6

sebastian

 

My own eagerness surprised the shit out of me. I knew I had entertained the fantasy of family, someone to greet me at home after a long quarter-year on the road. But I thought that’s all it was—a fantasy. I never expected that the moment it became a reality, I’d be so ready to jump into the daddy role.

Apparently, Tabby wasn’t so eager to toss me into it either. I read it in the tight downward curl of her lips and tense cock of her head. The swaying of her stilettoed foot had stopped and now it was still. Frozen.

The woman was a goddamn statue.

“Or,” I backpedaled, “I could wait.”

She reanimated with a shake of her head. “No, it’s not …”

Her words faded into the Counting Crows tune now playing in the background. I could imagine what she intended to say: It’s not you. But it was. I was a stranger. The kid didn’t know me. I’d been absent from his life for fifteen years. How the hell could I expect to just drop myself into his life now without warning?

“I think we should ease him into it,” she decided after a few moments of silence. “He doesn’t need to know right away that you’re his—”

“Oh, so when do you think that’d be a good idea, exactly? When he’s already attached? ‘Cause God, that’d be fucking awesome. ‘Oh, hey, kid, by the way! You know, we’ve been getting along swimmingly for the past six months, and I thought I’d just break it to you over s’mores, that you’re also my kid. Oh, what’s that? Yeah, I’ve been lying to you. Uh-huh, yep, your aunt thought it’d be—‘”

With her lips pressed firmly together, she shut me up with a single glance. It didn’t take a body language specialist to know that Tabby didn’t like being told what to do. I couldn’t imagine how this woman, designed to thrive in her structure and control, was managing with a fifteen-year-old kid. It’d been a while since I was that young, but fuck, I remember enough to know I was a little rebelling bastard. The talking back, the power struggles, and the hormonal outbursts.

“I get it,” she practically growled under her breath before releasing her fiery exhale.

She reached forward and daintily picked up the porcelain cup. As she sipped lightly, I was scheming. Plotting ways to unravel all of those tightly bound layers and reveal the disaster undoubtedly underneath. To dirty her up and make her live. She needed a slice of greasy pizza. A big fucking hamburger. Buffalo wings. Hard-shell tacos. God, some cookie crumbs would’ve been refreshing right about now, just to see her relax, as she placed the mug back on the table and repositioned her carefully crossed legs.

Or maybe, she really just needs to be fucked. I swallowed and blinked away the thought, hoping my dick would get the memo.

“Maybe you’re right,” she admitted with a notable amount of reluctance. “Maybe it’d be best to just … get it over with right away.”

Pressing my hand to my chest, I tipped my head with exaggerated compassion. “Tabby, I know that must’ve taken so much for you to say. Thank you. Just …” I wiped away a phantom tear. “Thank you so much.”

One groomed brow twitched as her emerald eyes squinted in my direction. I wondered what her laugh sounded like. If she had one.

“You drive your bandmates insane, don’t you?” she asked astutely, shaking her head.

I shrugged, quirking my lips into a smug grin. “It’s a gift.”

“Sure it is.” So curt. So sharp. “Maybe you could meet Greyson tonight, if you aren’t busy. He’d probably love it.”

“Ah, well, I thought I’d head downtown for some good ol’ cow tippin’, but if you’re gonna twist my arm, I guess I could clear my schedule,” I deadpanned with a straight face, and hot damn, there might’ve been the faintest glimmer of amusement twinkling in those gemstone eyes.

“Great. I pick him up from school at three, so maybe you could meet us for dinner,” she said, reaching for her purse and pulling out a planner.

“Wait, are you actually penciling me in?”

“I don’t want to forget,” she explained pointedly, pulling a pen from the spiral binding.

“You would actually forget dinner plans a few hours after making them?” I cocked a disbelieving brow, but when she turned to me with her stony expression, I relented. “Well, shit. Okay. You know, they have these cellphone apps that help with memory loss. My mom—”

“How does five work for you?” Her words carried along her irritated sigh.

Gripping the back of my neck and squeezing, I tipped my head. “Hmm … yeah, I guess I can fit you in between watching the grass grow and—”

“Great.” She snapped her planner shut and stuffed it back into her bag before turning to me. “Can I be very honest with you for a moment?”

“God, please,” I breathed with relief. “I thrive on honesty. Unless I’m bullshitting.”

“I’m sure you think you’re charming and funny, and I’m fairly certain this obnoxiously arrogant, rock star thing gets you laid on a regular basis,” she raked her scrutinizing glare over me. “But in the short time I’ve known you, I can very plainly tell that you reached the age of thirteen and there, your personality and maturity have stayed. If I wasn’t at my wit’s end, I honestly wouldn’t want you anywhere near my nephew. But, because I’m desperate, I’m willing to give this a chance.”

