Chapter Ten
As Amber breathed in the cold night air, she experienced a wave of nausea. It made her realise how drunk she was. She teetered on her stilettos, delicately picking her way along the semi-dark footpath towards her house. Ice glittered underfoot, and a chill wind lifted the hem of her short skirt. Her body prickled with a spray of goose-bumps. Flipping heck. She needed to get indoors before her private parts suffered frostbite.
Fumbling with her keys, she stabbed several times at the lock. Suddenly the door was yanked open. Matthew stood before her. He was glaring.
‘Drunk?’ His chilly tone matched the weather.
‘Don’ be shilly,’ said Amber indignantly. As she stepped over the threshold into the warm hallway, she shivered. The sudden change of temperature brought on another moment of nausea. She gulped uneasily, and bestowed Matthew with her brightest smile.
‘Dah-ling Math-yoo!’ she gushed.
‘Great, you’re definitely drunk.’
Amber waved a hand dismissively as she shook off her jacket, but her arm hadn’t left the sleeve. She ended up looking like a large demented bird as she flapped the garment about in the small hallway. Matthew wrestled it off her and tossed it over the bannister.
‘Thanksh.’ Released from her coat prison, she staggered slightly. A moment of dizziness engulfed her.
‘Nice evening?’ Matthew enquired tersely.
‘Would’ve bin nicer if yewd bin wish me.’ Amber blinked owlishly at Matthew. ‘Why’re we shtanding in the hallway? Letsh go into the lounge an’ ’ave a nice chatty-poo.’
‘No thanks. I’m tired.’
‘Tired?’ Amber frowned. ‘But it’s only…,’ she squinted at her watch, ‘five to four.’
‘It’s twenty past eleven,’ said Matthew irritably. ‘Remember, one of us here went to work earlier.’ He made it sound like Amber was lazy for not going to the office on a Saturday. ‘My eyes are burning after going over all those figures.’
‘Look at my figure inshtead,’ said Amber coquettishly. She tried giving a seductive Mae West wink, but instead looked like she was trying to blink grit out of her eye.
‘I’m going to bed,’ said Matthew briskly. He turned and marched up the staircase.
Oh goody, thought Amber, he’s dead keen to get to the bedroom. ‘Yeah, letsh go to beddy-byes.’
She followed Matthew, gripping the bannister rail tightly. Good heavens. Had Matthew ripped out the staircase while she’d been out, and installed an escalator? Amber’s head momentarily spun. Steadying herself, she stepped off the moving stairs and trailed Matthew into the larger of the two upstairs bedrooms. He was shedding clothes at the speed of light, letting them drop in the usual untidy pile on the floor. Amber bit back words of complaint about her boyfriend’s slovenliness, and instead concentrated on being the most seductive woman on the planet. This was it! She was going to reclaim Matthew’s love and lust.
‘Oh Math-yoooooo,’ she cooed. Amber began wiggling her mid-riff, as if rotating an invisible hoop around it. ‘Wanna see me dance, babe?’ She moved away from the bed so he could watch the whole of her gyrating body, from the top of her jiggling breasts down to her sexy high heels. She lifted one side of her dress teasingly, revealing the lacy top of a hold-up stocking. When they’d first started dating, Matthew had always told Amber what lovely legs she had. She reached down with her other hand and tugged the hem upwards so both stocking tops were revealed, all the while constantly twirling her body. She threw her head back as if in ecstasy, and made what she imagined to be a sound of arousal.
Matthew grimaced. ‘Are you in pain, Amber?’
‘Oh yeah, yeah, gimme some pain, hunny-bunny.’ She stuck her bottom out, in all its cheeky glory. Earlier, she’d put on her best thong with a diamanté heart where the string joined the top. ‘C’mon, Math-yoo. Get yourself over here and gimme some wanky.’ She shook her head. That didn’t sound right. It made it sound like she wanted Matthew to, well, wank. And she definitely didn’t want that. She wanted him to stride over, sweep her into his strong arms, then fling her down on the bed in a masterful manner. If he could do a bit of chest bashing like Tarzan, even better. Then he would look at her with intense desire and murmur, ‘Amber, darling. What a fool I’ve been for ignoring you. Part those beautiful stockinged thighs, and let me plunge into you before my balls burst.’ And if he could do that sooner, rather than later, even better. All this blasted gyrating was making her tummy feel like it had turned into a washing machine – and one that was revving up for a final spin. ‘C’mon, Math-yoo,’ Amber urged, ‘gimme some spanky. Oooh, yeah, baby. Spanky-spanky-spanky.’
‘Amber–’
‘Yes…say my name…say my name,’ Amber gasped, as a Destiny’s Child soundtrack began playing in her head. How annoying. She didn’t want to think about the lyrics – which might be dangerously close to the truth.
She pulled the dress up her body, ready to discard it. She would toss it on top of Matthew’s pile of clothes. This would prove she wasn’t a nagging girlfriend, and instead just like him – slovenly. A slut! That’s what men liked in the bedroom, right? Her head briefly jammed in the dress’s narrow neck hole. Lipstick smeared across both the fabric and her face as she fought to free herself.
‘Look, Amber–’
‘Yeah, yeah, look all you like,’ panted Amber as she immerged, pink-faced, from the dress. She balled it up and chucked it across the bedroom. It sailed through the air and hooked itself on the ceiling lampshade. No matter, because now her Victoria’s Secret upholstered breasts were revealed in all their glory. She cupped the underwired fabric and wobbled her boobs about as she resumed gyrating. ‘Do you like what you see, Matty boy?’
Matty boy? She’d never called her boyfriend “Matty boy” in all their time together.
‘Amber, I really wish you’d stop and–’
At last! He finally wanted her to stop all this twirling about and get down to basics – good old-fashioned bonking. She giggled naughtily.
‘Are you ready, Matty man?’
Matty man? The booze had done strange things to her vocabulary.
‘Truly, Amber, can we–’
‘Oh my darling Matalan.’
Matalan? Wasn’t that a shop?
Amber opened her mouth and attempted running her tongue sexily across her lips. She was so dehydrated from all the booze, her top lip chose that moment to adhere to her front teeth. She stabbed at it with her parched tongue. She looked like someone doing an impression of a hissing snake.
‘Oh for fuck’s sake –’
‘Yes,’ Amber squealed with delight, ‘fuckity-fuckity-fuck!’ At last, the green light! And boy did she need to get this over with. Sod her own sexual gratification. She wanted to impale herself on Matthew, salvage their relationship in the most natural way a man and a woman did these things, then lie down and sleep for a million years. Her head was whirling and, thanks to the continued gyrating, her stomach was rolling like a cement mixer. She mustered all her wherewithal and concentrated on the task in hand.
‘Are you ready to COME?’ Amber bellowed. ‘Because I AMMM!’ She took a running jump at Matthew, and belly-flopped onto his private parts. Matthew convulsed with pain. His head came up as his hands flew down to clutch throbbing testicles, causing him to nut his forehead on Amber’s jaw.
‘Jesus H Christ,’ he screamed.
It was too much for Amber. As she opened her aching mouth to scold Matthew for blasphemy, she vomited all over his bare chest. A waterfall of regurgitated trifle and gin splattered over his skin, splashing outwards across the bedding. Amber’s last coherent thought, before she passed out, was that she still had some way to go before she won Matthew over.