CHAPTER 8

“Finalize March insurance forms,” Julie muttered to herself as she stood in her bedroom the following night before jotting the words down on a little pad on her dresser. And her latest shipment of prescription pads had been misplaced. “Reorder prescription pads,” she said, jotting that down, too.

It’s Saturday. Stop thinking about work, she ordered herself, pacing back and forth in front of her dresser to try to relieve the stress. Her long, flowy pants flipped around her legs as she walked. Back and forth, flip and flop.

She was driving herself crazy. It was just a date, for God’s sake!

“Check bandage supply.” Then she groaned, and in an uncharacteristically acrobatic maneuver, she vaulted backward onto her bedspread. She simply had to put herself in a different mindset. Think about Cole. Embrace the fun.

But her nipples hardening brought a different set of distractions.

“Oh, good grief.”

God, she was pathetic! With a sigh, she propped herself up on her elbows. She didn’t want to want him so much—truly, she didn’t. It was making everything that much harder, because the more she thought about him and not her work, the guiltier she felt.

Standing, she plucked her house keys from her dresser and threw those into her evening bag. At that moment, the doorbell rang.

“That man has a sixth sense,” Julie muttered, sweeping up her clutch from her vanity stool.

“I’m coming,” she called as she walked down the stairs to the front door. She opened the door to darkness. “Whoops,” Julie said, flicking on the porch light. “Sorry about that.”

The dim bulb came on, illuminating Cole standing on the stoop. He was wearing gray slacks and a slim, blue button-down shirt that was almost the same color as his eyes. The shirt skimmed over the surface of his shoulders and chest, hinting at the power that lay beneath.

For once, his black hair was swept off his face. It looked good. With his hair out of his eyes, his piercing, inquisitive gaze came into sharp focus. And then it was the easiest thing in the world to simply forget about her to-do list and her practice, because the man was gorgeous.

She swallowed before speaking. “Hi.”

Cole just grinned and gave her an appraising glance. “You look great,” he said. “Shall we?” He reached out his hand to her.

Without any hesitation, she put her hand into his. Immediately, his large hand engulfed her smaller one with a firm pressure. Tucking her purse under her arm, she grabbed the doorknob and pulled the front door shut, hearing it click.

“All set? Let’s go.” Cole led her down the stairs to his waiting car, a black Dodge Charger. He opened the passenger door for her and then walked around the front of the car to the driver’s side, giving her a prime view of his profile that almost took her breath away.

“Where are we going?” Julie asked after Cole lowered himself into the driver’s seat and buckled his seat belt.

He looked over at her. “I thought we’d head to New Bedford. There’s a little Italian restaurant I haven’t been to in a long time. What do you think?”

“Italian sounds great,” Julie responded.

“Glad you approve.” He smiled as he turned the key in the ignition. The car roared to life, and soon they were speeding away from Star Harbor.

As Julie seldom got out of town, getting off the Cape would be a treat. Even better, they’d be away from prying eyes. At least being grist for the Star Harbor gossip mill wouldn’t be on the menu this evening. It was a good move on Cole’s part, and Julie finally found herself relaxing. But only fractionally, because she still had to deal with her unbelievable attraction to the man sitting right next to her. An attraction she was becoming increasingly hard-pressed to control.

Cole angled his head toward her, still keeping his eyes on the road. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “I’m—glad we’re doing this.”

“We could have done this sooner if you hadn’t put me off for so long.”

“I wasn’t ready,” she admitted.

He laughed a little. “I guess I wasn’t, either.”

“Who’s to say this dinner couldn’t be a total flop?”

“Only way that could happen is if you tell me you’re a Yankees fan.”

“I’m not, so I guess we’re in the clear.”

He gave her a slow once-over. “Guess we are,” he said, his voice rough.

Her wit failed her, and her cheeks warmed. She looked out the window into the darkness. What was it about this man that made her senses reel?

It took about thirty minutes to get to New Bedford and find parking. As they were walking from Cole’s car to the restaurant, he put his hand on the small of her back. The purely proprietary gesture was charged, but Julie tried not to read too much into it. Fun—not serious, right?

Cole had made a reservation and they were seated quickly. They ordered some appetizers and a bottle of cabernet. When the waiter departed, Cole leaned back in his chair and looked at Julie. “Good?” he questioned softly.

“Good,” she responded.

For a few minutes, there was silence as they read their menus. The waiter came and poured their wine. Julie took a sip, enjoying the way the robust red slid down her throat. “Lovely,” she murmured when Cole gave her a questioning look.

