CHAPTER 14

She was a goner.

Julie lay on top of her bed, covered by the comforter, eyes wide open, utterly still. Slowly, she came to the realization that she was naked and lying in Cole’s arms. He was on his side, right next to her, one of his arms underneath her neck and the other thrown over her body, its heavy weight a reminder of what they’d just done. What had they done?

Other than to have the most soul-baring sex she’d ever experienced.

He’d known how to draw her out—by showing her himself, giving her the control and letting her set the pace. He’d done everything right. Everything.

Moving her head as little as possible, she flicked her gaze over to him. His eyes were closed, long, dark lashes on his cheeks, the small white scar set off by his slightly darker skin. One lock of black hair lay carelessly over his forehead. There was a slight smile on his perfectly formed lips. He looked peaceful. Content.

A swell of emotion rose inside her. She’d thought she could do this. So easy, right? Fall into bed and then fall out again, the way she’d done in the few brief relationships she’d had before. But there was more here with Cole than that, and she knew it.

She’d been falling for him for weeks as a man, but not as a lover. Sex complicated everything, though she’d been the one pushing for it to happen, doing everything in her power to get him to step up his game. Of course she had. He’d been more than manly, the ultimate gentleman, protecting her, guarding her—how could she resist? Now she was sliding backward, second-guessing her decision to get involved, given that it was so much more than she’d bargained for.

She’d wanted it—that, she wouldn’t deny. But what had happened to light and fun? She had to get ahold of herself. This wasn’t her—this jumbled mess of emotions. She needed to get a grip on herself. Right now.

Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to be alone, and the fact that she wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing wasn’t sexy. It was humiliating.

But when she shifted, his arms tightened around her. With dawning awareness, she turned to Cole, knowing instinctively what to expect. He was awake, and he was watching her with his clear, blue eyes.

“Going somewhere?” he asked, his voice a husky rumble.

She swallowed, desperately trying to get some moisture into her mouth. “No. Yes. I’m—I’m leaving.”

“Oh, sure,” he said, lifting his arm off her. “Didn’t realize you needed to use the bathroom.”

She sat up, pulling the comforter up to cover her breasts, and shook her head. “No. I mean you’re leaving.”

He propped himself up on one elbow. “You’re kicking me out?”

“Yes.” She tried to speak firmly, but it was difficult, given that he was looking at her like a sexy, predatory beast. “You don’t need to stay here with me anymore.”

“Even after you invited me to have dinner with you?”

She tried not to wince. “Yes.” It had been more than simply a dinner invitation and both of them had known it.

Rather than seeming angry, he looked faintly bemused. “Never figured you for that kind of woman.”

“I’m not,” she said stiffly. “I just want you to leave.” Cole sized her up for a good long minute, not saying a word, while she sat there, awkwardly watching him. When time had gone on long enough, she spoke. “Well?”

“No.”

She blinked. “What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“I mean, no. I’m not leaving.”

“What are you doing, Cole?” She didn’t break her gaze.

He sat up in the bed, sliding right next to her, and placed his hand on her shoulder. He wasn’t crowding her, but his large presence seemed to suck out all the air in the vicinity. “I think what you’re trying to figure out isn’t what I’m doing. It’s what we’re doing.” He trailed his fingers down her arm. Involuntarily, she shuddered, a tingling sensation beginning to snake its way through her body.

“What do you mean?” He was burning her up from the inside out with just his eyes and his fingertips.

“You know what I mean,” he said, moving his lips until they were very close to her own. So close that if she just leaned forward a fraction of an inch, they’d be touching. His other hand was on her shoulder now, warm and heavy. It felt good.

She shouldn’t be engaging him. She should just stand firm and make him go so she could collect her thoughts. But the desire in his eyes made her want him to stay. “Why don’t you explain it to me?” she whispered.

“You’re nervous. Hell, I’m nervous, too. Nervous I’m going to screw this up somehow.”

Cole Grayson, nervous? “Tell the truth.”

“Lying’s not one of my sins,” he said. “But the real truth is pretty obvious, don’t you think, Doc? You told me straight up you were just looking for a good time, but that’s not who you are. Not at all. You think you can just screw me and kick me out? Uh-uh. That’s not the way this is going to work.”

She frowned. “It’s kind of what I planned.”

“Well you can just kiss that plan goodbye.” His hand was on the back of her neck now, forcing her to look at him. “You’re tough enough for this. And I’m tough enough for you.”

Julie let those words settle. And when they’d settled, deep down, anchoring her, she lifted her lips to his.

