Valerie
I walked out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body before staring at the mirror. It was glossed over with steam, but I quickly wiped it with my palms, just enough for me to see my face.
It had only been three days since I met Viktor. We had talked only twice. But both times, he was able to make my dead heart beat again. Just a little harder and a little faster. The drumming of the wings of a caged bird.
My heartbeat now drummed in my ears just at the thought of him.
The lips that had not known a smile for many years were now lifted up in the corners in the smallest smile. Just at the thought of him.
I stared at my reflection for the longest time, wondering if this was only temporary.
It is. This won’t last, my mind argued with my hopeful heart. You will only get hurt in the end. You are married to Valentin. Don’t forget that.
But just a little longer…I wanted to keep feeling this way just a little longer. Just a little bit of happiness, even if it was forbidden, I wanted to feel it. Even if it was just scraps, bits of light, I would take it.
I felt alive after so long, and that unknown feeling has quickly become addicting.
After drying my hair with a towel, I combed it. My gaze was still on the mirror, still lost in my thoughts. They all pointed in the same direction.
Viktor.
Maybe the reason why I was so infatuated with him was because the attention he gave me. I have been denied gentle touches and sweet words for many years. Valentin only gave me pain. I must have been stupid and naïve; maybe that was why I fell so easily for Viktor’s attention.
Even now, I wondered what he was doing now. After last night, he disappeared, and I hadn’t caught a glimpse of him again. When Igor had left my room for a quick minute this morning, I tried to walk out of my room again, just a step out. I had paused, my chest tightening almost painfully.
But when fear started to fuel inside of me, I took that step back and closed the door, hidden yet again from the outside world.
The rules were broken; the risk of losing everything now hung on my shoulders like dark clouds.
But still, I argued with my brain. I chose to follow my heart, like a child wanting a hug, a kiss…desperate for some quiet love.
When my long blonde hair hung loosely behind my back, I pulled the white nightgown over my body. Now that I had felt a small taste of freedom, the high collar felt almost suffocating, the long sleeves itching.
A strange emotion filled my heart, and I quickly shook my head. Don’t think like that, Valerie.
Giving my reflection a final glance, I took a step back. But instead of walking away, I paused.
Would he visit me again tonight?
Since the morning, I had tried not to think about it. It was almost as if I were craving his presence. He gave me something…and now I was left wanting more.
I looked at myself again, the mirror showing just a simple plain woman lost in her thoughts. It left me wondering how Viktor saw me?
Was I beautiful to him?
Just as the thought crossed my mind, my gaze went to the bathroom vanity. I walked closer and opened the drawers to find my makeup safely placed there.
I wasn’t allowed to use them…except when ordered by Valentin.
When he would come to have his fun, he would ask me to doll myself up for him.
Don’t disappoint me, Valeria. I want you ready for me, just like I asked. Be the nice little slut you are and wait for me on the bed.
I hated when he would order me to prepare myself. Lacy lingerie would be brought in. Pretty high heels. Makeup.
I was to make myself sexy, not as his wife, but as a whore. A courtesan for his pleasure.
My gaze drifted toward the makeup again. It was always used to humiliate me. But maybe, just maybe…I could use them differently.
I want to look beautiful for him.
My fingers feathered over the items, my hands shaking with nervousness. Before I could change my mind, I took the eyeliner in my hand.
Another rule broken.
Staring into the mirror, I applied the eyeliner. Just a little bit that made my brown eyes look bigger. The green speckles in my eyes appeared brighter.
Instead of wearing more makeup, I just applied some pink lip gloss, giving my lips a glossy look with a prettier shade.
When I was done, I closed the drawer quickly and with a bang, as if hiding a secret. My cheeks felt heated with embarrassment.
What am I doing?
You are a fool, Valerie.
I silently laughed at myself, shrugging away the idea that I was playing with fire.
Giving myself a final glance, I liked that it wasn’t much. Maybe even Igor wouldn’t notice. The corners of my mouth lifted up in a small smile, and I pressed a finger to my lips.
It will be our secret.
The smile was still present on my face when I walked out of the bathroom. But it slipped away when I saw Igor standing in the middle of the room.
His legs were spread in a defensive posture, his hands behind his back. He stared at me silently, his lips set in a straight line.
“Your dinner is here,” he said, nodding toward the nightstand.
I nodded silently, now wringing my hands nervously in front of me. When he didn’t say anything else, I shifted my gaze away.
I walked toward my bed and settled down before bringing the food tray on my lap. The smell of pasta and garlic cheese bread made my mouth water.
I didn’t pay attention to Igor as I dug into my food. Eating slowly, trying to make the time go by faster. My eyes went to the clock and then down again at my half-empty plate.
Eight-thirty p.m. Late but still early.