“So,” he began after they’d decided what to eat and he’d had some of his own wine, “I think we should start again.”

“Start again?”

“Yeah. Pretend like we didn’t grow up in the same town. Pretend like we didn’t go to high school together.”

“Pretend like you didn’t kiss me behind the track when I was fourteen?”

“That, too.” He held out his hand for a shake. “I’m Nicholas Grayson, Star Harbor’s sheriff. You can call me Cole. I’m mostly reformed. And you are?” He pasted a false-looking earnest look on his face.

Julie laughed. She couldn’t help it—he looked so unlike himself when he was pretending to be innocent. “It’s a bit late for first impressions, don’t you think?”

“Hardly,” he said, his fake-chipper look fading and morphing into a sexy, burn-you-up-from-inside gaze that was more like the Cole she knew. “Your turn.”

Julie swallowed. The rules of the game had just changed. “I’m Julia Kensington. I’m a doctor in town. My friends call me Julie. I work too hard. Nice to meet you.”

Then their hands touched, and a sizzle ran from her fingertips up her arm. His palm was firm and warm. After a long moment, he released her. “So what made you decide to come back to Star Harbor?”

“My parents,” she said softly. “Or, their memories, at least.” Cole was watching her with an inscrutable expression.

“I heard about the accident while I was in Afghanistan. I’m sorry.”

Julie shook her head slowly. “I miss them every day. Being at their house helps a little. Helps make me feel like I’m close to them.” She blinked. “But I also came back to start my practice,” she said, calmer as she spoke about her work. “I’d always wanted to be in a small town, and once I completed my residency, I realized the small-town practice I wanted was right under my nose. So I came home.

“I love that I know all my patients by name and that I don’t have to look up their records to know what kind of insurance plan they have. I can walk to work, I own my own place, and I’m a part of a real community. That’s it. I wasn’t lying—I do work too much.”

Cole had leaned forward in his seat and was watching her intently. The glow from the candlelight flickered on the scar on his cheekbone.

“Why’d you kiss me?” she blurted out.

“Why’d you slap me?” he retorted.

“You first,” she said without hesitation.

“You were beautiful,” he said. “I wanted to show you. Now you.”

She swallowed, then tried to speak calmly. “Part of it was surprise. And I have to admit that at the time, I thought my first kiss was wasted on you.”

He actually looked upset. “Why would you say that?”

“You were so cocky back then—like the rules didn’t really apply to you. You said whatever you wanted. Did whatever you wanted. You had no filter.”

“That pretty much sums me up,” he said, his voice tight. He looked as though he wanted to continue, so she stayed silent. She was rewarded when he spoke again. “After our father died, I—well, my brothers, too—we all found different ways to deal with our grief. I can’t explain it. Seb went around chasing skirt. Theo buried himself in his books and plotted crazy pranks. Lord knows what Val did to ease the pain. But I just went off the deep end. God, you know what I was like.” He shook his head. “I’m the first to admit I was more than a jerk in high school. It’s a time of my life I’m not very proud of. I knew I had to channel that wildness into something useful or I’d end up dead or close to it, so I cut out of Star Harbor as soon as I could. I enlisted in the army. Applied and got accepted into a Special Operations Forces unit. Talk about rules!

“I was on active duty for nearly seven years, until I got wounded in action. I knew I was going to leave anyway, because my time was already up. Once I’d healed, I went straight to college on the GI Bill. Thought I’d never want to see another weapon again. But after I graduated, I needed to work, and I figured I’d put my training to good use. That’s when I joined the Boston Police Department.

“After three years, two different partners, and more domestic violence calls in the middle of the night than I want to count, I’d had it. I needed to come back to Star Harbor, where the worst thing that happens on my shift is that Mr. Anson drives with his headlights out.”

Julie had grown quiet while Cole spoke. When he finished, she swallowed, trying to collect her thoughts. “I—” she started, then paused. “I didn’t know how much you’d done. War is a lot for anyone to handle.”

“I know.”

“I just assumed that … that …”

“That I’m the same guy I was at eighteen, making fun of the band geeks and stealing cars for joy rides?”

“I never thought that,” she said hurriedly, then gave him a tentative smile. “Well, maybe a little bit.” He smiled back at the gentle tease, and for the first time, she wanted to understand him—where he’d been for the past decade and a half, what he’d done, and exactly how much he’d changed. “What did you do with your Special Forces unit?”