He slipped a hand down to cup her breast, and as he began to work his clever fingers over her sensitive skin, she couldn’t deny him. Just the thought of having his strong hands on her again, making her body sing, triggered something inside.

And then he intensified the kiss, slanting his mouth over hers and kissing her so thoroughly that she forgot about everything except his hands and his mouth and his body’s skill in bringing her to the brink of passion over and over again.

When he replaced his fingers with his mouth on her breast, she’d stopped thinking about the fact that this was turning out to be much more than she’d expected. And when he leaned her back on her pillows and stroked between her thighs with an expert’s touch, she’d quit worrying about all the emotional complications. And when he slowly pressed one, then two long fingers into her, stretching her, preparing her, the only thing on her mind was Cole.

Her body was thrumming, in a place so high she couldn’t see the ground. Dimly, she was aware that he wasn’t going to let her fall. Not without him to catch her. And then that thought was swept from her mind in a tidal wave of pleasure so intense she thought she would die. But he wouldn’t let her go over the edge without him.

Settling between her legs, he arranged her so that she was comfortable, limbs loosely wrapped around his body. She’d backed off the cliff’s edge, but she was still close, fairly aching with want. Needing to feel him inside her. Slowly, ever so slowly, he sank into her waiting depths, drawing out his movements so that she was forced to hold on. To wait. Impatient, she tried to move, to get him to go faster, but he merely held her hips steady, compelling her to follow the pace he’d set. With every flick of his hips, with every deliberate movement, his finesse came into sharper focus. Even she, with her limited experience, could appreciate the workings of a master. With surgical precision, he led her through every nuance, every layer of pleasure.

And when she could bear no more, when every cell in her body was screaming for release, he simply pressed in a few strategic places and she went over, her mind and body bursting with the sheer force of her passion. He followed soon after, but she could hardly hear his shout through the frenzied buzzing in her head.

She was tired. Exhausted. Immediately, she fell into a deep sleep.

When Julie woke up, it was dark outside. Groggily, she blinked, then yawned and rubbed her eyes. She was naked and warm, buried deep within her bed. Slowly, she took stock of her body. She ached in some interesting places and was still damp in others. A warm shower would help. But first, she needed to truly assess the situation.

She was calmer now than she’d been before their second round of lovemaking. Was it because of her mind-blowing orgasms? No, it was because she’d finally accepted that it was actually her own issues that were holding her back, not his. She was the one who couldn’t get over the fact that she’d been afraid to let anyone into her life. It had been so long since she’d allowed anyone underneath her emotional armor that it was almost as if she didn’t know how to act anymore.

But just because she’d accepted that her issues existed didn’t mean she knew how to handle them. Getting over years of single-minded devotion to work—and all the isolation that went along with it—couldn’t be achieved in a day, a week, or even a month. At least, not with her. Relationships were complicated. Confusing. Frightening. Humbling. So she’d bitten off more than she could chew? Too bad. She’d just have to muck through with the rest of humanity, trying to figure out which end was up. She would have had to deal with her issues eventually; being with Cole had just brought those issues to the forefront. It was Cole who’d gotten her this far, after having her heart on lockdown for so long. For that, she’d always be grateful. She had such a long way to go, and she was scared, but she wanted to trust him. Maybe she could. Tonight, Cole had seen right through her, and he hadn’t allowed her to push him away. Instead, he’d soothed away the anxiety and shown her how good they could be together.

Speaking of Cole, where was he? He hadn’t actually left, had he?

A clattering sound from downstairs had her sitting upright in a flash, her heart racing. Praying that it was Cole downstairs, she was out of bed and dressed in fifteen seconds flat—thanks to her thirty-hour ER shifts with minimal sleep, she was used to moving fast despite any residual tiredness—and quietly crept to the top of the stairs.

“Cole?” she called out, wondering if she was stupid to be revealing her whereabouts to a potential burglar.

“Come on down, Doc,” he called back.

She let out a sigh of relief and her adrenaline started to retreat. “One minute.” While on the alert, she hadn’t realized how cold it was in the house. Calmer now, she needed an extra layer of clothing.

She went back into her room, threw a cardigan over her shirt, and slipped on a pair of boat shoes before padding down the stairs. The kitchen light was on and Cole was at the counter, clad only in his boxers. He was facing away from her, so she got a prime view of his back side, including his broad shoulders and muscled back, which tapered down toward a fine-looking rear end. He turned to look at her over his shoulder. “Enjoying the view?”

She rolled her eyes and tried not to smile. “You must be freezing.”

“I’m a bit more hot-blooded than most.”