The first time Viktor had visited me, it was in the morning. Yesterday, he had visited me at night, but still earlier than now.
Maybe he isn’t coming. Maybe I was being too hopeful.
I stared at my half-eaten food, my appetite long gone. When a pair of feet approached me, I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at Igor.
He shook his head before speaking. “You are playing a dangerous game, Valerie.”
I know that! I wanted to scream and cry. Cry because it was unfair. I was trapped here, and after so long, I finally felt something, but I couldn’t have it.
I placed the tray on the nightstand again before looking at his lips, watching his words.
“Do you realize how bad this could get?” Igor continued. “Little girl, I am giving you the only warning I can. Whatever you’re thinking about, don’t. Whatever you are feeling, push it away. You will only get in trouble this way.”
His words penetrated my mind, leaving tiny little wounds at the reminder. He was right. Whatever this was…there would be no happy ending.
I wanted something I couldn’t have.
That alone could ruin everything.
When I didn’t answer, Igor’s shoulders dropped. It appeared as if he were sighing. His eyebrows furrowed sadly, a look I had never seen on his face before. He was always so…emotionless.
When he started speaking again, I could only stare, my breath caught in my throat. “I have to wait outside the door, knowing full well what Valentin is doing to you. If I could make a difference, Valerie, I would. But I can’t. I know this won’t change anything, but I am sorry.”
My eyes widened at his words, my heart skipping a beat, and the sadness felt almost suffocating. All this time—I never knew he felt that way.
Igor wasn’t a good man, he was far from it. He was an underdog, someone to do Valentin’s dirty job.
To me, he was my captor. My jailor. When Valentin wasn’t here to keep me trapped, Igor was.
But for the first time, he had let me see behind the cold armor.
“When he comes back, he will ask me. And I will have to tell him the truth. Whatever I had seen between you and Viktor, I will have to tell him. I have no choice. You made a mistake, and you will have to bear it. So take my warning and stop this fucking mess before it gets worse.”
My heart stuttered. The unshed tears stung my eyes, and they blinded my vision. My stomach twisted almost painfully, and I felt nauseous.
My chest tightened, and it hurt. It hurt so much. I pressed my hand over my chest and rubbed, hoping to alleviate the pain.
Igor took a step back, his eyes darker. He looked a little angry. “I can’t put my family in danger to protect you. I am already risking their safety by bringing you those pills. If Valentin finds out…”
He left his words hanging, and I flinched. My fingers twisted around my dress, guilt consuming me. I knew the consequences, and it was frightening. Just the thought of it made me sick.
I nodded slowly, hoping he could see what I wanted to say. I understand. We are all trapped. There is no escape. Valentin is the ringmaster. I don’t blame you, Igor. You have a job as my guard. Your loyalty is toward Valentin. You have your family to protect, and I have mine to protect. It’s a survival game.
Igor stared at me for a few seconds before taking a deep breath. “Valentin is coming back in three days. He has asked for you to prepare yourself according to his rules. He will come for you first and then see to his other business.”
As if cold water has been dumped over my head, I trembled, and my eyes closed. All I saw was my tortured body, Valentin taking his pleasure without asking. Just taking…forcing me.
A broken doll to do whatever he wanted with, his exact words.
My fingers dug deeper into my palms. The stinging feeling of my nails pressing into my skin snapped me out of my thoughts. My gaze met Igor’s face.
“Three days. That’s all you have,” he said before turning around and walking away.
I watched his retreating back. When he stopped, and then turned to face me again, I only stared at him.
“You don’t know Viktor. He is not who you think he is.”
I cocked my head to the side, curiosity now burning my inside. What do you mean?
“He is a very powerful man. And you…you are just a game. To men like him, someone forbidden like you, they see it as a conquest. Don’t let yourself get swept away by his pretty words.”
With that, he walked away and closed the door behind him.
I was left reeling, his words leaving a giant gaping hole in my chest. He…couldn’t mean that. I stared at the closed door, my heart hurting more than before.
I wanted desperately to believe that Viktor was a good man. He spoke to me, he made me speak…he was sweet. He touched me gently. Viktor didn’t hurt me like everyone else.
Trust me, silent myshka.
He had told me to trust him. His words had given me hope. I didn’t know what to trust him about, but I wanted to trust him. I wanted to believe him.
He is a very powerful man. And you…you are just a game. To men like him, someone forbidden like you, they see it as a conquest. Don’t let yourself get swept away by his pretty words.
The silent truth behind Igor’s words spoke louder, though.
Did Viktor really care?
Or was I just a pawn to his boredom?
A single tear fell. I felt the drop on my cheek, tickling my skin. Swiping it away, I turned off the light and climbed under the covers.
Please don’t hurt me, Viktor.