her appearance. Could he really believe that?
“You really don’t know, do you?” He took a step forward, and her heart lurched.
“Derek, this isn’t smart.” She froze in place, and her lips parted slightly.
“I haven’t had a coherent thought since you showed up on my doorstep.” His voice was low and gruff and sent a bolt of lightning straight to her tippy-toes.
Oh God, he was going to follow through this time. Her feet didn’t move, and she didn’t protest when he stroked a piece of her hair between his thumb and index finger. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, then her nose, then rubbed his lips against hers. One hand cupped the back of her head, and the other wound around her waist as he pulled her up against him. He deepened the kiss, and something warmed in her belly like a cozy fire on a snowy day. His tongue played over hers, and the ballroom dissolved around them. She forgot logic, and for the first time ever, just let go.
She ran her hands over his broad shoulders and wound her arms around his neck, clutching on for dear life. He let out a little groan of pleasure and planted both hands on her hips, drawing her up against him. He wanted her, too. It was very apparent when he pulled her this close.
Suddenly, Derek cupped his hands around her bottom and hoisted her up like she was light as a snowflake. She wrapped her legs around his waist automatically. They were both breathing heavily now. Derek broke the kiss, and his tongue trailed over the most sensitive part of her neck. A foreign sound escaped her lips. So this was desire. Then her eyes popped open. He’d walked them away from the Christmas tree, toward the end of the room. She placed her hands on his chest and tried to form a sentence. Her pulse was hammering, and all she wanted to do was plunge back against him.
“Where are you going?” Her stomach quivered half with pleasure, half with nerves.
“Bedroom. The tree will be here when we get back.” He didn’t waste any time before burying his lips against her neck once more and trailing them up to her earlobe. A flush of heat coursed through her. What was she doing? She was so inexperienced, and he was a gorgeous, rock-solid male who’d probably had plenty of opportunities to test his skills. If she gave in to the temptation—and there was nothing she wanted more—would she make a fool of herself? He must have sensed her hesitation, because he stopped nibbling on her earlobe, let out a heavy sigh, and rested his forehead against her shoulder.
“You’re killing me, Izzy,” His voice held no anger or resentment, just an honest admission against the fabric of her shirt. Could he really find her that desirable? She wasn’t a girl who stole men’s hearts or made their pulses race.
“I’m sorry.” She sighed. “I made you believe that’s what I wanted.” Of course, it was a lie. She wanted him more than her next breath, but she was so afraid. Afraid of falling, afraid she’d make a fool of herself.
“No.” He pulled away to look at her. “That’s what I assumed because I didn’t ask. You don’t need to be sorry. The decision is yours, too. Just know if you change your mind, the door’s open.” He twisted her around so she was cradled in his arms like a child. His statement had made her want him even more, not just physically, but emotionally, too. He was asking her to consider being with him but didn’t pressure her at all. He carried her back to the tree and set her down gently.
“Let’s put on that final touch, and then I might need a cold shower before we string that garland around the ceiling.” He shot her a devilish grin that made her heart pitter-patter against her rib cage. She stepped up on the chair he pulled over and placed the angel at the top of the tree. She turned to jump down, and instead, he clutched her waist and lifted her to the floor. He wasn’t making staying away from him easy, but she had to consider his intentions.
Once the tree was completed, Izzy unrolled thick strands of garland dotted with frosted pine cones and handed them up to Derek, who pinned them up around the room like bunting.
Her mind kept wandering as she rhythmically opened, unfurled, and passed up the decorations. She couldn’t bear to get hurt again, especially when Derek had the power to shatter her. She thought he cared for her, enjoyed her company, and even desired her on the most elemental level possible. But would she be able to get past the hurt and suspicion he harbored? Izzy was afraid she knew the answer. It wasn’t easy to get over the loss of a parent, especially when they left you intentionally.
At work, she always pointed out the beautiful qualities in every child and encouraged them to believe in themselves, yet she was secretly plagued by insecurities. When was she going to start considering herself deserving of love? Sure, a few people had trampled her heart over the years, but was that reason to constantly feel less worthy? Or was she using that as an excuse because she was afraid of becoming like her mother, bouncing from man to man, disappointed after every failed relationship, and never truly finding peace or home?
Part of her wanted to say the heck with it, and enjoy the time she had with Derek, whatever the end brought. The other wanted to run back to her tiny apartment and lick her wounds while she still had the self-respect to do so.
“Where did you go?” Derek was looking down at her from the ladder. How long had she been wandering around her mind, oblivious to him?
“I guess I zoned out.” Heat tingled up her neck and ears.
Derek checked his watch. “Well, it’s after three. We’ve been at this a long time.” He climbed down and glanced around the room, decorated to holiday perfection. “Why don’t we go down and grab a sandwich? The grocery delivery should be here soon, anyway. Then you’ll probably put me to work scrubbing potatoes or something,” he added with a grin.
They were from two different worlds. If only she weren’t such a pauper next to this king who didn’t think twice about the cost of grocery delivery, maybe they’d be on a more level playing field. And there she went again. When was she going to give herself some credit? She’d worked her way through college, she held a steady job that supported her and her gram, and tried her best to be a good person. Wasn’t that enough? Beyond frustrated with herself, she shook her head and followed Derek downstairs.
After they’d whipped up some turkey sandwiches for themselves and a special plate for Atticus, the groceries arrived. They worked side by side to put them away. They’d have to get up at the break of dawn to cook all this food. There was a beef tenderloin and honey-glazed ham, potatoes, turnips, and butternut squash. She was already wiped from the day, but she’d have to do some prep tonight to make it all come together on Christmas Eve tomorrow. Thankfully, Derek took orders well and peeled and chopped as she instructed. By the time they were ready to call it quits, she’d pulled dishes of braised root vegetables, mashed potatoes, and squash from the oven. The big ceramic platters would have never fit into her fridge, but at Derek’s house they slid in nicely and would be easy to pop back in the oven tomorrow.
Izzy’s arms and legs were wrung-out dishrags by the time she bid Derek and the dog good night and went upstairs. It was nearly midnight, and she was exhausted. Added to that, her stress over meeting Derek’s family tomorrow had taken over, and she had a massive headache. She had no idea what to wear or how to act, and it was a bit overwhelming. She opened the door to her room and switched on the lights. She started toward the bathroom to get in a quick shower before falling into bed but stopped when she saw the package lying on her bed.
The box was wrapped up in regal gold and red embossed paper, tied up with sheer ribbon, and a sprig of holly was tucked against the bow. She flipped over the tag, which read For Izzy (yes, you can open it now). Izzy sucked in a breath as anticipation spiraled through her. It was so lovely she didn’t want to tear the wrapping. She was slightly breathless and a little disoriented as she carefully opened the edges of the paper and slid the box out. She lifted the top and froze.
The creamy lace dress with the eyelash trim she’d lusted over that day at the mall was staring back at her. She ran a finger over the delicate pattern before lifting it from the box. She caught a glimpse of soft crimson fabric beneath it and moved the tissue paper aside to find the red cowl-neck sweater dress. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes, and she bit her bottom lip. When had he found the time to go back? How could she accept a gift this extravagant from someone she’d only known a short time? She hung both dresses gingerly in the closet before going downstairs to thank him. She found him asleep on the couch, holding the dog in his arms. This man was irresistible. She’d be a fool not to take the next step.