Walking up to him, she could see that he had out some eggs and milk and was rifling through the packages she’d brought back from Martha’s Vineyard. All of a sudden, she realized how hungry she was; she hadn’t eaten dinner and it had to be well after midnight.

Then he shifted to face her and thoughts of food were forgotten as her eyes were drawn to the tattoo on the left side of his rib cage. She’d had a chance to examine it earlier, but the light in her room had been dim and she’d been focused on getting to other things. In the kitchen light’s fluorescent glare, she could see that it was about the size of her palm, circular and intricately wrought, with names inked around some kind of insignia.

“Got a bowl?” he asked.

Her gaze jerked up to meet his. “Yes,” she said, slightly embarrassed to have been caught ogling him. She pulled a ceramic mixing bowl from a cupboard beneath the counter and handed it to him. “Here.”

“So what did you buy?” Cole asked, pulling out the contents of the first bag. “Fresh blueberries? At this time of year?”

“It’s already the third week of April,” she said, laughing. “Or have you forgotten what season it is?”

Cole simply grunted. “You have flour, right?”

“Yes. Up there.” She pointed to a high cupboard where she kept dry goods.

“Well, how do blueberry pancakes sound?”

“Mmm … good.” Julie went to grab some glasses for orange juice before suspicion dawned on her. “How did you know I liked breakfast for dinner?”

He gave her a smug smile as he cracked the eggs one by one into the bowl. “I have my sources.”

Guess that’s what comes from dating a lawman. “I’ll have to have a chat with Lexie tomorrow,” she murmured.

“You won’t get it out of me that way,” he said. “Frying pan and spatula?”

“Here,” she said, handing him the implements. “I’m running up to get you a top, now. You can’t cook over a hot stove like that.”

“All right,” he agreed.

By the time she got back downstairs with the sweater he’d discarded on her bedroom floor, Cole was stirring some milk in the bowl. Then he added the flour, a pinch of baking powder, and a huge handful of blueberries. As he heated and seasoned the pan with a few pats of butter, he pulled on his tight, ribbed crewneck. She liked the way he looked in it almost as much as she liked how he looked out of it. He gave the batter one final stir before pouring it in perfect circles. There was a sizzling sound as the batter hit the hot pan, and the aroma of browning butter began to permeate the room.

Cole cooked the pancakes slowly, crisping them on one side before flipping them to the other. His movements were spare and competent. She liked this, having him cook for her. She’d been taking care of herself for a long time, and for once, it was nice to have someone else want to help.

“Where’d you learn to cook?” Julie asked.

“Oh, it’s just something I picked up over the years. Learned a few tricks on some lonely nights.”

Julie raised an eyebrow.

“All right, I’ll admit it,” he said with a laugh. “Seb taught me some techniques. Plates?”

“Right here.” She placed them on the counter along with some silverware. In a flash, Cole had set the food out. They moved to the table and he watched as she took her first bite.

The pancakes were warm, slightly crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. She bit into a hot blueberry and the tart fruit burst on her tongue. Just perfect. A guy who could cook, too? She felt herself sliding farther down the rabbit hole. “Good,” she said with a satisfied sigh. “Lexie Meyers has some competition now.”

Cole laughed and tucked into his own plate of food. “Not likely. There’s a reason why she was able to grow her catering business. Folks love her stuff.”

“It is really good,” Julie said, thinking about the cup of Earl Grey tea she liked to have with her meals at the LMK. She could make some later.

“So,” Cole said, after they’d been eating for a few minutes, “you remember when we visited my old precinct and I stepped away for a few minutes?”

Julie swallowed her mouthful of food. “Yes. You said you’d tell me what that was all about later. Is this ‘later?’ ”

“Yeah. I’ve been in discussions with the chief about the influx of drugs we’ve seen in Star Harbor and the work we’ve been doing with the Feds. In recent days, I’ve arrested five more people for possession of bath salts with intent to sell. You’ve heard of it?”

“Yes. Mephedrone. Newly banned. Obviously, I know the town is having issues with drugs, but Cole, that’s a lot of arrests for Star Harbor.”

“Let’s just say it’s unusual for a small town outside the main line—you know, Boston, New Haven, D.C., and on down—to see quantities this large. Even Don Rathbone had some on him. Val and his federal team are working with us at the Sheriff’s Department to try to dig deep into its source. I thought the chief would be able to shed some light based on what he’s been seeing in Boston.”

“And was he able to help?”

Cole’s face was grim. “Yes. He told me he’d been seeing more bath salts in Boston, too. A dozen people have died, and the Boston Police are working with the Feds to try to put a stop to it.”