I raised my eyebrows with honest intrigue as she continued, “But you are on a probation period, Mr. Morrison or Moore—whatever your name is. So, if you do anything to influence him negatively or hurt him in any way, I reserve the right to demand you remove yourself from his life. And I really don’t care how much he admires you professionally. The last thing that kid needs is for some flaky man-child to break his heart. Do you understand me?”

By all accounts, I should’ve been infuriated by her feisty little speech. I should have stood up and announced that the next time she saw me, it’d be in court. Yet I wasn’t mad, nor was I going to make any threats. Because, underneath that cast-iron exterior, was a woman who cared about her nephew and only wanted to help him. And because she’d been so refreshingly and beautifully honest.

Leaning toward her, the creak of leather slicing through the silence around us, I brought my eyes within centimeters of hers. Our foreheads nearly touched and the bitter coffee floating on her hot breath tickled against my lips, so strong I could almost taste it.

“You should let yourself be honest more often,” I whispered, as I watched the unrelenting stone in her features begin to chip.

 

***

 

Hog Hill was, for lack of a better phrase, total shit.

The town had a coffee shop, one real estate agency, a library, an Italian restaurant, and a drive-thru burger joint I’d never heard of called Billy’s Beef & Buns. That was the extent of their exciting downtown, while the rest of the place seemed to consist of mostly farmland, a few blocks of appealing suburbia, and a Wal-Mart.

No wonder a kid around here would go insane. There was nothing to do, unless they had some killer afterschool reading programs at the library. But I wasn’t holding my breath.

Finding myself a bench near the library, I sat down, outstretched my legs and pulled out my phone. After dialing Devin’s number, I pressed the phone to my ear and waited for my friend to answer.

“Yo man, missing me already?” Dev chuckled.

“You know it, baby,” I replied with a grunted laugh of my own. The friendly banter was short-lived though as I thrust a hand into my hair and tipped my head back to stare at the cloudless mid-May sky. “You got a minute?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m just watching TV while Livy takes a nap.”

“No Ky today?” I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face.

“Nah, she’s shopping with her friend Brooke,” he explained. “So, what’s up?”

I was moments away from admitting my current state of affairs to another person. There was a surreal element to the whole ordeal, like it was happening to someone else and I was just an innocent bystander, looking in from the outside.

“So, uh … I kinda found out that I have a kid,” I announced unceremoniously.

Devin’s laugh burst through the phone. “What the fuck, dude! Are you serious?”

I felt every muscle and bone in my throat shift as I swallowed. “Yeah, I’m serious, man.”

Composing himself and coughing, Dev replied, “Get the hell out of here. What happened?”

“Uh, well, about sixteen years ago, I got a chick pregnant. She told me she was having an abortion, but apparently, she didn’t.” I shook my head, still in disbelief that this was my reality. “She died two months ago, and her sister found me.”

“Holy fuck,” Devin muttered after enough moments of silence to leave me feeling sick. “Where are you?”

“The greatest place on Earth,” I joked. “Hog Hill, New York.”

“Where the hell is that?” he grunted around a chuckle.

“Exactly,” I muttered, shaking my head. “This chick, the sister, Tabby, is apparently having one hell of a time with the kid. I guess she thought I might be able to help, and I’m really hoping I can. I just kinda don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

“Ah, bro, you’ll be fine,” Dev assured me. “Just be yourself. Any kid would love you. I mean, Livy does.”

I grunted. “Yeah, well, Tabby doesn’t seem to agree. She chewed me out for being an immature, washed-up, arrogant asshole just a little while ago,” I laughed, thrusting my hand into my hair. 

Devin joined me in laughing. “Wow. She’s a bitch?”

“Kinda, but you know, it also turned me on,” I admitted, still laughing. “Doesn’t help that she’s smokin’ hot, man. She’s got this sexy professional thing going on.”

“Jesus Christ,” he chuckled, his laughter quelling. “Keep it in your pants.”

“Yeah,” I agreed reluctantly, nodding. “You’re probably right.”

A tinny baby’s cry came through the phone and my mouth curled into a smile. Livy. Devin sighed. “Gotta go, Seb. Keep me posted, okay?”

I nodded into the bright sunshine. “You got it.”

“And hey, good luck,” he concluded, hanging up.

I grunted with a bob of my head.

Good luck. Yeah. I was gonna need it.