“I spent most of my time at Bagram Airfield, in Afghanistan. All we did was sleep, eat, and patrol. If we found insurgents, we’d flush them out, secure the area, then go back to patrolling again. We thought we’d be instilling order in the community by training police forces and empowering the townspeople, but the infrastructure just wasn’t there for us to do our jobs effectively. Sometimes we’d go talk to a sheikh, or a warlord—try to make allies—but mostly we just tried not to get killed.”

“Were you afraid?”

“No,” he said bluntly, his mouth a hard line. “At least, not at first. I didn’t care much for my own mortality back then. Once I started to care, I became more afraid. But I pushed the fear aside to do my job. The pride always outweighed the fear.” He paused. “No one’s ever asked me that before. Most folks just ask if I’ve killed anyone.”

“Have you?” Her tongue felt thick in her mouth.

“Yeah.” His gaze didn’t waver. “It changes you, permanently. Don’t know if I’m going to hell for that—or for something else—but you need to know who I am. What I am.” A muscle ticked dangerously in his jaw.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“After what I’ve done, I can guarantee I’m not the same guy I used to be.” He shook his head. “Maybe not all my change is for the better, but it’s no surprise you’ve turned out to be someone incredible.”

It seemed that it was confession time. “There was another reason I slapped you.”

“Yeah?” he asked, his gaze steady, as if readying himself to take whatever she dished out. “What’s that?”

“I thought if I gave you the chance—if I let you in, even for a second—you’d break my heart. And I couldn’t let that happen. Not then. Definitely not now.”

A terrible look of sadness flashed across his face for just a moment, before he composed himself. “That isn’t me and that isn’t you. Not anymore.” He covered her hand with his, his thumb skimming up the inside of her wrist. The gesture was heated. Charged.

“I’m just looking for something light. Something fun,” she finally whispered, compelled to be honest with him.

“Yeah?” he said, his voice a deep rasp. “I can do fun.” He rubbed his thumb over her now-sensitized flesh, a slow, sensual drag that sent shivers down her spine. “Let me show you how much fun I can be.”

Unconsciously, Julie leaned forward as Cole was speaking. He leaned in closer too.

Just then, the waiter appeared.

“Calamari!” the server said with a flourish, as he placed the dish in the center of the table. “Bocconcini di mozzarella!” he continued, putting the tomato and mozzarella salad next to the dish of calamari. “Buono appetito!”

Cole released Julie’s hand and the breath she’d been holding came out in a soft whoosh. He leaned back in his chair, smiling that sinful smile. A smile designed to seduce as much as to hide. He looked like the old Cole—dangerous and unrepentant—but with a depth of experience behind his eyes. She liked the way her response curled in her belly, warming her from the inside out.

With a calmness she didn’t know she possessed, she lifted the serving spoon with steady hands and dug into the salad.

They were quiet in the car heading home after dinner. Julie stole a quick glance at Cole driving, his capable hands steady on the wheel, his strong features coming into relief each time they drove by a streetlamp. He was gorgeous, no doubt about it—the perfect fling.

Soon, they were back at her house. Cole helped her out of the car and together they walked up the porch stairs to her front door. The evening air was chilly and slightly damp. No moon shone, as the sky was filled with dark clouds, portending rain later that night.

“Thank you for an … illuminating evening,” she said, looking up at him. The dim porch light cast shadows on his face in all the right places. “I had a good time.” Once they’d gotten past the heavy stuff, the conversation had flowed freely and she’d enjoyed his company. “I’d never have guessed you were into old-fashioned movie theaters, too.”

“We’ll have to go to the Wellfleet Drive-In when it opens this May,” he said with a smile.

“I’d like that.”

“Look at that. Another date. We’re loosening you up already, Doc.”

He was standing right in front of her now, so near that she could smell the soap on his skin. Then he stepped closer and wrapped one long arm around her. After everything they’d shared tonight, it felt natural that he should be touching her like this. Then he took his other hand and cupped her jaw. He was watching her. Testing her.

“May I?” he asked, his voice a low rasp.

Fractionally, she nodded, not trusting herself to speak. As he bent his head, she closed her eyes.

And then she felt it—the warm, firm pressure of his lips on hers—and fireworks burst behind her lids.

Yes. Please. More.

She opened her mouth, demanding that he deepen the kiss. When he did, it was as if the whole universe had narrowed down to this point. To the two of them right here, right now.

This was what she’d wanted all along—this hard, hot rush that overrode anything else she was thinking or feeling. The past was gone. It was the present that mattered. She embraced it, the heat from his body warming her from the inside out. The dizzy, teetering-on-the edge desire she couldn’t control.