“I’m aware that mephedrone is a powerful hallucinogen and stimulant—I had one overdose case of my own a few months ago—but I didn’t believe it was powerful enough to kill on its own.”

“People have no way of knowing how they’ll react to the drug,” Cole said. “It’s been known to cause violent behavior. And other problems arise when people take the drugs and then operate machinery, or work with power tools, or whatever it is that users do when they’re high.” He sighed and put his fork down. “And it’s not just the mephedrone. What’s complicating matters is that the stuff we’ve been seeing has been laced, making it all the more dangerous.”

“Now that makes more sense to me.”

“It seems to be unique to the area, which raises the issue of where all of these laced drugs are coming from. They have to have a steady supply and a place to cut the mephedrone with the oxycodone. The Grange operation we shut down a few months ago must not have been the only distribution center around here.”

A horrified tingle began to creep up Julie’s spine. “I’m sorry, did you say oxycodone?”

“Yes.” He narrowed his eyes. “Why?”

“Because I’m just starting to connect the dots. Oxy is a prescription drug.”

“Where are you going with this?”

Julie swallowed. “I discovered the other day that I’m missing a huge number of tamper-resistant prescription pads—the kind I use to prescribe controlled substances. And this isn’t the first time. I thought at first I’d just misplaced them, but twice in a row is just too much of a coincidence. I looked into reporting the loss, but the DEA only requires that I report losses or thefts of the controlled substances themselves, not prescription pads.”

“Are you kidding me?”

She shook her head, a little pit forming in the center of her stomach. “No. I actually had to reorder a bunch of new pads. Just to be safe, I had them shipped here instead of to the office. They came last Friday. I took them to work and locked them up in my supply closet.”

He gave her a dark look. “Let me get this straight. You’ve been bugging me about getting involved in the drug investigation, but when your controlled substance prescription pads went missing you neglected to say anything. When, exactly, were you going to tell me this?”

“I swear I was going to. It just kept slipping my mind. I think I’m working too hard.” She tried a smile, but he didn’t smile back.

“Lord, woman,” he said, rubbing a hand over his eyes. Then he straightened. “Wait. Those missing pads have serial numbers on them, right?”

“That’s right.”

“If your prescription pads were stolen, and whoever took them is using them to get prescription drugs and cut them with the bath salts, which is what I suspect, then we have one hell of a sting operation to set up.” He rubbed his hands together. “Wait until I tell my team. And Val. He’ll be thrilled.”

Julie’s brow furrowed. “But my name and medical license number are also on the pads. So I can help, right?”

“Wrong. My team will handle everything. We’ll get everything sorted out with the DEA and the medical board before we proceed so it’s clear that you had nothing to do with this. It’ll make it easier for damage control later.”

“I don’t care about damage control. I care about cleaning up Star Harbor.”

“Are you unwilling to cooperate with the Sheriff’s Department?” he asked, his gaze hard.

“Of course you have my cooperation,” she said, throwing her hands up. “I can’t have my name out there being used by drug dealers to get supplies. But if there’s a sting operation, I want in.”

“You are stubborn,” he murmured, sizing her up for a few moments. “Before I agree to anything, you have to promise that if anything—anything at all—seems unusual to you …”

“Like missing prescription pads?”

“Yes, like missing prescription pads, you have to tell me right away.”

Julie nodded.

“All right,” Cole said. “I’ll prep you, just in case pharmacists need to get involved.”

“Pharmacists?” Her elation quickly burst as she realized that some of her friends might be implicated. “John Anson is a good man. If he’d seen any discrepancies in my prescriptions, he’d have called me right away.”

“Of course I’ll have to look into it.”

She must have looked horrified, because he reached out a hand to cover hers. “I’m sure he’s innocent, just like you. And this is why you can’t get involved too deeply. You definitely don’t think like a cop, and no amount of training will get you ready in time. For sure, your physical presence will not be required. As long as you understand that, we can move forward.”

Reluctantly, Julie nodded.

“Anyway,” Cole continued, “I’m not worried about John. I’m worried about those pharmacists who wouldn’t call you if they noticed something funny going on. They’re the ones who are likely involved with all of this. There was a sting operation in New York a few years ago that brought down twenty-five people, including users, doctors, and pharmacists. They’re still sorting out all the legal stuff, but I guarantee you that those pharmacists were dirty and knew exactly what was going on.”

“They take an oath.”

“Money matters more to some people.”

“That’s really sad,” she said, her appetite all but gone.

“It’s just human nature.” He rose and kissed her on top of her head. “And yours is firmly on the side of good. You done?”

“Yes.” She couldn’t eat another bite. Not after that conversation.

Cole picked up their plates and tidied up while she sat there, still numb. Then he reached for her hand. “Come with me. I’ll make you feel better.” He pulled her out of the kitchen to the front door. “Grab the keys. They’re probably somewhere near the hall table.” He gave her a fairly indecent grin. Oh, that did make her feel better.

“We’re going outside? Wait a second.” She found them on the floor. “Got ’em. But what if there’s someone out there? What about Don? Aren’t you worried?”

“No one’s out there. I checked the perimeter before you got back. And it wouldn’t matter, anyway. You’re with me.”

Cole’s simple phrase underscored his absolute confidence in his ability to keep her safe. If he was that secure, who was she to argue? Then she had another thought.

“Won’t we destroy evidence of the prowler if we walk through the grass?” she asked.

“I don’t need to look again. I know what I saw.”

“Let’s go, then,” she said.

“Great.” He slipped a jacket over her shoulders, took her hand, and led her out the back door and down the stairs, to the path through the small woodsy area that led to the edge of the bluff. The moon lit their way as they tramped through the short stretch of trees, coming out at the other end and into the clearing.

They walked a few yards to stand at the edge of the cliffs. Above them, the nearly full moon gleamed, surrounded by twinkling stars. From their vantage point by the ocean’s edge, the sky seemed vast and curved. On their right, the evening lights from Star Harbor’s downtown gas lamps flickered. Lights on the water gently glowed, swaying back and forth as boats moored at the piers rocked with the tide. The town looked beautiful and picturesque, even in the dimness.

“I used to come here as a kid,” Cole said. “This is the best view of town. But I’m sure you knew that.”

“Are you saying you used to trespass onto our property at night?” Julie asked, her lip curling up.

He didn’t rise to the bait, instead keeping his gaze trained on the little town below. “Yeah. Sometimes I’d wonder about you and your family. So different from the way I grew up with just my mom and brothers. I always thought you were lucky.”

“I didn’t know you thought about me at all,” she said, more than a bit surprised.

Cole coughed. “I have to admit,” he said, changing the subject quickly, “that I was always worried your dad would come out and we’d get in trouble.”

“He wouldn’t have cared,” Julie said, getting a lump in her throat as she remembered her strong, intelligent father. “Besides, he would have been in the family room all night, reading books about strange fish. His work as a scientist definitely inspired me to become a doctor.”

Cole moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, then turned her so that they were both looking out over the water. “Even at the time, we knew we were doing something wrong. It was worth it to trespass, though. This scene is burned into my brain. Every crazy, sleepless night when I was in the army, every insane workday on the force in Boston, I’d think of this, and it would remind me of better days. I always knew if I made it out alive, I’d come back to make this my home.”

“I think I always knew I’d come back, too,” Julie said quietly. “There are only a few places like this left. Plus, it was the only place I really ever felt like I’d be connected to my parents. They would have loved that I came back here.”

They stood in silence for a few minutes watching the lights, until Julie began to shiver. Cole rubbed her upper arms over the jacket. “I’d better get you back inside.”

Taking her by the hand, he led her through the woods and back to the house.

“What now?” she asked when they were back inside.

“Now, you sleep.”

“You’re not staying with me?” she asked, shrugging off the jacket and placing it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

He was watching her carefully. “You sure you want me to?”

Was this some kind of test? “I’d like you to stay,” she said slowly. “In my room.”

Cole stared at her for another long moment, as if weighing his options. “All right. Let me get my stuff from the family room.” When he’d gone, Julie took a breath. Before she had a chance to ponder what she’d asked him to do, he was back. “You lead the way up, Doc,” he said softly. As if he didn’t know where to go. As if he hadn’t just stripped her bare in her bedroom. Twice.

She walked up the stairs, fully conscious of him behind her. But he didn’t reach out and touch her. She showed him where to wash up, she waited for him to finish, and then she did the same. When she crawled into her bed, he was there, wearing only a pair of boxers and a slight smile.

“You okay with the gun there?” he said, indicating the night table where he’d placed his weapon.

She nodded. “Sure. I don’t sleep with my stethoscope next to me, though.” She snuggled under the covers and gave him a smile, but his expression didn’t change. “I won’t make any jokes about there being a gun in your pocket,” she said, trying to get him to laugh. Instead, he wrapped his long arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. She nestled into the hollow of his shoulder. Her head fit perfectly, as if the spot were tailor-made just for her. “It’s okay, Cole. I’ll still respect you in the morning.”

Now he did laugh, briefly. He kissed the top of her head. “Go to sleep, Doc.”

So she did.