It was real and right, all insecurities swept away with the pressure of his mouth on hers. She slipped her arms around him inside his leather jacket and held on, pressing her body against him. She slid a hand up, exploring that beautifully muscled back. In response, he groaned into her mouth and swept his palm around to cradle the back of her head. Then, slowly, he began to walk her backward until she was flat up against the door. With practiced ease, he moved his hand from her waist up her rib cage, grazing the side of her breast and back down again.

It had started out so sweetly, but now they were verging into more dangerous territory. Julie couldn’t prevent the image of seventeen-year-old Cole from flashing through her mind, but she’d given up trying to fight it. Instead, she embraced it and simply morphed her mental picture into the thirty-three-year-old Cole who was kissing her senseless.

He was all male and made sure she knew it, his bulge pressing between her thighs, hot and hard. When he began to softly nip down her neck, an electric jolt coursed through her. Was this really happening?

Yes, yes, it was, and she wanted it to. Craved his big hands on her, sweeping away the loneliness.

When he brushed his knuckles over her breast, her nipple hardened instantly and she gasped.

But when she ran her hand back down his back and hooked a finger into his waistband, he stiffened. Did he not want this as much as she did? In a split second, the mood shifted and suddenly, everything felt wrong. Her eyes flew open as she jerked her hand away. Embarrassed by the swell of emotion, she pushed at his chest, but he held her there, trapped between him and the door.

“Don’t push me away. It’s not what you think.”

“What is it, then?” This was supposed to be fun, not mortifying.

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “You’re gorgeous. Really gorgeous. But before things go any further tonight, I think it’d be best if I went home.”

“Why?” she asked, needing to understand.

“You have to be absolutely sure that this is what you want. Because once we start, you know we’re not going to stop.”

“Right,” she whispered, her cheeks flushed.

“C’mon, Doc,” he said, his voice roughening. “We both know how good it’s going to be.”

She couldn’t find the words to respond, but he kissed her once more on the mouth, extricated his hands, and stepped back. “I want to make sure you’re safely inside before I leave.”

She fished around for her keys in her purse, hand shaking slightly. When she found them, she let herself in. Once in the foyer, she turned around, and Cole raised his hand goodbye, a curious look in his eyes.

“I’m glad you didn’t slap me this time,” he said. Then he turned and walked away.

Julie’s body was throbbing, every nerve ending alive, her lips still swollen from where he’d marked her. Could the man ever kiss!

She’d remember that kiss for the rest of her life.

Cole walked back to his car, gravel crunching under his feet. It wasn’t until he was down Julie’s driveway and back on the road leading to town that he let out the breath he’d been holding. He rolled down his car window and let the fresh air whip across his face. The aromas of sea and forest intermingled in the cool spring night.

Walking away had been the toughest thing he’d done in a long time. Julie’s eyes, filled with passion and longing, made him want nothing more than to sweep her up and carry her to her bedroom. She made him crazy just thinking about what he’d do to her. With her.

The instant before he’d kissed her, she’d looked gorgeous—waiting, wanting. God, he didn’t deserve someone like her! Someone who might actually take him for who he was. She’d closed those beautiful hazel-green eyes. She’d trusted him.

But it wasn’t that simple.

Her declaration that she was just looking for something fun had rubbed him the wrong way. The respect folks now accorded to him had been hard earned, and it irked him to think that Julie might be into him because of his bad-boy past, not despite it. He was a different guy now. And he wanted her to acknowledge that he was a better one.

But he still had to face the fact that not all of his change was for the better.

Olivia just hadn’t gotten it. She’d seen him as a glittery prize, a guy to show off when they went out and someone she could brag about to all her girlfriends. It hadn’t helped that gnawing feeling of isolation he felt—that disconnect from the real world. But Julie wasn’t like Olivia. The look on the doctor’s face when he’d told her he’d killed for his country hadn’t been one of excitement; it had been one of empathy. And if she found out that of all the men from his unit, he was one of the few still alive, well, surely she’d have to know how screwed up that made someone. How locking the guilt down could take its toll, chipping away at his soul, eating him from the inside out. Years ago, he’d thought that joining the army was what he needed to do to make up for his past, but the price he’d paid was a terrible one.

Julie had seen a glimpse of who he really was and she hadn’t run. But he needed to let his brain override his heart to protect himself. And to protect her. Because if he unleashed the demons, then God help whoever got in the way.

But if she could see through to the real man he was underneath …?

No … he couldn’t afford to think like that. Because if she saw that man—that battered, broken man—would she even want him?